~All rights go to Stephanie Meyers for characters. No offense is intended~

Here We Go Again

By

Panda*Angel*Faith

Chapter 1

I could just shoot my best friend, Alice. I mean what in the world was she thinking? I knew I was going to get caught in this mess, but I had volunteered for it, so there wasn't much that I was going to be able to say about it. We were at her friend, Rosalie's, house and there was nothing much going on, but what I had thought to be a girl's night out, turned out to be a marriage counseling session between Rosalie and Emmett. The idea was to get the two back together by realizing they belong together. Sure, what could go wrong there? And you can insert all the sarcasm you want.

Anyway, so I am in front of the bathroom mirror trying to put on some make up for my "pretend" date. Even though I am married already. That's where the later-trouble is going to come into play. I shook my head. I couldn't think about my life back home while trying to focus on the task at hand. So, I was putting on foundation and working on my shoulder-length hair that decided to have an attitude when I hear my name, "Bella!"

"What?"

"Where are you?"

"In your bathroom"

"Your date is here"

"Send him this way." My idea is that if he sees how horrible I look without make up, then we are going to be fine. I would go home with this as a secret even the FBI wouldn't get out of me and the married couple would be on a second honeymoon.

The guy wasn't a guy at all, but my high school sweetheart ex. All I could do was yell with bug eyes, "SEND HIM BACK!"

Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Was all my brain was able to come up with at the time. I need to find a way out of this mess, NOW!

"I don't feel good." I said, staring into the big brown eyes of Jacob. He smirked seeing right through my whole lie.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Alice as she came walking out of the room across the hall and came up short when her small frame collided with Jacob's solid body. She was looking between him and I, she was trying to compose herself and we were trying to figure out what to do with the situation. After all, Alice was my best friend so she knew exactly how I felt about Jacob and what had happened so long ago. With a smile, her only answer was,

"This is going to be fun."

In so long, I haven't wanted to kill my best friend, but tonight seemed like a good time to make up for all those missed opportunities. I guess my mouth was open as I was gaping at her while she strode her little body towards her date, Jasper. Jacob came up behind me closed my mouth with his hand. The close physical contact was extremely unsettling and what was worse were all the memories flooding back. I tried to steel my back and ignore the rush of memories, forcing them down into the bottomless pit of my heart where they belonged. I shook off the look Jacob was giving me and strode toward the group. I could hear the chuckle from Jacob.

"I guess Bella's better now."

Oh this was going to be a long night.

We all got into our "date" cars. I say this with slight sarcasm because I was to be riding with Jacob. Now, what in the universe decided to make this night happen? This had disaster written all over it. There was nothing good going to come out of it, and yet, my heart was in my chest and my hands were all sweaty – just like the first date we had. As much as I was fighting it, I was actually excited about being able to see Jacob and I could finally put some ghosts to bed, so to speak.

I had been filled with regret about the way Jacob and I had ended things. I am not sure what had happened so long ago. But it had haunted me in everything I did. I know I'm married, but I find myself wondering what my life would be if I hadn't made that fateful decision. I even played the "What If" game all the time. So, while I am having the ever battle inside of me, Married vs. Teenager, Jacob seemed like he was having his own troubles. I noticed that his all-important finger was smaller toward the base of the finger, indicating there had been a wedding band at one point in time, but not anymore. I tried not to think about what he was going through, I was just trying to figure out what was expected of me. However, it is tricky when the "date" knows every move to make, every word to say, to make this night perfect.

Let's clear up some things.

First of all, I am married. Happily married is a really good question. Who is purely happily married all of the time? But I did make the commitment and I am not one to break promises without some serious force behind it, so I am stuck there. However, my doctor husband, Edward, is gone all of the time. I married him in the middle of college and that was that. I got thrown into the high lifestyle of money and missing husbands and Loneliness is my constant companion. Oh I want for nothing and yet the one thing I do want, I don't have all of the time. I know my husband loves me, but there are some days if I wonder if it would be enough and this is about the time that Jacob comes sneaking from the dark hole I had buried him in. I end up staring at the stars wondering where he is in the world and who he married. How many kids he's had and wondering if he ever thinks about me, if I haunt him the way he haunts me? Of course, in all of my daydreaming I had no idea this would ACTUALLY happen. The Universe has a sense of humor.

Second, Jacob and I dated in high school. It wasn't the typical dating, but the smack you in the face, can't separate the two, type of attachment. There were strong feelings and strong passions, and big plans. The problem we ran into was College. I was going to go to a different school and we never talked about what we were going to do; I guess he thought we would do what we always did, just playing it as it came. Meanwhile, I was feeling trapped by all the plans that were made for me. The college, the marriage, the career; I wondered if I was going to miss out on Life, so I ran. I ran as fast as I could and came up with some lame excuse for everything that was about to happen. Jacob never seen it coming.

Just as it seems the air could not take anymore unspoken thoughts or the emotional tension in the car, we are at our restaurant. I didn't mean to bolt out the door, but Jacob was gone just as quickly. We are gathered with the rest of the group and of course, I am trying to put Alice between Jacob and me, but she is interested in Jasper, so I am trying to avoid all physical contact while being squished between Alice and Jacob. Here's the situation. We are in a round booth. One of the ones you always see in the commercials with all the people laughing around. Emmett and Rosalie are together now and all better apparently because they are about to be one, Jacob and then myself, Alice and Jasper. Oh yeah, we are all "dating" it up tonight. I have no choice, but to feel the warmth coming off of Jacob's body and remember what it was like to have that pressed against me. I can smell my favorite cologne drifting off of him and I am sent away.

It's the summer of our senior year. Jacob and I finally have some time to ourselves and take off to Port Angeles. I am just thrilled at the thought of having a whole day to myself and no sight of Dad. A storm decided to come into the area. I flashed Jacob my devil's smile and he pulled over right when the first cloud released all its contents. I jumped out and started to dance in the rain. Jacob just started to laugh at my silliness and stood over by the truck. Eventually, after I was soaked, I jumped into the truck, with all the emotions flowing through me, I kissed Jacob just wanting to share the passion I had flowing through me. What I intended to be a fun kiss quickly turned into hot passion and before I knew it, I was trying to take off his shirt and he was having difficulty with my bra. With sudden realization, I pulled back and with tears in my eyes, I shook my head. Part of me begged for him to continue and not worry about anything. However, there was also the logical part that had to show its ugly head. Jacob just stopped and smiled at me, understanding all of the time. We quickly headed for another more populated area for same cover. The rest of the memory fades into smoke.

Apparently we were being talked to.

"Bella! Jacob! Where did you guys go?"

Jacob jumped at the same time I did and we exchange glances. I got the feeling he went to the same place I did.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"Where did you guys go?" Rosalie replied looking annoyed that she had to repeat herself.

"Uhhh…. Not sure about him, but I was just thinking."

Rosalie shoots me a doubtful look. I am scrambling for a quick excuse and see the dance floor behind her.

"I was just pondering what it would be like to dance again. It has been so long since I've danced."

"Well, Jacob that's the perfect opportunity."

"Huh?" Jacob's eloquent reply. Of course, I'm smirking.

"No that's fine. I don't have to dance; I probably don't remember the rules anymore. Besides, I am a horrible partner." There was hushed laughter coming from Alice. I could hear it in my ear.

"Jacob! Ask her to dance. It's not like you guys know each other or anything." At this, Alice couldn't hold it in any long and busted out with a fit of giggles.

"Oh if you only knew. They know each other well. They were high school sweethearts." My heart dropped and I reached for a hand just to keep me grounded and from reaching over to strangle her. Yet again. The hand I grabbed was Jacob's. As if on cue, he pushed Rosalie and Emmett out of the way and pulled me with. We went to the floor and it was a soft R & B. I didn't say anything. I didn't think I had to, but I could feel four sets of eyes on our every move. I had to disappear. I had to get away. I was frantically trying to find any exit.

"The bar is over there." I looked in the direction Jacob was pointing and immediately left him on the dance floor for the bar. He was following close behind. After showing my i.d. and asking for a Jack & Coke, I was starting to sip on it.

"So, are we just going to continue to not have the conversation that lies between us or what?" At this, my response was finishing my drink in one gulp. I looked at him and proceeded to grab the microphone from the stage.

"Hey everyone! I haven't done this in a while, but I have some stuff I have to get off my chest and I wanted to see what you thought of it." I closed my eyes and released my heart.

I should've said no, I don't have that picture,

But I did keep the one you drew.

I don't need it to remember what you look like

You're in my memory every night

I don't need to look at your letters

That are preserved in a scrapbook

I find your love in every dream

I don't need to release the fairies you gave to me

They dance in every star I see

I should've told you I was scared

I was messed up in the head

So I ran instead of facing the plans we made

I thought you offered a cage

So I built one myself

I wanted all the passion in the world

Someone to share it with

Now I share my bed with Loneliness and Regret

You're in every thought, every wish, and every regret

No I don't have the picture we took

But I still carry the memories in my heart

If you wanna look

Stare into my eyes,

You'd be the only one to know the way

Back to the faithful day.

The whole place was quiet and I just realized what I did when there was applause and tears and I found an exit with my name on it. I didn't care if he followed me or if he cared. I just wanted him to know. I flew into the rain, oh the irony, and up the fire escape. After a while I had some company.

"Bella!" It was Alice.

"Bella, where are you?" Still no answer from me.

"Come on! We don't have time for this and everyone knows! It's not that bad and you're a celebrity now!" That was Rosalie. Even she came out. Wow!

"Fine! We are going inside." There was a slamming of the door and I found relief, even in the downpour. I screamed as loud as I could, thinking no one could hear me and collapsed against a ledge. However, I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. I glanced up and that's when Jacob came into view. Leave it to him to know where to find me. There was some smart ass comment on the tip of my tongue when he just walked up to me and kissed me.

This wasn't an apology kiss, this wasn't "hey get to know you" kiss. This was punishment for everything I ever put him through. This was his passion unleashed and I was holding on for dear life. He was challenging me, knowing full well I wouldn't back down. I didn't. This time we weren't little teenagers in his truck, but grown adults fully aware of the consequences of our actions and still I couldn't bring myself to care. Not now. I had a chance to find passion in myself again and I wasn't letting go. I had no idea what the rules were. What the tomorrows were going to bring or what Jacob and I were going to be after this, but he didn't give me a chance to care. I was being lead back inside through the roof door and into a back room. I had no idea who it belonged to or how Jacob knew it was here. All I knew was I was going to not live with no regret right now. I was going to have all the answers my heart had been looking for and I was going to find it NOW! My shirt was gone in a flash and for a brief moment, we had to catch our breaths. I was shivering from the rain and Jacob was looking me up and down. I was doing the same to him. We were trying to decide what we wanted. Right now, we could walk away and not know anything. Not have to lie to the world and each other every day. I put my hands to my head and shook. There wasn't going to be any logic tonight. "No regrets! No responsibility! No logic!" Jacob looked at me as if he understood. There wasn't going to be anything, but Jacob and me. I reached for the bottom of his shirt, trying to tug it out of his jeans, when his hands reached for mine. He was waiting to see if I was going to stop him. As a warning I suppose. If we continued on the path we were on, there was no going back and I wasn't going to be able to stop him. I didn't say anything, but shoved him back the few steps to the wall. It was all the answer he needed and I threw the shirt away with mine along with any Logic, Regret, or Responsibility. I had the jeans and the pesky boxer briefs down to his feet in five seconds and while I was on my knees, I looked up at the man Jacob had become. Sure, he was absolutely beautiful as a teenager, but as an adult, he was a runner for Michelangelo's David. I brought my hands as high as I could; I met the middle of his sculpted stomach, and touched, trying to memorize everything about him. The way his skin felt under my careful hands. The way he shivered the lower I got. Soon, I had my hands around Him, and his breath caught. I glanced and was surprised as how big he was. In appreciation, I took him fully in my mouth and suckled as a babe does on the nipple. His response was a low growl so I figured that was a good thing and continued with my endeavors. I applied a light pressure with my teeth and then my hands joined in. By now, My Jacob was leaning against the wall and his knees were shaking. I let go and smirked. It was my challenge. I knew what to do with a man and I was to make damn sure he NEVER forgot about me. His eyes flashed and he lifted me from my knees to my feet, throwing me up against the same wall that had supported him a few seconds ago.

"Too many clothes." With this, my whole outfit was with his. I was surprised it wasn't ripped to shreds. He was kissing me as if I was the only food in the world, then he drifted to my ears and my neck. While his skillful hands were playing with my nipples and my breasts. It was then my knees began to give out. "Stay!" I was trying desperately to stay, but my body was aching. I whimpered softly, certain his ears heard. He then stepped back and looked me up and down. "Beautiful, as always." I reached for him and he pinned me back against the wall. His hands began to touch my body as mine had done and when he reached my Woman, I had whimpered even louder. "Please." I wasn't sure if I was asking him to stop or continue, but his hands began to caress me and I wanted to release some sound, but none could be found. I let my head fall back just to enjoy the ministrations of a skilled lover. His right hand was toying with my center while the left was worshipping my right breast. It was then he found the Button. A sharp in take of breath. He then decided to put just one finger inside me and shook his head. "No attention, so tight." The thumb of that same hand found that Button of mine and between the two I wanted more. "More." Jacob looked at me. "Please. NOW!" I couldn't stay standing very much longer. Jacob released me and I collapsed into his arms. He found an old iron bed frame with a mattress. He put me down and continued. This time, his mouth found my stomach and I continued to laugh. It felt good, but he smiled, remembering just how ticklish I was. As soon as he was at my hips I quit laughing and started to feel weak again. "Please, No." Again, I wasn't sure if I meant stop or go, but Jacob took it and ran. His mouth claimed my Woman and all, sending me screaming. It had been too long since someone had spent so much time trying to please me. His tongue taking in all of my juices. I grabbed for his head and wanted to kiss his mouth, wanting to know what it tasted like, my Jacob's kisses with my cream. I loved it. He grabbed a hold of my hips and was positioned in my entrance. He looked in my eyes and I stared back into his. I wasn't going to stop us, I wasn't going to make the decision. I wasn't going to think. He slowly entered into me and I could feel myself stretching to accommodate. It hurt at first, but experience told me it would subside soon. I grimaced in pain as Jacob watched, waiting for my comfort to continue. When I began to rock my hips back and forth, he began to enter and leave. I could feel every ridge, every twist, everything that made him Jacob. We were slow at first, but the Fire burning inside wouldn't be pacified with the slow stuff. Time was not on our side. Soon, I was biting into his shoulder blade and he was trying to re-sculpt the bed frame by hand. When Mission position didn't work anymore, we searched for satisfaction in different positions, finding Doggie style to be the most satisfying. I didn't care if the rest of the room downstairs heard me, I was screaming his name time after time as was he mine to the rhythm of him pounding hard as he could. I am not quite sure how many times we came together and fell apart, but I knew I was never going to be the same again after this. I was going to feel this for the rest of my life and it would take the rest of Eternity to put me back together again.

Here We Go Again 5 of 5