A/N: **Spoilers for Season 2, "Epilogue"**
So, finally got around to watching the rest of Epilogue last night. There were a lot of really great moments between Young and TJ in there, but one of them really stuck with me. The look Young gave TJ and Varro over his shoulder wasn't a big thing, only a few seconds, but I think it was one of the most powerful moments he's had in the entire series. It was like he realized what he had and he lost and who he wanted to be all in one moment. So this is my feeble attempt to get into his head in that moment.
Yes, it's short. The look was less than 10 seconds long. Give me a break here people. ;)
He could hear TJ moving behind him, tending to Varro's injuries. The fall should have killed him. When Young had reached the bottom of that rope and seen him lying on the floor, blood bubbling up from his lips, he thought he was already dead. There had been corpses with more life in them during his time in the service, and nothing had ever felt so beautiful as the feeling of Varro's pulse, thready and weak, against his fingers before he'd sent him up to Scott.
Going down after Varro had been instinctive. Even though the building was coming down around his ears, even though there was a good chance he wasn't going to get out alive, he hadn't thought twice about it. When Varro rescued TJ he became one of their own, and you never leave a man behind. He'd cut his teeth on those words, first as an airman, then as an SG leader. That said all he needed to know about the man who had started out as an unwelcome addition to his ship, and while Young wasn't willing to jump up and down and offer to be bosom buddies with the man, any problems they'd had between them in the past were exactly that. In the past.
Even TJ. Memories of their time on Icarus, and the chemistry that still fizzled between them, had haunted him since they first landed on Destiny. Especially having caught a glimpse of the life they'd led, the family they could have had, while they were on Novus. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want her, or that there weren't still times he woke up in the night reaching for her. Worse, far worse, was the knowledge that he had loved her-loved her still. Seeing her face after Varro fell, he knew that losing him was going to kill her.
Tipping his head back to watch the tall, willowy blonde who'd proven herself over and over again on this expedition, who'd turned from a frightened little mouse into one of the finest medical officers he'd ever had the pleasure of serving with, he ignored the little voice in his head that said if he'd left Varro behind, TJ would be his. Despite what had happened with Rush, despite the ups and downs that had marked his command of Destiny before he'd finally managed to leave his self pity behind, he wasn't that man. He didn't want to be that man.
The day he'd walked in and found TJ in Varro's quarters, he knew he was going to have to let her go. Whatever still lingered between them, their relationship was done. She needed him to be her commanding officer. She needed him to keep her alive, to keep all of them alive, and to help her find a cure in the database they were bringing back home. But she no longer needed him. So he turned his back to them and wished them both well, shifting his attention to the sky in front of him and the momentary satisfaction of a job well done.