Okay, so this is an idea I had after a phone call with my boyfriend earlier, It's okay, everything is still fine! :D I hope you enjoy it... R+R xx
Maybe it was my fault. Maybe it was yours. All I knew was that neither of us was happy; that's what lead to the situation we were in. You in bed almost crying on one end of the line me at the other, choking back tears as I walked down the road late at night.
I don't know how we got there; how it had gotten that far without one of us speaking up. No, that was a lie.
I knew how we had ended up here. Neither of us worked hard enough. We let opportunities slip past us, days we could have spent together in the sun instead were days I turned off my phone. Pretended that it wasn't another day I was avoiding you, it was just one day that I didn't want to go out.
But the days stretched on, days became a whole week that we didn't see each other. I missed your kisses, but not because they were yours, but because I missed feeling loved. I was in love with the idea of love; not with you.
I stopped answering your texts straight away, I declined your offers for dates. The days we did go out, we only ever stayed for a few hours. That's what it came to; the passion had gone. Love had turned to a way of life; it wasn't special any more, I was with you because I couldn't imagine not being with you.
"I feel like an idiot" you mumble down the phone, I sigh;
"why?" I ask reluctantly, because I knew the answer.
"because I see other couples Doug, they kiss, they hold hands, they touch- and I never kiss, or hug, or touch or hold you; I just never know what to do." you answer truthfully, your voice thick. A tear escapes my eyes and my throat stings;
"it's okay, all couples are different- I'll try harder, I'll show you I love you more, I promise. It's not me pushing you away is it?" I battle tears. Not because our love is dying, no, I've let that happen, but because our friendship; our wonderful, beautiful friendship that was so pure is dying too. I've let you down one too many times, and if we part ways here- then there's no going back. We've walked out on each other, and friendship isn't lies, it isn't hurt, and it isn't the remains of failed love. It's delicate.
You mumble, a small, broken noise, you don't want to admit it, but it is my signals stopping you from kissing me, from loving me the way you should. It doesn't feel right any more, and there's something stopping us both from loving each other like we should. "I don't think it's working Doug, and to carry this on, it's just hurting us both. I don't want to hurt you Doug." your voice finally breaks. I breathe deeply before replying,
"your right. I'm so sorry Dan; for everything, for not loving you right, for hurting you." it's my final say, I've submitted. Without either of us saying it- it's over.
"you never hurt me Doug, and it wasn't just you not loving right, I didn't put enough effort it; maybe if I had things would have been different" it's your last attempt to fix our friendship, but there's no use.
"there's nothing to forgive Dan." I whispered softy "I'll always love you in my own way." You laugh softly,
"it was good while it lasted wasn't it? We've got some good memories-"
"some great memories!" I laugh along; it's a bitter-sweet moment.
"Goodbye Dougie." you say;
"Goodbye Danny" I reply.
That's it. I close my phone, and carry on down the street. The world didn't end, there was no fireworks, no car crash. Not even the homeless man looked up as I walked past him, crying softly. The world didn't care that two hearts were broken; life goes on. I turn the corner and open my front door; the first night of a life without you. Deep inside the raw hurt, there is a rational voice; a truth. Everything will be okay. There's plenty more fish in the sea.