A/N: I don't know if any of my usual readers will read this, but I'm taking this opportunity to explain the hiatus I've taken. Last time I uploaded a story, it was flagged by some sort of FF vigilante for something that many, many fics do to a greater degree. The message I received from them was really rude, and it definitely rubbed me the wrong way. It's one thing if admin had a problem with it, but I was peeved that some random person took it upon themself to decide that my story was worth flagging. The reviews I got on it other than that were positive, and I really appreciated the support, but I took the story down because of this rude vigilante. It was probably an overreaction, but as a full time student who was also working, each story I write and edit and then deem good enough to actually post on here is really important to me. They take up time which I don't have much of, and for someone to react like that turned me off of posting anything for a long while.
Regardless, maybe someday I will repost the story and hope for the best. Until then, I have this fic which is short, but which I had a lot of fun writing. I think it's important to challenge and broaden our ideas of femininity. Plus, it's a fun challenge to write Levi and keep him in character, which I hope I succeeded at here. I apologize for all the negativity in this note, and thank you to those that read it. I sincerely appreciate every review, favorite and follow.
"Why do you bother with that shit?"
Laci glanced over her shoulder at the sound of her lover's voice. "I just do."
She dipped the small brush back into the tiny glass bottle, swirling it around in the contents for a moment before scraping the excess off at the rim of the bottle. The brush fanned over the nail of her index finger, already filed in a perfect crescent. She pulled the brush away, satisfied with the smooth application of teal paint.
"It seems like a waste when it will just come off in training."
"Levi, just drop it."
She knew he had no intention to do so as he sat in the wooden chair on the opposite side of his desk from her. He crossed his leg over his knee and watched her continue to coat her nails in the thick, colorful liquid.
"What if I don't want to drop it?"
"You want to drop it," the brunette assured with a threatening glare.
He pretended to think for a moment before replying, "No, I don't think I do. How about you answer my damned question?"
"What does it matter?" she sighed, screwing the cap back on the bottle.
"It just seems unproductive, especially for a squad leader."
She rolled her jade green eyes and shot back, "And so does ironing your bed sheets, but I let you do it without complaint because it is therapeutic for you."
"Cleanliness is never unproductive."
Laci just turned away, leaning back in his chair. "You're impossible."
"Is this odd habit of some use to you, then?"
"Of course it is. I wouldn't do it otherwise. I have reports and shit almost every day, but this is important to me, so I make time."
The captain leaned forward, placing his elbows on the desk. "Why is it important to you?"
Pink dusted across her cheeks and Laci muttered, "I don't want to talk about it, Levi."
"Laci."
"No."
"What if I-"
"No."
"You didn't even-"
"No."
"Shitty brat, why-"
"Levi, drop it!" She was standing, her hands slammed against the desktop, her face so close to his, he could feel her uneven breaths fanning across his face.
"For a shitty brat who was always complaining that I was too closed off in our relationship, you aren't much better at communication."
Laci ran her fingers through her hair. "Don't pull that on me. You wouldn't tell me anything about what you were thinking or feeling or any of that shit. Just because I don't want to talk about this one thing doesn't mean I can't communicate."
"At least tell me why you don't want to talk about it."
"Because it makes me uncomfortable! It's embarrassing and I don't like thinking about it myself!" She threw her hands in the air and moved around his desk, making a beeline for the door.
Levi caught her wrist, his hold not a tight one. "Don't run away."
She glared at him despite the neutral tone he spoke in. "I'm not running away."
"What were you doing then?" He watched her lips form a thin line and continued, "Just stay. We can do some of that couples shit girls like, if you want."
"What kind of couples shit?" she asked with a raised brow.
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know, you tell me what today's youth are doing."
Laci laughed in spite of herself and said, "Shut up, you're only six years older than me."
"Right. So what are you younger couples doing nowadays?"
"Rough, rowdy sex where the girl tops and the guy usually takes something up his-"
His lips cut her off in a smoldering kiss which lasted several moments. When he pulled away he said, "Good thing you don't taste as foul as you sound, brat. What do you want to do? I have the afternoon to do as I please, and your paperwork isn't pressing, right?"
"Right. Hmm," Laci trailed off, tapping her index finger against her lower lip. "I don't know, I feel like I should say train or spar or something but…"
"Come on," Levi interrupted, turning on his heel and walking into his bedroom.
"Hey!" she called indignantly. "I'm not an afternoon quickie kind of girl!"
"I didn't mean that." She received another eye roll before he continued, "Take off your boots."
She did so, quirking an eyebrow at her boyfriend. "The hell are we doing?"
"Just get in my bed."
"I thought you said-"
"Our clothes are staying on, moron. Just do it."
She slid beneath his sheets, perfectly pressed as always, and waited while he climbed in next to her. Laci blinked several times as his hands made careful work of pulling her hair out of its braid, his long fingers delicately untangling the chestnut waves. When he had finished, his arms came around her, tucking her beneath his chin and against his chest.
She giggled and asked, "Why didn't you just say you wanted to cuddle?"
He just grunted in distaste, nevertheless holding her tighter. Levi leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She responded with a kiss to his collarbone, and carefully unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt, allowing the fabric to fall open and cease the restriction of his movements. Their limbs tangled, and they laid in silence, enjoying the quiet peace of being in the other's arms.
After a while, Levi spoke up again, "So why do you paint your nails?"
"Why won't you just drop it?!"
"You said that my ironing was therapeutic for me. I assume this is a therapeutic habit for you. Which means something must be upsetting you." His grey eyes met hers, and his stoic face softened slightly. "And I want to know what it is, considering this is the first thing you've ever really withheld from me."
"Levi, can't you just accept that there may be some things I don't want you to know about me?"
"No."
"There have to be things you don't want me to know about you."
"Yes, but you already know them all." Her eyes widened slightly. "You know I was a criminal before the Corps, that I've killed countless people. And you know about why I hold my teacups the way I do. You know about the worst day of my life, when I lost Isabel and Farlan. You've seen the way nightmares haunt me, and you've seen me get emotional. There's nothing else about me I wouldn't want you to know."
She bit her lip and asked meekly, "Nothing?"
"Nothing."
They lay in a tense silence for several moments. Finally, Laci spoke up, "Levi, we've known each other since I enlisted in the Survey Corps."
"Yes, and we've been seeing each other for almost four years," he rolled his eyes at her beating around the bush.
"My point is you didn't know me before I chose the life of a soldier, and you didn't know me as a cadet."
"And you didn't know me as a thug, but I don't see the relevance."
Her green eyes dropped to look at his collarbone. "You don't know what I looked like back then. How many boys wanted to be with me."
His eyebrow twitched. "Are you dissatisfied with what you had to settle for?"
"No," she said quickly. "I love you more than anything, Levi. You know that. What I mean is… I was much prettier before I enlisted. I was an early bloomer with curves to back it up. Soft, round… feminine. The training and constant 3DMG use took that away. It does it to all the women in the army… We all become flat planes of muscle, boxy in our uniforms… I hate it. I hate looking at my body and thinking of what it used to be. What it will never be again. I would never take back my decision to fight for humanity, but I… the titans have taken away a huge piece of my femininity and I need to fight back anyway I can. This helps."
She raised her hand shakily, eyeing the teal painted across her perfectly filed nails. Her jade orbs roved over her lover's face, trying to decipher the thoughts going on behind his blank visage.
Eventually, he spoke up, "That's stupid."
"It's not for you to decide if how I feel is stupid. What if fighting titans shrunk your-"
"You're beautiful the way you are."
Laci blinked at him several times, unsure if she had heard correctly. "What?"
"You're beautiful."
"Are you… patronizing me?"
Levi scoffed and snapped, "Shut up, cynical brat. I mean it. And I don't know what you're talking about with that being flat shit. You have some of the biggest breasts in the Corps."
She flushed scarlet and smacked his shoulder. "Shut up, I do not!"
"Take it from someone who has to hear how many men talk about them. You'd think they'd know better to talk about things like that just anywhere in headquarters…" he grumbled with a scowl. "Do you have any earthly clue how many men I have to keep myself from strangling because of you?"
"You're exaggerating."
"I don't exaggerate," he reminded with a lifted brow.
"I just can't believe…"
Levi groaned and retorted, "If I say you're beautiful, accept it. If I say you have big fucking br-"
"Stop!" she whined, covering his mouth with her hand in embarrassment. Pulling her hand away, she muttered, "Even if that's all true… It doesn't mean what I think of myself will change. I can't just forget the body that I had that I used to love."
"Maybe, but I love this one, and you should, too. This body can kill a titan with grace and precision. This body could take down several men in hand to hand combat. And at the same time, this body can turn a man on, it can drive a man crazy. And this body could someday bring a new life into this world, maybe a titan free world. And if those things don't make it beautiful, I don't know what else would."
Laci looked with wide eyes at Levi. His face was impassive as ever, but his eyes were serious and watching her carefully. Quietly, she asked, "Are you telling me you want to have a baby?"
"Not now, idiot. We both still have shit to do so our kid doesn't have to be born into this shitty life."
"You'd want… to have a baby with me?"
"Maybe not, if there's a chance our kid will be as stupid as you," he rolled his eyes.
Laci looked down at his chest in thought. She felt his fingers curl around her wrist, bringing the palm of her left hand to his lips.
"You shouldn't be surprised," he said off-handedly. He shifted beside her for a moment, and suddenly there was something cold sliding down her finger. Jade eyes went wide again, finding a simple white gold band on her ring finger. "Even if you have your unnecessary habits... I do love you, you know."
