Gil, I Love You
A oneshot showing Sara's feelings and looking back to the past and her memories with Gil in Dead Doll as she's under that car.
All I can hear is pitter patter, pitter patter, drip, drip drip, constantly, every second. The rain's getting worse, it's not just the occasional brief shower, a storm is rolling around for sure. Why have I been put here? Why now? Why ever!
Natalie said that Grissom could never love me as much as Ernie had loved her. I didn't, or don't know a thing about her relationship with Ernie Dell, I really don't. What I do know, what's in my heart, is that Gil loves me. He has a hard time showing it, but he really does. You see it in his eyes, those precious blue orbs that reveal everything about the man I'd dreamt of for years.
That Forensic Anthropology Conference. The first time I clapped my eyes on him. I could tell he was a gentleman straight away; he had that clean cut image, that baby face, that charming voice that I could listen to forever. I listened so much that day, and I had so many questions. Usually I would have asked one or two questions that were spinning in my mind, more if no one else asked. But I had this overwhelming desire to be close to him, to have a one to one conversation with him.
So I went to talk to him. He was even more charming than I'd originally anticipated. Our conversation had gone on for so long that the pangs of hunger were beginning to hit me. I think that he noticed, because he invited me out for dinner. The restaurant was beautiful, the company fantastic and the atmosphere overtly sexual. But, like the consummate gentleman, he never made a move on me apart from an innocent goodnight kiss.
It never went further than that...I never knew why. Imagine how my heart leapt when he asked me to come and work in Vegas beside him. Even though I knew that we couldn't be together as he was my supervisor, I still relished every moment I had to be close to him, to work with him.
And that night...oh that night. He'd been so understanding, he'd been there for me through all of the crap that life had put me through. During that incident at the prison with Adam Trent, Gil's face. He was so worried, concerned, panicking, I saw pure fear in his eyes. From then on, I knew that he wanted to be more than friends. I asked him around for dinner , to thank him for everything, well, at least that was my disguise. Although hoping for something to happen, I never thought that I'd have Gil Grissom in my bed after so many years of desiring him there.
He was such a gentle lover, still is now. I've never met a man so concerned about my pleasure as well as his own. Every time we made love, I feel like I connected with him in a way I'd never connected with anyone before. He's my perfect man. He understands almost every part of me, he loves me despite the varied flaws that I possess.
And I love him, I really do. I think he's my soulmate, he completes me. Corny, but I'm under a car here, forgive me for clichés. I am so grateful to have found a man like him.
That's why no one can ever find out, no one. I don't want our relationship to be ruined. The reason that our relationship has done so well is that we've been able to keep it a secret. Once people in the lab find out, it's going to be hard. Ecklie will probably come down on us like a tonne of bricks, and make me and Gil swap shifts. I don't want that, I really don't want that. When we're on the same shift, Gil and I have more time together. If I got moved to Days or Swing, think how much our time together would be reduced. I shouldn't doubt our relationship as I know in my heart that it's strong, but could we survive that?
It's strange to think about all of this under a car where a psyched out whack job put me, but it distracts me from the pain. All of the good moments converge into one drawn out dream, and I forget where I am, that chances are I'll die here. Even if I escape, who will find me?
The rain's getting heavier now, I'm really worried. What did Gil say to do if I get scared?
'Honey,' he said, taking her hand. 'Whenever you're scared, sing a song. A song of hope. One that reminds you that everything's going to be okay, that you're safe.'
Do you hear me, I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend They don't know how long it takes I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend And so I'm sailing through the sea I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
I kept singing, over and over, closing my eyes and imagining that Gil was with me, telling me that everything would be okay.
Stopping my singing, I sat and took a few deep breaths, weighing up the pros and cons of my plan in my head. My plan to escape.
Deciding that my chances of death here were higher and it was worth more to escape, I said, 'If I don't make it back Gil, know that I love you more than anything.'