Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, TMNT belongs to Viacom and nickelodeon. and lets face it if I did own it, it would have horrible quality.

Donnie hated this feeling. He hated feeling hopeless, he hated feeling confused and he hated not knowing. He hated feeling so… lost.

And somehow April managed to make him feel this way all the time. He loved her and would die for her. When he first meet her, it was a simple crush. A small, harmless crush. But over time, at some point the crush became love. And Donnie foolishly thought he had a chance. Maybe he did at the time. Just when it seemed he had a chance with her, the redhead lost her temper with him and his brothers, and abandoned them. Temporarily of course, she did return and apologized to them. She had even given Donnie a kiss on the check. The purple wearing mutant felt as if he was on cloud nine. However the return of April brought something else to the turtles life.

Casey.

Casey fucking Jones.

Donnie fought relentlessly with the hockey player for April's affection. On multiple occasions they tried to become proper friends and put aside their differences but they would always end up back on square one. The year they became acquainted was filled with scorn for Casey with each peck of the check April gave Donnie. However Donnie felt worse off. Sure April kissed him on the check, but he knew later on, they meant nothing. Therefore Donnie was stuck with jealousy rising each time April and Casey flirted with each other. Something Donnie knew he would never be courageous enough to do.

Then, there was the second Kraang invasion. Donnie remembered vividly thinking it was the end, saying to himself silently if this it, he would be better off telling April how he felt there and now. So he did.

Sorta…

When April was bandaging his arm, he tried to tell her how he felt but she had cut him off.

"Don't say anything Donnie. Sometimes talking makes things hurt more."She had said. The girl of his dreams was literally telling him she didn't feel the same. To make things worse Casey walked into the room a few minutes later and April practically threw herself into his arms. Ouch.

Months later, after the Kraang successfully had taken over New York and the turtles were hiding in April's farmhouse, Donnie tried to win back April's affection by giving her a music box. However April barely glanced at it before rejecting the gift. Mikey tried cheer him up but Donnie's mood was already downtrodden and Raphs words didn't help. Then finally after the Bigfoot incident, Donnie had a clarity. April could never love him, just like he could never love Bigfoot. The Mutant was ready to let April go, he was ready to give her up.

But she just had to kiss him. On the lips. He was going to give her up but she then had to reel him back in. She called him Her Mutant and planted the seed of hope in his heart once more.

Unfortunately week's would go by, the weeks would turn into months, and the months would turn into a year and April would never mention the kiss and act as if it never happened. That was when Donnie started to think it was a game. He would be ready to giver her up but she would give some sort of affection to trick him that he had a chance. Almost as if she didn't want the game to be over. This would go on forever up until the triceratons invaded and destroyed Earth.

She was literally toying with him this very moment.

Donnie was in the ship's lab that Fugitoid had set up for him, when he heard a knock on the door. When he opened the door, he had found April standing there with a tearstained face. Before he could say anything April pulled him into a hug, letting her tears stream down her face onto his plastron. The Brainiac felt as if he had been cut off from receiving any air as his throat clenched up. He wrapped his arms around April's frame and returned her hug. As he did so he heard her whimper.

"I can't believe everything is gone…" She whispered. Donnie ran his finger through her hair to calm her down and to his surprise, April didn't swat his hands away. "Not everything," he answered just as silently, "You still have me, my brothers and Casey. You still have your family."

April looked up at Donnie, her eyes soft before saying gently, "I'm glad I have you Donnie.". The redhead then stood on the tip of her toes and used the ends of Donnie's mask to bring his face down to hers. She slightly pursed her lips as she did so.

Donnie's eyes widened in shock and began to feel more breathless as his face drew nearer to April's, but just as she closed her eyes and their were lips about to meet, Donnie felt a jolt course through his body. He suddenly remembered the first time April kissed his cheek. She had been angry with him earlier that evening but after he saved her from Karai she had kissed him. Donnie then also remembered his first proper kiss with her. It was just when he going to let her go. But she had kissed, reeling him back into her game.

Her sick. Twisted. Little game. Which he was currently playing another round of, he realized.

Eyes narrowing, Donnie pushed April away and held her away from. Confusion washed over Apirls face as she realized what was happening and she gave her friend a puzzled look. Donnie tried not get mesmerized by her blue eyes as held a steely gaze. A moment of silence passed before Donnie was able to say anything.

"Why?" He finally managed to choke out.

April continued to stare at him in confusion before responding. "Why what?" she asked, wondering what had gotten into her friend. His eyes harden and April realized that wasn't the answer he wanted. "Why do you do this to me?" He began, already feeling himself have a mental break down. "Why do you act like you care?"

April's eyes widened. "I do care." she protested, but before she could add more Donnie pressed her with more questions.

"If you cared," He barked, "You wouldn't toy with me!". His shoulders started to shake as he felt his confidence crumble.

"Multiple times, I tried to give you up. You always give me signs that you don't care for me the same way I do." Donnie tried to fight back the tears that were starting to form. April simply remained shocked by his outburst but Donnie wasn't finished. "Finally when I'm ready to walk away, you have to reel me back in. Its like you can't go on without using me as a TOY AND BREAKING MY HEART!" Donnie was now shouting, not caring if he woke up his brothers.

"I do care," April whimpered, repeating what she had said earlier as if she was a broken record. "I really care for you Donnie."

"Prove it then!" He growled. "For once actually make a choice." He looked at the ground, his tears slowly dripping down his face. "April, I may not seem like it but I have feelings just like you. I can be happy, I can be sad, I can get mad, I can even crash and break down. So for once prove to me I'm not some kind of toy." He said whimpering at the last part.

April kept her eyes on the floor, no longer revealing her emotions to him. April only responded with silence, but just as she was about to answer, Donnie's voice rang out through the lab.

"Leave." He said, but April didn't move a muscle. "I said LEAVE!" He growled. He shoved April towards the door, causing her to stumble a little before she balanced herself. She looked like she wanted to say something but stopped herself and instead left the room, closing the door behind her leaving Donnie alone in the lab. As soon as she was gone, Donnie collapsed onto the floor on his knees and buried his head in his hands.

Donnie hated this feeling. He hated feeling hopeless, he hated feeling confused and he hated not knowing. He hated feeling so… lost. And he hated that the reason he felt this way was because of April.

Anyway folks I hoped you like. Don't be afraid to tell me what I should work on. I'm also someone who is looking for improvement on her writing.