Chapter one
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" Wendy, Mabel, and Dipper all chanted the mantra as Soos dumped the carton of milk down his throat.
Their eyes lit up and the three adolescents jumped into the air, cheering "YAY!" as their chubby friend finished the carton and deposited it next to the other five which lay on the kitchen table.
Soos began teetering back and forth in his chair, causing the older of the two twins to put a hand to his forehead and ask in a serious tone. "Soos, are you okay? Maybe you shouldn't chug the last carton..."
Wendy leaned over, interrupting the young brunette and meeting her eyes. "But then he won't break his last record!" She turned to face the mechanic. "You can do this, cantcha' Soos?"
They both turned to receive dazed grin from the handyman. He moved his fingers back and forth in the air as his eyes drifted about.
"The butterflies are dancing..." He said with a giggle before a little milk dribbled out of his mouth and he fell face forward onto the table.
The ginger turned back to her young companion and gave an unconvincing smile as she spoke. "See...he's fine!"
Mabel's brow was about to criticize this highly questionable statement when she heard the raspy voice of her great uncle penetrate the interior of the Mystery Shack. "Someone's at the door, one of you freeloaders get it!"
Dipper, who had been throwing away the empty cartons suddenly brightened, and zipped off in the direction of the front door while he yelling "I'LLGETIT!"
The redhead watched as her friend left, before turning to the boy's sister with a questioning look.
Mabel's eyes widened and she shrugged her shoulders. "How should I know what he's doing?"
The teen crossed her arms and responded in a perilous tone. "You sleep in the same room...your always reading things over his shoulder…and you installed cameras in the woodwork so that you could keep tabs on his love life. How could you not know what's going on?"
The enthusiastic preteen shrugged once more, before adopting her own sarcastic tone and surprising Wendy with her next question. "Why are you so interested all of a sudden?"
The teen felt ready to answer until she realized she had none. Her mind was completely blank as to why Dipper's eagerness had surprised her.
The brunette brought her hand to her chin like a Victorian detective and leaned forward as she asked in a sly tone "Is this because Dipper doesn't spend as much time with you know that you've rejected his love?"
The ginger was so shocked by this accusation that she fumbled for the correct response. "Of course not! And we still spend plenty of time together. And what do you mean love? He just had a little crush on me, that's all."
She'd had plenty of crushes, most people did at Dipper's age. But nobody gets a fairy tale ending with that person. That's just the way life works. People change and all that garbage.
Mabel grabbed Wendy's collar, bringing the spry girl to her level before shouting at her. "HE SUMMONED AN ARMY OF CLONES JUST TO DANCE WITH YOU! He travelled through time to stop you from getting hurt! He deciphered Robbie's backward message to get you out of that train wreck of a relationship! True, I'm just a small girl who's been subject to a number of borderline emotionally abusive relationships with creeps…but if what Dipper's done isn't love, I'm not sure know what is."
After dropping that bomb Mabel decided that her friend was up to the task after all, and ran back towards the kitchen, chanting "More milk, more chugs!"
Apparently her interest in keeping Soos alive had waned. She left Wendy with a sick stomach and a buzzing head.
I know that he said he loved me down in the bunker, but I thought he got caught up in the moment. But even if he did, does it really matter?
That unanswerable question was interrupted by Dipper running by.
Wendy called out as he passed. "Slow down shortstack, you're going to slip on some milk. Where are you headed anyway?"
He came to a halt, and surprised that she still existed. "Um...A friend stopped by, and they asked me to help them with something paranormal."
Her eyes widened, "You're...bailing on us?"
He gave a nervous grin. "Heh. I'll be back in an hour...ninety minutes' tops."
The redhead rubbed her shoulder, and began to wonder why she cared so much about him leaving. "But what about Soos breaking the record?"
They both glanced over at the record breaker in question, who was moving his head back and forth across the table, and muttering something about the butterflies turning pink.
The lanky teen sighed and nodded for him to continue on his way, watching as he ascended the stairs.
Wendy didn't know why it was she cared so much all of a sudden, but she had been having so much fun today and watching Dipper leave was incredibly disheartening. It was unusual for him to leave while they were in the middle of one of their games, and the fact that he was doing so and was so casual about it made the bewildered redhead wonder if Mabel was right.
Is he really spending less time with me because of his crush? Am I so used to him dropping everything for me that I feel insulted when he finds something else to do?
These questions, plus the ominous one of whether or not Dipper had loved her (or still did), weighed on the Corduroy girl as she stood. All of a sudden, Soos breaking the record and her plans to goof off with her friends, seemed less important.
Not to mention the fact that she was highly confused by what Mabel had said about clones. What clones? How could she have missed Dipper doing something like that?
Maybe I can sort some of this out with him later.
She didn't want to drop all her problems on Dipper, but the cashier girl spent enough time worrying about family, without her relationship with the twelve-year-old becoming more complex than it already was.
The Shack was usually a place she could forget all about that, and she shuddered at the idea of it becoming just another place to worry about what might go wrong.
The usually laid-back teen's thoughts were interrupted by a slightly haughty voice emitting from the kitchen.
"Where is Dipper?"
Turning in the direction of the voice, Wendy heard Mabel's enthusiastic response. "Oh, hey, Pacifica! He's in there."
The owner of the voice took a few short steps, before stepping into the room, and being surprised by Wendy's presence.
She was a blonde, about the same age as Dipper, dressed in a purple shirt and designer shorts. She had the hints of a tan covering her upper arms, she wore shoes that looked like they had gems plastered to them, and she was clearly dolled up with light eye shadow, lipstick, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. The blonde coughed and tried to regain her composure, giving the unkempt teen a moment to realize that she the girl was not only better dressed, but she didn't have twigs in her hair or sour milk spilled all over the stomach of her shirt.
"Could you possibly tell me where Dipper Pines might be located?" Pacifica asked while avoiding eye contact.
Wendy raised an eyebrow. "Who wants to know?"
Wendy watched Pacifica's face twitch with anger and questioned why she had caused the blonde strife. Was it her attitude? She WAS trying to be nice...
"I'm not here to assassinate him!" Pacifica insisted.
Considering the types of people who Dipper pissed off on a regular basis, Wendy did not find the notion as absurd as the girl clearly thought it was. So she remained silent, waiting for confirmation.
The blonde sighed, "My name is Pacifica Northwest." She paused as if waiting for applause. Pacifica sighed and muttered something that was probably insulting, before trying to recapture a smile, and asking in a pleasant tone. "I'm a friend of his, he helped me last week with a ghost. Maybe I should be asking who you are?"
Despite her tone, she ended that sentence as if it was diseased.
The tall redhead's frown deepened, "I'm Wendy, and it's weird that you're his friend, he never mentioned you..."
Pacifica's face fell, and for a moment Wendy felt sorry for saying what she had. She was about to apologize and direct Pacifica towards their mutual "friend", but the preteen noticed the look of sympathy on her new enemy's face and responded in low, biting voice.
"At least I hang out with people my age, instead of hanging around little kids, like a creep."
That shouldn't have hurt at all. Dipper and Mabel were awesome, more awesome than most of Wendy's friends. And though she would never admit it, she sometimes found herself wishing for the kind of bravery which they shared.
If the tone were anything to go by, this girl had spent years in some remote cavern, training with blind monks how to be as mean as possible. There was a familiar sting to the words, the kind which Wendy had not experienced since middle school when girls would call her "Giraffe" and "Zit-face." She should have been used to the sting, able to shrug it off like she did most things (externally at least, stuff always piled up inside her).
But Wendy had not become as numb to the insults as she'd like to believe. Instead, she had just become attractive enough that people stopped picking on her (to her face). This made her a soft and unsuspecting target for the barb.
She wanted to have a great comeback like "at least us creeps don't wash our hair in bleach every morning" or "oh, I remember, Dipper did mention you. Just yesterday he was saying something about a blood-sucking hog woman." But she didn't. She wanted to be more mature than that.
Wendy folded her arms and hoped that her face was not as red as it felt. Seeing that she did not intend to budge, Pacifica grabbed the passing Mabel, who had finally located the final carton, walked through the doorway.
Leaned until her face was almost touching Mabel's and half whispered. "Mabel, dearie, friend, could you please tell this bumpkin, who I am?"
The teens dimpled cheeks somehow got redder, and she scowled at her new nemesis. Oh, it is on, girly-girl!
Mabel frowned at the name but turned to the fuming redhead, and professed with a smile. "She is a friend of Dipper's...sort of...we helped her and she's not as much of a jerk as she was. And she saved our lives…after putting them in danger…but that was only because her father-"
Pacifica leaned away. "Alright, that's all Mabel. You don't need to share every detail."
Nodding, Mabel glanced between them both, before skipping over the whale-like body of Soos, and began trying to tempt him into drinking the seventh carton.
Pacifica turned back to her and smirked, "I told you."
Glaring down at the smug tween, Wendy was about to give her a piece of her mind when the voice of the long missed Dipper pierced the tension. "Pacifica!"
The girl lit up at being called and her smile widened at seeing how well the pre-teen was dressed. He wasn't wearing his vest, and he had donned an ocean blue tee-shirt to replace his normally orange one. He wore black slacks as well, and his trademark hat was missing. A backpack hung in his left hand, which seemed to slacken at the sight of his "friend." She stepped over to him and complimented his outfit.
He giggled nervously, "Yeah, well...you look stunning!"
Pacifica looked ready to turn into a mini-sun, and she leaned closer to him as she asked the young sleuth. "Really?"
He laughed nervously again, and noticing the frown on Wendy's face, and the look of interest on Mabel's, he coughed, awaking his doting "friend" from the trance, and spoke. "We should get going if we want to get to the magic egg before someone else snatches it up."
She nodded meekly and walked towards the exit, her cheeks reddening when Wendy giggled at her embarrassment, causing Dipper to shoot his lanky friend a distasted look. Wendy was shocked by how serious and almost intimidating he looked, and she closed her mouth as if a fish. She considered muttering a quick apology, but that would probably create more animosity given Pacifica's pride.
Dipper said farewell to the beaming Mabel, skeptical Wendy, and even to the comatose Soos, before disappearing out the front door.
As soon as he was gone, Mabel squealed like her prize pig and ran towards the staircase, Wendy called after her. "Hey! Where are you going?"
The girl beamed at her. "This is a historic moment, and I have to go write this down in my Dipicifica journal!"
The annoyed redhead's face twisted in confusion. "You're what?"
The girl stopped in her ascent and leaned against the banister, a dreamy look overcoming her. "Well, I was going to call them Pipper, but that sounded too much like piper, and it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like Dipicifica."
This information failed to clear up anything for the teen. The bubbly girl gestured for her to follow, before bouncing up the stairs, muttering something about "Papper."
Wendy sighed and did as instructed, leaving a hallucinating Soos to recover on his own. She entered the twin's room, trying to prepare herself for the worst. After all, with Mabel, you never knew. The best case scenario might involve a paper Mache life-sized statue of her brother.
As soon as the door swung open, however, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped to comical levels. Nothing could have prepared her for this. All over the room, there were fabricated pictures of Dipper and Pacifica kissing, all held to the ceiling by some strange mobile.
Some were hand drawn; some were pieces of photos glued onto construction paper. Mabel was sitting on the floor, writing something down in a large red book. Her pig next to her, the same contended look which it always apparent on its face.
Wendy struggled for the words to express how confused, disturbed, and for some reason, angry, this all made her feel. "Duh-duh-does...does Dipper read and sleep with all of…this around?"
Mabel shook her head. "He says it embarrassing, so I only take it out when he's gone. Boys am I right?" Mabel insinuated as she nudged her elbow against Wendy's ribs.
Her smile faltered when she saw the discomfort in the redhead's emerald eyes. "You don't like it, do you?"
She seemed far too interested in the answer to that question, so Wendy avoided her gaze and the gaze of the hog which had looked up at her like its master. "It-it's a little…much, don't you think?"
The creator of the mobile shrugged. "I have one for all of Dipper's possible girlfriends, it just seems like the love god favors this particular couple currently."
She said that last part gazing up at the splintery ceiling, causing the teen to stare up as well, half expecting to see an actual love god hanging from the rafters.
Yeah, right, this town isn't THAT weird.
Wendy shook herself before speaking. "So, wait, you made a mobile of all the girl's who Dipper might you know…date? Then how many do you have?"
Mabel brightened at the sound of someone interested in her art, and she ran over to her bed, where she started pulling more mobiles out of it.
"Well, let's see…we've got Dipper and Candy…"
She tossed that one onto Dipper's bed, where it bounced a little, before a few pictures of the young Asian girl and the youthful detective kissing fell to the floor and met Wendy's eye. Reading the label of the mobile aloud, the meaning of "Dipicifica" dawned on the spunky teen.
"CANDIPPER?" How was that name approved?
Mabel didn't respond, she just kept going. "And I have one of him and Grenda…" Mabel tossed that one against the wall carelessly.
"Like that's ever going to happen…" The brunette muttered with a laugh.
Moving over to the young artist Wendy bent down and asked. "Did you just make one for every one of your friends?"
The girl laughed. "Of course not!"
This assurance was followed by the reveal of two mobiles which held pictures of Dipper making out with two girls Wendy had never seen, who were labeled "Hench girl 1#" and "Hench girl 2#." Mabel heaved out a pile of mobiles, several looking half-finished, and deposited them in the hands of the extremely disturbed Wendy.
"I made one for every girl in town!" She stated with a proud smile.
Wendy struggled to hold them all for a moment, and then she staggered over to Dipper's bed and dumped them there, before turning back to her enthusiastic friend just in time to see the older of the Pines twins remove a mobile completely covered in dust and grime.
"And this…" She said swatting away flies from the discouraging mobile. "Is WENDIP! Or Wippy if you prefer. Or Dwendy. Or Dippendy! Whichever you like! I've got a list."
With that, she tossed the device into a corner and returned to her writing. For some reason, perhaps because it bared pictures of her, Wendy felt a pang as the mobile of her and Dipper crashed to the floor. She walked over to it and saw that it boasted the most pictures, and had more glitter and twice the mementos all over it.
Then something caught her eye. "Hey, why is there an apple on here?" It was a large granny smith, with two bites on either side of it.
The young artist did not look up from her work as she answered in the most blaize fashion she could. "Oh, that's the first meal you two shared. Then you realized there was a worm in it, and you both complained to Grunkle Stan for buying the bushel. ANYWAY, since you guys didn't want it, I preserved the apple in amber and stuck it on the mobile."
"Why is there a toenail on here?" Wendy frowned at the piece of keratin, almost insulted that the obsessive girl couldn't find more appropriate mementos. "That's the first part of you that touched him. You were clipping your nails, and one of them bounced off his nose, giving him a light scratch and making him fall even deeper in love with you."
The brunette sighed dreamily, before returning to her work. Wendy glanced back at the girl. "What the heck is this sticky stuff, it's everywhere!" She shook the mobile up and down, trying to remove her arm from it.
This would almost be symbolic if it wasn't so irritating! Her super-ego said smugly.
Wendy told her super-ego to shut its trap.
"Oh, that's glued from the bottle of glue that bounced off his head and hit you in the stomach. It was the first time you two were injured in the same room…" The girl's eyelashes batted as she recalled this memory, and the annoyed teen shook until the mobile fell off her arm.
The apple rolled across the floor, and Waddles, who had been sitting comfortably all, this time, sniffed the air, before running over to the fallen fruit. He opened his big mouth to take a big bite out of it, but Mabel saw this and cried out.
"NO WADDLES! No! Bad pig!"
She grabbed the swine and struggled to keep him from biting into the poison fruit. She frowned up at the ginger onlooker and yelled for her help.
Wendy picked up the pig and held the wriggling beast beneath her left arm. "I'll take him out of here; you probably need all your concentration to be this creepy."
Mabel frowned at her. "It's not creepy, they could end up getting married one day, and they're going to need for someone to decorate the wedding and give an embarrassing speech!"
The redhead rolled her eyes and exited the room, dropping the pig to the floor once she had closed the door, and attempting to banish all the pictures of Dipper and Pacifica kissing from her mind. Needless to say, this was a failed excise.
She groaned and entered the bathroom, cupping her palms under the faucet and turning the cold water on. Once she had collected enough, the frustrated ginger splashed the water across her face and turned off the water, exiting the room with a jaunt in her step.
There we go, no more pictures of- She groaned. This time, she imagined them making out atop the magical egg which Dipper had mentioned. In her imagination, the egg broke and the two rode the baby dragon off into the sunset, complete with a cartoon heart appearing in the sky as they flew towards the sunset.
No cigar.
Descending the stairs two at a time, Wendy decided to get back to work; maybe it would take her mind of the entire ordeal.
It did not.
The poor girl was bored out of her mind; as she was most days. The day had already been pretty slow before, which is why she had looked up the most expired milk jugs drunken in a single sitting.
But now business seemed to have descended to a snail's pace, so few people buying so little that even Stan had decided to go watch TV. This left Wendy Corduroy with little or nothing to do, except, of course, think about her twelve-year-old friend and the girl who, according to Dipper's twin sister, was his going to be his girlfriend until she became his wife.
The look of admiration on Pacifica's face when Dipper complimented her, kept returning to mind. The more she thought about it, the more stultified teen became one-hundred and ten percent sure that there was no supernatural egg involved at all, the girl was just too nervous to ask him out.
But they both knew they were going out, he had dressed up just for her, and he had relinquished his favorite and only trucker hat. Not only that but he had changed his outfit, something that he frequently told Mabel and Wendy was "A waste of time and brainpower."
She giggled as she unconsciously mimicked his argument with her lips, the sound and motion attracting the attention of a customer by the shirt rack. He was an elderly gentleman who had spent the last hour trying to choose between two shirts with slightly different color arrangements. His expression reminded her of how Dipper had scowled at her for laughing at Pacifica's doting smile, and her smile disappeared.
It had just hit her that, today, was perhaps the first day he had ever gotten visibly angry at her.
That should be a good thing, right? I mean that means he's not putting me on a pedestal. She groaned audibly and received another glare from the old man.
She stuck her tongue out at him and with a harrumph he exited the building.
"YEAH? WELL, DON'T COME BACK YOU CHEAPSKATE!" She yelled as the shop door closed.
She pulled out her cell phone and tried to take her mind off of the subject with a game. She played for about five minutes until she hit a pay wall and tried to exit the game.
A message popped up, and in blue lettering, the game told her that "You cannot exit the game at his point without paying 2.99$."
She stared incredulously at the machine and shouted as if it could hear her. "But this game already cost me five bucks!"
As if to respond, an add popped up, reporting that "You can bypass this mechanic eternally if you pay 19.99$!"
She fumed and turned the infernal device off, muttering about how it was worse than Stan.
Just as her mind began to wonder back towards the couple, she heard a "DING!" sound emit from the phone, alerting her to a friend's text. She scrambled to grab and open it, before glancing at the message from Tambry.
Tambry: Robbie taking me camping. What R U doing?
She sighed, trying to ignore how annoyingly perfect the relationship between her reclusive friend and her ex appeared to be. Robbie seemed to be a likable person now that he was with Tambry, and Tambry, in turn, seemed genuinely excited for events and parties. They held hands no matter where they went and finished each other's sentences, which was super annoying.
Not to mention that it made her lonely. She hadn't had a boyfriend since Robbie, and considering her long history of boys falling for her, that was kind of disturbing.
The last boy who fell for me was Dipper…Maybe this is some kind of curse. She considered.
That or she had just gotten tired of the meat heads and the fooling around. Like it or not, hanging around the twins might have actually made her a more *** person.
Nonetheless, she quickly tapped back an answer.
Wendy: nothin. Im bored out of my MIND.
She waited a few moments, then an idea sprang to mind and she began typing just as a reply arrived.
Tambry: we just found a sqirel with three tails and glowing yellow eyes. :(
Wendy: do u know who Pacifica Northwest is?
After a few seconds….
Tambry: y?
Wendy sighed and typed back…
Wendy: jst tll me
After far too many seconds….
Tambry: shes the daughter of the Norwests, the richest fmliy in town, the ones who threw that party your dad was at. I was there 2…evryonre but u was there. Hw coud u not know who she iss.
Wendy: I jst met her tday! Also never remind me of my dad's dacning
Tambry: Y U want to know anyway?
Tambry: Robbie just found a possum with two heads and glowing green eyes.
Wndy: no reason, good luck with the possum
She pocketed her cell phone and raised her muddy boots to the counter, gazing out the window at the sunset as she considered this new info. Okay…so she's rich.
The redhead had already discerned this from the girl's clothing and how snobby she had been. On the other hand, she hadn't anticipated Pacifica being that rich.
After glancing at her watch she realized that Stan should be here soon to close up the shop. Although, she was near exhausted, and would welcome a nice warm dinner (it would most likely be stew based on her knowledge of her father's cooking skills), for some reason, she felt the need to stay and find out what had transpired between her pre-teen friend and Pacifica. She chalked this up to being overprotective, after all the blonde was hardly worthy of trust, and Dipper would have done the exact same for her.
Yeah, but he's naturally nervous, especially about you and Mabel. Also, he used to whisper possessively about you. That's Dipper. But you usually don't worry about him, even though you know him and Mabel do all kinds of dangerous stuff on daily basis.
Just as the doubt of her own motives returned, the bell next to the door rang, and ginger cashier turned to see her pint sized companion stumble in, call "See ya' tomorrow!" out the door.
Wendy frowned at this behavior, and gazed out the window, to see a purple gloved hand sticking out of a golden limousine and waving at him, just as the opulent vehicle pulled away. Turning back to Dipper, she saw him stumble towards the staircase, if he there had been any more of a dreamy look in his eye then he would have been living Slumber land.
"AHEM!" hearing her fake cough he turned, finally noticing her existence.
Her frown and red cheeks went unnoticed by him, and his dreamy smile remained as he spoke. "Oh hey Wendy…I didn't see ya' there…"
The red faced teen snorted.
"…where's Mabel?" He asked, sobering a little.
Wendy jerked a thumb towards the stairs and gave him a dead eyed stare as she answered. "She's up there making mobiles of you kissing Pacifica."
Dipper nodded without true acknowledgement and began slowly ascending the stairs.
Stan walked out of the den and turned the "OPEN" sign over with a sigh; and a disgruntled Wendy leaped over the desk and opened the front door, hesitating on the first step out.
As she gazed back at Dipper who was almost to the top of the stairs, Stan creeped up behind her and with an unenthusiastic, "Ganight", he shoved her out the front door.
The lanky teen stumbled, regained her footing, and glared at him as he locked the door and removed his shirt. Disgusted, she put an arm in front of her face and yelled "STAN! The door is still made of glass!"
He stopped and lowered his shirt, and then stared daggers as he pointed a finger towards the distance as he yelled back "GET OFF MY PROPERTY!"
The Corduroy girl grumbled and sent pebbles skittering away as she ambled in the direction of home.
Her spirits were slightly raised when the lanky teen heard Dipper's realization. "Hey wait a second, MABEL! WHAT DID YOU SHOW HER!?"