"Never too far away"
A/N This story starts at the end of "The Graduates" episode as Ryan is driving Marissa to the airport. Volchek is in pursuit, but he is keeping his distance, for now.
Chapter I : Goodbye Girl
The car was eerily silent as Ryan pulled into the airport parking lot. He searched quickly for a spot, and sighed in relief when he found one. He didn't want Marissa to be late and miss her plane. Actually, he did, but now wasn't the right time to tell her that. She needed to go out, see the world, get her life together….and, then maybe, maybe they could be together again.
He looked over to see her staring helplessly out the window. She looked so scared and unsure of the future that it made his protective nature want to reach out and shield her from any hurt that life could bring her. But, he knew that he couldn't do that forever. Marissa was a big girl, and she was going to have to figure this one out by herself.
As she felt his eyes rest upon her, she hurriedly wiped away a stray tear and looked at him. His eyes….God, she had spent so many years dreaming about those piercing eyes….haunting her when she needed it the most. Now, what was she going to do when those eyes were no longer living next door or down the street? Could she bear living with those eyes being half a world away? Marissa shook her head, knowing that this had to happen this way if they ever wanted a real chance at making it as a couple. She knew that if they had jumped right back into being together, something would have gotten in the way, and their vicious cycle of happiness and hurt would never end. But, that didn't make it any easier to leave him.
"You ready?" he said softly, hoping that she hadn't heard him so that they wouldn't have to leave the car.
"Yeah," she muttered, gazing at the airport gates.
They both got out of the Range Rover and began walking towards the entrance. Ryan had grabbed most of her bags, while Marissa was busy checking the flight information on her ticket.
"Geez, Cooper…..don't they have washing machines in Greece?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
She smiled as she noticed that he wasn't really having a hard time with her bags. He was just trying to give her a hard time……and, she was going to miss that about him.
"Hey….be glad you aren't Seth….you should've seen her packing list for Brown!"
Ryan grinned as he imagined Seth trying to haul all of Summer's luggage into that seedy motel on their trip to Tijuana all those years ago. Man….it seemed like a lifetime ago.
"Yeah….you remember that dirty motel on our TJ trip?"
Marissa thought back fondly to that time when the four of them were just becoming the Fantastic Four. Then, she quickly remembered just how horrible that trip had been for her. Her parents were getting divorced, her boyfriend was cheating on her with her friend, and she overdosed on pills. Her face quickly fell at these hard memories. Ryan saw this change in her, and mentally kicked himself for bringing it up.
"Of course….who could forget that trip?"
Ryan put her bags down and closed the gap between them. He gently put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her willing body into his embrace. She felt so good…that familiar lavender and vanilla shampoo radiating into his nostrils. He stroked her hair, and, as she nuzzled into his neck, he could feel her tears seeping through his shirt. His eyes, too, began to water, but he knew he had to be strong for her.
"Hey…hey….," he said as he pulled away to look her in the eyes, "this is not forever, right? I want you to know that you can come back whenever you are ready."
She knew that if she asked him to, that he would wait for her return and not be with anyone else while she was away. But, as much as she wanted to ask him to, she couldn't ask that of him when she was the one leaving. He hadn't asked that of her when he had gone back to Chino. She sighed as she felt his fingers brush away her tears, only to be replaced with fresh ones.
"I know….it's just…"
She couldn't find the words to say everything that was circulating inside of her at that moment. Fear, excitement, loneliness, wonder. He nodded, understanding her without her having to say anything. That was another thing that she was going to miss….how it seemed that they communicated without needing to use words.
"I'll wait for you," he said.
Her heart stopped beating for a moment, trying to make sure that he had really just said that. All of her insecurities and doubts….he had sensed them, and he knew exactly what to do to make her feel better. But, then she began to feel guilty. What if she asked him to wait and he ended up passing up a really great opportunity for her? She couldn't live with that.
"No…Ryan…I couldn't ask you to do that…" she began, but he interrupted her.
"You didn't ask. I had already decided. Maybe it's time for me to focus on school….and….other things…."
This brought a slight smile to Marissa's face. She knew that Ryan was right. They both should put relationships on the back burner for a while and concentrate on other things. Now that she thought about it, neither of them had had a time since they met where they hadn't been with someone. All of those other people who had tried to invade into their relationship….Oliver….Lindsay….Johnny….Theresa….Trey….they were all gone now. But, Ryan was still there. This made her feel more comfortable with leaving, because in her heart, she knew that no matter where they lived or what happened, they would always find their way back to each other. She looked into his eyes again and grabbed him tightly.
"I'm so sorry…" she cried, "for everything. For Johnny….Oliver….god everything…."
Ryan gently cupped her face with his hands. He wanted to emphasize how important it was to him that they forgive each other.
"Listen, you have nothing to be sorry about. We both made mistakes…and, we can't change them. Believe me, if I could, I would go back and I would have never slept with Theresa. But, I can't. And, we can't keep beating ourselves up for these things that we have no control over."
She knew by the seriousness in his voice that he needed her to stop blaming herself for everything that had happened. That he didn't want to see her hurting anymore. As his words seeped in, she finally decided that it was time to let the past go.
"Okay….I'll try…"
"That's all I want," he said, "I love you, and that's all that matters."
As he admitted this to her, he couldn't help but feel a little vulnerable as to her reaction. He knew she loved him, but he wasn't sure if she could say it now, as it would make it that much harder to leave him. She could see him begin to doubt whether he should have kept his mouth shut, and she reassured him that she felt the same by slowly, softly leaning in and kissing him. All of his tensions were washed away at that moment, as he felt every emotion she had for him come through that kiss.
Just as he felt as though their moment never had to end, he heard a voice calling for her.
"MARISSA!!!"
They both turned around to see Volchek, running towards them. Marissa looked back at Ryan with confusion and fear in her eyes, and he instinctually pulled her closer to him. As Volchek came closer, Marissa's memory reminded her of his betrayal, and she quickly became infuriated with him.
"Kevin, what are you doing here?"
"Listen, Marissa….I just needed to talk to you….," he said. He looked at her, and realized that she had been crying. She really looked so beautiful. His eyes darted over to Ryan. He really hated him….not just because of Marissa…but, for having everything given to him. "Alone…," he finished, as he nodded towards Ryan.
Marissa adamantly shook her head, not even entertaining the idea for a moment. She locked eyes with Ryan, and she could tell that he was not keen on the idea either. Then, she faced Volchek again, trying to dissect his intentions. When she realized that she couldn't quite read him as well as she wanted, she made her decision.
"No….anything you have to say to me can be said in front of Ryan. After what you did, you are lucky I'm even speaking to you AT ALL," she huffed, hoping to convey her anxiety.
When Volchek looked back and forth between the two people standing in front of him, realizing that he was not going to get his way, he decided to continue.
"Look, Marissa, I know that what I did was stupid…" he said as he searched for the right words to convey his point. He noticed her mutter something quietly to herself and cast a curious eye to Ryan. God….he really didn't want to say this in front of him. What was he doing here anyway? Did she just forget that he dumped in the first place? "I guess, I just wanted you to know…that…," he stuttered, not realizing how hard these words were going to be, "I'm sorry."
Although she was still somewhat skeptical of his motives for being here, Marissa lightened her hesitation. Volchek was still staring at Ryan, seeking to will him away with his death glares. But, his attempts were to no avail; as Ryan was quite skilled in the art of the death glare himself.
Volchek continued, "but, I just wanted you to know…that if you think that Mr. Perfect over there is so much better than me," he nodded to Ryan, "then, how could he move on so quickly from your break-up?" He noticed Marissa pondering his words with a look of confusion, so he persisted. "Yeah….while you were at the lifeguard tower crying over him, he was hooking up with Sadie….Actually, he was hooking up with her BEFORE you broke up!"
Ryan could not believe the nerve of this guy…coming in, and trying to ruin their last moment together in who knows how long. He did not want to get into a fight here at the airport, so he remained as calm as he could. But, he HAD to stop this from going any further. Before he could get a word in to stop Volchek from continuing, they heard an announcement on the loud speaker.
"All passengers aboard Flight 183 to Honolulu, Hawaii, we are now ready to begin boarding all passengers."
Marissa looked over to Ryan in a panic. She needed this to be over…..NOW!
"Alright, man…..you need to GO now. You've said your peace……now, just leave," Ryan said, trying to keep his voice low and non-emotional. The last thing that Marissa needed right now was more drama to deal with. He looked over to her to try and gauge her thoughts, and she looked like she was letting Volchek's words sink in. Her brow was furrowed with concern, praying that what Volchek had said was not the truth, but deep down, knowing that it was. "I mean it, man….NOW!", Ryan emphasized his disdain for his presence.
"Okay…okay..," Volchek said as he backed away from them, his eyes directly fixed on Marissa. "But, think about what I said….and you know where to find me. And you..," he directed towards Ryan, unafraid to look him square in the eyes, "this is not over, not by a long shot." Her eyes searched his begging for some sort of clue to prove that he was lying. Ryan couldn't really have cheated on her, could he? She looked between the two of them, noticing their hatred towards each other, and knew that this situation needed to keep from escalating.
"Okay," she replied, hoping to appease Volchek and avoid any physical confrontation that was brewing, "please go…". Volchek nodded his head, looking deeply into her eyes one more time before turning away and leaving. Marissa turned her head to Ryan, with a mixture of emotions being conveyed in her eyes. Ryan knew the wheels inside her head must be turning a mile a minute envisioning many different scenarios. He decided to beat her to the punch with the truth.
"Riss….look at me," he asked. She slowly brought her eyes to meet his. He could barely contain himself when he saw that tears were about to brim over. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Their last moment together was not supposed to be filled with doubt and questions. "I know that you are probably wondering if what Volchek said was true. And, as much as I think we should talk about it before you leave, you need to get these bags checked in, or you are going to miss your flight."
At this moment, she knew that Volchek had been telling her the truth. Ryan hadn't even tried to deny it. How could she have been so stupid? The thought of Ryan and Sadie together while she was wallowing alone ignited a fury inside her that she hadn't thought was possible. She shook her head in disappointment and disbelief.
"It's true….isn't it?" she asked.
Ryan cast his head down to the ground in shame, knowing that she was not going to let this one wait. There was a desperate moment of silence while he tried to decide what he could say to possibly defend himself. But, nothing came. So, he just nodded. The tears that were only being held at bay by the possibility that Volchek had been lying were now flowing freely down Marissa's cheeks.
"I can't believe this….how could you?" she asked. "You know, it was hard enough to accept the fact that you were able to break up with me in a phone call that lasted under 2 minutes….but, the only thing that was giving me hope was you were brooding about it as much as I was….but, obviously I was wrong…..GOD, I never should have told her to stay. You know what, goodbye Ryan. You aren't the person that I thought you were….have a nice life."
With that, she started to gather her bags and walk towards the check-in area. Ryan let her words hit him like a ton of bricks. What did she mean she shouldn't have asked her to stay?
"Marissa, WAIT!!!" he exclaimed as he caught up to her. She turned around with a scowl, daring him to further anger her. "What did you mean you shouldn't have asked her to stay?"
Marissa had to decide whether she should tell Ryan about what she had done. Now, looking back with all the information she now knew, she regretted doing it.
"You know that night….at the lifeguard stand…when she was leaving town?" she choked out through tears that she no longer cared to hide. He nodded, remembering that night vividly. She continued, "Well, I went to the bus station….I….told…her…." She couldn't keep going any longer. It was hurting her too much. Ryan's face told her that he couldn't believe that she had done that for him. She had to get out of there…..NOW!!
Marissa quickly rubbed her arm across her face and grabbed her bags, running as fast as she could away from him, from all the emotions she was feeling. She thought that in the past few months she had been doing better at dealing with her problems, but at this moment, her mind reverted back to its' old habits.
"MARISSA!!! WAIT!!!" Ryan shouted, hoping that she would turn around and forget what had just transpired, and they could go back to that sweet goodbye kiss before Volchek had ruined everything. As he watched her back disappear amongst the sea of people, he knew that there was no way he could fix this now. He looked around at all the people passing by, too pre-occupied with their lives and problems to notice him. He sighed inwardly as he slowly walked dejectedly out of the airport. It looked like this might be the end for them.