Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Hound/Meitantei Holmes, the characters or the original Sherlock Holmes stories. They are the properties of their respective owners.
Notes: This takes place a month and a half after the events of Hope. In the unpublished lemon, I had Hound pausing and cringing when he saw Watson's new scar, and the idea to expand on that idea would not leave me alone, so this was born. Mrs. Hudson does know of their relationship and supports it.
As with all my Sherlock Hound fanfics, Hound is used instead of Holmes.
This contains slash between Hound and Watson, meaning this is a Johnlock fic. There are mature situations but they're not detailed. Slight spoilers for Hope. Characters might be OOC.
I hope you enjoy!
(Linebreaks hate me so I will use SHJW.)
SHJW
If it had happened once, then there would be some understanding as to his actions. But, it had happened every single time, so it was concerning.
Those were the thoughts of Dr. John H. Watson as he lay awake in his partner's arms. Careful not to wake Sherlock Hound, Watson moved back a little so his face wasn't pressed against Hound's bared chest and tilted his head up. It seemed that Hound was sleeping peacefully. But, he didn't seem to be at peace earlier...
He thought back to when they were making love. As with many previous occasions, Hound had paused at Watson's abdomen, winced and hissed sharply. If Watson didn't know better at that moment, he would've thought Hound was telling himself not to start crying. Each time, Watson would open his mouth to ask what was the matter, but Hound would shake his head and proceed to distract Watson with intense sensations.
Of course, even if it flew from his mind in the more heated moments, it always returned once it was over and they were cuddled together to share in post-coital rest. My fur still has yet to cover the scar completely...what if it disgusts him? Maybe that's it, I mean, I found my scars disgusting when I saw them. Yes, that has to be it! Surely! How could he breach the topic when they awoke though?
"Mm, my John..." Hound murmured, a smile marking his muzzle as he tightened his hold on the Scottish terrier.
Watson sighed silently and closed his eyes, deciding he'd have a better idea of what to do when he woke up.
SHJW
Hound had an errand to run, so Watson was alone in their sitting room. He heard the door open and looked to see Mrs. Marie Hudson enter, a tea tray in her paws. He smiled fondly; though he still thought of her as quite possibly the most beautiful woman he'd known, his infatuations had faded and he instead loved her like he would a member of his family. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Hudson, I do hope we didn't cause any alarm earlier?"
The golden retriever shook her head, an amused smile marking her features. "Not at all, Doctor, I barely heard a peep from either of you." To her credit, she wasn't blushing; she may as well have been talking about the rare but possible explosions caused by one of Hound's experiments. She was very supportive of their relationship, and had the honour of being the only person to even know of it. Of course, considering their relationship was illegal, it was important it stayed a secret.
"Oh, good, I was worried I was too loud at one point."
"I don't recall any time I've heard you raise your voice to a volume I could hear from downstairs." She set the tray on the table and proceeded to prepare the tea the way she knew the doctor liked it.
He rose from the armchair and moved to the dining table. His steps were a little slow as his bad leg was acting up again. "Mrs. Hudson, may I please ask you for some advice?"
"Of course you may. If you believe I can help in any way?"
He finally reached the table and pulled out a chair, sitting down. He gestured to the other seat, inviting Mrs. Hudson to join him. "Though I won't go into detail, it concerns moments between Hound and myself that are to remain strictly private. As you are in our confidence, I trust my concerns will be kept as such."
"Of course, Doctor."
"I've noticed a few times when we...are quite intimate that when Hound sees the scarring on my abdomen, he would always appear distressed. He'd wince and inhale sharply."
"The scar on your abdomen, you say?"
"Yes. It probably happened the first night, I don't know as I didn't notice. But, every time following, I did. I would try asking, but he'd just shake his head and continue from where he left off. I'm concerned that maybe he finds it unattractive and has to fight back disgust."
"What makes you say that?"
"Because my scars used to disgust me too. I could barely stand looking at my leg, and if I saw my shoulder in the mirror, I would immediately look away."
"I have a feeling it's something else. But, I can't tell you what it is."
"So, I should just ask Hound?"
She nodded. "You'll both need to talk about it. I have a strong feeling, though, that once you have, everything will be fine."
He nodded. "If you say so, Mrs. Hudson." He picked up his teacup and had a sip. The liquid was shy of being lukewarm, but not unpleasantly so.
She rose to her feet and excused herself before leaving the room.
"Well, if Mrs. Hudson agrees we need to talk about it, then I'll breach the subject with him when he returns."
SHJW
An hour had passed and Hound entered the sitting room. "How's your leg, John?" he asked before approaching the armchair.
He smiled. "It's not as bothersome right now, thankfully." He tilted his head upright so they could share a quick kiss.
"Then, something else is bothering you." He knelt by the chair, his paws resting atop Watson's. "What's the matter, my dear John?"
Watson's smile faded slightly. "We need to talk, Sherlock. Don't worry, it's nothing serious, but we really need to have this conversation."
"What is it?"
He finally allowed the smile to drop and sighed. "Why do you appear to recoil when you look at my abdomen? I admit the scar isn't pleasant to look at, but it's not that hideous, is it?"
"To me...it is, though not in the way you believe."
"I'm afraid I don't quite follow."
His ears folded back and he closed his eyes. "Every time I see it, I don't feel repulsion, so please erase that notion from your mind. What I feel is grief. I am always reminded of just how close I came to losing you and the reminder is too much to bear."
"Sherlock..."
He opened his eyes. "I am always brought back to that time. One gunshot immediately followed by another. My surprise at not having been hit closely followed by the horror at seeing the blood blossoming from that very spot. Your weakened voice before you passed out and my begging for you to not die. I am brought back to the night of tear-filled vigil as I tried to keep hope that you would survive."
He quietly gasped as he noticed the tears forming in Hound's eyes. It seemed that time was still painful to him. He gently pulled his paws out from under Hound's, instead using them to cup his cheeks. Ears flattened, he leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead before gently shifting him so his head could rest on his lap. He ran a paw through his bangs while the other held one of Hound's paws. "I didn't realise you still felt that way. I'm so sorry, dear heart."
Hound closed his eyes and hummed. "You see but do not observe. It's for that reason you assumed my reaction to the sight of your scar was repulsion. Of course, my silence on the matter did naught to help." His free paw rubbed against Watson's abdomen, right where he knew the scar was.
"I can understand your feelings. I've been through the same."
"You have?"
"Did you think I accepted my scars so easily? I was disgusted to see them! But, it wasn't just that. I was always brought back to the moment I received the wounds that resulted in them. I could smell the gunpowder, feel the bullets piercing me, hear gunfire and explosions all around me. Do you know what helped me accept them?"
"What?" He sat up, head lifted from Watson's lap so he could look into his eyes.
Watson used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a falling tear from Hound's cheek. "I started to see them in another light. Instead of seeing them as the end result of something that could've ended my life, I see them as proof that I am still alive." He leaned down again, pressing his forehead to Hound's. "It didn't work straight away, but now I am no longer plagued by unpleasant memories, nor am I repulsed by them. Please try that yourself; I don't want for my beloved Sherlock to be plagued by such recollections anymore. I'm still alive."
"You're right that it might take some time; that night was the worst I've experienced so far. The day I do lose you will be the absolute worst, none would follow, there is no doubt of that."
"I echo the sentiment."
"You're also correct in that I should at least try to apply your method." He wrapped his arms around Watson and felt the embrace returned as he shifted his head slightly so they could share another kiss. It was longer and more passionate.
SHJW
That night provided an opportunity for Hound to apply Watson's methods. He saw the scar and almost went back to that horrific time once again. To anchor himself, he grasped Watson's paw and squeezed it, feeling it being squeezed in return. He pressed his lips to the scar, making his thoughts take a different direction to the usual. He's still alive, this scar is as much proof of that as the ones on his shoulder and leg. This one is no different.
Watson reached his free paw down and ran it through Hound's bangs, hoping to help add to the reminder.
SHJW
They lay in each other's arms, Watson's head pillowed on Hound's chest. "You did it, Sherlock."
"Because I had you to keep me anchored should my thoughts drift to that night. I love you, my dear John."
Watson smiled, tilted his head up for one more kiss and closed his eyes. "I love you too, my beloved Sherlock."
Hound wasn't far behind in joining Watson in slumber.
SHJW
After-notes: Nothing more to say, really.
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