A/N: So this tag takes place following the season 5 episode, 'The Party's Over'. I'm on a oneshot role at the moment...here it is.
Stella stood staring hesitantly at the row of apartment buildings that stretched down the street, eyeing the street numbers and comparing them with her paper. The brick apartment buildings all resembled the other, their exteriors worn but in good condition. Looking up and down the street, she found a number close to the one she was seeking. The woman walked casually down the sidewalk, periodically checking her handwritten note, while at the same time deciding if she was doing the right thing. Stella Bonasera was usually very confident in herself; had to be with the decisions she made on a daily basis. Stella demanded it from herself and when you were an NYPD detective, it was assumed you were a good decision maker. Tonight though, Stella found she was unsure.
Speeding up her pace slightly at the noticeably fading daylight, Stella increased her surveillance of street numbers. She had respected his decision of not wanting to talk about what happened, the need to be alone—she had felt that way many times. Stella knew that deep down inside, often times when those boundaries were raised you wanted another person to talk to but did not want to burden them. This knowledge had fuelled Stella's quest.
Finally finding the matching number on the building, Stella appraised the five-story apartment building noting it was well kept and appeared to be in good order. Entering into the foyer of the building, she looked for her colleague's name on the apartment list. Finding the appropriate button, she pressed the intercom.
"Hey Adam, its Stella," she greeted while holding the button. Letting her finger go, she waited patiently for a response. Almost a minute went by before she tried again, knowing he could be sitting in his apartment ignoring her. Somehow, Stella could not see Adam doing that.
"Adam, I know it's been a tough day, I just want to talk for a minute," Stella added, hoping to convince him to let her in. Five minutes went by and Stella concluded that Adam was not home. Looking dejectedly around the foyer, Stella sighed. Her friend had definitely not gone home as he had hinted, she thought making her way down the steps to the sidewalk. Maybe he just went out for a beer; Stella surmised knowing that might be one of her first stops after a day like the one they had. Usually though, those trips were accompanied by other friends from work. Stella knew none of her other colleagues had proposed a trip to Sullivan's.
Deciding to continue down the street, Stella wondered along lazily content to enjoy the warm evening air that was pleasantly scented from the new spring flowers beginning to bloom. Window boxes and small gardens were plentiful on the street, lending to the strong scent. She was in no hurry to go home alone either. A walk would allow her to relax before finally hailing a taxi to take her to her own apartment.
The quiet street allowed her to the opportunity to work through her own thoughts. Unzipping her NYPD jacket, she allowed the warm breeze to cool her down. Stella began to realize she was overdressed for her unplanned walk. Taking in the street- the buildings, the people and the atmosphere, Stella decided she liked the area. It was calm and quiet, the 'blue flu' having no ramifications for this small middle class neighbourhood. Stella's cab ride had shown plenty, the ride taking twice as long. Angry people seemed to be on every corner and when an NYPD officer did arrive, the person was bombarded with heated protests.
Stella had to admit that until she had visited Danny, she had not understood how anyone could break his or her duty to serve and protect the people of New York. Granted, she most definitely thought they deserved every penny of their salary but refusing to come into work to prove a point...Stella had been unsure if she was okay with that. It left the others like her with the task of picking up the slack. Thinking back-- had they not also taken a stand against the brass when they tried to let Adam go, she may not be looking for him now.
Stella had been walking for about fifteen minutes absorbed in her thoughts when she happened on a small green area-- a gazebo, and fountain along with several benches completing the space. To her surprise, one figure hunched over on a bench looked suspiciously familiar. Stopping briefly, Stella scrutinized the figure more closely determining it was male. The man was leaned over, elbows resting heavily on his upper legs with his gaze boring into the ground. Stella made her way forward slowly, spying Adam's shoulder bag and recognizing his jacket from earlier. The younger man was engrossed in his thoughts, his hands clasped together anxiously.
When Stella walked to within five meters without drawing his attention, she decided to take action to announce her presence. She did not want to startle her friend. "Adam?" she called quietly. There was a short pause before the lab tech brought his head up slowly, giving Stella a surprised look upon recognizing her form.
"Ah...," he stumbled, his eyebrow rising indicating his uncertainty of her being there. "What you doing here?" he asked, shaking his head when he realized how he sounded. Before Stella could answer he continued, "I mean, not that I mind...man...,"he stated under his breath as he rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. Adam really hated that no matter the occasion, he could never get his words out efficiently around his colleague.
"Relax Adam, I am not stocking you but I was looking for you. In fact I just came from your apartment," Stella indicated, watching as Adam absorbed her words.
"Oh," he replied simply. Once again, he gave her an eyebrow raise. "What for?" he asked confused. Suddenly the lab tech found himself reviewing what he had been working prior to being called down to the precinct, he could not remember leaving anything unfinished. He was sure he had done all his work today.
"You're not in trouble Adam, relax," Stella repeated again, giving him a reassuring smile and watching his body unwind slightly. "I just wanted to check on you, it was a rough day," she related, watching her younger friend nod and begin examining the ground. Finding a stone, he began moving it around with his foot.
"You had me going for a minute, I thought I forgot something," Adam admitted quietly, stopping for a moment before continuing. "I am fine, no worries Stella. Like I said, nothing guitar hero and a slice won't fix," Adam repeated his words from earlier in the evening. Realizing his friend remained standing over him; he moved over on the bench and indicated to the seat beside him.
Stella sat down wordlessly. Adam worked hard at not noticing how close their bodies now sat. Swallowing hard, Adam sighed and studied the rock with his foot again. A few moments of silence followed before she spoke. "And yet here you are. No pizza or guitar hero in sight," she responded lightly.
"I didn't want to go home yet," Adam confessed, shrugging his shoulders and finally leaning back against the bench. He looked out at the street, cars traveling down the road forming streaks of light in the deepening darkness. Or what passed for darkness in the city.
"I can identify with that," Stella stated, watching as Adam turned to meet her gaze for the first time.
"Really?" he asked meekly. Adam did not think of Stella as the type of person who regretted being home alone. Stella smiled warmly at his surprise over her statement.
"Really," she replied slowly. "It's lonely living by yourself, especially when you don't have family or a significant other to share it with." It was Stella's turn to this time look away, pushing a wave of emotion back. She did not want to get too deeply into her own emotional baggage when she was meant to be helping Adam. Stella noted the look of recognition that appeared on her friend's features, a small smile forming on his lips.
Adam was glad that she understood, knowing that Stella did not have any family and as far as he knew no one special except for Mac. He was still flabbergasted that someone as pretty as Stella knew what being alone was like, knew how lonely it was. He knew that was an assumption based on her looks and he brushed it away, knowing Stella was very different from other more shallow women. In fact, Adam would put Stella in a class all her own...not that he would tell her that.
"Yes it is..." Adam spoke quietly, "Lonely I mean," he replied in explanation after the long pause. "Sometimes I come here when I don't wanna go home. I watch the people so I don't feel so alone." Stella merely nodded, not feeling a need to verbally reply to his comment. She had done that herself many times. Feeling a desire to test out how Adam was dealing with the day's events, Stella moved on.
"You did a good job today Adam," Stella stated proudly, giving her friend's shoulder a light squeeze. "I know that was not easy...the circumstances the way they were. You stepped up for that boy and you told him straight up what was going to happen. Not everyone can do that," she explained, knowing many detectives would not have taken the time to explain the details.
"Thanks...I...ahh...I could understand where he was coming from," Adam replied slowly. His head then shot up to Stella, giving her a pleading look. "N...not the murder part. The OCD part...," Adam clarified, Stella giving him an amused smile.
"I got that Adam," she answered lightly. "Listen, the whole reason I was dropping by was because I know your history...you know with your family," Stella stated softly, Adam nodding his head dejectedly at the mention of his family. "I just wanted to let you know if you need to talk, I am here. Anytime and I mean that," Stella gave Adam a warning look, letting him know she meant every word.
Adam scrutinized Stella's face closely, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. He was not used to such open discussions, especially not with one of his work colleagues. Adam could see that Stella honestly wanted to help, that she was not just saying those words. He could see the concern elicited in her facial features and Adam realized that Stella really did care about him as a friend.
"I appreciate that Stella," Adam replied, giving her an unsure smile.
"No problem," Stella answered quickly.
Silence then enveloped them, watching as couples strolled lazily along the sidewalk in the spring evening. Figures popped in and out of view between the streetlights, the pools of darkness enveloping them. A few dogs could be heard barking, no doubt being taken for their last walk of the day. The drone of vehicles was a constant hum that had been long tuned out by their brains, a consequence of city life. The duo let the background noises of the neighbourhood fill the void of conversation, content to listen to the city for the moment.
It was not until a young boy walked past them, his hand held tightly by his father that Adam spoke again. It was in a hushed voice, his words almost overtaken by the city.
"Stella, you think he will be okay...the boy?" he asked, continuing to look out into the park. Not breaking her surveillance, Stella thought over her answer. She had mixed feelings on the case. The boy was so young; did he really understand the consequences of his actions? On the other hand, if he had these tendencies at this young age—who was to say what would happen when he was 25? Stella sighed and rubbed her hand through her hair, absently noting it was untameable this evening.
"Honestly Adam, I'm not sure. His circumstances were unique but to have those urges at that young age. The hope is that he will get the help he needs," Stella answered carefully, not wanting to dampen Adam's outlook on the situation any but feeling the need to not sugar coat her answer. Adam was smart; he knew the many circumstances that could lead to a person's demise in New York City. Just because it was not likely, did not count it out as a suspect. He saw the evidence just as much as she did.
"Right...," Adam's voice faded off, his eyes continuing to search the darkness around them. Silence fell between them, Stella trying to give her friend the opportunity to speak whatever was on his mind in his own time. She knew that simply being there was enough; Stella did not have to ask all the questions just be available to hear his concerns.
"I almost couldn't do it," Adam reported after a few minutes. It was obvious he felt conflicted; Stella noted his hands that were now playing with the snap of his jacket. His leg bounced nervously beside her. "I didn't want to go in there and tell that kid he was going to jail...it's not my job. I don't do that stuff..."
"These were special circumstances Adam, that boy formed a bond of sorts with you. He searched you out, waited at the precinct to talk to you. He knew he could trust you," Stella paused for a moment, waiting as Adam finally made eye contact with her again. "He knew that you would give him the truth," she continued with a sad smile. Adam's blue eyes searched hers, the anguish evident over the situation, trying to draw on the strength that he found there. "And give yourself more credit, you did a great job. Mac wouldn't have let you in there if didn't think you could handle it," Stella added forcefully, giving her friend a light shove in the arm. This prompted a small smile from Adam. The lab tech knew that to be true, the Boss never gave him anything he could not handle.
"Yeah, yeah. I just didn't want to disappoint the kid or you guys, you needed the information from him," Adam explained, seeing a smile creep into Stella's features. Adam paused, giving his friend a questioning look. "What?"
"Adam I don't think you have ever disappointed anyone at the lab...not once. You are always on your game, no matter the circumstances. You do your job and you do it well," Stella praised, watching as a slight reddish hue arose on Adam's cheeks, evident even in the night lighting.
"Not always, there was the Irish guys...," Adam's voice dropped off abruptly, Stella could see that he was pushing away some bad memories. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, looking to his friend sheepishly. "If I hadn't of...you know..." Stella brought her hand up and laid it on his arm quickly. Giving the young man a serious look, Stella interrupted.
"Adam, not even then. You helped get everyone outta there. You should be proud, we all are."
Stella watched as Adam searched her face, as if expecting her to lash out at him angrily any moment. It was hard knowing that her young friend still blamed himself for that situation. Adam had spoken little of what had happened, bits and pieces occasionally. He had brushed it off, trying to move on but it was obvious it still bothered him. He had been tortured and beaten, performing admirably despite those circumstances. Stella remembered seeing him in the hospital after the attack, a mere ghost of his normal self. His normal youthful exuberance and charm had been missing, leaving a frightened shell behind. It had taken a few months before she had seen his full personality return.
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?" Stella asked, his blue-eyed gaze now searching his hands. Adam paused a moment before responding.
"Know how to make people feel good, be a good friend. I always feel awkward and end up stumbling my words," he answered quietly, his voice low. Stella chuckled softly.
"Adam, my friends are my family. When someone needs help, I try my best. Just being there for them is most important. It doesn't matter if you stumble words, making yourself available for them is the key." Stella watched him bob his head slowly, not looking overly convinced. "You do just fine Adam, your intentions are clear," she added, noting on her watch that it was now getting late. Adam recognized her action, deciding it was indeed time to go home.
"Thanks Stella," Adam sat up and gave his friend a half smile. "I'm really lucky to have you for a friend." Stella could tell he meant that whole-heartedly. Rubbing his hands on his pants, he then rose quickly as he looked around the now deserted park.
"I know," Stella returned playfully, flashing him her beautiful smile. Adam could not help but smile himself.
"I should you know...go...,"Adam indicated, pointing his hand in the direction of his apartment. He looked to Stella curiously. "You want me to call you a cab?" Stella shook her head immediately, giving him a thankful look.
"It's okay, I will catch one just up the street," she responded, using her hand to point further down the road. Adam nodded his head and shrugged.
"Okay. See you tomorrow," Adam stated in parting, giving Stella a small wave before turning to walk away. "Thanks again," he called again over his shoulder.
Stella only smiled, watching as he walked casually down the sidewalk. She noted with some cheer, his shoulders did not seem quite as heavy now. Her young friend had grown a lot over the last few years but unfortunately, he was his worst critic. Sadly, Stella thought that was due in part to his family life growing up. Adam was an important member of the team and Stella tried to make sure he knew it as often as she could. Everyone wants to feel appreciated.
Adam disappeared from view, causing her to rise from the bench. Stella looked down the street, choosing the correct direction and set out at slow pace. Brushing a stray curl behind her ear, Stella smiled. She was in no rush to get home.