My god, I'm at it again. Once again I have written something depressing that also manages to have implied death in the end and have posted it in the twilight section, because I have no where else to put the randomness. this one is reallllly long. And kinda disconnected. But it's supposed to be like that. Companion story to separation, except this time the subject in question is female, and apparently lots of time has gone by. I pity the character I created...
DISCLAIMER: i have nothing to disclaim in either of my stories because in no way do I use names, ideas, or plotlines that weren't mine!!! Therefore, Stephanie Meyer will just have to get someone else to use her ideas, because after Breaking Dawn, I disclaim her.
Memories.
Whispers in the dark.
Things that come to haunt me when the lights go out.
I hate them.
I hate them almost as much as I wish that they were more.
More than memories.
More than whispers.
But they aren't.
Never can be.
Never will be.
Impossible.
Sometimes I just want to lie here.
Drift away.
Surrender.
I wonder if I will die.
I doubt it.
But it's so hard not to feel.
So hard knowing it'll never be the same.
Even if I drift.
Even if I die.
Never.
I ache all over.
Pain shoots out from my back.
Squeezes my fingertips.
It hurts.
But I like it.
Reminds me that I still feel.
I look up.
Mirror.
I look awful.
I wear black now.
Shows me what I am.
Nothing.
I am nothing.
I step out.
Into the night.
Don't even know where I live.
Don't need to.
Don't want to.
The air is cold.
Walk around the corner.
Into the alley.
I smell the man.
Dirty, stinky man.
I know what he wants.
I smell that too.
His eyes glint.
Trying to scare me.
Wanting to hurt me.
Funny.
Doesn't he know?
Can't be scared.
Nothing to scare.
Can't be hurt.
Nothing to hurt.
He steps closer.
Pretty thing he says.
I smell poison on his breath.
He is saying something.
About some time alone.
I wasn't listening.
Don't care.
Can't hurt me.
I laugh.
Stupid man.
Thinks he can hurt me.
Stupid.
He reaches out a hand.
I grab his wrist.
Smash it against the wall.
Feel the bones breaking under my fingers.
He screams.
I walk away.
Idiot.
No one can hurt me.
I walk into the night.
I'm hungry.
Walk into the diner.
Warm.
Empty.
It's late.
Out there.
In the real world.
Sit down at the bar.
Waitress walks up.
Smells tired.
Looks angry.
Asks me what I want.
Her voice is loud.
Meat I say.
What kind? she asks.
Her face is different now.
Not angry.
Annoyed.
She doesn't like me.
Smart.
Whatever you have I say.
She leaves.
I look at the clock.
Don't know the time.
Don't want to.
Time hurts.
'Know thine enemy'
Somebody important said that.
Time is my enemy.
Don't want to know it.
Let it kill me
Can't.
But I want it to.
Waitress comes back.
Brings something brown.
I smell it.
Disgusting.
I eat it anyway.
Can't taste it.
I finish the brown thing.
Walk out.
Someone yells after me.
Stop thief they yell.
I keep walking.
Don't know what thief means anymore.
Don't care.
Walk down the street.
It's quiet.
I want to run.
Run to where no one can see me.
But I can't.
Can't make myself move.
It hurts.
Maybe I'm fooling myself.
Saying that it's just my body that hurts.
Not true.
My head.
My soul.
My heart.
Everything hurts.
Everything.
I stop walking.
In the middle of the road.
Just stand there.
I want to see if standing hurts too.
It does.
Hurts almost as much as moving.
I hear a noise.
Don't turn.
Don't care.
Noise is louder.
I can smell it now.
Don't understand.
Smells like hot metal.
And gasoline.
Blaring noise.
Someone screams.
Muffled.
They're in another room.
Behind a window.
Someone curses.
Voice is deep.
Sounds a little like him.
Screeching noise.
Awful smell.
Dull thud.
Sounds like something hitting someone.
I wonder who it is.
Pain.
It hurts.
But not much.
I live in pain.
Terrible pain.
This is just a little pinch.
Smell blood.
Smells like me.
I smell me.
I wonder why.
It's black.
No stars in the sky.
Weird.
They were there.
Interesting.
Another loud noise.
Wailing.
Loud voices.
Yelling.
Crying.
Screaming.
Talking to me.
Saying something.
Something about an accident.
I don't listen.
Don't care.
Not me.
Someone touches me.
No!
Bad.
Wrong.
No one touches me.
No one but him.
I try to move.
Jump away.
Can't.
They start to lift me up.
Bad.
Wrong.
I don't like their hands.
They aren't tall enough.
Don't smell right.
Can't move.
Can't move.
Can't tell them to stop.
Go away.
Stop.
They put me on a bed.
Strange.
I don't sleep in beds.
The wailing starts again.
Louder this time.
Make it stop.
Too loud.
Someone moves me again.
Somewhere quiet.
Smells bad.
Like death.
Rushed voices.
Talking.
To me.
To each other.
Don't listen.
Just want them to go away.
But the voices start to fade.
Something washes them away.
A soft voice.
Deep.
Quiet.
Sounds like chocolate.
I know that voice.
Try to sit up.
Can't.
Warm arms wrap around me.
Stop he says
Don't try to move
I don't.
Runs his hand through my hair.
I missed you he says.
So much
His scent washes over me.
Drops fall on my chest.
He's crying.
Don't cry I want to say.
Don't cry for me
He stops.
I going to take you home he says
Somewhere where no one can hurt you
Not even me
I believe him.
He kisses me on the forehead.
Starts singing.
Soft, pretty notes.
Beautiful.
Even when I know what he's doing.
Beautiful.
Somewhere, beeping starts.
I ignore it.
Voices start to babble frantically.
I ignore them too.
His voice is better.
I let the darkness take me.
Can't hurt me.
I am healed now.
Better.
Not black anymore.
White.
Pure white.
He is still singing.
Singing me to sleep.
Whew.. that was long, wasn't it?
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