The Dolphin's Footsteps
Book I
Card Captor Sakura
's characters belong to CLAMP and Kodansha.I'm responsible for Tata and the others. Feel free to borrow them, just tell people I'm the one to blame for their existence ^_~
Sequel to "Orbit and Contact". You'd better read it before getting to this one.
Shounen Ai.
~*~
Part I
Orbit
Her definition of a jolly, pleasant day: sitting comfortably in a perfumed English garden, a heartwarming sun defying a cool autumn breeze, the falling leaves painting the ground with her favorite shade of yellow. Right before her eyes, a delicate silvery angel leaned back against the chest of a tall, handsome magician with long black hair and deep blue eyes, who held the smaller figure tenderly by the waist.
Tata sighed happily. Those two had started early this morning. Promising.
"You're too tense, Yue," Clow whispered, blowing the Guardian's soft hair with his breath.
"I'm sorry, Clow..."
"Just relax," the mage soothed, massaging Yue's shoulders. "Feel the blood rushing through your arms, your hands, warming your fingertips, running back to your heart... And no matter what I do, don't forget to breathe."
Yue nodded obediently, a timid smile curving his lips. His Master's hands came down to caress his naked arms, cupping his right elbow, wrapping around his left wrist. He allowed Clow to position him at will, trustingly.
A dozen meters away, Tata leaned silently forward, trying to get a better view of the pair without calling attention to her presence.
Clow lowered his head until his cheek rested against Yue's, sighing at the cooler feel of the pale preternatural skin. "Yue..."
"I'm ready."
"Are you sure?"
The Guardian's only reply was a lopsided grin.
Tata bit her lip and held her breath, doing her best not to blink.
A stronger wind gush blew a silver tress against Clow's lips and the mage stood still for a second more, savoring its dewy fragrance...
...and let him go, stepping back. "Go."
Yue complied and opened the fingers of his right hand. The bow shuddered slightly as the arrow dashed forward, piercing the air at frightening speed to stab the wooden target 90 yards away, a good couple of inches off the red mark in the center.
Yue huffed under his breath. Clow petted his hair. Tata smirked.
"I don't know what is with me today," the Guardian grimaced. "My aim has never been this bad."
Clow laughed. "You're doing great. Don't be such a perfectionist."
"A near-miss can be the difference between life and death."
"You won't miss when hitting the target becomes a matter of life and death," Tata snickered aloud, relaxing on her chair. "Right now your mind is simply not on it." She grinned wickedly at Clow. "I wonder where it could be..."
The magician ignored her, just as he had been doing for the last couple of months. "You're trying too hard," he told Yue. "You know how to do it, your body knows what to do. You're thinking too hard and letting your thoughts blur your mind. Feel the wooden bow in your hands as close and intimate as the one you shape with your powers. Make it breathe with you. Make yourself fly with the arrow when you release it." He put his hands on the Guardian's shoulders and made a weird face. "Take it easy, Yue-chan! When will you ever learn to have fun?"
Yue scowled at his Master's comical impression of Kerberus's accent and annoying attitude. "I'll go fetch the arrows and try again." He was high in the air before Clow could argue.
Tata rolled her eyes. "One step forward, a whole street backward. You two are driving me nuts, Blue-eyes."
" I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about," Clow said defensively.
"Of course you don't," she snorted, and changed idioms. "Could we please talk in English? Japanese demands too much of my brain."
He sat with her at the garden table, acceding to her request. "There's nothing new to what we are doing. I always had him practicing with a wooden bow before using his own."
"I couldn't care less about the kind of bow he uses."
"And he asked my help to master the long shots."
"You are his teacher," she nodded.
"And I agree that he's a bit distracted today," Clow conceded. "But even magical creatures have their down moments."
"Since they can only be as perfect as their creator..." She shrugged. "And you can be awfully distracted at times, Blue-eyes."
Reaching for the crystal jar, he poured some white grape juice in his glass. "So... what are you scolding me for?"
"We're in the middle of autumn."
Clow eyed her quizzically. "That's hardly my fault."
"And while he practiced for the whole summer wearing his overcoat, now he thinks it's too hot for it."
"He said the fabric gets in the way."
If Clow decided to think harder about it, he might have found strange that the fabric had never been in Yue's way since his first lessons. But with the opportunity to brush his hands over the velvety skin of his Moon Guardian's arms, Blue-eyes could always find more important things to do than thinking hard about anything. "Did he mention in the way of what?" the sorceress winked.
"Tata! You wanna cram my head with dirty thoughts, fine! I'm used to it by now. But Yue is a child, he doesn't even know..."
"Sure," she cut him off. "And it's only a coincidence that his archery skills seemed to have evaporated right when you decided that the fastest way of teaching him a better way to hold the bow is by hugging him from behind..."
"I wasn't hugging..."
"My only doubt would be, is he having trouble concentrating because you're holding him, or in order to have you teaching him and holding him for a while more?"
"What?!"
"We know he can be pretty cunning when he wants to..."
"That's absurd!"
"Oh really?"
"Shut up, Tata. He's coming back."
Yue landed near the table, eight arrows in his hands and a suspicious look in his face. He opened his mouth, but changed his mind and said nothing.
Tata smiled fondly at him. "You're right, honey. Blue-eyes and I were talking about you."
The Guardian arched an eyebrow. He didn't press them to say more, but Yue's silences could be very demanding.
Clow drank his juice, hoping that the tall glass would hide his flustered cheeks.
"I was just wondering why you look so distracted this morning," said Tata. "Maybe a little bit... in orbit?"
The juice ran up to Clow's nose and he coughed, feeling horribly clumsy.
"You keep doing that, Blue-eyes," Tata sniffed reproachfully. "It's rather disgusting."
Clow would have glared at her if the convulsive coughing had allowed. The one who ended up apologizing was the Moon Guardian. "I'm really sorry. I won't quit the practice until I get it right."
Tata's satisfied grin froze Clow's blood.
"I think you should try again on your own, Yue," he replied quickly.
Yue gazed at the wizard for a thoughtful moment, his face an expressionless mask. At last he nodded, walking back to his shooting spot. No signs of relief or disappointment; no signs of minding the lack of his Master's touch, one way or the other. Therefore, Clow couldn't decide between feeling relieved or disappointed himself.
"Good idea," was Tata's conniving whisper.
The wizard frowned. "What idea?"
"Now we get to see if you being there or not has any influence in his concentration..." She flashed him a broad smile. "Ready to see my point proven?"
Clow paled. All he had intended was to get the clever sorceress off his back, but ended up giving her the opportunity to hang there forever...
If Yue hit the mark, that would mean... what? That Clow's touch did disturb him? Disturbed him because the Guardian was attracted to him... or because physical closeness to him was distasteful? And if Yue missed again... then he was completely indifferent to his creator's proximity?
Did he really want to know what Yue thought of him?
But... "This won't prove any point, Tata," he whispered. "What if he sends the arrow astray on purpose?"
"To deceive you into holding him again?"
"Yes." Belatedly, he realized his unallowable slip. "NO!"
Startled, Yue turned to the mage, bow ready, out of reflex looking for threats to his master. "Clow?"
Tata waved at him. "It's nothing, honey. Blue-eyes just bit his tongue. He'll survive."
A silver eyebrow curved with skepticism and annoyance; catlike eyes made sure his precious Master was unscathed -- if a bit too reddened for a cool autumn morning -- and finally returned to focus on the white and carmine concentric circles of the round target.
Clow was glaring as many daggers at Tata as he could, looking at her by the corner of the eye. "You are the most horrible, insidious, ugly witch..."
"You blame me for your contradictions? You keep saying it's absurd, that Yue is just an innocent child, free of obscene thoughts, etc, etc... but you just admitted to know better than that, didn't you?"
"I wasn't thinking."
"For crying out loud, Blue-eyes! Will your teeth drop from your mouth if you just acknowledge the possibility that your Guardian might be trying to get you to notice him?"
"Will the sky fall on your head if you find out he feels for me nothing beyond the respect of a servant or the love of a son?"
"Probably," Tata growled. "I can't be that wrong."
"Well, you'd better hide under the cathedral crypt then," Clow muttered. "Because I'm absolutely sure that even if Yue is putting up an act, it's the act of a kid wanting his parent to spend more time with him. Nothing more."
"Sure, sure... that's why your kid is showing you so much skin all of a sudden..."
"He's not...!"
But the sorceress was waving a reproachful hand at him. "Hush, Blue-eyes. He's ready."
And Yue was, indeed. Perfect posture, from the bare feet carefully positioned on the grass, to the naked arms holding the bow in a graceful grip that completely masked the brutal strength such an act required. By looking at him one would think that handling that weapon was as easy as keeping a tiny flower between the fingers.
No, no... When looking at him, nobody would bother to pay attention to whatever weapon he would be holding, even if pointed to the observer himself. The Moon Guardian was a vision, a singing mermaid, an alluring dream...
...an illusion. A delirium of Clow Read's mind, made solid by powerful spells, forever intangible nonetheless.
If Clow repeated that to himself for long enough, maybe those insatiate, inconvenient thoughts would eventually leave him alone?
Again the wind came to freeze the archer in place, threatening to carry the light arrow away and off its track. Yue waited patiently, keeping his stance like a soft-breathing statue, only his bangs acceding to the playful breeze...
...and...
It was all too fast for Clow and Tata to grasp. A hiss in the sky, a tense string suddenly free, a sharp bolt darting forward, a golden-orange blur crossing the garden from the left...
And all of a sudden a winged lion was falling heavily on the ground, a killer arrow protruding from his side, a howl of anguish piercing the air.
"Kerberus!!!"
Wings exploded to life on Yue's back as he flew blindly to the Sun Guardian's side, his face distorted in a scowl of horror and grief. What had he done? What had he done? "Kerberus! Kerberus please talk to me!"
Gently, he pulled the lion's whitish golden wings open, looking for the wound. The large animal panted, moaning at every ragged breath, cringing under Yue's cautious touch. "No... don't... hurts too... much..."
Yue gulped through a horribly dry throat. "I'm... I'm so sorry... I didn't see you coming..." He could see the tail of his arrow under the bulky body, pinned against the grass. "Let me... Roll over, Kerberus. I'll take it off for you..."
"...no..."
"Slowly, very slowly. I'll help you."
"It hurts..."
"That's why you have to do it, Kerberus! Come, turn around, I'll take it off and Clow will bandage you, you'll be all right, brand-new like in the day you were created, you'll see..." Yue was doing all he could to keep his fears from cracking his voice. He had to be calm, he had to be confident, he had to be rational. No matter if he was shattering inside, he couldn't break, not until Kerberus was healed, not until he corrected his unforgivable error.
How could he shoot an arrow and not notice the Sun Guardian's presence nearby? How could he have been so stupidly careless? "Kerberus, listen to me, you're only hurting yourself more by lying on that side. I know it hurts to move, but at least then..."
"...doesn't matter... Yue..."
"Of course it matters, Kerberus! Don't you want to be well again?" The Moon Guardian was barely aware of Tata kneeling beside him, petting the lion's head in a soothing spell.
"...too... late..."
Yue shook his head, firmly, desperately. "No."
"..it is, Yue... You know... it is..."
He wasn't hearing this. He couldn't be hearing this. The sorceress stood up gravely and he looked at her with pleading eyes. "Tata?"
She was biting her lip hard, her face completely blank. "I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, honey."
In panic, Yue looked around for help. "Clow! He's hurt! Come quick!"
The wizard was still standing near the table though, good 70 yards away, totally immobile, totally unresponsive. Probably in shock.
"Yue..." Kerberus called so weakly that the Moon Guardian had almost to press his ear against the lion's mouth to hear him. "Yue... be strong... I came to bring..." He coughed.
"Bring? Bring what?"
With a moan so painful that sounded vaguely like a sob, Kerberus took off three crumpled envelopes from the pocket behind the chest plate in his armor. "...these... just arrived... for Clow." Somehow the lion managed to stick the sand-colored papers in Yue's hand. "...all three messengers said... they're urgent... extremely... urgent..." A cruel spasm, more agonizing coughing...
Yue could only crumple those meaningless envelopes even more in his clenched hand. Nothing could be so urgent. Nothing could be so important. "CLOW!!!!"
But Clow seemed rooted to the ground!
"Clow, he's dying!!!" the Guardian shrieked. "Only you can help him!"
Nothing. The tall man simply remained there, his hands clasped in front of his mouth in a pathetic gesture of sorrow, terror and incredulity...
...or...
...in a mighty effort not to laugh...?
No...
No, no, no, no, no... Yue closed his eyes, grated his teeth, tensed all his muscles... "Kerberus."
"...Yue?"
"This arrow had better be deep in your guts, or I'm going to stab it right there."
A moment of awkward silence.
And at last Kerberus rolled over to look straight into the Moon Guardian's face. "You have weird priorities, Yue."
Clow's chuckles could be heard loud and clear despite the distance. Tata only shook her head helplessly, walking back to the table. "And now we'll never know if he'd miss the target or not," she muttered moodily.
Yue was fuming. Steaming up. About to burst into flames at the smallest flicker...
With a broad smile, Kerberus pulled the arrow he had half-hidden under his front leg and rubbed its tiny feathers on Yue's nose. "Easy, Yue-chan! Won't you ever learn to have fun?"
...boom!
~*~
The three envelopes barely survived.
"Don't look at me," Kerberus protested and pointed at Yue. "They were smooth and neat until King of the Party here jumped on my neck."
The Moon Guardian put on his white coat over his dusty clothes, pulling back his rumpled mane. "You deliberately fly right in the path of my arrow, risk your life and make that pitiful spectacle of yourself, all that with the single purpose of ridiculing me," he stated soberly, emotionlessly. "And somehow you plan to blame me for the damage on letters that were trusted to you."
Across the table, Clow eyed his moon lark with awe and amusement. For six entire minutes that usually stoic creature had returned to the intense, childish, quick-tempered ways of his first years of life, revealing a passionate Yue that Clow sometimes assumed gone for good. But as fast it had come, it had gone. The dirty garments and the ruffled feathers in his wings were the only marks that that sudden appearance had left behind.
Tata served them full glasses of grape juice -- probably with some calming spell dissolved in the amber-colored liquid. "Half a step forward, three hundred miles backward. The three of you are driving me nuts."
The two Guardians looked at her as if they had never seen her before. Then they looked questioningly at Clow, who just shrugged behind her back and twirled his index finger at the side of his head in a clear "she's nuts" gesture.
Kerberus shrugged as well and went back to the subject. "Anyway. I saw Yue was brooding again. I just wanted to cheer him up."
Clow blinked. Brooding? Again?
"I wasn't brooding," Yue countered. "I was training. And what makes you think that pretending to be lethally wounded would cheer anyone up?"
The Sun Guardian practically purred, rubbing his head on Yue's thigh. "Ah, the things I have to do to make you admit your true feelings for me," he teased.
Taut as an ice block, Yue got on his feet, pushing the lion away in the process. "Do I have to rip off your skin to make you realize what I think of you?"
Kerberus snorted. "I'm talking about all the frantic sobbing because you thought I was going to die... I was really touched, you know."
"Well, don't be," the other snapped. "I was merely worried because I didn't want to be blamed for harming one of Master Clow's creations. Not even one he would be better off without."
The last word almost didn't make it through Yue's lips, as he suddenly realized Clow was right there beside them, with a guest. In a way, criticizing Kerberus was criticizing Clow, who had made the bothersome Sun Guardian the way he was -- and loved the lion for what he was too, Yue thought bitterly. And even if the Guardians' job included alerting their Master about possibly bad decisions, challenging him in front of his guests was inexcusable. Even if this guest was old Tata, whom Clow had always considered part of his family.
The wizard sighed, staring at the apologetic look in the Moon Guardian's eyes. The servant's look. Embarrassed, disconcerted, fearful of an acid reproach...
...angry, incredulous, accusing, indignant... fearful of betrayal... of abandonment... of extirpation... nullification... annihilation... "...follow the Dolphin's footsteps..." duty... detachment... arrogance... "...seeing all sides in a conflict..." frustration... "...shattered wings... blood everywhere..." soul-wrecking stupefaction... "...her idea... my decision..." oh no oh no oh no... Kerberus won't accept... Yue won't understand... the heart-freezing winter, the unlit hearth... "...there's no one else, Clow..." nothing else... nobody else... "...better off without"...
"...better off without..."
"...better off without..."
"Clow!!!"
The alien feelings and distressed voices gradually faded, as real sounds, smells and faces slowly coalesced around the wizard, slapping his numb mind awake. His knees tensed under the weight of heavy paws, and he saw Kerberus leaning over him, screaming his name in alarm. "Calm down, dear," Tata was reassuring the beast. "He's coming back now."
Only Yue hadn't moved. His moon lark had just stood there, staring at him in thunderous silence, throughout the whole time -- seconds? minutes? hours? -- that obscure vision had endured.
"Blue-eyes? Are you with us?"
Clow breathed deeply, forcing his attention towards Tata. She caressed his hair tenderly, protectively, with the eyes of a mother tending to a sick child. "You were fighting it, weren't you?" she chided him softly. "Didn't your father ever tell you never to fight the visions?"
"...better off without..."
Now the Moon Guardian shuddered, obviously recognizing the words he had said about Kerberus. "Clow?"
Yue's voice... and the silence. Clow felt his eardrums throbbing, hammering his brain, his whole spirit begging for warmth and comfort. His eyes met the silvery creature's through layers and layers of timeless mist.
"These words," the mage hissed. "Too soon you'll be regretting these words."
~*~
March 26th, 2002
Author's Notes:
- If the first paragraph made you think of the lyrics, "Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun", I can't quite say it's just a coincidence ^_^
- This is just the first chapter of a really long story. *hint* Reviews and comments always inspire me to write faster. ^_~
This story is part of the Clow no Tenshi timeline. Read the other stories of the series in the Only the Inevitable website:
http://www.solitudeofafallingstar.hpg.com.br/cardcaptorsakura.html