Authors note:
Short one-shot that just popped into my mind when rewatching
'Quite a common fairy'.
Warning: Some of the content can be triggering, I can't name specifics because I don't want to give spoilers. But be aware!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
...
It had happened again. The pain that she was still feeling hours after kept reminding her. Should she change her clothes? Well, at least that horrible husband of hers wasn't here right now, pretending that he cared while squeezing her hand painfully hard (though Regina was pretty sure that that was some sort of punishment) as a farce of love.
It started this morning, Regina had just found out a week prior. The cramps were the first sign. And Regina knew exactly what they meant, being through this two times already.
But she hadn't notified a maid.
She hadn't yelled at some random guard to get her her royal physician.
No, Regina hadn't done anything like that.
Instead she stood up from the big wooden table, filled with enough food to feed an entire village- but still meant for just her because the obnoxious princess had gone away with her foul father. The Queen had moved to her bedchambers, just waiting for this thing, this parasite, to leave her body. And in it's wake leave behind the ache she was now still feeling.
It wasn't long after Regina had stepped foot inside her too big bedchamber that the blood started to flow, starting with small droplets that rolled down her bruised thighs in a slow snail pace.
And Regina let out a breathy sob in both pain and relief. Even though she wanted this thing out, because she knew she wouldn't be able to love a child that is part him. Every time she even so much as felt a flutter inside of her womb, memories of his foul breath in her neck and his hands bruising on her delicate hips. She was losing her child too. And Regina felt like a failure because of it. She couldn't even do what a woman was supposed to do.
Mother would be so, so dissapointed in her.
She watched her chalky white face in the mirror, contracted in an expression of pain as her shaking hand grabbed the edge of her wooden vanity table, sending a silver hairbrush to the floor. The blood got thicker and instead of droplets, it were now little rivers that ran down her weak legs.
She needed to sit. Regina brought one clammy hand towards her head and wiped away the cold sweat that had started to adorn her forehead and hairline.
And then it was as if her knees suddenly gave out, and so the Queen tumbled to the floor in an undignified heap of red stained white silk and long, dark hair.
...
How Regina made it to the bed, she didn't know, but what she did know that the pain was worse than she had ever felt.
And she needed to call for someone, right now. And she should call for someone, because Regina was not sure she was going to survive this miscarriage. It had never been this worse before, but of course, the last times she wasn't almost four months along.
Her white dress, the one Regina had actually liked was now ruined. Stained with dark red that showed the reality of what was truly happening to her right now.
Another child dead.
No, another Leopold dead.
And Regina was sure she could not raise another Leopold. Another raping monster of a King.
A particular painful cramp had the Queen whimpering and she curled into herself clutching the expensive but now ruined sheets. She didn't like them anyway.
Her brown eyes stared dead ahead. Looking at nothing in particular as the red stain grew and grew.
...
Did Leopold even want another child?
The question had been bouncing around her numb skull as she endured the cramps and the wet blood soaking the sheets under her.
By the way the King had been forcing her to perform her wifely duties, it surely seemed like it.
But then, why did he look so angry every time he heard about her pregnancies? And why did he look so... happy whenever he heard about her miscarriages?
The 'don't worry, my Queen, we can try again' always came out so... cold.
...
The tears had caught Regina by surprise. Just like that the sobbing had started and Regina had to get out off that bed. She couldn't be lying in those soaked sheets any longer.
She had lost her child. Again.
"I can't!" Regina sobbed as she pushed her aching body up. Her tanned knees hit the cobblestone floor with a sickening thump but Regina didn't care. She crawled closer to the balcony that had a view over almost the entire Kingdom. Her hands left bloodied prints in their wake, but still Regina didn't stop. She grabbed the railing and pulled her body up.
Everything hurt.
Her womb hurt from losing a fetus that Regina didn't even want.
Her breasts hurt from producing milk the little Leopold would never be able to drink.
Her hands hurt from being cramped into fists for most of the day. Almost tearing the sheets as wave after wave of pain came as her cursed womb tried to push the dead child out of her.
Her legs hurt from being grabbed and held down when she had had another hopeful day and she tried to fight her husband.
But mostly her heart hurt.
Would jumping hurt too?
Only for a little while, right?
...
Her exhausted body shouldn't physically be able to do this, and that only confirmed Regina's actions. She had to do this. Even the gods thought so.
She somehow got up to standing position. Though it wasn't really standing as much as it was holding herself up by putting all her weight on her arms that were gripping the iron railing in a tight grip.
Just use the little magic you have and bent the iron.
Her mother's voice ringed in her ears and Regina truly had no idea why. Her mother would have never, ever supported this kind of cowardly behavior. Taking her own life by jumping off a god damn turret.
How pathetic you are, Regina! Queen if the White Kingdom? Never in a million years.
Yes, that mocking and cold tone sounded more like Cora Mills.
Concentrate, dearie!
Ah, Regina had wondered how long it would take before Rumple made his appearance.
She felt the hot sensation of magic rushing towards the tips of her fingers. Burning and bright purple as it bent the simple railing, snapping it loose from the stone walls and sending it down belong where it landed on the courtyard with a loud clinking sound.
But still, nobody came to check it out. And it only proofed Regina's suspicions. Her guards never came to check it out because they just didn't care.
"Mother was right, the people do not love me."
But why? She had done nothing wrong. Regina had been kind and queenly, just as it was expected of her.
Queenly? You'll always be a simple commoner in the King's eyes. Maybe that's the reason he always takes you like you're a mere whore.
Her fingers curled tightly in her dress as her mother's words echoed in her mind.
Again, mommy was right.
So why shouldn't she die as a mere whore? Lowest of the lowest.
And then she jumped.
...
And then she was saved.
The little fairy had appeared out of nowhere, claiming she could help.
While in fact she placed her back in her cage, back in her prison.
A prison where Regina would have to wait for the next miscarriage.
And maybe the one after that.
...
Very dark, I know. But leave a review anyway ;)