Well this is my third attempt at a fan fic. I can only remind you that if this sucks, I am only thirteen. I hope to be writer one day and this as close to a start as I can get. I do not have some one that revises my work, or for that matter any one who works with me. I do these stories only for inspiration and to bring out my creativity. I really would appreciate it if you don't kill me in the reviews, because it doesn't help me to improve at all; it just loses whatever confidence I have to write in the first place. I want criticism of course, but spear me a bit. Well I hope you enjoy.
After School Jest by: Milagros S.
Date: October 25, 2000
Dear Diary,
I usually don't write this early in the morning, and trust me, it is early. But I have a feeling today's going to be a long, busy day for me, and I need repress my feeling somewhere, or my day will be more miserable than usual, which is nearly impossible, but considering… Today I have several exams from several teachers, and I am hopefully well prepared to get above a ninety. I am compelled to do so. I am much more worried about college than people think. Life is so hectic for me right now that it seems that I can't get around to schoolwork as much as I use to. Jane's been bugging me about our friendship. She's becoming insecure because Tom seems to be taking up a lot of my spear time. My friendship with her is my most valuable asset, doesn't she know that? Spending time with Tom is enjoyable, but not all the time. I know I said I'd try to be more open to this relationship, and I have. Well, it's just that I do like to retract into my shell sometimes and with all this pressure, well you can imagine. Since my parents have been heaved a warning by the Lawndale faculty that I'm so close to college and all, they seem to also by distressed that they might not see as much of me now. But hey, what they'd expect, I stay in high school forever? Only in the best of their dreams, and the worst of my nightmares. Well, I've got to eat my dog food, but if I can I'll write later. Mental note: Never talk and think you are like a real person again…
Scene: Lawndale High School Campus, B ell rings
Daria is commuting the halls by herself, when Jane comes from behind and proceeds to walk next to her.
Jane: Hello, Daria. Whacha up to?
Daria: Sleepwalking
Jane: So this alternate reality. Hmmm, It's really not what I expected. It never is…
Daria: You seem to come to that realization now…
Jane: Apparently so. How were those exams? Awful I hope…
Daria: Whatever.
Jane: So you want to crash over at my house tonight. Trent's making pizza. It comes with complementary walnuts. How about it?
Daria: (fibbing) Umm, I think I'll be busy tonight and tired. So I'll pass.
Jane: (hurt) Oh, okay. So, I'll call you later. The offer still stands. So if you feel like it later, come by. See ya…
Daria: Bye… (murmuring to herself) I really am tired.
Scene: Morgendorffer Household. All family members are at the dinner table.
Helen: How was your day, sweetie?
Daria: There are no sweeties in this room
Helen: Please, Daria. Now really how was your day?
Daria: Ask Quinn. Gee, I bet she has plenty of important things to say
All the family notices that Quinn has excaped from the dinner table and is now on the kitchen counter talking on the telephone
Quinn: (talking to caller) Yeah, clear mascara is in… No I am not trying to look better than you Sandi. Now why would I do that… It's just that if you want to cry so that he could comfort you, you don't have those awful black streaks.
Helen: (angry) Quinn get off the phone!
Quinn: (a bit worried) Sorry Sandi, I'll have to call you back. (She puts the reciever on the charger)
Helen: How dare you, young lady. Bringing a telephone conversation to the dinner table.
Daria: Yeah, how could you Quinn, you wouldn't want to end up like mom…
Quinn: Ewww! No, yuck. Sorry mom
Helen: Daria, again, please… Jake can you help me out here?
Jake: (puts down his fork, which he has been hungerly eating with) Huh? Oh, yeah, umm Quinn umm Daria and you can go to the mall if your mother says so…
Helen: (frustrated) Never mind Jake. Now really girls how was your day?
Quinn: Mom! I know umm you like to here about my interesting day and all, but I gotta go. I have a date. Bye!
Quinn leaves scene
Helen: I haven't given you any permission to go-
Door slams
Helen: Well I guess it's just the three of us…
Daria: Sorry to disappoint you, but I have an appointment with the slimy green men from outer space. If I'm late they'll destroy the universe. See ya…
Daria leaves scene
Helen: Those girls can't just leave like that! Maybe I'm becoming to soft with them. Maybe I need to enforce some stricter rules… Jake, what do you think?
Jake: Huh? Where are the girls, Dammit?!
Helen: (frustrated) Shut up, Jake
Scene: Outside the Morgendorffer Residence. Daria awaits on the curb. She crosses her arms hoping to get some warmth. Soon she sees headlights approaching her. She gives a slight smile. The car pulls up near her and Tom enters scene. He smiles at her.
Tom: (warmly) How's it going Princess Morgendorffer?
Daria: The best it could be. What about you?
Tom: Ditto. So you knew I was coming for you.
Daria: So, now you know my secret. I am a psychic and I charge three dollars a minute for every intrigued caller…
Tom: Then read my mind…
Daria: Not even three dollars a minute can make up for the stress and anguish you might induce on me
Tom: Maybe a slice of greasy pizza would?
Daria: (sighs) Sorry, I'll have to pass. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going over to Jane's. But if you want you can drive me there…
Tom: Sure. Get in the fun-mobile and leave the rest up to me.
Daria: Now I'm really worried
Scene: Jane residence. Jane and Trent are in the kitchen. There is smoke in the air and you here coughing in the background.
Jane: (coughs) I told you not to put aluminum in the microwave, Trent!
Trent: Sorry Janey. I forgot.
Jane: I forgot too. You have short-term memory loss. Well that's the first and final attempt to try to make homemade pizza
Trent: Aww! Janey we can still do it. All we need is more dough and umm all the other ingredients
Jane: You forgot the magic component, your brain
Hear front door bell
Jane: Excuse me. I have to go breath oxygen again
Jane enters living room and walks to the door. She opens it and smiles as she sees Daria.
Jane: You made it!
Daria: Yeah… So where is the pizza? All I smell is smoke
Jane: Oh, that. Let's just say Trent's a moron.
Daria: That I knew. I take it there aren't any walnuts
Jane: Nope. Trent ate them before you got here.
Daria: Hopefully I can bear. So what the plans for the night?
Jane: Are you sleeping over?
Daria: I don't know. I usually don't sleep over on weekdays, but if you have something to convince me to stay then I could possibly do so.
Jane: I always make it worth your wild, don't I? See lets go into the kitchen…
Both walk into kitchen and see Trent scrambling with a frying pan.
Trent: Ouch! Damn that stove…
Daria: Get the video camera. We can make a few bucks off of this.
Jane: Even better, I'll get the easel.
Trent turns to face them.
Trent: (coughs) Umm hey Janey. Hi Daria.
Daria: Hey Trent. Are you trying to go into the cooking profession?
Jane: Maybe with this experience, they'll finally give him a job at Burgers Unlimited
Trent: (ignoring Jane) Nah, Daria. Just experimenting. (Points spatula with brown goo on it) Want to try?
Daria: No, I just ate…
Trent: (oblivion) Cool. (Puts spatula down and looks serious) I'm gonna go practice some notes. Wanna join me?
Jane: (laughs) No Trent, but thanks.
Trent: If you need me, you know where I'm at
Trent leaves scene. Daria and Jane sit at the dinner table.
Jane: So what brought you to the cuckoo's nest?
Daria: The thrill of listening to you
Jane: Flattery can get you but so far
Daria: Yeah, but I'm not up to far yet
Jane: I'm gonna get you some pillows and one of my old flannels. Be right back…
Jane leaves scene
Daria: (thinking) Oops. Hope mom won't get mad…
Scene: Early morning, Morgendorffer household. Daria is just sneaking in. As she slowly closes the door, she notices Quinn trying to creep up the stairs. Both look at each other with surprise.
Quinn & Daria: I won't tell if you will!
From background, we hear Helen
Helen: (enters scene, angrily) You won't have to, I already know.
Daria: Those damn aliens, I told them to bring me here earlier but they just wouldn't listen…Well I have to get to bed (yawns) They never let me rest either…
Daria begins to walk up the stairs, as Quinn looks around innocently
Helen: Don't you go anywhere, Daria, or Quinn… (she signals for them to sit on the living room sofa)
Beat, they both follow Helen to sit down
Helen: I'm very disappointed in you two. You didn't even bother to call me and had me worried sick…
Quinn: Mo-om! I have a life, and If you don't get me that cell phone. (pauses) Well I can't find a pay phone where I go.
Daria: Yup. Lover's Peak is just to rural a place…
Quinn: Shut up Daria!
Helen: Daria you're not helping yourself
Daria: My grave was already dug, I just needed a push anyway
Helen: (irritated) Well, after you didn't arrive last night, early this morning I call Ms. Li on her personal number and figured out a solution…
Quinn: Why would you call her? What does she have to do with us?
Daria: You got Ms. Li's number. Damn, I knew I should have looked at your black book when I had a chance
Helen: To ensure your safety and my sanity, you're attending a fun and educational after school program…
Quinn: (outraged) What?! No mom, you can't do this to me. Unlike Daria I have a life. And very important duties to attend to. I mean what about the fashion club and my dates. What if I miss the opportunity to find a millionaire husband because of you!
Daria: Yeah mom, she's right. The faster she meets this dream man, the faster your income tax checks are rewritten to you
Helen: You're both going and that's final. And it's going to be A.S.A.P
Daria: I hope when you mean, A.S.A.P you mean two weeks from now
Helen: No I mean today, from three o' clock to six-thirty
Quinn: No! (she runs out with her hands covering her face)
Daria: Maybe seeing Quinn's spiraling down to Prozac can be comforting enough for me
Scene: Lawndale High School, Cafeteria
Jane: So Helen finally lost it…
Daria: Well that's not the end of it. Were also grounded for two more weeks…
Jane: Discipline is the key to success, and here comes three good explanatory examples now…
We see Jodie, Kevin, and Brittany enter scene
Jodie: (to Daria and Jane) Hi guys, how's it going?
Jane: Is that really a question you need to ask? Everybody knows that it's a wonderful life
Brittany: Hi a Daria and Jane, what ya up to? (doesn't wait for the response) Me and Kee-vie are going to join the after school program, cause Jodie says we need to. Aren't we smart…
Daria forms a face of discuss
Jane: Geniuses! Daria's going to be going there too.
Kevin: (To Brittany) Wow! Daria must be smart like us Babe!
Brittany: Oh, Kee-vie
Brittany and Kevin leave the scene as they begin to kiss. Jodie forms a face of frustration.
Jodie: (sighs) Well I got to catch up to them before they hurt themselves, see you later
Jodie leaves scene. Daria and Jane look at each other and shrug. They continue to eat
Scene: Lawndale High School Cafeteria. We see the Fashion Club eating their salads
Quinn: I can't believe that my mother would do that! I mean what about my fashion club duties?
Sandi: Well Quinn, if you can live up to your duties, then maybe some one else will…
Quinn: Oh Sandi, don't be silly. I can do my duties anywhere
Stacy: I feel so sorry for you!
Tiffany: Yeah, Reeaally
Quinn: Well lets just say that I can bring some fashion into extracurricular activities
Sandi: Gee Quinn that's really thoughtful, maybe I should do the same
Tiffany: That's nice of you Quinn…
Stacy: Yeah that's cool
Quinn: (giggles) Well I try
Scene: Lawndale High School. Afternoon hours. Few Minutes before classes are dismissed; Daria and Jane are walking down the school halls
Jane: Just have faith
Daria: Faith is another form of luck and since I have none…
Loud speaker comes on
Ms. Li: Hello students! All of you who signed up for the after school programs, please head to the cafeteria, thank you…
Daria: That's me isn't it?
Jane: Afraid so, have fun
Jane leaves scene. Daria sighs
Scene: Cafeteria. About two dozen students standing around
Daria: (think to herself) Please lord, I don't ask for much, but please give me some mercy
Ms. Li enter scene, with several young, handsome teachers
Ms. Li: Hello Students. These are your new teachers Mr. Jones and Mr. Cameron
We can hear girls in the background squeal with delight.
Daria: (mumbling to herself) Guess you couldn't
Scene: History Room
Mr. Jones: So what did Houston in "Farewell to Manzanar" mean when she said 'every thing he did had flourish'?
Daria raises her hand
Mr. Jones: Yes Ms. Morgendorffer
Daria: The author basically meant that he had extraordinary vogue and taste in every thing he did or said.
Mr. Jones: Very good Ms. Morgendorffer
Quinn raises her hand
Mr. Jones: Anything you want to add to that Ms. Morgendorffer umm number two…
Quinn: (flirtatiously) That's Quinn to you. And can I go to the bathroom
Mr. Jones: Sure
Mr. Cameron: I'm gonna accompany her, see she isn't trying to skip class or anything like that
Both Quinn and Mr. Cameron leave scene
Mr. Jones: So class what do you do now? I mean after you have your daily dose of humanities and all?
Daria: We sleep
Ms. Li enters scene
Ms. Li: How are they doing?
Mr. Jones: Fine
Daria: Just dandy. Mr. Jones can I go to the bathroom?
Mr. Jones: Fine, Ms. Morgendorffer
Daria walks out, but accidentally trips and causes a glass vase on the teacher's desk to fall, shattering it in pieces
Daria: Ouch!
Ms. Li walks toward her and stands about her
Ms. Li: You've done it again, Ms. Morgendorffer
Daria: Yeah, gone to hell
Ms. Li: Now you're going to have to clean up that mess
Daria: Oh, sure leave the dirty work to me
Ms. Li: Come on, I'll show you to the Janitor's closet…
Daria and the principle walk in silence until they reach to there destination.
Ms. Li: Get a broom and make it snappy
Daria: I'll make it snappy all right
Daria opens closet door only to find Quinn and Mr. Cameron making out
Daria: I'm already blind
Quinn: Daria!
Mr. Cameron: Ms. Li!
Ms. Li: Oh my!
Scene: Morgendorffer Living room. We see Helen on the phone and Daria and Quinn sitting on the sofa
Helen: Yes, Ms. Li, I understand…The school board only wanted to ensure the well-being of the students…no I'm not going to press charges…I am glad that they fired him…Yes, I do understand that the after school program can no longer operate…Thank you…you too, good night.
Helen pause and then we anger on her face
Helen: Damn that principal. Can't she do anything right?
Look at the girls sitting quietly and directs her attention to them.
Helen: Well, I can't trust you anywhere? Daria you did comply to the rules, so this punishment will not go for you. (Looks pointedly at Quinn) You however, are going to have a long night. You can go Daria. Your father and I are going to discuss a few things with Quinn.
Daria: Sure, I'll be in my room…
Daria leaves
Scene: Daria's room. We can see Daria laying on her bed reading. She hears glimpses of the conversation.
Helen: What you did was unacceptable…
Quinn: But that's not fair…
Helen: Oh yes it is…
Quinn: OHHHH!
We can hear Quinn's footsteps getting closer, then a door slamming. Daria gets up and puts book down. Then she takes her diary out of her nightstand drawer.
(O/H)
Dear Diary,
I lived to see this day. Quite shocking. Actually it turned out a lot better than I expected. Last night I had a great time at Jane's, Tom gave me some space. But as expected something went wrong and I ended up in a sick excuse for an after school program. And then of course, guess who made out with the teacher. The halfwit who's crying on the opposite side of my wall. Anyway, I got free of punishment, thank god due to my patience. So, now I'm going to go visit Tom and see what his butler is serving for dinner. Anything's better than the prison food in here. Then maybe I'll go over to Jane's. Perhaps they have walnuts.
- Daria