Fair warning: I am in a very depressed mood and this is a result of that. So please, don't read if you don't want to be upset with a death fic that you're gonna hate anyway. Just had to write this to get it out. SERIOUSLY, DON'T READ!

(Oh, and the time period is of course before Bolivia.)

I stand here, watching you. Watching as you dance and sway and flirt with that other man. Another man. When just a few hours ago, when I finally confessed my love for you after much thought and agonizing soul-searching, you told me that you could never be with me because you didn't go that way. That even though we were close teammates and the best of friends, almost like brothers, that's all there ever would be between us. And for you, I accepted that because I do love you and just want you to be happy. And I'd do anything to keep you in my life, even if it means enduring the pain of watching you fall in love with someone else, a woman, one day.

But now…now I happen to come into this bar to drink away the pain. Where the noise and the crowd would hopefully drown out the voice inside my head that keeps telling me I'm crazy for wanting to still be near you even while you spend your time looking for the woman to complete your life. I come in here to drink and try to forget, just for a few hours, what happened a few hours ago. And yet, the first sight my eyes are drawn to is you. You and that man. Dancing close and personal and…as if you're lovers.

I hadn't even realized you had left the run-down house we're currently holed up in. That right there should have tipped me off that right now I'm not thinking clearly. But of course, I don't listen to that part of me. That part of me that's trying to help me. I ignore it and just watch you. Watch as you look so happy. Happy, with that man who isn't me.

Realizes that I can't breathe. Can't breathe and maybe don't want to anymore.

It almost killed me when my family was murdered when I was a teen. But I survived. I did anything I had to in order to survive. But now…this…I don't understand why this hurts so much when it shouldn't matter. We were close friends and teammates. That's it. So why, why, why did I fall in love with you? And why does it hurt so much that you don't love me back.

I want to still be near you. I want to still be your teammate, your friend, your brother. But now…seeing you with HIM…I just can't do this. I just can't.

So I turn around and walk right out of that bar and don't look back. I walk to where we're staying. I enter and ignore the others, even as they try to talk to me about me returning so soon but they back off as soon as they see my look. Well, all but Clay who follows me. I continue to ignore him though.

I walk up to our room-the room we share as we always seem to share a room no matter what-and I take off my hat, placing it on your bed, wanting you to have it in memory of me. Clay starts to speak but I ignore him and take my gun from my holster as I sit on my bed. Then, before Clay can reach me, I end my agony.

Author's note: Yes, I know that's fucked up and depressing. I did warn you. I'm sorry but I had to get it out. I couldn't have that poison inside of me, growing and festering.