I don't own any of these characters. This was a writing exercise inspired by "Rolling Bomber Special." My only addition is to set it in the Ranma universe, and run from there. There may or may not be additional changes. This was a writing exercise for my own entertainment purposes and amusement.
- - -
Rolling bomber special.
Hikaru Gosunkugi
It is strange what you think about late at night when you stop by a vending machine to buy a can of soda. I had been up late studying some magic when I got a serious case of the munchies. There was a tiny convenience store around the corner from my tiny little apartment, so I decided to go out and grab a snack. Stuffing my head in a toboggan and pulling on a flannel shirt, I headed out into the night.
It had just finished raining, and the pavement was wet. The city smelled… moist, like a locker-room after a team shower. The temperature was cool, though, and the humidity was made it seem colder than it was.
I was on my way back from the convenience store when I realized I had forgotten to buy a drink. There was a vending machine just around the corner from my apartment, so I headed over. Maybe it was the weather, and the thought of cold water, but as I fed the machine my coins and made my selection, I suddenly found my self thinking about Ranma Saotome.
Right before my high-school graduation, I had lunch with Ranma. You could say that he was my mortal enemy, but then again, you could also say he was my best friend. Perhaps Ranma was my only friend, because I was really unpopular during high school. People just made fun of me. They'd say, "Hikaru, you look like the dead walking!" or tease me about my family. Or worse, most people would just ignore me, and pretend like I didn't exist.
Unlike all the other people at Furinkan, Ranma didn't beat on me (without good reason), and genuinely treated me with respect, even when I made some moves on his fiancée. Now, that might not be friendship, but it was a good deal more than I got from any one else. Ranma had his own problems. Besides being cursed to change genders with cold water, he was a high-powered martial artist who drew trouble like a midden heap drew flies. But, he did show me that magic existed, and that if I searched hard enough, I too could wield it.
It was strange lunch, to tell the truth. We didn't have much in common, but somehow we managed to string together a conversation about school, magic, and graduation. Ranma, of course, inhaled his food with inhuman speed and reached across the desk to grab one of my rice balls. "Can I have this?" I shrugged. Ranma tossed the food high into the air and leaned way back with his mouth open. The food landed squarely in his mouth, and he started chewing with relish.
"Thanks, Gosunkugi. You're a nice guy, you know that?"
It was strange that Ranma would say that to me, especially after all the various attempts I've made to either hex him, make his girlfriend fall in love with me, or expose a weakness of his to a rival martial artists. Now, I never thought I was a nice guy, but I didn't think I was bad guy. Especially not one bad enough to destroy the earth.
- - -
The machine spat out the soda I had purchased. I picked it up, wiped off the rim, and popped open the can. I turned down the street and began walking home, when from the blackness five people in colored lycra body suits and matching full face helmets ran towards me.
Their suits were brightly colored one piece items, tucked into boots of the same color. Somehow, it looked like the suit fused into the helmet, which had shaded eye visors that wrapped from ear to ear and were lined with gold fringe. A grill of gold covered where their mouth would be, but other than that the helmets were form fitting and seamless. Red, yellow, pink, green and blue suited freaks streaked towards me, stopping in my path.
The one wearing a bright red suit with an inverted gold trapezoid on the chest spoke first. He stood in the center of the group, right in front of me. "We've finally found you, Hikaru Gosunkugi!"
The one in yellow chimed in. "Stop right there!" That was a female voice.
The guy blue spoke. "There's no Escape…" the rest chorused, "Hikaru Gosunkugi!"
They blocked my path in a line and took up martial arts stances. The guy in red stood in the center, with the blue on his left and yellow on his right. Green stood on yellow suit's right hand side, with pink to the blue guy's left. My soda dropped from nerveless fingers. I followed its path with my eyes, watching the soda spew out of the can as it struck the ground.
Nobody moved.
I cleared my throat. "Umm… Who are you?"
The one in red stood with his arms akimbo, while the blue and yellow person each threw one arm straight up and the other out perpendicular to their torsos. The green and pink suits each knelt on one knee and threw their arms back like a swan dive. They held the pose while speaking in unison. "We are the Earth Defender Freshman!"
I blinked. They must have rehearsed that.
They dropped their pose and took up ready stances again. Green Fresh whipped his arms around in a circle to take on an aggressive pose before shouting at me, "vile fiend intent on destroying the earth…" The Red Fresh finished the sentence for him. "Say your prayers!" The whole finishing each others' sentences bit was freaky. I just realized what they said, though.
"Vile fiend? Me?"
A woman's voice spoke up from Yellow Fresh. "Don't play dumb, Gosunkugi!"
"I'm not playing dumb," I said. "Destroy the earth? What do you mean?
"Do you wish for world peace?" I just stared at Blue Fresh wordlessly. Yellow Fresh nodded in confirmation. "You don't, do you?" The Blue picked up where she left off. "See? You are clearly intent on…" they all chimed in, "destroying the earth!"
Red decided it was time to take action. "Prepare to meet your doom!" He tensed and leapt at me, his foot extended in a picture perfect jump kick. I didn't even attempt to move. I've been around enough marital artists to know how useless I was in a fight. Fortunately, he sailed right over my shoulder and into a stack of garbage cans behind me.
Green growled at me and clenched his fist. "You're pretty tough. Don't be careless, Yellow Fresh! Ready?" She nodded enthusiastically. "Okay!" Together they launched themselves at me with perfect form, sailing right over my head to land in a pile on the asphalt behind me.
"Um... guys?"
Blue Fresh shouted at me. "You're not getting away! Hurricane Beam Attack!" He dropped to one knee and unleashed a series of small smoke-ring shaped ki blasts at me. Being around Ranma, I know exactly how much damage they can do. Fortunately, these moved so slowly it took nearly 15 seconds for them to cross the 2 meters that separated me from my assailants. I didn't even dodge, really. I simply leaned to the side and let them pass me by.
The blue fighter swore.
"That was… a little too slow." I really tried to keep the laughter out of my voice, I swear.
Red, Yellow, and Green had by this time managed to work their way back over to the other fighters until they were all standing in front of me again. They once again dropped into their battle pose.
"It's time for the Rolling Bomber," said Red. They all gave a small cheer and pumped a fist into the air before shouting, "Rolling Bomber!" I don't know where it came from, but in the next second they were standing on a mobile turret that had a gigantic scope and five oddly shaped barrels attached to a circular housing. Lights flickered around the edges of gun and up and down the barrels. It looked like a NERF gun on steroids.
Pink was looking through what appeared to be a large periscope attached to the side of that… that over-grown toy gun. There were some whistles and clicks, followed by some beeps. After about 15 seconds, Pink looked up and shouted, "Target Acquired! OKAY!" She flashed a big okay to her team mates. Red gave her the thumbs up before yelling to his team, "Okay, let's go!" Again, they pumped their fists and shouted in unison, "Rolling Bomber, FIRE!"
A huge, swirling rainbow colored beam shot out of the gun, crackling as electrical discharge raced around the laser. It fell about two feet short of actually hitting me, but the smell of ozone was strong in the air.
I shrugged as they started to murmur about how I could dodge that attack. "It wasn't even close."
Blue banished a fist at me. "You won't give up, will you?" Red caught his mood and spoke to the assembled fighters. "Alright, one more time!" Pink nodded enthusiastically, chiming in, "Let's go, everyone!" Again, they all pumped their fists and gave a small cheer of encouragement. I had to join in. It was just too hard not to.
They were tinkering around with something on the gun as Pink looked through the periscope to reacquire their target. Me. I swung my hand up to rub my face.
"Why don't you guys just leave me alone?"
I had forgotten about the small sac of groceries I was carrying, however. The plastic bag broke mid swing, pelting Pink Fresh with a small rice ball and a tin of tuna. She went flying off the machine, landing on the ground some distance away from the group. To my amazement, her lycra suit and helmet shimmered briefly before vanishing, revealing a fairly attractive girl in a mini-skirt, knee-high white leather boots, and red-leather bomber jacket.
Her allies surrounded their fallen comrade. "Pink Fresh! Are you okay?" Blue shook an accusing finger at me as he hovered over Pink protectively. "You!" He growled, "You're rotten to the core, aren't you?"
"Who are you guys, anyway?"
"You'll pay for that!" Red attempted to jump up and run towards me, but was quickly pulled down by Yellow. "Wait! In ten seconds our teleportation window will close!"
There was general murmurs from the Earth Defender Freshman. Blue swore and asked, "What should we do?"
His question was met with a shrug from Green. "It can't be helped. We've got to let him
go for now."
Blue growled, "We won't forget this!" Yellow fiddled with her watch for a second before throwing up her arms and yelling, "Prism Shield…" The rest of the group shouted "ON!" in unison. And just like that, the disappeared with a little flash of light.
I was so confused. What just happened?
- - -
When I got back to my tiny apartment, I carefully opened the door so I could go in. The place was filled with my stuff. Over the years, I had managed to accumulate a good deal of arcane paraphernalia, and it adorned every square inch of wall space I possessed. Granted, that wasn't much considering the apartment was just big enough for a single bed and a dresser, but little space remained I had was cluttered with my various spell books, stacked in piles almost waist high around the bed. A string of red Christmas lights were stapled to the ceiling in the form or a pentagram.
I kicked my shoes off in the kitchen and walked past the bathroom towards the bed, trying not to tip over any piles of books. There was only about 2 meters from the front door to the back wall of the apartment, and about half of that was occupied by the kitchen and small bathroom that extended off it.
I really didn't even use the kitchen. The sink leaked, and the drip, drip, drip of water splashing on the thin steel was the only sound in the apartment. I stared at the pentagram in on the ceiling trying to make sense of what had happened. I climbed into bed and ate my rice ball. Some time later, because I'm not sure if not sure if I slept, I got out of bed to use the toilet. I took one step towards the bathroom when a flaming arrow flew in through the open window, embedding itself in the wall.
I screamed. Then I blinked. Was the arrow flaming? I can't seem to remember. Anyway, there was a note attached, so I reached up and carefully untied it from the arrow shaft, unfolding it to read.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The letter was simple, but beautifully written in careful calligraphy.
"We will without fail put a halt to your machinations, Hikaru Gosunkugi. We will ensure peace on earth. We are known as the Earth Defender Freshmen! We are coming for you, you vile fiend!"
I heard a movement from the window.
"There's no escape, Gosunkugi!" Red Fresh's eye filled the entire window. I slammed the shutter closed to block out the vision.
"They can change size?"
- - -
Ever since then, they challenged me all the time, even at work and school. I kept trying to tell them they were making a mistake, but they didn't listen. And, it seemed like the only thing they could enlarge were their faces. It was weird to be chased by a bunch of gigantic helmets on spindly little legs and stubby arms. What was even stranger, I routinely beat them when they attacked, even when I didn't try.
Was this how Ranma had felt? To be attacked by inept aggressors for reasons he didn't understand? All the while, ridiculous accusations were constantly leveled at me. Why would I want to destroy the world? How could I even do that?
- - -
I was doing laundry one night at the laundry mat across town. I had taken to coming here because the Earth Defender Freshman kept attacking me (and annoying the other patrons) at my usual laundry spot. I pulled out a weekly comic magazine and started to read when I heard the door open. I looked up and Pink was there. She was out of costume, wearing that short leather mini skirt and white boots, with a tight pink shirt and leather bomber jacket open. She was carrying a bag of laundry over her shoulder.
She looked stunning.
Our eyes met.
She started.
"Where are Red, Blue, Yellow, and that other guy?" I tried to act casual, but I had been to harried for too long not to tense up a little.
She opened the washer a few machines down from me and started to toss in some clothes. I tried not to blush when I got a look at her underwear. It was titillating. "I'm a lone – I've got the day off." She pulled out her battle uniform and tossed it in.
"You wash that too?"
She just looked at me flatly before closing the lid and starting the wash cycle. She pulled out a comic book and, studiously ignoring me, started to read. Out loud.
"Do do do do do do. Chibo, chibo. Torya! Dosu. Kumomomo. Do do do do…"
I looked over my magazine at her. She shrugged.
"I can't read unless I say it out loud." She buried her face in the book again and crossed her legs. I got a good view of her thighs as she did that. "To do do do do…"
I couldn't concentrate any more. "Look," I said, "You guys have it all wrong. I'm not even thinking about destroying the earth? Why would I?"
"Then what are you planning to do to it?" she asked.
She was staring right at me. I felt bad – she still had a bruise from where my can of tuna fish had hit her that first night.
"Nothing!"
"Then what are you trying to destroy?"
"Nothing, I told you!"
"What are you scheming?"
"I'm not scheming, I told you! I've got zero plans. Nada. Nothing."
"What are you planning to do?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
She changed her line of questions. "Who are you?"
"I told you, I'm no body."
"I don't get you." She gave up, her sighs of frustration matching mine.
I leaned back against the machine and closed my eyes. "I don't get you guys, either!"
Then she said, "You're a terrible person."
I was taken aback. Did she know about the things I had done in high-school?
From no where I heard Blue Fresh's voice chime in, "That's right!"
I couldn't take it. I'm about as mild mannered as they come, and about as weak as a kitten. I stood up and threw my comic book against the wall. I stalked over to Pink and stood in her face, yelling, "What in the hell do you want from me? Why do you keep hounding me like this? Who the hell are you guys?"
She stood up and faced me. Our noses were practically touching. Pink yelled right back. "No, who the hell are you?"
The top of the washing machine I had put my cloths in burst open, and Blue Fresh stood up, his waste coming out of the top of the drum. He pointed at me, his other arm back in a ready posture. "Tell us who you are!"
The machine opposite him burst open, and out popped Green. "Who are you?"
Yellow and Red popped out of dryers, effectively surrounding me. They took up combat stances. Even Pink took a step back, readying herself for a fight. They all spoke in unison. "Reveal your true identity, Hikaru Gosunkugi!"
I scrubbed my hands through my hair. "You were here all along…" I muttered.
- - -
Drip. Drip. Drip.
I was staring at my ceiling, tracing the lines of the pentagram over and over with my eyes. I had a book of spells resting on my chest. I couldn't read any more tonight. My thoughts were bouncing around in my head, dwelling on the scene from the laundry mat.
Who am I? Really? Who is Hikaru Gosunkigi? Do I have a true identity? What did they mean about showing my real form? All this introspection was getting me no where – it was only succeeding in making me even more glum than usual. I got up to use the bathroom.
I took one step towards the bathroom when a flaming arrow flew in through the open window, embedding itself in the wall.
I screamed. Then I blinked. Was the arrow flaming? I can't seem to remember. Anyway, there was a note attached, so I reached up and carefully untied it from the arrow shaft, unfolding it to read.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
The letter was simple, but beautifully written in careful calligraphy.
"You, Hikaru Gosunkugi, are the one for whom we have been waiting. Please allow us to assist you in your plans to destroy the earth. Hence forth, we will serve as your minions.
Sincerely,
Zarray, the army of evil."
Zarray?
I heard a movement from the window.
I looked down to the street. As far as I could see in either direction, a line of men stood with their heads down, legs spread and arms crossed in front of their bodies. They were wearing green-hooded nylon track jackets with a large golden chain, and black track pants with white stripes up the sides. At the end of the gold chain, the letters HG stood out in massive bling, sparkling in the street lamps.
They looked up at me. They were wearing blood-red masks with oversized, crazy eyes and wicked grins. They tore off their track jackets as a unit, tossing them to the wind. Underneath, they were wearing black sweatshirts with the imprint of a skeleton's rib cage on it.
They raised their arms in a military salute from the chest. In one voice, they cried, "We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi! We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi! We Salute you, Lord Gosunkugi!"
The cry echoed through the night air.
- - -
I was never alone after that. When ever I went somewhere, Zarray and his… I guess, my minions accompanied. The Earth Defender Freshman would inevitably show up, and a large brawl would ensue. My minions would jump on the Freshman, who would inevitably manage to defeat them in some series of cheesy martial arts maneuvers. It was okay, though. Because the army of evil kept them so occupied, I was almost able to do what ever I wanted without being pestered.
Ranma once told me, "I can never tell what you're thinking." I never really thought about it before, but I never really understood myself, either. What kind of person am I?
I stopped in the middle of the street. My minions stopped, looking wary, expecting an attack. I turned to them. "You guys want to go drinking?"
50 cheers rose from my army.
- - -
I was at the club, dancing to the music as best I could, not caring for a moment about the Freshman or the Army of Darkness. I hadn't really thought about it, but you know, even if you don't know who you really are, if you have music you can dance, if you have a play station you can play games, if you have a cell phone you can talk for hours. If you have a big helping of food you can eat and be content. So I suppose if I did have the most powerful, evil spell that I locked in my subconscious, I really could destroy the earth if you wanted to.
But why would I want to destroy the world? Was it because nobody had liked me in high school, or was it for some other reason? Is this what Ranma felt? Knowing you had the power in your hand but choosing not to use it?
- - -
The noise of the club was a perfect cover. The Earth Defenders Cannon set up their cannon, and Pink bent down to the periscope to acquire the target. "Target Acquired! OK!" she yelled.
As one the team yelled, "Rolling Bomber Special!" They took a second to pose. "FIRE!"
- - -
I caught a flicker out of the corner of my eye, and turned just in time to see that Rolling Bomber beam heading towards me. I threw my arm in front of my face right before it struck, and the blast hit my upraised limb. It threw me to the ground before bouncing around the ceiling. The club goers screamed and started to run for the exit.
My arm felt funny. I got to my knees and watched in fascination as the skin on my hand started to split, revealing a dark scaly surface underneath. It grew rapidly. Spikes shot out of my forearm as my limbs grew. I could feel pressure on my spine, and I heard the fabric on my back rip as razor sharp spines 4 feet long burst from every vertebrae on in my back.
I wondered where Ranma was. He always dealt with these kinds of problems so well.
I heard Pink yell, "HIKARU!"
I tried to answer, but "who am I!" was the only thing I could say until the transformation was complete.