Hey everyone, this is my first attempt at fan fic so any comments would be hugely appreciated! Any criticism is more than welcome too, ideas for future chapters also.

Pairing ; Alex/Marissa

Rating: M? For future chapters I suppose.

Disclaimer: All characters names and locations property of Fox and The OC. I do not own or have rights to any of them, or the actual plot of the show. Any likeness to actual people is entirely accidental.

Chapter 1.

At the sound of the pool house door slamming behind her Marissa's eyes began to fill with tears. She stormed round the side of the Cohen's house, avoiding entering where she knew Seth and questions awaited. As she strode to her car she felt the windows staring at her, like empty eyes, knowing and judging. Finally safe in her jeep she felt the barrier break and the tears began to flow.

Why the hell do I always mess it up? Every time I have something good I have to push it away. It's just he's so, clingy, and protective. I can't stand it, it's like being suffocated. I had to do it, didn't I? It wouldn't be fair otherwise, oh god, I hope I did the right thing. He probably hates me now.

Marissa was brought out of her reverie by the sharp sound of a car horn. How long had she been just sitting at the lights? By the angry shouting of the drivers behind her it was long enough. Slamming the accelerator to the floor she tore off down the road.

She drove for hours. There was something comforting about the blankness it could enduce. Just her, the road and a full tank of gas. Flicking on the radio she felt herself slipping back towards thought, and back towards Ryan. But she knew it was too late now. Too much was said to take back, and too much truth was shared to be smoothed over by well meaning lies. Tuning her attention back to the radio and it's music she realised that the band was one due to be playing at the Bait Shop that night.

But that would mean seeing her. Is that something I want to do right now? Is it something that I CAN do right now?

Marissa didn't care she decided. It was only Alex. It was only a girl, only a friend, nothing more. She repeated those last words like they were her only hope as she steered the jeep into the Bait Shop Car park.

Nothing more, it's nothing more.

The clock on the dash flashed 8:00 at her in bright red numbers. She hadn't realised the time. The band started at 8:30 and she didn't want to be late. Hurrying to the door she suddenly turned and went back to the car. Checking herself in the rearview mirror she made sure her hair was in place and fixed her tear stained makeup. Straightening her black shirt and fixing how the denim of her skirt fell around her tanned legs she felt ready to go in now.

Why did I do that? Why do I care? I mean, it's only Alex. Just a friend, only a friend. This is weird. It's the breakup with Ryan, it's making me stressed.

Alex was too busy for all this thinking. There were too many customers demanding drinks. Not only drinks, but drinks with a smile, and some of them, well they wanted more than the smile. She knew the kind, good tippers, if you were willing to give them what they wanted. She wasn't. Money wasn't worth the time spent listening to them talk about their ex wives, smiling and flirting. Besides, she found it hard to concentrate on faces for too long recently.

Only because there's that one that keeps appearing in my head, in front of the face of whoever I'm talking to and all I can see is that hair and those eyes. That smile. Oh god the smile. Stop. Don't think that kind of thing anymore. It's just friendship, she only wants a friend Alex, who are you kidding. Like she'd ever want anything more. Nothing more. It's nothing more.

She busied her hands making drinks at such a rate even her colleagues seemed impressed. Churning out the martinis and 7and7's that were Newport's drinks of choice. Just tonic for the recovering alcoholics and then later, they would take the gin as well, and eventually, just the gin. Newport. She knew she didn't fit in here. Not that she really fitted in anywhere, but here she felt she fitted even less.

As the band set up she wandered back to her office. Under the pretence of getting the bands money for the gig. She even almost believed it herself. The second the door was shut and the bolt thrown over she sunk down to the floor, back against the wall and head in her hands. She was too confused. And not used to being this way. Not used to the thoughts that haunted her, the daydreams that occupied her mind when she should be working.

Why can't I get her out of my head? At least if I knew where I stand with her, but I can't ask her. I can't just come out with that kind of thing. She'd laugh and then she'd realise I was serious. Then, well, the same thing as most of my old friends, the looks, and the coldness, the hostility. She'd be freaked out, they all are in the end. I couldn't stand to lose her like that. I couldn't, I need a friend here, even if it is only a friend. Nothing more. Oh god just remember that, nothing more.

Composing herself she stood. It wasn't even as if she had been given any signs. Nothing to encourage these feelings, these thoughts. After Jodie, well she hadn't thought there would be another one to make her feel that anticipation. She had thought, well, she had thought wrong, and now, she couldn't stop thinking. Returning to the bar she poured herself a whiskey. JD wasn't just for old men, it was what it was, and at the moment, that was the power to forget and not think. Downing it, she poured another.

Please tell me what you think! More to come, I promise.