The Enforcer

If there was one thing that Mirajane prided herself on, it was her ability to pair people up. She could take the two most unlikely guild members and have them as a couple by sundown.

In her mind at least…

But that wasn't the point. Sure, she'd gone down some wrong paths before. But hey, who hasn't? So yeah, thinking that Erza and Jet would be good together was a fleeting mistake that never even left her pretty little brain. And the time she tried to pair Cana with Freed well, that just went without saying was horrible.

Still though, she had her success stories. Such as everyone's favorite, Lucy and Natsu.

"That doesn't count," Lisanna would complained whenever Mirajane tried to use that as a reference to her uncanny ability to make the perfect mates. "Everyone knew that was going to happen. That's like if I said that Levy liked Gajeel."

And of course, no matter where they were in the guildhall, the Iron Dragon Slayer and his little shrimp would feverishly deny that fact to the ends of Earth Land.

"Yeah, Lisanna," Mirajane always agreed. "I just don't see that. But Lucy and Gray-"

"Natsu."

"Same thing. I made that happen. And you should respect that." Then, as a warning, she'd always add in, "Before I make you end up with Bickslow."

"Gross!"

But Natsu and Lucy, now that was a success story. Especially when the two moved in together. Okay, so yeah, Natsu had been crashing at her place long before the official formation of their relationship, but still. It was a big step.

"You know," Mirajane told Laxus one night as they were out on their own date and happened to walk past Lucy's apartment building. Nodding over at it, she said, "I made that happen."

He only grunted though and look off. "Then we all have you to thank for possibly the worst thing ever happening."

"What?"

That got her a look from him. "They might reproduce."

Even with that in mind, Mirajane continued to use them as her reference couple. When Levy didn't want to go on a date she set her up on or Erza denied her feelings for whatever guy Mira had pulled out of the air for her, she'd only remind them that she made Natsu and Lucy happen.

She could make anything happen.

"Oh yeah?" Erza scoffed at one point. "Then how did you end up with Laxus? If you're so great at matchmaking, why did you find yourself with the worst possible-"

"Just for that," Mira taunted. "I'm going to make sure you and Ichiya become a thing."

That took care of that.

Still though, Mirajane was riding even higher when Ever and Elfman openly came out. And yes, everyone tried to burst her bubble about it, saying that she had nothing to do with that either.

"Be quiet," she'd hiss at Lisanna when she repeatedly told her that even she hadn't thought that was a good match up, back on Tenrou. "Before I have Laxus shock you or something."

"Or something," her boyfriend would mumble and turn his music up higher.

With those two claims to fame though, Mirajane only got even more full of herself. One day, when they all ended up with the exact people she said they would, they'd all understand.

She was just a genius when it came to those things.

Or so she thought…until one day, Natsu came into the guild carrying a big backpack of stuff and a weeping Happy.

"What's wrong?" Lisanna had asked them immediately as they sat down at the bar. Always all ears for some good gossip (oh, heck, even bad would do), Mirajane immediately came over to check it out as well.

"Lucy kicked us out," Happy cried as he covered his eyes with his paws. Then, after a moment, he said, "I think I need some free fish to make me feel better."

"Kicked you out?" Mira was more concerned with that at the moment. "That can't be right."

Natsu only shrugged. "Apparently, we're messy, rude, inconsiderate, and something called in vessels."

"Imbeciles?"

Another shrug. "Maybe."

"But what'd you do?" Lisanna kept up. "I mean, there had to be something major that happened."

"Nope," Natsu said with a shake of his head, his face uncharacteristically downcast. "I can't think of a single-"

"Well," Happy spoke up, sniffling slightly. "We might have accidentally thought that it was a good idea to set the couch on fire and use it to roast fish over."

Lisanna blinked. "Accidentally?"

"Doesn't she have, like, a stove or something?" Mira asked.

"Oh, yeah, but stoves are so hard to use," Natsu said. "I'd much rather use my own flame!"

"So there was no accident about it," Lisanna said. "You guys just almost sat the apartment on fire for no real reason and then got kicked out."

"Almost being the key word," Happy told her.

"Setting the apartment on fire are pretty big too though, Happy," Mirajane told him. "You guys could get her kicked out of her apartment."

"Our apartment," Natsu reminded. "We're in this together now! She can't just throw us out!"

"Then why'd you leave?" Lisanna asked.

"Well… Sometimes her yelling's funny and other times, it just makes my ears hurt," he said, scratching at his head. "Today was the latter."

"Poor Natsu," Happy said. "And poor me. Lucy's just so mean to us."

Mirajane frowned. "Well, I mean, you did nearly burn down her apartment. I can kinda see-"

"Our apartment," Natsu kept insisting. "And if I wanna burn it to the ground, I can! What business is it of hers?"

"Seriously?" Lisanna made a face. "He gets to be in a relationship but I don't? He has, like, the brain of a five year old! No offense, Natsu."

"Hey-"

"Bickslow's all open," Mirajane said just to make her sister complain. Still though, it was bugging her that Natsu and Lucy were, apparently, separating.

Not that she put a lot of weight in it or anything. For one, those two fought constantly. So, ha! They'd be over it by the next day, Mirajane was certain…until Elfman walked into the guild in tears, complaining about his falling out with Evergreen.

"We're in the same boat, buddy," Natsu assumed him. "Lucy's just like-"

"We're not the same!" Elfman growled at him. "I'm a man! I'm in a real relationship! Not that silly one you have with-"

"Elf," Lisanna scolded. He only went back to sobbing.

"I'm just so emotional!"

Mirajane though was starting to panic, if only a little. What if…she wasn't meant to be the matchmaker? What if it had all be a lie? One that she told to herself enough that she began believing it?

Leaving her bawling brother and moping Natsu behind, she rushed down to the basement where Laxus was busy shooting darts with Freed. Err, rather, Laxus was practicing and Freed was praising him.

"What, demon?" Laxus grumbled as he tossed another dart. She only came to his side, looking all desperate and shit. "Unless it's that you've lifted you're ban of not screwing in the guildhall, I don't-"

"Laxus," she cried, throwing her arms around him, about knocking him off balance. "It's all so horrible!"

"What's wrong, Mirajane?" Freed ask as Laxus only tried to shove her off. He was trying to practice darts! He didn't have time for her silly little drama. He-

"Lisanna says that I'm no good at matchmaking."

"And?" He finally got her off him. "Chill. I'm-"

"Elfman and Evergreen are on the rocks and so are Natsu and Lucy."

"Good. Now they can't breed."

"Laxus!"

"Mira, what do you-"

"But what if I'm not good at picking couples?" she asked him in her usual hysterics.

"You're not."

"But I picked out me and you," she whined. "And that would mean…but…"

Sigh. Looking at Freed then, he said, "I have something to take care of. Make her stop crying before I get back, huh?"

He dropped his darts and gave Mirajane a pat on the head before heading off.

Laxus had some work to do.

"Now," the man said as he walked back and forth in front of the assembled people. "Do you understand why you are all here?"

"You kinda dragged me here against my will," Lucy spoke up. "By threat of death. So-"

"And you promised me a fight!" Natsu complained. "How are we gonna fight in your apartment, Laxus?"

Evergreen, who was red eyed from crying the whole night over Elfman, was more concerned in the moment about the prestige of being invited to such a place. Even Bickslow didn't get to go back to Laxus' apartment! And Freed only did when Laxus wanted him to clean or something. She was in heaven.

Elfman was the opposite though. He only sat on the couch in tears.

"You said that if I came, you'd get Ever and I back together."

"Whatever Laxus wants," Ever sang as she stood over at his bookcase, basking in the glory of all the books that the Thunder God read. Then, after a moment, she frowned and said, "But you don't want that, do you, Laxus? Because I don't-"

"I do," he said, coming to a stop in front of Elfman, who only glanced up in shock.

"B-But you always say-"

"What you losers don't get is that my own relationship and the chances of me getting laid are all ridding on this," he said. "So what will it take to make you guys all go up to the guildhall, acting in that annoying way you do when you're all over each other? Huh?"

Lucy, who was standing on the opposite side of the room as Natsu and Happy, who was resting in the slayer's hair, sent them both a look.

"Nothing short of-"

"Look, blondie," Laxus growled. "Whatever they did, you know that you'd forgive 'em for eventually anyways. So how about we just speed up the process a little bit, huh?"

"They tried to burn down my apartment," she yelled then. When Laxus glared at her, she remembered who she was talking to and took to smiling sweetly. "Laxus, I didn't mean to shout. It's just-"

"Say sorry," he grumbled then, looking at her still, but clearly directing it at her counterparts. "Both of you. Now."

"No way," Happy said.

"Yeah, she-"

"I'll fight you, Natsu," Laxus said. "Right here, right now. And after, you say sorry, huh?"

"Great!"

Happy jumped off his best friend's head, knowing the outcome before it happened. Natsu jumped in the air, planning to pummel the other slayer to the ground. But, before his own shot connected, Laxus bare fist hit him in the face and Natsu was down for the count.

"Don't pass out," Laxus growled. "You have to-"

"Natsu!" Lucy was at his side in moments, dropping to her knees to cradle his head in her lap. Then, glaring up at Laxus, she merely cried, "You monster!"

Snort. Whatever. Problem solved.

"Now you two," he grumbled, glancing at Elfman first, whose tears had stopped as he stared in shock at Natsu, and then to Ever, who was still just in awe of being in her idol's apartment. "Evergreen, what'd he do to you?"

"He cheated on me," she said, the sudden realization that she was still fighting with Elfman coming back to her hard. Turning then to glare at the man, she said, "He-"

"But I didn't," Elfman sobbed.

Groaning, Laxus said, "What happened?"

"We were out on a date and a woman came up to us and-"

"She was asking for directions," Elfman claimed.

"But you didn't have to undress her with your eyes."

"I wasn't!"

"Was too!"

Gah! And Laxus thought he and Mira had it bad.

Instead of banging his head against a wall or killing them all right then and there just because they were annoying him so much, Laxus spent the next hour going over with Evergreen what cheating was and with Elfman that every single time she got upset with him, no, it wasn't the end of the world.

And once all that was solved, he sent the disoriented Natsu out with his stupid cat and girlfriend as well as Ever who was acting indifferent to Elfman, but did let him hold her hand off to the guild to see Mira.

Then he went to bed. Because honestly, he deserved it.

When Laxus returned to the guildhall that night, it was with the expectation of Mirajane jumping into his arms and promising to love him forever.

Or let him fuck her in the infirmary, which he'd tried to explain was just some weird kink he'd always wanted to try out, but she'd always held out on. Something about morals or how disgusting it would be.

Snort.

But, he got none of that. He did see the blue cat, blonde, and Salamander all giggling and laughing with one another. And he saw Evergreen and Elfman doing their usual 'We're totally not flirting' thing where they wouldn't sit with one another, instead making all these silly faces at the other.

"Mira," Laxus greeted as he came up to the bar to find her talking about a mile a minute to Freed. It was then that he remembered he'd put the poor guy on demon duty. He took all of Laxus' orders to heart. He'd probably spent the past few hours hearing every stupid thing the woman had to say.

And yeah, Laxus loved his demon, but sometimes, she was a little moronic.

"Laxus," she giggled, smiling brightly at him. "Hi."

"Hey." He gestured around. "See? All your little couples got back together. So-"

"Yeah, I know," she said slowly, making a face. He saw it and frowned.

"What's wrong? Doesn't that mean-"

"See, after you left, I got to thinking," she said, putting a finger to her lips. "I kinda like Elfman with Lucy."

"Wh-What?"

"And Natsu with Lisanna."

"Mirajane-"

"And Ever with Freed because his hair's green!"

The man in question about choked on his own spit. "What?"

"So…" Mirajane said slowly before looking at him. "Now I'm going to have a harder time getting that all worked out, since everyone's back together."

He blinked. Then he took a deep breath before reaching out to grab Freed by the shoulder, planning on dragging him over to Ever.

"I'm on it," Laxus sighed over to Mirajane who only took to giggling.

The things he did for his demon…