Hey, everyone! It's me again with a oneshot this time (I'm thinking Ceres update tomorrow, for those of you who care). It's been a while since I've produced a oneshot, so I took the time out of my day yesterday to write this story out.
This story gets a little political (set in present-day US with current events and stuff), so I just wanted to remind everyone that my characters' views aren't necessarily mine and that I had to make it a little controversial while talking about current events because characters without opinions are boring.
As always, reviews are more than welcome! :) Thank you for reading!
Paula walked into her family's living room with a wrapped present in her hands. She spotted her father reading a several day-old newspaper in a reclining chair under the light of an antique lamp with red shutters. The lamp buzzed as it flickered on and off like usual, but her father ignored anyone who suggested that he buy a new lamp.
Paula heard his voice for the thousandth time in her head: "This lamp is old-fashioned, handmade. It has a lot of charm that no new gadget could replace."
Paula did have to admit that the lamp was pretty, but she suspected that her father kept it around for bragging rights.
Her thoughts about the lamp almost distracted Paula from her father's presence. Almost. Paula could never really ignore her father when he sat in that chair of his, flipping the oversized pages of his newspaper. Whenever she passed by the living room to exit the house, her father would always talk to her about something in the paper.
On a good day, he would talk about weather or an upcoming festival. Usually, he would spew out some sort of judgment against the poor, Muslims, atheists, teenagers, or basically any other group that he wasn't a part of. Paula could feel her body tensing up as she walked by his chair.
"Paula, did you hear about this?" her father asked. "A quarterback refused to stand for the national anthem! Where did patriotism go since I last checked?
"You're just reading about that now?" Paula said. "It prompted a huge argument across the internet that I was hoping to forget about."
"Argument?" Paula's father raised an eyebrow. "What's there to argue? Unless some people feel that disrespecting one's country is somehow justified by…"
And that was her cue to go.
"Sorry, dad!" Paula said. "I'm already running late for Ness' birthday party. I'll catch up with you later, all right?"
Paula's father frowned but didn't try to stop her as she exited the house. After shutting the door behind her, Paula released a sigh. She knew that her father would probably lecture her about proper manners when she got home, but Paula was starting to care less and less about getting into trouble with her parents. Not that she enjoyed seeing the disappointed look in her father's eyes.
Paula's stomach gurgled, and not from hunger. She wasn't really scared of upsetting her parents, but the thought did make her feel… uneasy. She hoped that her worries wouldn't prevent her from having fun at Ness' birthday party.
Paula looked up at the cloudless sky. She heard neighbors chattering in their upbeat voices about the nice weather and how excited they were for their kids to go back to school. Their cheery tones alienated Paula and pushed her away from their conversations; their joy reminded her that this was supposed to be a fun day. The sun blazed in the blue sky, a breeze brought cool air into Paula's lungs, yet she still felt wound up and ready to burst.
Her worries only intensified as she walked closer to Ness' house. Even though they were just friends, Paula always tried to impress him and constantly worried about doing something stupid in front of him. Those urges in turn provoked a sense of self-hatred and guilt. She was supposed to be strong, but she didn't know how she could function without relying on others.
Her brooding distracted her from the outside world enough that she walked right up to Lucas' house. Located on the outskirts of town, the building that housed Lucas' family was in a state that Paula's father would bemoan if he would have seen it. Grime covered the windows to the point that Paula could hardly see through them and much of the paint on the walls was chipped off, revealing rotting wood beneath.
Paula felt blood rising to her cheeks. She made this mistake more often than she would admit to most people. When deep in thought, she sometimes missed a key turn, continuing down the path that eventually led her to Lucas' house instead of heading into the main part of town. She had explained the habit of hers to Lucas months ago so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea about her visiting his house all the time.
As Paula turned around to head back in the right direction, she heard the door creak open behind her. She looked over her shoulder to spot Lucas waving at her, carrying a small box with a ribbon tied on top.
"Ah," Lucas said. "You came all the way out here to escort me over to Ness' house? I appreciate it; it's always nice to talk with someone on these boring walks!"
Paula smiled. How could Lucas always know the right thing to say? She waited as Lucas ran forward, catching up to her without breaking a sweat.
"Honestly, though," Lucas said, rolling his eyes. "My mom thinks that there's something special going on between us. I try to explain to her that we're just friends, but she always looks so happy for me. I'm running out of ways to tell her that we're just two people who like to hang out with each other."
Paula laughed. She always enjoyed talking to this version of Lucas rather than the shy Lucas at school. Even as he rolled his eyes and complained about his mom, he added in subtle cues to his tone indicating that the whole statement was intended for humor, even if he wasn't completely kidding. Paula envied his ability to lighten the mood with statements that would sound insensitive coming from somebody else.
Paula found herself studying Lucas' features for what felt like the hundredth time. Blue eyes that reminded her of silent ponds. Blond hair that looked golden in a sunset. He stood up straight with confidence that Paula admired yet took each step carefully rather than brazenly. Normally, he would have been exactly Paula's type.
If only Ness hadn't already stolen her heart.
"Well," Paula said. "Do you have any interest in romance? I mean…" Paula blushed. "I'm not trying to suggest anything, but…"
"It's okay," Lucas said. "I know that you're not interested in dating me. Anyone can see that you have eyes for Ness."
Paula halted.
"Is it really that obvious?" she asked.
"Probably not to him." Lucas grinned. "Poor kid's clueless when it comes to reading social cues."
"Or maybe you just excel in that regard. It takes some people effort to juggle school and a social life, Atlas."
Paula's nickname for Lucas carried a story with it. Lucas moved into Twoson in the middle of the school year when Paula's class was learning about Greek mythology. In a town as small as Twoson, everyone had eyes on the new kid, but most grew bored of Lucas after a couple of days. He tended to eat by himself and hardly spoke a word to anyone.
While others ignored Lucas, Paula often spent her lunch sessions just watching Lucas, mostly out of pity. She wanted to go up to him and ask if he wanted to join her for lunch, but she could never muster up the courage to talk to someone she knew so little about. So instead of introducing herself, she just sat there and watched. Occasionally, his eyes would flash with a certain sorrow that Paula had only seen before in relatives laying on their deathbeds, sadness paired with acceptance so overwhelming that she nearly spit out the sandwich she was eating.
The next period after lunch, Paula's class learned about Atlas, the titan who was forced to bear the heavens upon his shoulders. When she thought of someone bearing the weight of the sky itself on their shoulders, Paula pictured the somber look in Lucas' eyes. The sorrow on his face suddenly had a place: Paula knew that just like Atlas, he had taken up some sort of invisible pain as his burden.
Right after coming to that conclusion, Paula sneaked a glance at Lucas. She studied him, trying to figure out just what he was hiding behind those calm, blue eyes. Eventually, he looked back at her and she pretended that she had been zoning out. But both of them knew that she wasn't fooling anyone. Lucas smiled. It was the first time that Paula had seen an expression other than apathy or sorrow on his face.
After that school day while Paula was waiting for the bus, Lucas walked up and introduced himself. They had been close friends ever since.
"Atlas," Lucas said, smiling as he shook his head. "It's good to hear that name."
"You deserve that title," Paula said. She started walking again, and Lucas followed half a pace behind. "You carry so much on your back. I don't know what I would do with a brother like yours."
"It's… a little discouraging," Lucas said. "Especially since my mom will flip out if she discovers the truth."
"That your brother's a heroin addict? Yeah, most parents would be pretty upset."
"I don't blame her," Lucas said, "But it's sometimes hard to explain. I constantly need to come up with new excuses for why I'm missing school to help Claus with something."
"I'm sorry," Paula said.
"It's all right," Lucas said. "I think that I can manage. I'm just hoping that I don't follow the rest of Atlas' story."
"You mean how he tried to shove his burden on Heracles instead?" Paula said.
"Right. Dealing with Claus is exhausting, and it's starting to grate on me already. You're the only one that I can talk to about him. My mom's too tired from working multiple full-time jobs to help me with much of anything. If I keep holding all of this in, who knows what I'll be like in a couple of years? I wish…" Lucas sighed. "I wish dad hadn't left. I still don't know why he did."
"Again, I'm sorry," Paula said.
"And I'm sorry as well for complaining." Lucas smiled. "But you're the only one who really listens."
You're the only one who doesn't have to listen to still know what I mean, Paula thought. I'm usually too shy to speak my mind, but you always know what I need to hear.
"Still, the grass is always greener on the other pasture," Lucas said. "I don't envy having a father like yours."
He looked Paula straight in the eye, correctly guessing that she wouldn't feel comfortable about his criticism of her father.
He's waiting to see how I react, Paula thought. Snapping at him now won't accomplish anything.
"Why do you say that?" Paula asked. "I agree that he's not perfect, but no parent is. I could list several ways for him to improve, but I'm still glad that he's there for me."
"Are you comfortable around your father?" Lucas asked. "Can you speak your mind to him?"
Did he even have to ask?
"You can probably tell that was a leading question," Lucas said, a thin smile coming to his lips. "You feel nervous around him, right? Because you're not sure if he'll snap when you say something new. I feel the same way around Claus."
Paula knew that her father would be aghast at Lucas comparing him to a drug addict. She clasped her hands together by reflex.
"Let me say this in terms of me and Claus so that I don't appear presumptuous or insensitive," Lucas said. "Claus was always the leader, the adventurous one. I always looked up to him. I always needed his approval. When he yelled at me because I was bugging him about his heroin practices, I just wanted for everything to be okay. I wanted to smile and laugh with him again as we raced up and down the green mountainside in my homeland. The more he pushes me away, the more tightly I cling onto him. The more he hurts me, the more I force myself love him."
Paula sucked in a breath of air. She knew what Lucas was getting at, but she couldn't possibly force herself to believe…
"Ah, what am I doing?" Lucas said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Paula. Sometimes I think that I know what other people need to hear when I'm really just being a jerk. I'll shut up about this so that we can talk about something happy on Ness' birthday."
And there it was. The acknowledgment of how he had made her feel. When Lucas tried to shove opinions down her throat, Paula resisted them out of instinct. When Lucas backed off and realized how tough it was to think about her own family in such a critical way, she could look at the situation with open eyes.
"You might be right," Paula said. "Part of the reason why I'm shy and attached to my father is because he pushes me away so often." Paula looked at Lucas. "It feels like he's been manipulating me to cling onto him since birth."
Paula harkened back to fits of anger spent locked in her room, screaming until her throat grew raw. As a child, Paula would smile whenever she pushed her father's buttons, and Lucas' explanation made her realize the deep-seated reason why: she wanted to prove that he couldn't control her with guilt. What Paula had always viewed as a childish habit of hers may have been a defense against indoctrination.
And I think that I knew most of what Lucas was talking about before he told me, Paula thought. But I doubted myself. I made excuses for my father. Even now, I still want to defend him.
"I doubt he realizes that he's doing it," Lucas said. "He probably wants the best for you, but he's going about it in the wrong way. I'm guessing that he was raised that way himself and it's all he knows."
"He gained my respect through fear, at least partially," Paula said. "Part of me wants to hate him for it, but I still…" Paula shook her head. "I'm not exactly sure what I feel."
"That's the way it works, isn't it?" Lucas smirked. "I can't let go of Claus, no matter how much he hurts me. But you've done an excellent job so far, Paula. I would expect someone with your upbringing to mimic your parents' beliefs. But you still see me as a human, even though I'm poor, foreign, and believe in a different religion than you do."
"I could never look at you as something less than human, Lucas," Paula said. "It's not an achievement that I can; it would be a sin if I couldn't."
"That's what drew me to you," Lucas said. "Not in a romantic way or anything, but…" Lucas blushed. "I think you know what I mean. You were the first one to see my pain. You still might be the only one. When there's someone else on my side, it's easy to realize that life could be worse."
"A life worse than yours?" Paula said. "I think you'd have to look pretty far to find something like that."
Paula could begin to see Ness' house in the distance. She pictured him once again in her mind and felt guilty that she wasn't paying attention to the boy next to her. She had to be careful with her thoughts and feelings; even though Lucas never judged her, she suspected that he could read her expressions better than he let on.
"We're constantly getting reminders," Lucas said. "Did you hear about the protests against the Dakota Access Pipeline a couple of days ago? It turned violent. The oil companies used guard dogs and pepper spray to attack the protestors."
"Who hasn't heard?" Paula said. "I can see why people are scared, even if we don't really know all the details. Governments attacking civilians is nothing new, but when corporations start doing it…"
"Right, it makes me think of cyberpunk video games where corporations are more powerful than governments. So even though I'm dealing with a drug addict brother, at least it's a devil I know well. I'm expected to help Claus with his addiction while keeping up appearances at school, but I signed up for my fate knowing what would happen. The Native Americans fighting for their burial grounds face an enemy that just keeps growing stronger."
"Yeah, welcome to the future," Paula said. "The rich get richer while the poor get poorer. And now corporations wield private armies just like in the Gilded Age of US history. With the internet growing larger and larger…" Paula sighed. "A cyberpunk future may be in the works for us."
"Eloquently spoken."
Ness' house grew larger and larger as Paula walked closer. Her heart pounded in her chest.
"Still, I'm impressed that you manage to care about Native Americans over in North Dakota," Paula said. "If I had a drug addict brother who demanded most of my attention, I wouldn't be able to worry about much else."
"I'm not so sure," Lucas said. He smiled, looking Paula in the eyes. "I think we're similar in that it's hard for us to ignore people suffering. You felt bad for the new kid eating lunch alone when nobody else did. Even if you were dealing with other problems, I think that you would still find room in your heart to care."
But is it enough to just care? Paula said. You were the one who approached me and introduced yourself. I didn't actually do anything to help.
"When did this conversation switch over to a dystopian future and large-scale conflicts?" Paula asked. "I doubt that this is normal for two teenagers walking to a birthday party."
"Many people have these thoughts," Lucas said. "It's just that we don't have anyone else to talk to about what's troubling us. Not in this way, at least." Lucas stretched his arms out to the sky and sighed. "It does feel good to talk freely with someone. I just hope that all of this depressing stuff about a future ruled by corporations and my sibling problems don't get you down."
"No, it's actually not any more of a struggle to think about," Paula said. "The future of this world scares me, but the future of my world already scared me. I…" Paula blushed. "Is it okay if I tell you something silly and personal?"
"Sure," Lucas said. "That's what I'm here for."
"I want to be strong. I want to be like those women in the movies, the ones who can kick enough ass without relying on anyone else to do the dirty work. But at the same time, I feel like I do need someone. I'm not sure if I can really function on my own. So I don't know how I'll end up. If I try to do everything by myself, it might break me. But if I give in and become dependent on other people, I'll hate myself for the rest of my life."
"Ah, I see what you mean," Lucas said. "On a basic level, it probably feels like you'll end up in a bad situation either way because there just aren't any right answers. I think a lot of people feel that way, Paula."
"Really? I'm not… being silly?"
"Well, who am I to judge?" Lucas made a face by sticking out his tongue and tilting his head sideways. "I'm the silliest of them all!"
Paula smiled. She was surprised how good it felt to have her feelings validated.
"Maybe I'm crazy," Lucas said, "But even after our depressing talk, I don't think that the future is as scary as we fear. Since the beginning of time, intellectuals have predicted the end of the world. Look where we are today. I think we'll find a way to get through this, Paula."
"You mean the corporations being too powerful or my personal fears?"
"Both. Life is tough, and it might take some tears to get through the painful parts, but there are just as many smiles. Your worries are legitimate, and I don't think that you should stop worrying. It's what makes you such a thoughtful person. But…"
"Even if my nightmares do come true, I'll still get through it?" Paula suggested.
"Exactly!" Lucas' face lit up. "You hear me complain about my life a lot, and I'm truly sorry for that. But in the end, I still enjoy living. The looks of determination on Claus' face whenever he tells me that he's finally going to quit this time just make my day. And even though we don't always get along…" Lucas held up the gift box and examined it. "We still have some good times together."
Was he trying to pique Paula's interest? Because he really couldn't have been any more obvious.
"I hope this isn't a touchy subject, but what's in that box?" Paula asked. "The way you looked at it almost made it seem like it has some connection to Claus, even though it's wrapped like a birthday present for Ness."
"It does have something to do with Claus," Lucas said. Lord, the grin on his face made it hard for Paula to feel down. "It's a baseball signed by some really good player back in the day. I don't really know who he is, but it was the last thing that my dad gave to Claus before leaving. Claus got mad recently and nearly nailed me with the ball, and he was so sorry that he told me to give it away so that he would never be able to hurt me and ruin its meaning for him. So I thought that it would make a good present for Ness."
Wow. Considering that Ness loved watching baseball, he would probably keep it up in his room just to admire it. Paula didn't know why people put so much value on signed objects, and for once she didn't care.
"What did you get him for his birthday?" Lucas said. With a wink, "If you don't mind me asking, that is."
"A new video game," Paula said. "Doesn't seem as personal as what you got him."
"Well, I probably won't tell him the story behind it," Lucas said. "He would probably see it differently if he knew that it almost took out one of my eyes."
Again, Lucas' dry tone made Paula laugh despite the normally unamusing subject matter.
"Well, you don't have to tell him that part," Paula said. "And you could lie a bit while getting the general gist of it. Say that your dad gave it to you instead but you have no interest in baseball."
"Maybe that was my plan all along," Lucas said, holding his nose up high. After a moment, he dropped his haughty expression and a grin returned to his face. "Well, looks like we're almost there, but I just need to say one more thing before we both go into quiet mode while the rest of the noisy teenagers do their thing."
"Yes?" Paula said.
"You said that you wanted to be strong yet you feel like you need to rely on someone. I think that it's possible to do both. I'm always trying to find people I can rely on who still let me be myself. I don't think that Ness would hold you back from doing what you love if you ever do start dating him. He'd be a good choice."
Paula blushed. Even though Lucas knew about her crush on Ness, she still didn't feel comfortable talking about it.
"Thanks," Paula said. "I'll be sure to think about that."
Paula on Lucas arrived at Ness' gravel driveway. Paula took a deep breath and walked onto his porch, hearing the sound of stones crunching underneath her feet. She looked at the swinging chair on that came padded with a simple, white cushion. Paula steeled herself and knocked on the front door.
Ness opened the door a second later, wearing the same stupid grin that always took Paula out of her bad mood. Even though he was turning 16, he still wore one of those paper party hats that had "Happy Birthday!" written on it in colorful letters. He didn't even manage to place the hat on top of his head; it leaned towards the right.
"Happy Birthday," Lucas said. "Sweet 16, huh?"
"Yeah," Ness said. "Thank you for coming! Why don't you come on in? My mom bought me a bunch of awesome snacks. Seriously, you have to see them."
Lucas nodded and stepped in, looking back at Paula with a smile. His confidence had grown so much in the couple of months since he moved to the Onett-Twoson area. Paula walked into Ness' house after Lucas.
"So what's up?" Lucas said. "Did you build any new Magic the Gathering decks since I bopped you last time?"
"Blue is dumb," Ness said. "You just make all of my cards useless. It takes all the fun out of the game"
"Says the person who plays mono-red." Lucas rolled his eyes. "Seriously, man. Happy birthday."
Lucas and Ness embraced each other in a hug. Lucas had really gained a lot of confidence recently. Paula wasn't used to seeing him act so buddy-buddy with Ness.
"I think you mentioned snacks?" Lucas said, releasing Ness from the hug with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Yeah, in the kitchen. You actually can't miss them since they're everywhere."
Ness' eyes twinkled, and Paula could tell that he was fantasizing about eating every single sugar-coated whatever in the entire kitchen. Lucas laughed and walked down the hallway.
Ness turned to Paula. Her heart skipped a beat.
"Thanks for introducing me to Lucas," Ness said. "He's actually really fun to be around when he's not super shy and quiet. It turns out that he's a beast at Magic the Gathering, and he doesn't even like the game that much!"
"I like it," Lucas shouted from the other room, "But there are other great games that nobody recognizes. Game of Thrones actually has a decent card game that plays somewhat like Magic. Before moving here, I used to play it with my friends all the time."
"Really?" Paula said. "A Game of Thrones card game?"
"He'll rant about this for hours if you let him," Ness said. "He likes it better than Magic because you can attack the opponent in three different ways, which makes the game needlessly complicated."
"I think you mean needfully complicated," Lucas said.
"That's not a word."
"It is now!"
Ness shook his head, turning back to face Paula.
"Seriously, I'm so glad that you showed up," he said. "I feel like we get to see each other less and less these days. We only have one class together this semester."
"Yeah, I wish that I could see more of you," Paula said truthfully.
"Aw, thanks!" Ness' grin brightened. "But yeah, we friends have to stick together. So thanks again for coming."
"No problem," Paula said. "It's nice to get out of the house and away from my parents for a while."
Okay, Paula, she told herself. If Lucas got a hug, I think that you can try for one. Just as a friend, of course. I wouldn't want Ness to think that Lucas cares about him more than I do.
But what had Lucas done to signal Ness? While Paula considered herself emotionally intelligent, she never knew how to make the first move.
Apparently, she had done something without noticing it, because Ness spread his arms out and looked at her, asking a silent question.
Just do it, Paula told herself. It's his birthday, after all.
Paula took a step forward and embraced Ness in a hug. She tried her best to keep it light and casual, but her heart was pounding the entire time. She felt his arms close around her. Just a gesture of friendship, she reminded herself. This wasn't any different than Ness hugging Lucas.
"Happy Birthday," Paula said. "You can finally join the cool kids' club of people who turned 16."
"Hey, you're just a couple months older than I am," Ness said. "We're basically in the same boat."
Paula smiled, releasing Ness from her hug. She couldn't hold on to him for too long, after all. The hug was just a casual greeting. Nothing more to it.
Paula looked into Ness' eyes and felt her fears and worries fade away, leaving her in a state of slight elation that she would never admit to anyone else. She forced herself to think about what Lucas had told her right before they arrived at Ness' house. Everything would turn out all right. Even if bad things happened to her, she could still find joy in this world.
Paula could see what he meant.
She let her smile grow larger. Just because she let go of her worries now didn't mean that it was wrong to ever fret. Lucas told her that her level of concern made her a considerate person. She didn't need to abandon that. She just… needed a little break every once in a while. She could be happy now and still worry later.
And if Paula applied that premise on a larger level, it made sense why Lucas could look at ominous tragedies and still remain optimistic. Even broken lives still contained joy. It didn't excuse abandoning the weak, but it helped Paula feel less helpless about the direction the world was headed in.
Paula took another look into Ness' eyes. So eager, so innocent.
Was this what Lucas meant when he told her that she could be both dependent and strong? Could she go on all of the crazy adventures she wanted and explore the world on her own while taking breaks to spend time in someone else's arms? Could it really be that simple?
"Welcome to your new future of being 16," Paula said. "How about we pig out on some snacks together while playing video games?"
"Sounds like a plan for me," Ness said, grinning from ear to ear.
A plan, Paula thought, And a start to the road ahead. Who knows what the future has in store for us?
For once, I'm ready to face it.