Holding You As You Lay Dying

Every fiber of his being spiked in sadness. The look in her eyes that held the agony of the loved one lost echoed in his mind. Legolas had seen the exchange between her and his father; Tauriel in the embrace of grief, holding the dwarf's – no, Kili's – corpse in her arms, tears trailing down her noble cheeks. He saw his father, compassion and empathy visible in his normally cold emotionless gaze. "Because it was real." Legolas knew that Tauriel had no feelings for him. He had known it, and yet…he had hoped. Although his father considered Tauriel to be a lowly Silvan elf that should be grateful for him saving her from the same fate as her parents, Legolas could see far more than his father. She was his only companion as an elfling, someone who saw him for who he truly was. He was only Legolas to her, not my lord or my prince. She was a warrior who had his back, the only one that he could trust with his life.

When had his feelings for her surfaced? Legolas didn't know. He only knew, although young, that she was the elf that would follow him to his dying day. On a spring day after a disastrous attempt to eradicate the spawns of the spiders, Tauriel among many of their company were seriously wounded. Some had died. His father had been more furious than Legolas had seen him in centuries. A cold aura seeped from him, and he was about to open his mouth at wounded Tauriel when Legolas had halted him with a lie. He had told his father that it had been his fault that the excursion had gone so awry. "My bad judgment coupled with my arrogance had cost the lives of our people. I am very sorry, Father." His father had had said nothing for a moment. His cold blue eyes searched his son's for a moment. Then he had nodded and left. Tauriel had immediately demanded for him to tell him the truth and hissed at him for being a fool. Legolas had smiled. It was among the smiles most of his people didn't see.

One that was gentle and kind. "I am only a fool around you, Tauriel," he had whispered to her softly, his hands cupping her face. He felt her breath against his nose. He felt her red hair, as beautiful as the autumn's sun, against his cheek. Legolas looked deeply into her eyes, her eyes pooling into his own. "You are my everything." How he wanted to kiss her then. How he wanted to show her how much he cared for her. She was heart. His soul. But he hadn't. Legolas simply kissed her gently on her forehead and watched her heal, never leaving her side. It was a week later that the dwarf's came. Legolas had not known that he could have been capable of such jealousy and rage. Within the deep chambers of his heart, he knew that that tall dark-haired dwarf had stolen Tauriel's heart. As he had fought the disgusting spawn of that white orc, he had wondered briefly if Tauriel would had cried for him if he died. Would she would have wept as she would if she left the dark-haired dwarf to die? Legolas had shook himself from those thoughts after he had seen her again. She had made her own decisions. Her heart didn't belong to him.

"He may be my King, but he does not rule my heart."

"If you touch her, you will have to kill me as well."

How many times had he wanted to say those specific words to her? "Le melin, Tauriel." By the time he acknowledged his feelings for her, war had begun to rage, and the dwarves were fighting. Tauriel was fighting. He would not let her go to her death. As Legolas observed the heartbreak coursing through Tauriel, he realized that he would never get to say those words to her. How could he, knowing that the one that she loved was dead? Tauriel had taught him many things. She had seen what he could not about the various races of their world. He had thought of dwarves as an inferior race with greed in their veins, ignorant and ugly. He thought of men as weak and cowardly with as much ignorance as the dwarves. The battle that he had fought in caused him to rethink everything that he had been exposed to. Everything he had been taught. The world was beautiful as Tauriel had said. Legolas thought of himself as unworthy as meeting the man known as Strider. He had yet to earn it. There was also an ache in his heart that he had yet to fill.

"Legolas, your mother loved you. More than life." Legolas had never known his mother. She had died in Angmar, when Legolas only not even been a month old. His father had been distant, only calling him when his presence was required. He wondered now if it was because he himself reminded his father of his mother. As an elfling, Legolas had wondered and dreamed about his mother, longing for the love that she would have given him. There were times when Legolas believed that his mother had never loved him. Why else would she battle the evil of old when her son had no memories of her? Tauriel had attempted to ease his pain. She had arrived as an orphan, who had managed to survive being slaughtered by orcs and was found almost eaten by the spiders that poisoned their lands. When he had first met her, the first thing that he noticed was her red hair. Even now it had the same color and shade. Her clothes were torn and crusted blood covered her face. Tears were running down her cheeks. Legolas had felt something tear at his heart from the sight, but didn't say anything as she was led away. Soon after she was made his companion. His people did not have many children, and so Legolas was often lonely. When Tauriel came, he wasn't lonely anymore.

Legolas returned to Tauriel two years after the battle that had took so much away from them. His father had stated that Tauriel was struggling, and that he should find her. It was only later that he realized the familiar compassion in his father's eyes. Tauriel was lying on the ground, her face incredibly pale and her limbs sprawled unevenly. She was dying. Legolas managed to slightly heal as she lied in his arms. She wouldn't take the water he tried to give her. Her eyes were glazed and empty. His name emerged from her dying lips again and again. Legolas had held her, holding the agony that he knew that she had felt within him. Then, her voice."Goheno nin,"she whispered. Tears trialed down her pale cheeks. I'm sorry. "Goheno nin…" Her fingers, cold and delicate, brushed weakly against his face. "For what?" he gasped. It physically hurt to breathe as he forced his lungs to take breath. His throat collapsed as Tauriel looked up at him, sorrow and anguish in her gaze. "For not…loving you." Legolas almost cried out at her words. He had wanted her, yes. His heart ached for her. But this? His thoughts came to an abrupt stop when he felt her warm cracked lips against his own. Stunned blue orbs stared into her green eyes. A small, ironic smile appeared on her face. "Hannon le, Legolas. Mellonin…" Legolas didn't dare to breathe as he saw the light go out of her eyes. His heart seemed to stop.

He wanted to it stop.

"Thank you, Legolas. My friend..."

"Tauriel?" His whisper was almost inaudible. "Tauriel?" Her face was still. Her eyes…were blank and dark as the cold grief that coursed him when he realized that she died. Tears, for the first time he had shed since he was a lonely motherless child, flowed from his eyes. They hurt. "If this is what love is, then I do not want it." Tauriel… He cradled her head in his hands against his chest, allowing raw agonizing sobs to escape from his aching lips. Tauriel… The pain wouldn't go away. Despite the passage of time, it was still there, like a scar that would never heal. It would fester, and drown him into the abyss at times when Aragorn wasn't looking. But he didn't die. Legolas couldn't die. Tauriel would want him to see the world as she would have wanted him to see it. She would want him to defend their beloved world that she would have wanted to protect. That was why he joined the Fellowship. To protect the world that she would have died to protect one thousand times over.

He would live.

That was what she would want.

I'm very sorry if my language sucks. If any of you know how to truly say those words above, the please message me. I hope you enjoyed the story.