Basically this is going to be a collection of Akatsuki stories when they're not on missions. Updates will probably be random but I'll try updating once or twice a month.
Enjoy~
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor its characters.
Chapter 1: Shopping
Pein gazed at the gathered Akatsuki members minus Konan.
"I have called you all here because I have an important mission that will take all your efforts combined to complete"
"Ooh!" Tobi raised his hand, "Are we catching the tailed beasts?"
"No. This mission is far more important and dangerous. Konan is on her period. I have prepared a list of items you must bring back before evening, or else"
"Or else what, hm?"
"Or else Konan will get mad at me. Now go!"
At the grocery store
Sasori read off the list,
"Comfort food, flowers, and... tampons"
"We should split into three groups to save time" Itatchi decided.
"DIBS ON COMFORT FOOD!" Hidan and Deidara called at the same time.
"Tobi will go with Senpai!"
"I'll pick out the flowers" Zetsu announced leaving.
"I'll go with him" Kakazu said following Zetsu.
"That leaves us" Kisame looked at Sasori and his partner.
"Is it really ok leaving the comfort food to those brats?" Sasori indicated to the three walking off already in an argument.
"Even an idiot could do it, they'll be fine"
"Senpai what's comfort food?"
"It's food you eat to feel comforted, hm"
"Senpai what's a period?"
"It's that thing girls do"
"What thing?"
"bleed, un"
"Why do they bleed? Did Konan get a paper cut?"
"You explain Hidan, hm!"
"Tobi you idiot! They bleed because they're girls. It can't get fuckin' simpler than that"
"No more questions, hm"
The three stopped in front of the sweet aisle.
"So does anyone know what Konan likes?"
"Marshmallows!" Tobi exclaimed.
"Hey, how the fuck do we know if the food is really comforting?"
"Silly Hidan, we try it!" Tobi grabbed a bag of marshmallows and popped it open, the marshmallows flying everywhere.
Hidan shrugged and ripped opened a bag of M&Ms dumping the whole thing in his mouth.
Following suite Deidara took a few bars of everything.
Together the three made sure that every sweet in the aisle was worthy of being called comfort food.
Kakuzu followed Zetsu around the store's garden.
He believed buying flowers to be a waste of money but since Pein ordered it he had no choice but to stand there as Zetsu browsed.
"How about these?" White Zetsu asked him pointing to some roses.
"Too expensive"
"This one?" Black Zetsu picked up a pot of Daisies.
"Too expensive"
"Thes-"
"Too expensive"
"They're all too expensive for you!"
"They're all a waste of money"
"So which do you think we should buy?"
Kakuzu looked around the store and spotted some yellow wild flowers growing outside the store's garden area.
"Let's take those ones. There's no price tag"
"But those are-"
"Free"
Sasori, Itachi, and Kisame stared at the variety of packages filling the shelves before them.
"Which one do we take?" Kiame asked looking at the two beside him.
"Does it really matter?" Sasori grabbed the closest package.
"Is that really ok?"
"Relax Itachi, Sasori probably gets this stuff for Deidara all the time"
"The brat's a guy"
Kisame burst out laughing.
"That was a good one"
"I'm not joking"
Kisame laughed again.
"Man Sasori, you're a funny guy"
"I think I would know my partner's gender"
"He's not joking Kisame"
"DEIDARA'S A GUY!?"
"What are you guys screaming about?" Zetsu asked as he and Kakuzu came over, finished with their 'shoppings'.
"DEIDARA'S A GUY!"
"And?"
"DID EVERYONE KNOW?"
"Pretty much" Itachi answered.
"Now lets hurry and pay for these. I hate waiting in line" Sasori declared.
"I can't believe we actually had to pay for trying all those sweets we tried, hm!"
"Don't worry Senpai, Tobi still has his bag of marshmallows!"
"Hey idiots, look over there" Hidan pointed to a toy section.
"TOBI WANTS AN ELSA AND OLAF DOLL!"
Tobi ran in and started opening the toy packages.
Deidara and Hidan followed the masked man-child.
"Hey Hidan, do you think I can explode play-doh like I do with my clay, hm?"
Hidan shrugged.
"I wanna replace all of Kakuzu's fucking money with the kind from monopoly"
The three got busy and were soon kicked out of the toy section too.
"Let's go home hm"
The Akatsuki stood before Pein.
One of Kakuzu's hearts stopped when he saw the receipt.
"So you spent over $1000 on dandelions, a half eaten bag of marshmallows, and XXL pads?"
"Fuck yeah"
"SHINRA TENSEI!"
Needless to say, Konan blamed Pein for the insufficient shopping's and he had to go back to the store himself to buy the things on the list.