There was once upon a time...
A king who was so much beloved by his subjects that he thought himself the happiest monarch in the whole world.
"Please vote 'money and world domination'...er...I mean...Love and peace for everyone..."
(G0-T0 as the King)
And he had everything his heart could desire. All in modesty.
"You could say I'm something of a patriot. I'm very open handed. HEY, you slave! Make me an oil bath right now!"
His palace was filled with the rarest of curiosities (War chest), and his gardens with the sweetest flowers,
while in the marble stalls of his stables stood a row of milk-white horse, with big brown eyes.
How the hell can YOU stand on a horse? !
"It take a lot of practice and a lot of glue to hold up." explained G0-T0 the king.
Strangers who had heard of the marvels which the king had collected (looted), and made long journeys to see them, were,
however, surprised to find the most splendid stall of all occupied by a donkey, with particularly large and drooping ears.
"HEY! I'm not THAT fat!"
(Atton Rand as the front part of the donkey)
"Oh go shower and shut up Atton."
(Mira as the behind part of the donkey)
"And why am I a donkey?" asked an angry Atton.
"Because if you were the behind of the donkey you would be staring at my ass and that option is not availed!" explained Mira.
"Come on! I should be a prince or something! I'm Kotor II's love interest number one!"
It was a very fine donkey, a bit dumb though.
"HEY!" said both Atton and Mira.
But still, as far as they could tell, nothing so very remarkable as to account for the care with which it was lodged;
and they went away wondering, for they could not know that every night, when it was asleep, bushels of gold pieces tumbled out of its ears, which were picked up each morning by the attendants.
"Hey, this is yellow not gold!" said a servant.
"Look, if you're not happy about it, do your gold yourself." said twice the donkey; front and behind.
After many years of prosperity
"Of thieving gold you mean!" said Atton the front part of the donkey.
A sudden blow fell upon the king in the death of his wife, whom he loved dearly.
"Now how are we suppose to have se- I mean...My poor dear wife, how am I suppose to cure her?" said G0-T0 the king.
But before she died, the queen, who had always thought first of his happiness...
"Happiness? My ass, yeah." said atton the front part of the donkey.
"I would have married him too for all that gold coming from atton's ears. With no brain it's easier to make gold." said Mira the behind of the donkey.
"HEY!"
She gathered all her strength, and said to him:
"Statement: Promise that you must marry again for the bad luck of your people. But do not set about it in a hurry (for my personal pride).
Wait until you have found a person more beautiful and better formed than myself."(What the hell do that mean? ! better formed?)
"Which you'll never find because you're too damn ugly and fat."
(HK-47 as the queen)
"Okay!"
HEY, you are not suppose to be happy! Do the drama queen now! Or no pay until next month!
"..., do not speak to me of marrying," sobbed G0-T0 the king; "rather let me die with you!"
"Recitation: What a wonderful idea dear fat-one!"
After that the queen died.
"Query: What? But I haven't finish yet!"
I SAID, the queen died!
For some months the king's grief was great;
"Ah, How wonderful to be single again! Now I can go to the pool."
You don't know how to swim...
"It's for the ladies."
Gradually he began to forget a little, and, besides, his counsellors were always urging him to seek another wife.
Though it was kind of difficult with all the dumb flirt he did with all the woman in and out the palace.
"I bet he won't find anything." Said Mira the behind of the donkey.
"I'm sure he'll find something, I teach him sometime cheesy lines that the ladies love!" said Atton the front part of the donkey while eating a carrot.
"Then I'll win the bet easily"
"HEY!"
By-and-by he allowed himself to be persuaded to think of it, only stipulating that the bride should be more beautiful and attractive than the late queen, according to the promise he had made her.
Overjoyed at having obtained what they wanted, the counsellors sent envoys far and wide to get portraits of all the most famous beauties of every country.
The artists were very busy and did their best, but, alas! nobody could even pretend that any of the ladies could compare for a moment with the late queen.
"(Strange accent) Messieur, I'm doing the best I can, I'm an artist not god who created Eve while looking at Playboy magazine."
(Juhani as the random artist)
"So there isn't any girl who can match the queen's beauty?" asked a councellor.
Since When HK-47 was a beauty?
Anyway...
At length, one day, when he had turned away discouraged from a fresh collection of pictures, the king's eyes fell on his adopted daughter,
who had lived in the palace since she was a baby, and he saw that, if a woman existed on the whole earth more lovely than the queen, this was she!
"Then It' decided! You shall be my new wife! Congratulation...Exile!"
"What the fuc*? !"
(The exile as the princess)
"NOoooooooo-" Screamed the front part of the donkey.
"I lose my bet but this is so epic!" said a laughing behind of the donkey.
End of Chapter one.