2995 BC, or: Spinning Is So Much Cooler Than Not Spinning

A/N - This is a silly crack full of silliness. Do forgive the choppiness, the point was to focus on the funny bits. Timeline: SG-1 after Moebius, DW after Fires of Pompeii.

Disclaimer: Chapter names taken from particularly amusing SG-1 quotes.

Chapter 1: First Meetings, or: I have no friends, in the woods or otherwise.

Once upon a time, when the sun was young and the stories not yet told, the gods walked upon the earth. They were powerful, strong gods, whose will was obeyed instantly. They were feared, vengeful gods, who punished the non believers. They travelled from place to place through the Stargates, or by their pyramid-shaped ships, and battled between themselves: who would have the biggest domain, who would have the most soldiers, who would rule over the most people and have the best mines and slaves and trinkets. Despite their warring ways, they were wise gods - they knew the secrets of the universe: how to turn rocks into fuel for pyramid ships and weapons, how to step inside a Stargate on one planet and step out on the other, how to achieve obedience with a gesture of their hand. They taught their inferiors to believe in them as gods, and there was never a reason to doubt them.

-X-

The terrified servant knelt before his god.

"They overpowered us, my Lord. There was nothing we could do. We feared - we feared for your safety. It was the only option left, the only route of action left for us to take."

His Lord looked at him in contempt, and raised his hand.

"No! I'm sorry, my Lord! I have failed you! This shall not happen again - please let me prove my worth to you once more, my Lord! Please! No - " but to no avail. The God must never be let down, and His revenge was swift. He did not pity anyone, least of all those who failed him. With one gesture, he struck down his incompetent servant.

The man's deputy swallowed. He was now the Right Hand, the First Prime, the powerful fist of the all powerful true God. He was second only to the God himself. All the earthly power he could dream of, all the respect from his cowering colleagues, it was all his. Everything he had ever dreamed of achieving was within his grasp. But, as he looked at the body of his former commander dragged away from the chamber, he suddenly realised there weren't a lot of promotion prospects in this particular line of employment.

Still, too late for that. He hurried before his God and knelt down, his head bowed, staring at his knees.

Above him, the Godly eyes glowed. "Jaffa..." said the voice of God, "Kree."

-X-

Once upon a time, when the sun was young and the stories not yet told, the gods walked upon the earth. They did not call themselves gods, but sought to benefit all the smaller races, those younger, inexperienced people who still struggled their way around the universe. And they built libraries of knowledge and great temples and wrote books and made pacts with those around them which they considered advanced enough. And always, they looked to the stars, travelling far and wide to see it all. And when they created Man in Their Image, they thought it well. And then they retired to their abode amongst the stars, and left humanity to deal with the mess they had left behind them to the best of their abilities, the galaxy full of their magic, their Stargates and their knowledge. And all who became aware of them could do nothing but accept their greatness, for there was no race as advanced, as wise, and as Ancient as they were, that was known to Man.

-X-

Colonel Jack O'Neill (ret.) could not help but notice Daniel did not join in with the celebrations. Ra was gone, the Goa'uld defeated, and the Ancient Egyptians sure knew how to throw a party - but Daniel seemed to prefer to set himself apart from all that. Jack still didn't feel completely comfortable with him - the Dr. Daniel Jackson he'd known, the one who had joined his short lived mission of recon on a different world was just so different. Nerd, yes; annoying, definitely - and different. This Daniel wasn't as annoying - they seemed to be more in sync with each other. He was definitely not as nerdy, even though they seemed to have led quite a similar life, the living Daniel and the dead one. Maybe that's how he was after several years in this SG-1 of his.

And that was it, probably. Jack always felt judged and compared by this Daniel Jackson, compared to a man he would never meet, a man who was probably living his life now that the timeline was - hopefully - restored, five thousand years into the future. And somehow, he never felt as if he measured up.

But, you know what they say. And poking sleeping dogs was Jack's speciality.

"Hey," he sat down next to Daniel. "What are you looking at?"

Daniel was looking at the sky - right through the big pyramid, the main landing platform of Ra's ships. Somewhere, up there, far beyond the stars...

"We did it," Daniel said quietly.

"Yup, kicked some Goa'uld asses," Jack agreed, slightly mispronouncing the name. "All gone away. Join the celebrations?"

"But... It doesn't make sense. They won't give up this easily - especially not a System Lord, especially not Ra. Not with all the power he got from ruling Earth. It doesn't make any sense."

"But we buried the Stargate," Jack looked at him suspiciously. "They can't come though. Can they?"

"No."

"So..." Jack looked at him, and then back at the stars. "I have enough time to finish that guest room."

-X-

Once upon a time, when the sun was young and the stories not yet told, the gods walked upon the earth. They were never seen, never heard. Not invisible - unnoticeable. They could bend space and time to their will, but rarely ever did so. They watched the stars born and grow old. They watched them die. They watched older gods and newer gods come and go, but never made their presence known - they intervened just enough to make sure none of these new gods would ever be a threat. With great power comes, perhaps, great responsibility, but with ultimate power comes no responsibility at all, as long as you follow one simple rule - never yield the power you possess. They watched the universe grow old and watched themselves watching the universe. They were the guardians of time, its lords and masters, and they bent it to their will. Until they died, like gods would die: in eternal flame.

-X-

After Pompeii, Ancient Egypt might not seem the most interesting place in the world, especially as Donna had seen it before. But she had to admit as she left the Tardis with that exciting ping in her heart - and went back to take off her coat, seriously, how does the Spaceman not fry inside his undershirt, shirt, suit, coat and tie was beyond her - that this way of seeing Egypt was so much more fun.

And the pyramids definitely looked more impressive. Not to mention the Sphinx!

"Always better to see things when they're still new and shiny," the Doctor sniffed aloud, obviously pleased with himself. "Except for the London Eye. There is no time when seeing that is good."

"Oh, stop complaining, let's just enjoy the view!"

"And meet the people," the Doctor added as a man from the village at the foot of the pyramid - a village! At the foot of the pyramid! This was just brilliant! - came to greet them.

"Hello," he said, stretching his hand to shake the Doctor's.

"Hello!" the Doctor smiled his big smile and grabbed the man's hand. "I'm the Doctor, and this is Donna, nice to meet you!"

"I am Katep," the man said awkwardly.

"Doctor, isn't he speaking English?" Donna wondered - he definitely didn't sound as fluent as the people of Pompeii did in her head, and besides, he had an accent. She didn't assume the Tardis would start giving people Ancient Egyptian accents. For some reason, it didn't feel... appropriate.

"Nah, I told you, Donna, it's the Tardis, translating in your head," the Doctor dismissed the idea - but didn't notice the other man walking towards them.

"Really? So the Tardis also makes me see glasses and a wrist watch on this bloke?"

-X-

Once upon a time, when the sun was young and the stories not yet told...