Sunlight beamed through the slits in the dingy blinds, meaning another night went by with little sleep for Sirius Black. It had been two years since Azkaban, and even now he still couldn't get more than three hours of sleep a night, the awful sounds of prisoners' screams along with the icy cold feel of the dementors haunted his dreams. Slowly he rose, removing the blankets from his body, swinging around he sat on the edge of the bed trying to think of anything other than Azkaban and the Order of the Phoenix meeting that had taken place a day earlier.
Yesterday marked the third meeting that had taken place in the past month and yet there were still in the same place. Nobody in the Order could agree with one another which left everyone incredibly frustrated. This time Sirius was the one to leave the meeting early, how dare they suggest he stay out of Harry's life, they were a family and there was no way he was going to forget that. Then there was Remus, the one ally Sirius thought he had during those meetings, agreed with Snape in saying Sirius could keep his distance. He clenched his fists as he thought about how shitty this world had become, how his godson would never grow up in a true loving family, how Remus could side with the conniving Severus Snape. Besides Harry, Remus was all that Sirius had left. Following Sirius's escape from the dementors at Hogwarts, which was due to the help of Harry and Hermione, Remus had helped Sirius transition back into the life of a free man, who technically wasn't a free man as he had escaped Azkaban, but to those who knew the truth he was innocent and should be free. Thinking back on that night caused Sirius's hand to gravitate toward his scarred left shoulder, where he could feel the rough and raised scar tissue that was embedded permanently due to the jaws of Remus's werewolf form, there was a slight knock on the door. After muttering a soft "come in" the creaky door slowly opened to reveal an exhausted Remus leaning against the threshold. Sirius didn't look up knowing exactly who had entered his room.
"Sirius…" Remus's voice trailed as he didn't know what to say, he could tell his friend was hurting both emotionally and physically as he noticed Sirius rubbing his left shoulder. When Sirius again didn't acknowledge his presence he slowly walked toward the bed, taking a seat directly beside his friend, their legs touched and neither of them moved away. Sirius then felt Remus's warm delicate hand under his chin, raising his head to face him, his hand then lingered resting on the side of Sirius's face, his thumb rubbed the small area under his eye. Upon making eye contact Remus should see all of the emotions swirling around his best friend's head, confusion being the most prominent. Sirius placed his hand on top of Remus's briefly before turning his head and getting off the bed and walking slowly to the other side of the room. Why did Remus still make him feel this way? Why did he love Remus more than anything, even when he was angry?
"What do you want Remus?" Sirius spat, attempting to mask his other emotions.
"You…" he began before trailing off. Sirius looked back at him, both of their eyes filled with unshed tears.
"How dare you. How dare you say I should stay away from my godson! He's all that I have Remus!" he shouted angrily, seeing the hurt in Remus's eyes made Sirius lower his voice as he began again. "I'm sorry… I just can't keep going with this back and forth nonsense. We had something following Harry's third year, and now as the world we know is ending we continue arguing with one another and… and pushing each other away…" Sirius stops, noticing that Remus had echoed the tail end of his thought.
Remus slowly rose from the bed and headed toward Sirius, he placed his hands delicately on the shoulders of the other man, cautious of the old wound on Sirius's left shoulder, the one he would forever feel guilty for.
"Sirius…" his voice was tender with emotion, but his thought was abruptly interrupted by a loud banging on the bedroom window. Sirius slowly pulled away from Remus's grasp and opened the window, a small brown owl flew in, dropping a black envelope on the nightstand before swiftly disappearing back into the night sky. With the flick of his wand Remus closed the window, he then followed Sirius toward the nightstand placing his hand delicately on the small of Sirius's back as he stood beside him. Cautiously Sirius opened the envelope, his body tense and his face emotionless as he read the letter, over his shoulder Remus was able to read along.
"They can't expel him for this, can they?" Sirius asked in a defeated tone as he took a seat on the bed. Flashbacks to Azkaban played through his mind, a chill went down his back at the thought of the dementors.
"They'll go after the fact that he's under age and used magic in the presence of a muggle," he heard Sirius sigh, "however Dumbledore wrote in the letter that he has gotten Harry a hearing." Remus stated, getting no reaction from Sirius he continued, "Sirius, this hearing is a good thing, plus Harry will be here by the end of the day." Hearing this Sirius stood up and wrapped Remus in a hug, he knew Remus was trying and that's all that mattered to him.
"The only downside is that there's going to be an emergency Order meeting this afternoon to discuss Harry's hearing in addition to the fact that the dementors were so far away from Azkaban," Remus said as the two pulled apart.
"Well if Dumbledore has stated that Harry is coming to live with us here than the rest of the Order won't oppose his decision, including you," Sirius spoke slowly, remembering why he had been so pissed at Remus the night before.
"Sirius, let me explain… I love you more than anything, you know that, and I love Harry as well, which you also know. However, I don't believe he should be brought into the Order so suddenly. He's only fifteen and has just seen the Dark Lord return, he needs to be focusing on his studies so that he can continue to grow stronger. If he's immediately brought into the Order he will focus all of his energy on this, just as James did… Just as we did… I don't oppose him living with you, I simply oppose him joining the Order, at this time," he briefly paused, he could sense the mix of emotions swirling through Sirius's mind, "Sirius, I can only imagine how you felt at the meeting when I sided with Severus… in all honesty I'd love for Harry to move in with us, and hopefully after all of this has passed we could have a real home, somewhere we can make our own memories, rather than living in a house shrouded by the horrid memories of your family…"
As he finished talking he felt Sirius's warm hand in his, their fingers perfectly interlaced, Sirius traced the small scar on Remus's thumb with his own, after hearing Remus's thoughts about Harry he felt all of his anger disappear. If Sirius knew anything for certain it was that Remus Lupin truly was the love of his life, during the twelve years he spent in Azkaban he was only able to keep his sanity by clinging on to what he knew to be true, he was innocent and one day he would be able to prove that to the whole world. While in Azkaban he wanted desperately to think back on all of the memories he had with Remus and James during their time at Hogwarts as well as their time following graduation, however with the dementors feeding on positive memories he knew he couldn't. However, in the two years that he has spent in the free world he has had plenty of time to look back. Sometime during their sixth year, Sirius realized that all of the women he was chasing would never be enough for him, because the only person he would ever truly love was his best friend. Once their relationship had begun, Remus confessed that he had loved Sirius since their fifth year, and had come to terms with the fact that he liked guys during their fourth year. Sirius on the other hand had never experimented with guys but after his first kiss with Remus he felt exactly what had been missing in all of his former relationships.
"Sirius?" Remus questioned, concern prominent in his voice. From Sirius's relaxed body language, he could tell that he was no longer mad at him for siding with Snape, however the fact that the rambunctious Sirius Black had yet to say a word worried him.
"Sorry love, would you believe me if I said I was thinking about the first time we kissed?" Sirius questioned, a deviously handsome smile illuminated his face.
"Depends," Remus said with a wink, playfully challenging Sirius.
"Mhm, if I'm not mistaken it went a little something like…" he delicately placed his hand along Remus's jawline, his thumb rubbed through Remus's light brown beard as he pulled him closer, bridging the gap between the two men. He felt Remus's hand start weaving through his long black hair as the two locked lips. After a few moments he could feel Remus giving him control. He pulled Remus even closer as he slowly laid back on the bed, bringing Remus with him as he moved his hands lower, exploring Remus's body.