Forgiveness

Cristina felt defeated. She didn't think she even had the energy to make it to her car. She felt alone. It wasn't as if she didn't know how to be alone. She enjoyed it actually. But tonight, she was truly alone. She had no one and it was taking a toll on her emotions. She let herself drop down to the bench in front of the hospital. She had finally gotten to a point in her life where she didn't think about Burke every day. She had finally said goodbye to him and the painful feelings she had associated with his memory. She was over him, but that left her with nothing but emptiness.

Then Owen Hunt walked into her life. She didn't want another relationship. She didn't want love. Especially with another attending. It was just too painful. She just wanted to be a surgeon. The best surgeon. She wanted the world to recognize her talent. But, is that what she truly wanted? Could she live the rest of her life without love? She and Owen had shared a very special moment on the vent. She definitely knew she had developed feelings for him. She was confused about what the feelings were. She had grown a lot with Burke. It couldn't be another relationship like the one she had with Preston. It had to be on equal grounds. She wouldn't spend another second of her life trying to prove herself to a man. But she felt different this time. She didn't want to jump right into bed with Owen. God knows she needed it, but Owen was different. He was damaged too. Just like her. It had to be slow. They needed to take things slow. Then today, he had shut her down. Several times. She thought they had gotten past the awkwardness. She tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he was having a bad day. With the memories of the war. Maybe it was the memory of her. And the vent.

She leaned forward and placed her elbows on her knees and let her head drop into her hands. What was she doing? Just let this whole mess go. She didn't need Owen and she didn't need Meredith. She told herself this, but she knew differently. She was hurt and angry right now, but she knew better. She needed both of them. Well, she needed Meredith, but simply wanted Owen.

She knew she needed to go but couldn't force herself to move. Then she felt a hand reach out and touch her hair. She knew who it was before she even lifted her head. She felt a small flutter in her stomach. She wanted it to be him. She needed it to be him.

"What are you doing? I told you to leave me alone"

Owen dropped down to sit beside her. He didn't look at her. Simply stared and fumbled with the keys in his hand. She stood to leave. She couldn't do this right now. She simply didn't have the energy to argue and she certainly didn't want to hear his excuses. That is when she felt his hand take a hold of hers. He didn't speak. Just joined his fingers with hers. He gently pulled her hand back toward him to encourage her to sit back down. She did.

"Cristina………….I didn't mean to…………I'm sorry…."

"You can't treat me like that" it was barely a whisper. "I thought we shared something last night on the vent, then I come in here today and you act like you don't even know me and like the vent never even happened. You can't do that"

"I messed up"

"Yeah you did" She again rose to leave. This time he did not stop her. She walked briskly to her car. She didn't turn to see if he had followed. She hoped she already knew the answer. Tears had begun to sting her eyes and a lump had formed in her throat. She was attempting to unlock her door when she felt him behind her. She felt his arms come around her waist and rest there. She stopped what she was doing and stood and leaned back into his chest. She let her head fall backwards to his shoulder. She simply closed her eyes and let herself breathe in the moment. The feeling she had while in his arms was unexplainable. She felt protected. He was her savior. She had chastised him for it earlier, but she loved the feeling of being protected by him.

He whispered into her ear "I'm sorry I hurt you today. It was not my intention. I care for you very much and I would never intentionally hurt you"

She turned in his arms to face him "Then why did you?"

He let his arms drop and shoved both hands in his coat pockets. He let his eyes fall from her to the ground then back to her. "I didn't… I don't want you on this case. I don't want you anywhere near this animal. And I can't change it. I thought if I gave you the cold shoulder, you might ask to be taken off this case"

She let a small grin creep onto her face. "Um….you should know that I don't quit at anything. It is going to take a lot more than you being a little pissy with me to get me to quit a case"

He didn't find her amusing. "I am being serious. I don't want you around this guy"

"Dr. Hunt….."

"Owen. I want you to call me Owen"

"Owen……..this guy is shackled by his hands and feet to the steel frame of a hospital bed. What do you think he's gonna do to me?"

"I don't know. But I don't want to take that risk" he stepped closer to her which only left him inches from her face. "I cannot bear the thought of something happening to you. The cost of him hurting you would be more than I could bear. I need you"

Hearing him come to this realization was shocking to her. He needed her? Since when? When did they start to need each other?

"Well, I don't need you. I don't need you to protect me and I certainly don't need you to decide what cases are best for me or what is safest for me. I can take care of myself. Good night Dr. Hunt" She opened her door to slide inside but once again felt his arms around her. He took a hold of both of her shoulders and spun her around to face him.

"Look Dr. Yang……….I am trying to apologize here. I have been to hell and back. I have sunk so low that I didn't think I would ever be able to climb back out from it. I shut myself down to any feelings. Then I come back to you. And you are all I think about. You haunt my thoughts day and night. Awake or sleeping. You are there. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I attempt to sleep. My past cannot be undone. I am attempting to deal with it. So when I attempt to apologize, the least you can do is try to act like you accept it"

Cristina turned and threw her bag and keys into the front seat of her car. She shut her door and approached him. She slid both of her arms around his waist and leaned into his mouth with her own. She kissed him passionately. More passion than any of the other kisses they had shared. She let her tongue flick his lips until he surrendered and parted them. Her tongue darted inside to take what she wanted and needed. His arms snaked around her back and into her thick black curls. She reached up with both of her arms and wrapped them around his neck.

She broke their kiss and leaned close to his ear "I forgive you and I need you too………..Owen"