Summary: Sora struggles with his love for Riku. This all starts with a letter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor any of it's characters. If I did, hell, homophobic people won't be playing the game. XD
A/N: This won't be the last and only chapter for this story. More chapters are coming, you just have to wait for it, because it takes a long time for me to be inspired. This is for all the Riku/Sora fans out there. Oh, and you really need to read the upcoming chapters to really find out what happened. The title of this story is inspired by Hawthorne Height's song, Niki FM. This isn't a songfic, but I just really love that song. Enjoy.

Sora.

I know that you've been thinking of what happened last night. I've been thinking of it too. I'm sorry, but I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry that I'm not saying this to you in person, I'm sorry if it upsets you that I just gave you this letter. I can't face you anymore, Sora, I can't. It's not that I don't want to be with you, because believe me, I do. I just, I can't handle it anymore. It's too hard, and people are everywhere. I can't be with you anymore, Sora. I know you want to be with me, I want you to be with me too, remember that. It's us against the world, Sora. And the world is winning.

I'm sorry.

Sora immediately crumpled the letter and threw it angrily on the floor. Tears were streaming down his face, and he had a sudden urge to slit his wrists. He walked over to his table, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, and started writing. His heart was crying.

He wrote Riku's name fastly, too fast that you can't even decipher what it is. He looked at what he wrote, feeling both love and hate. He started dragging the pen up and down, left and right, as hard as he can, almost tearing the paper apart. At the middle of the paper, Sora wrote 'this is how I feel'. He banged the pen on the table and buried his face in his hands.

I can't do this anymore.

He continued to sob, and he felt like his heart was dying. His chest felt like it was going to explode, and he put his hand on his heart, trying to control what he's feeling. He continued sobbing for awhile until there were no more tears to cry, his eyes red and sore from all the tears he shed.

He walked towards his bed and looked out of the window. The sky was dark, and he can barely see the rain falling from the clouds, over and over again, like times like these when he's crying because of Riku. Sora loves him so much, too much. It's times like these when he's crying, pouring his heart out, and it's raining outside, and he feels like as if the whole world was crying. Tears started falling again, he didn't dare wipe it away. Sora welcomed these tears when he's all alone. It's the only time they're welcome. He's always so happy and innocent, but he has another side of him that's the exact opposite. As much as he tries to push his other side away, it just keeps on coming back, haunting him. And maybe the reason is because of the person he loves. The person he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning, the one who he thinks about at night, the one that he hopes to dream about when he prays at night.

Of course it is. He's always the reason.

Feeling tired of being in this place again, this dark messed up place where no one ever sees him in, he lays down on his bed, breathing slowly. Riku appears in his head, over and over again, and he patiently waits for him to get out of his head.

He can never go away. You know that.

It's moments like these that he tends to think that he should just leave Riku. All the pain he feels, all the tears he cried because of him. And the reason doesn't even know the pain he's feeling. He's completely oblivious.

Sora turns slowly, propping his body with his elbows, and faces the other side of the bed, feeling the coldness of the wind on his back, since it was raining outside, and the window was open. He chooses it to be open.

If only you knew, Riku, he quietly says. He shuts his eyes to stop another tear from falling.

If only you knew.