Music Mix- Band Dir En Grey, Music my massive collection
Eve 6 –Think Twice (Played once)
Kaoru's left fist flew out before he could help it, rounding on the band mate that had played by his side for so long. Die stumbled back as Kaoru hissed his word with venom.
"Don't fucking touch Toshi." Kaoru shook and Die rubbed his jaw before scoffing at him. Kaoru kept alert as Die chuckled at him as he shook his head.
"What? You think Toshi's yours?" Die asked and laughed again. "He's been cheating on you for a while now Kaoru." Kaoru looked at Toshiya who stood to the side, the bassist didn't deny it and Kaoru lashed out again at Die. "Just a slut that can't keep it in his pants."
"Don't talk about Toshiya that way." Kaoru growled as Toshiya looked at him sadly.
Skillet – The Last Night (Played three times)
Die sighed as he watched Kyo backstage again, for someone so small and with such a powerful voice the blond had such a low self-esteem. Die brushed his red hair back as Kyo found a rather secluded darker place. Die usually preferred to watch Kyo when he was in his silent moods, as Kaoru had told him to just let him get it out of his system. Though Die now shot out of his seat drawing the attention of the blond and the fuchsia haired man as Die strode quickly to Kyo who previously curled away from everyone with small shaking shoulders. Die swept the small vocalist into his arms, pressing his face to Kyo's heated neck. Kyo pushed at Die as much as he could without drawing attention to them.
"Die leave me alone." Kyo hissed quietly and Die shook his head.
"I'm not going to leave you alone while you feel like crap Kyo." Die spoke softly back, his breath ghosting over Kyo's neck and shoulder. "Not again. " Kyo groaned softly at the Red-head's reply. "I'm not letting go of you Kyo." Die grunted as Kyo placed a well-aimed elbow.
"You can't promise that." Kyo continued in a low harsh voice and Die raised his head to look at the slightly red blood-shot eyes of the vocalist.
"I can try my best, and even that must be better than walling yourself away." Die retorted and Kyo stiffened at the remark. Die softened his voice and squeezed the man. "I don't want to see you cry. I don't want to be far away when you need someone." Die admitted and Kyo's face crumpled at the man who so gently refused Kyo's brash attitude and say it for what it was. Kyo trying hard to hide how lost and close to breaking as he was. "Don't make me go."
"I don't want to." Kyo finally muttered after some time, setting his head in the crook of Die's shoulder as he repeated the line softly as Die felt a moist trail on his skin.
Kamelot – Love You To Death (Played three times)
Shinya swallowed the cold lump in his throat as he woke and saw Kyo again at his side. He knew it would hurt, but he wanted Kyo gone, though he didn't have the strength to fight the vocalist away, not anymore. Watching the vocalist Shinya watched the early morning light on the recently shaved head of Kyo and silently mourned the mass of hair Kyo previously had. His face was contorted slightly even in sleep and Shinya raised a hand slowly to brush over furrowed brows and black lashes with a small pained moan. Kyo's eyes opened quickly at the noise in the almost silent room, the hum and beeping of the machines around Shinya was like a lullaby.
"Are you okay?" Kyo spoke softly and Shinya felt another sharp pain in his chest, all emotional blows as he thought that this time come tomorrow he might never hear Kyo's soft sweetly worried voice again. "Shinya?" Kyo asked grabbing Shinya's right hand with his own, two plain silver bands glowing in the early light and soft fluorescent light from over Shinya.
"You know I love you." Shinya murmured, his voice hoarse as it normally was, Kyo wishing he could give the drummer some water, he just looked so frail. "They won't find a donor quick enough, you know, the doctor said so." Kyo nodded and after a long moment when the sun had fully risen did Kyo stand and walk out of the room. Shinya sighed, half-hoping that it would be the last time he ever saw the hips of the vocalist, the last time the mischievous brown eyes lighted on him. After hours along Shinya could feel his throat close with grief, he didn't want to die, he was still so young. And as the medicine in his veins drugged him to sleep again Shinya was sure this time he wouldn't wake to Kyo at his side. And when the sun again lit on his face Shinya instead woke to the lanky form of Kaoru, Kyo nowhere in sight. Shinya felt a tight chocking emotion, he lied he wanted to see Kyo until he couldn't anymore, he'd lied.
"Where's Kyo?" Shinya asked and Kaoru turned his face, sleepless but wide-awake with shock as he stared at Shinya. "Where's Kyo? I want to see him." Shinya uttered quietly looking around the room as a soft sigh and an almost sobbing noise came from the usually stoic leader.
"He didn't tell you, god he didn't tell you…" Kaoru repeated the sentence over and over before Shinya reached and hit Kaoru on the arm, the action causing a sharp pain through his chest and Kaoru cried out more in worry than pain.
"Didn't tell me what?" Shinya asked, repeating the question when Kaoru grew silent. The doctor entered the room holding up his chart with a smile.
"The transplant was a success, you'll pull through Shinya, with any luck that is." Kaoru stared at the doctor horrified as Shinya could hear the small beeping warning of his blood pressure. Shinya slammed his hands on the bed as he felt more helpless than ever.
"What? There wasn't a donor in line! What didn't Kyo tell me? Why isn't he here!" Shinya shouted and a rough exhale left Kaoru as he couldn't meet Shinya's eyes.
"He gave you his heart, for the transplant. He left a note." Kaoru left the room as he set a small notecard on Shinya's lap. 'I love you too Shin, I love you to death.'
Uprise – Still Healing (played once and half)
Kaoru sat on the edge of the small ledge the roof that rose high in the sky of the recording building. And he didn't bother taking the cigarette out of the slim fingers that took the 'cancer stick' from his mouth and Shinya sat down next to him. Shinya leaned over to look down, almost falling down but Kaoru didn't turn to look at Shinya. Shinya watched the impassive face of Kaoru and chuckled. Shinya rolled the cigarette between two fingers, feeling the slight heat at the end of the filter that had been perched on Kaoru's lips. In a moment after Kaoru had moved his hand to take it back Shinya had dug it onto his skin, holding Kaoru's hand fast.
"You lied to me, you used me, you're an asshole and I'm not going to forgive." Shinya spoke calmly and evenly as the ash burned Kaoru's hand, only by sheer will had only a bare sign appeared on Kaoru's face, no scream of pain. Shinya took the cigarette and daintily tapped the rest of the ash loose onto Kaoru's scarred hand and flicked the butt over the ledge, his cold brown eyes never leaving Kaoru's face. Shinya turned and walked back inside as Kaoru waited a moment before rubbing the ash off his hand and chuckled, lighting another cigarette.
"He says it like I'd feel bad about it." Kaoru muttered as he inspected his hand.
The Saturdays – Higher (Played once)
Shinya tore through his apartment, tearing what seemed as random object into a cardboard box, a grey sweater, a flurry of pictures, four beaten up shirts, a few music disks with cracked cases. The doorbell rang and Shinya picked up the box and opened the door and shoved it into the thin chest of the man who stood in front of the empty door. The man seemed shocked and glanced at the box and back at Shinya as he stepped back and slammed his door without a word. The taller man would stay the hell out of his apartment and home if he knew what was good for him. Shinya then paused to look around his home, now without even slight traces of the tall bassist. There wasn't even the scent of Toshiya's cologne that Shinya had broken against the wall in anger when he heard how Toshiya, in the light of another comment on his feminine body and face, gone and found the nearest attractive girl and screwed her. Apparently not well enough for the woman to not run to the nearest magazine. Shinya was going to be dammed before he was cheated on. And as Shinya walked into the bedroom they had shared you couldn't even tell the week Shinya had spent there sobbing in pain. Toshiya could go and be heterosexual whenever it suited him; Shinya was homosexual and now off-limits. The next time Shinya set a boundary, he'd make sure they were listening.
T.a.T.u – Clowns
Kyo slapped at Kaoru, pissed that still through all they had been through Kaoru didn't know him well enough, well not like his lover should know him.
"All this was sex to you wasn't it?" Kyo tried to keep the hurt from his voice but knew he couldn't keep it from his eyes. The tone in his voice had Kaoru wincing, his own words thrown back in his face with the added sting of knowing he was wrong. "Well…" Kaoru looked at Kyo, the singers face now twisted into a cruel smirk and Kaoru knew the worst was yet to come for him. "Then it wouldn't matter if I went to someone else anyway." Kyo replied finally to Kaoru's sentence as the words soaked in Kyo went to get what he needed to leave the house before Kaoru quickly pulled him into a tight embrace and a rough kiss. Knowing that someday his mouth and Kyo's quick temper would poison them both from what shouldn't work.
Queensryche – Speak (Once and Half)
Kyo smiled faintly at the guitarist, one who was always so happy as he broke down. Kyo knew, just FUCKING knew that smile was fake. And he would be lying if the bands darling Die breaking down wasn't something Kyo enjoyed. Kyo couldn't continue enjoying it pitifully though, Kyo sat in a chair and drug Die's kneeling body to rest against his lap as the drummer sobbed out hidden frustrations. Honestly Kyo didn't know why Die was so upset, in fact he had asked for his troubles. Everyone knew Kaoru's only lover would be his work. Die's love was dismissed and overlooked like a bad idea for a song. Sharp and cold was how Kaoru dealt with what he didn't like. Die didn't deny that he knew this as his shoulders shook.
"I should have fallen for you Waru," Die used the bands almost nickname for him, catching Kyo's interest. "At least in your enjoyment of my pain you're not above giving some kind of comfort." Die set his head on Kyo's knees looking up at the singer with slightly red teary cat-like eyes. Kyo had a moment when he realized Die had the eyes for someone who looked good in pain. Kyo grinned at the man setting a faint frown into the taller man's forehead.
"It's alright. Come on Die, tell me all of it. The pain you feel." Kyo's voice was low and rather hypnotizing in the scratchy rumble that was the result of heavy smoking. And though Die knew Kyo had the ability far more than Kaoru to rip him open and lay him low, his set his head back down and did what he was told. If nothing else Kyo would switch this pain out with a newer, fresher pain that made him seem less like a love-struck idiot.