The Teen Titans are owned by DC Comics, Warner Brothers, and Cartoon Network, not me. The story, however, is all my fault.

None For All And All For None

Gizmo was tossed in like a sack of potatoes - a loud, obnoxious, foul-mouthed sack of potatoes. "YOU SNARBLE-BUFFED SPLAT CLICKS! I'M GONNA BUTT PLUPP EVERY ONE OF YOU!! YOU STAPTARDS WILL BE FRUGGIN' NERPED KAGGLE FOR NUCKIN' WITH ME!" And, trussed like he was, he landed like a sack of potatoes, too. "OOOF!!" He tried to twist around before the door slammed shut on him, but he was just too slow, what with the trussing and such. Nonetheless, he screamed a particularly savored insult at his absent captors. "YOU PIP SHACED WASS SIPES!!!"

His anger echoed briefly, like the echo of the slamming door did moments earlier, then it left him alone, in the almost dark and cold-metal discomfort of the paddy wagon. He struggled against the restraints binding his arms behind his back, but he'd been in this situation before, and he knew when the cops did it wrong and when they did it right. A test pull and twist and... "Ah, pips...," he muttered. They had definitely done it right.

He flopped back down onto his side. "Pips, pips, pips," he murmured again. The Hive Five had gotten their butts burned but good by those farkin Titans today. Nobody followed the plan. He didn't have any backup. Everywhere he turned there was a Titan standing in his way. No one came when he called for help. Stupid fratzle-blatted pang burrs! The plan was to cover him while he got the goods and got out!

Dumb perp weeds, all of them!

The door suddenly swung open, blinding him with the sun's noontime glare, though it was quickly blocked by something, or someone, filling the doorway.

"What the plup?" But curiosity was quickly overwhelmed by panic as the sunlight-blocking figure started toppling over, falling straight toward him! "AAAAAAH!!" The worst part was the quick return to the dark when the door closed, leaving him in suspense over when--

Thump

--over when the body would fall onto him.

"GET OFFA ME YOU KHIT-BLAINED WAFFLE STENCH!"

The answering voice sounded kind of muffled, but there was no mistaking who it was. "Dang, that you, Giz?"

He turned it down a little in reply. "Get offa me, Billy!"

"...uhhh..." Billy Numerous didn't move. "I can't budge, buddy. You're on your own."

Gizmo scowled and mumbled, "Like that's news." He squiggled and squirmed and muttered and cursed and crawled and eventually he got himself out from under the dead weight that was Billy. With a lot of irritation he sat up and started complaining about the laziness of some tooble-pranged people who get tied up and act like they can't even lift a kapinapled finger and how he did all the fritzin' work and does all the dog-darned fritzin' work all the time and--

"Hold on there, Giz! I'm ee-mob'lized, fer real! They shoved me inta this here suit-thingie, and I caint even move a dang-blasted finger!"

"Huh?" Gizmo thought for a moment, figured he really should find out if Billy was telling the truth, then he plopped himself onto his back. He raised his foot, then slammed the heel down as hard as he could on the shadowy bump that looked like Billy's head.

Prang!

Gizmo's foot bounced back, and it hurt! "Ow!"

"Tol' ja," said Billy.

Giz had to sit back up to shrug his shoulders. "Yeah." He scooted closer to Numerous. "So, you can't do your, uhh, multiplication thing, then?"

"Wadda you think? Seein' that I don't even have enuff room to twitch my nose, ya id'jit. And it's a dee-vide thang, Giz, not a multeeply, tha's why I got the dee-vide thang on my costume! Are ya blind, too?"

Gizmo scowled. "Smell me, horn bucket!"

"Step right on up, ya pipsqueak!"

"BITE IT!"

"Ya puny rattlesnake!"

"Frattend pug scum!"

"Stinkweed!"

"Bistol-whipped prang... uhh, PRANG!"

"Yeah? Well, if'n you'd a been where you were s'posed ta be, we wouldn't even be here, ya stupid polecat!"

Huh? "YOU weren't where YOU should've been!"

Billy really really really wanted to bop him good. "The Plan was for you, See-More and Mammoth to keep the Titans busy, while Kyd Wykkyd got me in to grab the goods."

Giz was hot! What kind of a sopping wet load was Billy trying to shovel onto him?! "No it wasn't! We all agreed I'd go in first to shut down the alarms and surveillance--"

"You mean fer you to go straight to the ee-lectronic doohickies and waste all our time cherry-pickin' stupid bits o' stuff instead o' gettin' valuable whatchacallits we can turn into cash money!"

"Let me get what l want, and we'll never need money!"

"So, yer gunna drive yer SuperMegaBattleBot 3000 to O'Donald's to steal a burger and a shake?"

"Hey! When have you ever beaten the Titans with your powers? My stuff has whooped their butts, and it'll do it again!"

"Yeah, well that was when Jinx tol' ja what to do!"

"Jinx never told me nothing!"

"Ya lyin' cow pie! You and Jinx and Mammoth kicked butt in The Hive, and she called every formation, I was there and I watched ya, so don't say nothin' different!" Billy heard Giz mumble a reply, but too low to really tell what it was. "And when we got the Five together--"

"Okay," Giz muttered.

"--she was all about plannin' and doin'--"

"Okay!"

"--and--"

"OKAY! So she had a frattzled bug up her butt about every little plabled thing being just so! And if it got her off to be the one to call out 'Delta Formation', or whatever, what'd I care?! That doesn't mean just 'cause she's gone we can't pull off a heist!" Then he stopped. He clammed up, and looked anywhere else but at Billy, settling on staring at the little bits of light sneaking in past the closed grates over the window in the door.

They sat for several minutes in the gloom, thoughts rattling around inside their heads like marbles in a can. Then Billy cleared his throat, waited a moment, then cleared it again. "Uhh, buddy... Mebbe we should be a tetch bit more org'nized for, uh, next time."

Gizmo mumbled, then realized he had mumbled, and spoke a little louder. "Yeah. Maybe." Then he spoke a little louder still. "She didn't do nothing but keep us from stepping on toes, and we can do that."

"Yep," nodded, well, tried-to-nodded Billy. "We jes' need ta git oursel's org'nized. Someone to make sure we all know the plan--"

"Yeah."

"--to make sure we all do what needs doin'--"

"Yeah!"

"--to know who needs to be where--"

"Yeah! I can do that!"

Billy didn't quite like that reply. "What ja mean, 'you can do it'?"

"I'm the smartest in the team! I should be assigning everyone their jobs."

"Hold it up there, ace! No one's tellin' no one ta do nothin' yet!"

"And what's wrong with me being the leader?! It's not like you can do it!"

"And jes' what 'ja mean by that?"

"You can't even stick to the plans we got now!"

"Yo're the one who's a'ways MIA when we need ja!"

"Bite it, skiffle breath!"

"Skunk!"

"Futt-wipe!"

"Ign'rant midget!"

"TAGGIN' OMNISPOOT!"

The door suddenly swung open, blinding them with the sun's just-past-noontime glare, though it was quickly blocked by something, or someone, filling the doorway.

Billy and Giz squinted towards the door. "What the plup?" But curiosity was quickly overwhelmed by panic as the sunlight-blocking figure started toppling over, falling straight toward them! "AAAAAAH!!" And "AAAAAAH!!" The worst part was the quick return to the dark when the door closed, leaving them in suspense over when--

Thump

--over when the body would fall onto them.

"GET OFFA US YOU KHIT-BLAINED WAFFLE STENCH!"

A deep rumble responded. "Gizmo? That you?"

Billy was faster to the draw than Giz. "And me, too, Mammoth! What happened to ya?"

"Aww, the Titans ganged up on me and took me down." He was quiet for just a moment, then said, "Hey, where was you guys? The Plan was for you to back me up."