For Every Winter There is a Spring
Disclaimer: We don't own the characters. We're just borrowing them from CBS, K/O Paper Products and 101st Street Television. No copyright infringement intended.
Like every year since Steve McGarrett had returned to Hawaii, visiting his father's grave on the anniversary of his death was a sad ritual for him. His visits usually weren't very long; spending just enough time to tell his father about all the things had been going on his life in the past year, some good, others bad. This year was looking to be the same. But instead of getting back into the truck and driving off as he had done in the past, Steve decided to take the time to call his sister, Mary. Perhaps he was feeling a little sentimental or just simply felt the need to connect with what was of his family. It was while he was on the phone with her that he saw Ellie Clayton placing flowers on John's grave. Startled to see someone other than family visiting John's grave, Steve made the quick decision to try and found out who she was, abruptly ending the call as he climbed out of his truck. Hoping to catch up with her before she left, Steve walked with a quick pace, weaving in and out of the headstones finally calling out to her, hoping she would stop. She didn't even have a chance to introduce herself before her eyes lit up with look of recognition, asking him, "You're his son, aren't you?" His mind was suddenly flooded with questions. Who was she? How did she know who he was? What was her connection with his father? He needed answers and it seemed she was willing to provide them.
They ended up sitting under a pavilion with the ocean as their background, Ellie telling him about her father's murder and how John had been there for her during some of her toughest days. How he would visit her on the anniversary of his death, taking her out for shave ice or a walk along the beach. They had stayed in touch throughout the years, John always keeping her up to date on her father's unsolved case. Once again, Steve was baffled that this was just one more thing he didn't know about his father. Today, of all days, it was a bittersweet discovery. But this gave him the chance to try to solve this case not only for him and his Dad, but also for Ellie.
Steve spent the next two days working the case and getting to know Ellie better. They had more in common than he could imagine and he couldn't help but see so much of himself in her. Losing a parent is a wound that never heals, but the past few days had been therapeutic for both of them. Ellie had finally found closure and made peace with her past while Steve discovered new memories of his father, a precious gift he would always be grateful for.
The day after the case was closed Ellie showed up in his driveway, wanting to thank him personally. They joked about him struggling to make repairs on the Marquis, surprisingly she told him what John would have done. He couldn't help but ask if would see her at the cemetery next year. Telling him yes, she quickly added that she hoped it wouldn't be that long before they saw each other again. He was glad to see that the connection he felt wasn't one-sided. Over the next few weeks phone calls and text messages were shared, each of them wanting to stay in touch with the other. It seemed they had fallen into a comfortable friendship.
They often found themselves spending time in Steve's backyard, either fishing or just sharing a Longboard, once again enjoying each other's company. It was on one of those nights that Ellie saw a new side of Steve, one that she had yet to see, the vulnerable side.
The conversation had been easy between them talking about how their work was going. Steve once again had a "Danny" story to share, his arms flailing in the air as he imitated something Danny had done during the day.
Then out of the blue Steve announced that his longtime girlfriend had ended things between them. Ellie was surprised to hear this, having never heard him mention a girlfriend before. She didn't want to push the issue, but asked him what had happened. He told her all about his and Catherine's trip to Afghanistan. How they had tried to rescue Najib, him being taken captive by the Taliban. He told her about the SEAL team that had rescued him and then how he had been abruptly ushered out of the country and ordered to never return, even going so far as to threaten him with jail if he had. Catherine had stayed behind, bent on finding Najib and returning him to his family safely. Months had passed and then the phone call came. She told him that she had successfully found Najib, but that she wasn't returning to Hawaii. She was happy, teaching in a school. She told Steve that she had found her place and not to wait for her.
The entire time Steve was telling her about his and Catherine's breakup, Ellie tried to listen carefully, but the words coming out of his mouth sounded so foreign to her. "Who would walk way from someone like Steve? Not me, not in a million years." Ellie hesitated for a moment, pondering on her thoughts, realizing that she wanted to be more than just a friend to Steve.
" Knock it if off Ellie," she told herself, "Now's not the right time. He's hurting. Be his friend."
Reaching over, she took his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Steve, look at me." He turned toward her as she continued, "I know it's hard to believe right now, but it's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. Believe it or not, you're one of the lucky ones. You have Mary, Joan, your friends. You even have me" she joked, nudging him with her shoulder. "You've already found your place. It's right here in Hawaii. You've created a wonderful ohana. There's someone out there waiting for you Steve. You'll find her. Don't let this temporary pain close your heart, because I think if there's anyone who deserves to be happy, it's you."
Steve knew Ellie was right and sometimes it took more than one person to say it before it finally sunk in. "You know," Steve said as he let out a small laugh, "You're not the first person to tell me that. Aunt Deb told me same thing the day before her wedding. That I shouldn't close my heart, that it was never too late to find love."
Ellie couldn't help but laugh, finding it humorous that Steve had not only been told once, but twice that things were going to be ok. "See, wise women think alike!" she exclaimed.
Hoping that she could distract Steve, she asked him to tell her about his Aunt Deb's wedding. He told story after story about her special day. The special song she had chosen to sing for Leonard instead of reciting the traditional vows. Ellie couldn't help but notice that although Steve's face lit up with a smile as he talked, his eyes didn't. They were filled with sadness, a sadness you only experience when you feel like you've been abandoned by those closest to you.
The two of them sat in silence, staring out at the ocean, watching the waves as they crashed against the beach. Although Ellie was sure Steve knew, she felt it was important to let him know he could count on her. Once again, she turned him, saying, "When ever you need someone, even if it's just to talk, I'm here for you Steve."
As time passed, Steve seemed more like the man Ellie had met in September, carefree and fun loving. He was more positive and even began to joke about being on the "girl hunt". Anyone who knew Steve McGarrett wouldn't deny that he is very attractive, charming, witty, and although it may not look like it on the outside, has a big heart. He is the type of guy every girl would want to bring home to meet mom. Ellie began to think that maybe it was time for him to get back in the game. She began to make small suggestions, mentioning some of her friends. She even went so far as to try to set him up on a blind date with her friend Jess, telling Steve that she was perfect for him. He wanted nothing to do with it. Telling her he was taking his time, wanting to do it his way.
Deciding that maybe now was not the time to push the issue, Ellie decided to let it go but not before telling him a story she had been told growing up. "Steve, my grandmother once told me that the heart is like a delicate flower. You have to take care of it, nurture it through the cold harsh winter until spring arrives." She hoped he understood what she was trying to tell him.
After several tough weeks for both of them, they thought it would be nice to go to a small family-owned restaurant that the locals raved over. Somewhere quiet to just relax and enjoy a good meal. Ellie arrived shortly before 7:00, expecting to find Steve waiting for her. Even though he wasn't, she wasn't too concerned going ahead and having the Hostess find a table for them. 7:30 came and still no Steve. Ellie began to worry, knowing that it wasn't like him to be late or at least not text letting her know he was going to be late.
Just as she reached for her phone to call him she saw his truck pull into the parking lot. He got out and quickly walked into the restaurant scanning the area looking for her. She gave him a small wave letting him know where their table was. Steve smiled and quickly walked over. As he sat down, he began apologizing for being late and not letting her know. "No worries" she told him with a reassuring smile, even though if felt like something was "off" with him. "Everything ok?" she asked. "Yeah, yeah everything's fine," he said with a wave of the hand as if wanting to dismiss her concern. "It was just a long day. Tell ya what, since I was so late, dinner's on me tonight," he told her. Ellie couldn't resist, asking him in a teasing voice, "You did bring your wallet, right?" Steve rolled his eyes, reaching into his back pocket. "Yes, I brought my wallet! See…" waving it in front of her.
Dinner ended up being lighthearted. Steve asking her about her day, wondering if she had won her case, knowing it was a big one for her. Their conversation eventually turned to his day and what a day it was. What had started of as an early morning shave and haircut quickly escalated into an armed standoff with an Armenian gang that had been chasing after an injured teenager. Ellie found it so amazing that even though Steve have been in a very dangerous situation, he could find ways to laugh about it. She wasn't so sure she could have done the same.
The nagging feeling that was something was "off" with Steve slowly began to creep its way back. Steve paused in the middle of his story, motioning for the waiter to come over, asking that he bring him another drink. She knew Steve like his alcohol, usually drinking two or three Longboards with dinner, but tonight scotch was his drink of preference, having just finished off his fourth drink and now ordering a fifth. The tone in his voice had changed as well. It was no longer humorous. It had taken on a serious tone, slightly slurred, and Ellie was sure she had heard his voice tremble.
She began to think that something must have gone terribly wrong. There was something he was holding back and not willing to share with her. As she began to ask him exactly what had happened earlier in the day, he quickly pushed his chair back from the table, telling her that it had been a long day and he needed to call it a night. She nodded her head in agreement, thinking that perhaps calling it a night was a good idea.
As they walked toward their cars, Ellie began to think that letting Steve drive wasn't such a great idea. Telling him that she was going to drive him home, Steve began to insist that he was fine. After going back and forth for what felt like an eternity with neither of them giving in, it was Steve who finally waved the white flag, knowing he wasn't going to win this fight. Ellie extended her hand waiting for him to hand over the keys. Reluctantly, he stuck his hand into the pocket of his cargo pants and pulled them out hesitating briefly before handing them to her.
The drive to his house was quiet, Ellie frequently glancing over at Steve. He sat in the passenger's seat, looking out the window watching the lights pass by looking sad and defeated. Once again, Ellie was seeing a side of Steve she hadn't seen before. She knew what a strong man he was, having heard the stories about how he had survived being tortured so many times, most recently at the hands of Wo Fat. Once again, she recalled just how passionate Steve was when it came to solving cases, but more importantly finding justice for the victims and their families. It was one of the things she admired about him.
She also knew that things had been tough on him in the last few weeks. What a toll Danny's being arrested and extradited to Colombia had taken on him. The guilt he felt for not being arrested with him, knowing he was equally as guilty. He had been there when Danny had pulled the trigger. But this, what she was seeing tonight, was on a whole new level. She kept wondering how a kid getting shot could have such an affect on him?
Ellie had barely managed to pull into the driveway and put the truck in park before he jumped out without saying a word. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to get in the house since she had the keys, she ran to keep up with him. Once she had the door unlocked, Steve pushed past her and headed straight for the liquor cabinet. He flung the door open, it swinging so violently Ellie thought it might come of the hinges. Reaching inside, Steve grabbed a bottle of scotch. Turning around, not bothering to close the door, he walked toward the backyard as he unscrewed the cap off the bottle taking a long drink. Ellie stood in the doorway watching him, not sure what exactly was going on. Setting the keys and her purse down, she made her way toward the backyard not sure what she would find.
Steve had always known that the water was his refuge. It was one of the few places he felt safe and where he could get away from the worries of the world. Needing that feeling of safety, the day having taken a toll on him, he walked toward the edge of the beach, pausing long enough to take off his shoes. He knew Ellie wasn't far behind, hearing her footsteps as she walked out of the house heading toward him.
He sat down on the waters edge, pulling his knees up to his chest. He took another drink from the bottle, wishing it would wash away the memories of the day. Looking back over his left shoulder, he saw her standing there with a look on her face wondering what her next move should be. Not saying a word, he motioned with his head for her to come sit down next to him.
Ellie quickly sat down, reaching up and softly stroking his back, wanting to comfort him. After a few minutes, when she noticed his ragged breathing had seemed to calm, she said, "Talk to me Steve. Tell me what happened today."
He didn't answer her immediately. Instead, he turned his head toward the ocean, his eyes fixed on the waves. When he finally did started speaking, his voice was rough, filled with emotion. "The kid, the one we risked our lives to protect, he, he lied. He wasn't who he said he was. After we got out of the shop, I sent him with Odell to the hospital while I went looking for his father, hoping he could give me answers. Turns out it was his father who was trying to have him killed. He said he had no choice, that the kid "was of the devil." Steve stopped for a moment, the sound of the ocean waves filling the air. "That kid was a monster, Ellie. His father had found out he was responsible for the kidnapping and killing of kids who lived in their neighborhood." Ellie put a hand to her mouth, trying to hold back a gasp.
"I ended up shooting the kid. On their way to the hospital, he was able to get his hands on the gun I had given Odell and forced him to take him down to the marina. His father had a boat down there that he was planning on using to leave the island. I had no choice, Ellie. I had to shoot him. He was going to get away and I couldn't let him do that."
"Afterwards, when I told his father he was dead, he thanked me. Can you believe that?" he asked, an incredulous look covering his face. "He thanked me for doing what he couldn't. I told him if he really wanted to thank me he would tell me where the evidence was. The evidence we needed to get closure for the victim's families."
Steve turned to look at Ellie, the horror of what he had seen written all over his face. "I wasn't ready. I didn't expect it. The door had so many locks on it. He wanted to keep people out of there. And inside, inside there were clothes and toys all neatly preserved like it was a museum. The monster not only kept souvenirs of his victims but he took pictures too. Ellie, they were just kids. Harmless, innocent kids! The entire time I'm looking at them, all I could think about was what if it had been Joan or Grace? I almost helped the bastard get away with it. He had me fooled." By now, tears were freely rolling down Steve's face. He didn't even bother to try and stop them.
Seeing Steve so torn up like this broke Ellie's heart. All she could think about was making the pain she saw written so clearly across his face go away. Scooting closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist, squeezing tightly, silently conveying the message she was here for him as long as he needed her to be. Minutes passed by, Ellie's arms still wrapped tightly around him when he let out a deep sigh, reaching up at the same time with the back of his hand to wipe away the tears.
"What if we had found out about the kids sooner? Why didn't HPD ask for our help?" he asked her. "These are the kind of cases we can help solve." he said in an ever growing frustrated tone. Ellie understood the frustration he was experiencing, having felt it herself before. "Steve, you did a great job," she told him, hoping he'd find comfort in her words. "You found the truth and now there will be justice for the families. I know you think you could have done more, but in the end you got him. You got him Steve and he can't hurt anyone. Ever again."
Lifting his head up, he turned toward Ellie, looking into her eyes. He had expected to see someone feeling sorry for him, but what he found instead was someone looking back at him who not only shared his pain, but also understood just how difficult today had been for him. "Thank you," he whispered.
They ended up stretching out on the beach watching the few stars that filled the sky, each of them reflecting on the nights events. Ellie was the first to break the silence. "You know, the last time I spent the night on a beach there was a fire, too much alcohol and Michael Park." Steve turned his head toward her asking, "Who's Michael Park?" Ellie let out a laugh and smiled, "Michael Park. Wow. I had a crush on him in tenth grade and I went to the beach bonfire just to spend time with him. Turns out he wasn't interested in me, so I ended up spending the night listening to a drunk friend talk about her last breakup."
The levity of the moment made Steve realize he was going to be ok. The guilt and the horror were still there, but she was right, he had stopped him. He couldn't hurt anyone else now. Barking out a laugh, he asked, "So do you have professional listener somewhere on your resume?" They both laughed, Ellie glad to see his sense of humor returning.
"I'm sorry you had to see me like this." he said in a worried voice, silently hoping that she wouldn't look at him differently. Ellie turned toward him, sitting up on her elbows so that she could look him in the eye. "Please don't be sorry Steve. I'm glad you trust me and I could be here for you. I know it wasn't an easy thing to talk about." Not wanting to ruin the moment but feeling a need to lighten it, she continued, "I do have to tell you though that you did better than Jane. Much better. She puked on my shoes. Twice."
Steve couldn't help but laugh and it wasn't just any laugh. It was a genuine Steve McGarrett laugh, the kind that started at the tip of his toes gaining strength as it worked its way up his body. Which in turn had Ellie doubled over in laughter, making it difficult for her to catch her breath. It felt good to laugh, knowing that while it didn't make it all go away, it had helped to lift some the weight of the day off of him. Standing up, he reached down with both hands to brush the sand off his cargo pants. "How about a cup of coffee," he asked. Smiling up at him, she responded, "I'd like that very much."
As he waited for their coffee to finish, Steve walked over to the kitchen sink and looked out the window. What he saw made him smile. There was Ellie comfortably stretched out on the beach, looking very much at home. He knew he was lucky to have her as a part his life and silently wondered if maybe there could be a future with her. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the story she had told him all those months ago, thinking that maybe his spring had finally arrived.
FIN