Two Girls in Underland

Once upon a time, there were two best friends. One was tall, willowy, and beautiful with shimmering blond hair that cascaded down to her perfectly shaped butt, round, full, sumptuous breasts, and bright blue eyes that reflected the wisdom and pain deep within. This girl had smooth alabaster skin, a pert little nose, and a perfectly shaped mouth. Her name was Amethyst Emerald Susannah Bella Dearheart, and she was the most unloved and misunderstood person in the entire Universe. She lived a cruel and loveless life in her thirty-room mansion, and her parents were too busy with parties and impulse trips to Paris in their private jet to pay any attention to her. Then they had been tragically killed in a skiing accident, and Amethyst had been left all alone.

The other girl had brown hair, green eyes, was of average height and had pimples. She was in decent shape, and had a crooked smile. She also had freckles. Her parents couldn't afford much, but she always got a stuffed teddy bear from them for her birthday, and she had a rather nice collection. Her name was Lydia Keane, and she could juggle.

Amethyst, of course, was at the top of her class in every subject, and she could remember everything, even if she only read it once. Lydia was not a genius, but she was by no means stupid, and she did quite well in most of her classes. Except Math. She hated math.

No one really knew why the two girls hung around together, but many suspected it was because Amethyst felt sorry for Lydia, who was a bit on the odd side. She had a way of bursting into mad giggles at random intervals, and would constantly ask odd questions and challenge people to riddles. Amethyst always bore Lydia's eccentricities with a patient smile, and in return Lydia would feign interest when Amethyst began whinging about how her life was a horrible tragedy.

One day, as they were walking to school together, Lydia noticed that Amethyst's eyes were bright with unshed tears. "What's wrong now?"

Amethyst sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her white hand. "I'm so lost and unloved here! Everyone picks on me at school, and even my parents didn't love me! I sometimes think it would be better if I stepped in front of a bus and let it end my hollow, miserable life!"

Lydia rolled her eyes, and shook her head. She was seriously beginning to tire of the constant whining and complaining she was hearing from her 'best' friend, and fervently wished there was a way to get rid of her for good-short of actually shoving her in front of a bus, of course. But she knew from bitter experience that no matter what she tried, Amethyst would never get the hint and continue clinging to her.

The girls walked on through the field, Lydia half listening and replying in pat answers as Amethyst continued whining. As a result, neither girl noticed the large hole in front of them until it was too late.

Lydia's feet encountered empty space, and she screamed as she plunged down the hole. Amethyst stumbled, tripped, and then fell, screaming just as loudly.

Lydia shut her eyes as she felt the wind rush past her, hoping that she landed on something soft. She did-and cracked an eye open. She was on a bed. Lydia sighed in relief, then screamed again as she was catapulted off the bed and into another hole.

She landed with a jolt on a checkered floor, and then realized that she was upside-down. At that moment, gravity reversed itself, and she landed with a grunt on the floor. She got slowly and shakily to her feet, making sure that no bones were broken. She winced as she touched her left arm-that was definitely going to leave a bruise.

Amethyst landed a few seconds later, not a hair on her head out of place and not a single mark on her perfect skin. She stood gracefully, looking around. "Lydia, where are we?"

Lydia looked as well, an odd feeling of familiarity gnawing at her. They were in a large room with many doors. It took her a few moments to place where she had seen them, and she gasped. "We…We're in the Hall of Doors that lead to Underland."

Amethyst gasped in delight. "Are you certain?" Lydia nodded, still slightly amazed that the place actually existed, and Amethyst squealed in delight. She had been infatuated with the Hatter ever since she saw the movie, and would spend hours imagining what it would be like to be his one and only true love. She had even written stories about it on fanfiction, always casting herself as the main character-a beautiful but lonely and misunderstood girl who fell down a hole to the world of her dreams and saved it from disaster, with the Hatter cast as her perfect and ideal lover. "It's like my stories are coming true! We must find the Hatter and I will make him my one and only true love in the entire Universe!"

Lydia bit her tongue. "That's fine, but we need to get out of here first. There should be a glass table with a small bottle on it."

Amethyst looked around, and then grinned. "Found it! This is what makes us shrink, right?"

Lydia nodded. "Right. And there should be cake under the table to make us grow." She grabbed the golden key, and then walked over to the curtain that hid the Door, pushing it aside and unlocking the door. Amethyst gaped at her in amazement. "How did you know what to do?"

Lydia grinned. "I've read the book." She stood and faced Amethyst. "Listen, before we go out there, I have something to ask you. Chances are good we're probably going to be at the Tea Party. Could you try to not act like a squealing fan girl when you see Tarrant?"

Amethyst sighed. "I shall try. But it will not be necessary, for he will fall in love with my perfect beauty the minute he lays his eyes on me. Now, let's get out of this room and be on our way so I can at last be united with the one I love!"

Tarrant was at the Windmill preparing for the Annual Mad Feast when Chessur came flying up to him, a look of confusion on his face. "Tarrant, you won't believe this, but two girls just entered Underland."

Tarrant groaned, sinking into his chair. "Don't tell me. They're both unearthly beauties with perfect bodies and perky breasts who are going to compete for my affections and eternal love."

Chessur frowned. "Well…one of them is eerily beautiful. The other just looks like a normal, everyday teenage girl. She even has pimples."

Tarrant frowned. "That's…odd. I didn't think Sues were allowed to have pimples." He looked down the path, sighing in resignation. "Here they come." He reached into his pocket, pulling out the small vial within, and took a sip of his potion. Alannah had made it for him after he had come to her in desperation, asking for something that would allow him to block the influences of the Sues. She had returned moments later with a small vial filled with a dark grey liquid. "Take a small sip of this once daily and the Sue won't be able to influence you."

Tarrant watched in trepidation as the two girls approached the table, their eyes wide. He looked at the blond, feeling the tug in his head that was the trademark of Sue-hypnotism, and sent a silent thanks to Alannah for making the potion. He turned his attention to the brown haired girl and felt-nothing. No tug, no crazy urge to sweep her up in his arms and cover her with kisses. Instead, he felt something else-a sense of camaraderie and friendship. He placed his hands on the table, making sure his wedding ring was visible, and spoke in a polite tone. "Who are ye, and how did you get here?"

Amethyst gave him a dazzling smile. "My name is Amethyst Emerald Susannah Bella Dearheart, and I am a lonely and misunderstood girl, who has no friends, and I have fallen down a hole and now I am come to find my one and only true love in the entire Universe!" She batted her eyes at Tarrant, and he sighed in disgusted resignation, and then turned to Lydia.

"What about you? What's your name?"

"Lydia Keane. I'm here because I fell down the hole, I'm also pretty sure we aren't dreaming, and quite frankly I've no interest in you in any romantic sense. Besides, you're married, right?"

Tarrant laughed in relief. "Thank Time, a girl from Above with intelligence! Yes, I'm married. Very happily, I might add." He grinned wickedly at Amethyst, who was staring at him in shock and hurt. "Not what you expected, hey Sue?"

"My name is Amethyst Emerald…"

Tarrant rolled his eyes. "Aah, stow it. You're a bloody Mary Sue. I've had dealings with yer kind afore. The thing is, they always seem tae fergit that I'm not jest this lovelorn Madman. I can be verra dangerous, ye ken?" He let his eyes flash red, and Amethyst gasped in fear and took a step back. Lydia giggled wickedly.

Amethyst blinked. "Well-I am more talented than anyone on the planet! There is nothing I cannot do!"

Tarrant rolled his eyes. "That's nice. Lydia, do you have any talents?"

Lydia shrugged. "I can juggle."

Tarrant beamed at her. "Frabjous! Let me see!"

Lydia selected three teacups, and then began juggling them, never once spilling the tea that was inside. "I've been doing this since I was six. I go to the Fair every year and make about a hundred bucks a day juggling things people give me. It keeps me in books. But I still practice for three hours every day. I haven't quite worked up the courage yet to try juggling lit torches." She placed one tea cup in front of Tarrant, the other in the middle of the table, then took a sip from the last, and bowed deeply.

Tarrant applauded wildly. "Bravo! Excellent bit of juggling! You must come with me to Marmoreal! I'm sure that Mirana would be thrilled to meet you!"

Amethyst sighed in delight. "Oh, we're going to meet the Queen! Oh, this is a dream come true!"

Tarrant bit back a caustic reply. "I suppose you could come along as well. But I warn you, any simpering or flirting and I dump you in the Tulgey Wood. Chessur, go on ahead and tell Mirana I'm bringing visitors to the castle."

Chessur nodded. "I shall." He was about to fly off when Lydia walked up to him. "Did you want something?"

Lydia nodded. "May I please give you a quick scratch?" Chessur flew closer to her, and she scratched him behind his ears. "You have lovely soft fur."

Chessur purred happily. "You are quite the good ear-scratcher, Miss." He grinned at her. "Thank you for that. I will see you all at Marmoreal." He flew off, and Tarrant turned to the girls.

"Well, what are you waiting for? A carriage? Let's get going."

Amethyst gulped. "You mean-we have to walk?"

Tarrant growled in frustration. "Unless ye have the ability to fly-which wouldn't surprise me-yes, we're going to walk. It's only about five miles away. Surely ye can manage that little distance."

Amethyst nodded bravely. "Well, of course I can! I run marathons, after all. I'm just concerned about poor Lydia. She landed a bit roughly."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "And you don't have a mark on you."

Tarrant looked over at Lydia, concerned. "Are you alright?"

She smiled. "I'll be fine. I was a bit dizzy, and my left arm hurts a bit, but other than that, no permanent damage done."

Tarrant frowned. "Well, when we get to Marmoreal I'll take you to see Lady Stayne. She's our Healer, and she'll give you something for your arm."

Amethyst, who was walking slightly behind Tarrant and Lydia, felt herself seething with anger. She waited until Tarrant had gone a little ways ahead, then grabbed Lydia's arm, glaring at her. "I know what you're doing! You're trying to make Tarrant forget that I'm his love! You want to steal him for yourself, don't you! Don't you! Admit it!"

Lydia glared at her. "You have got to be kidding. I'm not even interested in him. Besides, he's got a wife, and if I had to take a wild guess, I'd say it was Alice." She turned to Tarrant. "Tarrant?" He stopped and turned to her. "How long have you been married to Alice?"

"Hmmm…almost 20 years. Why do you ask?"

Lydia grinned. "No real reason. Congratulations, by the way." Tarrant grinned and bowed in thanks, and Lydia smiled evilly at Amethyst. "I don't think you have a chance. And I know you won't turn your attentions to Ilosovic Stayne."

Amethyst wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Why on earth would I pay any attention to that ugly, horrid monster? I can only imagine how hideous his wife looks!"

Tarrant, who had overheard everything, decided to keep his mouth shut. "We've arrived at Marmoreal. The throne room is this way. I'm sure Mirana will know exactly what to do with you both."

He led them up to a large door decorated with pictures of Alice slaying the Jabberwock, and other scenes from Underland, and knocked twice. "Enter!" a musical voice called, and Tarrant opened the doors and stepped in, followed by the girls.

Mirana smiled at them, and then looked over at Amethyst, and for an instant a dark frown appeared on her pale features. But then she smiled widely. "Welcome, both of you, to Marmoreal. You have come at a good time-it is the Annual Mad Feast, in which we all celebrate what makes us Underlanders, namely the magic and madness that flows through each of us."

Lydia grinned madly. "Sounds like my type of party, Your Majesty."

Mirana smiled. "You may call me Mirana if you wish." She turned to Amethyst, who was frowning deeply, her arms crossed. "You do not find the idea of a party exciting?"

Amethyst glared at her and said nothing. Mirana frowned. "Perhaps you were hoping to find a Tarrant that was not immune to your…influence? Tell me, do you think that you are the first Mary Sue that we have encountered? We've seen plenty, and they all want the same thing. It gets rather tiresome after a while." She turned to Lydia, a genuine smile on her face. "Your kind though-they are much rarer. Tell me, do you have any interest in the Mad Hatter?"

Lydia shook her head. "No, Majesty. I am much too young for him. But I would hope that perhaps he and I could become friends. He reminds me a bit of my grandfather. We were close."

Tarrant chuckled. "I feel old. Miss Lydia, I would be honored to consider you a friend."

Lydia grinned at him. "Wonderful. Oh, and I have no interest in Stayne, either."

"Well, that's good to hear."

Lydia and Amethyst turned at the voice behind them, staring at a tall, attractive red head with bright green eyes. She had two vials in her hand and a slight smile on her face. "I'd hate for either of you to think you can influence my husband."

Amethyst found her voice first. "You're Lady Stayne?" she asked in disbelief.

"Lady Alannah Stayne, yes."

Amethyst snorted in disbelief. "You can't be! You're not an ugly hag! Why would anyone pretty want to marry that horrible and awful Knave?"

Alannah's eyes flashed red. "Because I happen to love him madly. However, I will move past that. I have some things to give you." She handed a vial with orange liquid in it to Lydia, and one filled with a purplish-black liquid to Amethyst. "Drink those down, and you will get what you deserve."

Lydia uncorked her vial, taking a sniff of the contents. "Phaww, that doesn't half stink! Oh well, here goes nothing." She shut her eyes and gulped down the potion, wincing as it went down her throat. She opened her eyes, and then beamed. "My arm doesn't hurt anymore! Thank you, Lady Stayne!"

Amethyst uncorked her bottle, and sniffed. "Mine doesn't smell at all." She took a gulp, and gasped in pain, dropping to her knees. "What…what's happening?"

Alannah smiled wickedly. "You're getting just what you deserve. You aren't the first Sue to come here, and you won't be the last. They all want the same thing-and Tarrant is the one that ends up paying the price."

Amethyst gasped as a spasm of pain shot through her, and looked over at Lydia. "Lydia…you're my best friend! You can't let them do this to me!"

Lydia glared at her. "Best friend? Oh, that's a laugh! You wouldn't know the meaning of the word if it fell on you. You never once treated me like anything except one of your lackeys! I know the only reason you ever hung around me was because you felt sorry for me! You don't give a damn about anybody or anything except yourself and what the world can do for you. Don't think I don't know about the way you treat people when you aren't around them. You are an ungrateful brat and quite frankly, I'll be thrilled to finally be rid of you."

Amethyst Emerald Susannah Bella Dearheart gave a strangled gurgle, and a small trail of sparkly blood oozed from her mouth. She blinked, and spoke in a slow, drugged voice. "You…can't…do…this…to…me." With that final word, she collapsed, and Lydia watched in interest as she seemed to dissolve. After a few moments, there was nothing left of Amethyst Emerald Susannah Bella Dearheart, aka Mary Sue Fangirl, except a lingering sweet, cloying smell.

Lydia sighed in relief. "Thank goodness she's gone! Now, I understand there's a party going on?"

Alannah laughed. "Indeed there is. Come along with me."

Lydia had the time of her life at the party, and when Tarrant urged her to show off her juggling skills she happily obliged, and received deafening applause. She got along splendidly with everyone, and enjoyed participating in all the games.

As the party drew to a close, Mirana took her aside. "Lydia, if you wish, you may remain here in Underland. You would be more than welcome."

Lydia smiled. "Thank you for the offer, but I have family above that would miss me terribly. I promise though that I will always do my best to remember the great fun I have had here."

Alannah came forward, a medium sized vial in her hands. "Here, take this when you go. It's a transport potion. If you ever want to come back for a visit, take a sip and you'll be here quicker than you can blink."

Lydia took it, smiling in thanks. "I'll remember that. Now, how am I to get home?"

Alannah grinned, then reached into her pocket and handed Lydia a tiny vial filled with a blue liquid. "Drink that, and you'll be transported home instantly. Fairfarren."

Lydia grinned, and then waved to the Underlanders. "Goodbye! Thank you for a lovely party!" She gulped down the potion, and then shut her eyes as she felt the world go gray around her.

Lydia opened her eyes, blinking. She was standing in the same field, and-she looked down at her watch-only seven minutes seemed to have gone by. She grinned, and then set off for school.

And no one missed Amethyst Emerald Susannah Bella Dearheart one bit.