Imaginiff: Bleach Style
AN: I made this fanfic a long time ago and just recently found it. This fanfic is set before the battle with Aizen, and sometime during the time when Rukia was still living with Ichigo. Btw, if anyone knows about and has played Imaginiff, yes, they are playing it wrong. I did this on purpose, but I lost my Imaginiff game a long time ago, so I don't remember what part of this they're playing wrong. If anyone can tell me, please do, cuz I'd like to know what was going through my mind when I made them play the game like this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Mr. Kubo does. And I don't own the rights to the Imaginiff game and have no clue who does, so don't sue me, please. Anyway, I hope you like this.
Hanatarou smiled as he watched Urahara set up the weird oval board on the table and explained the rules. He—along with Matsumoto-san and Renji-kun—had been sent to the Real World for a few weeks to monitor the increase in Hollow activity (though why they'd sent him was a mystery to everyone—himself included—since his track record for missions to the Real World wasn't that great) in Karakura Town; but tonight—according to Urahara-san—was game night.
Hana looked around at the faces of the other players and his smile grew bigger. Urahara had had to browbeat Renji-kun, Ishida-san, and Ichigo-kun to come, though Hana wasn't sure why; it sounded like fun! He went over the directions in his head as they separated the numbered, colored cards out—Rukia was number 1 and her color was white, Ichigo was number 2 and had the color black, Hanatarou was red and number 3, Matsumoto was purple and 4, Renji was orange and 5, Urahara was green and 6, Chad was yellow and number 7, and Ishida was number 8 and had the color blue—and all decided that Rukia go first.
She picked up the die and rolled. It spun to a stop and the petite shinigami announced the number. "Four! So I can either choose Matsumoto-san or Renji, correct?" Urahara nodded from behind his fan.
"Why are we even doing this?" Ichigo complained, "I got homework to do tonight!"
Rukia smacked him over the head. "Quit being so grumpy! This is game night! We're supposed to cut loose and have some fun!" Her voice grew low and dangerous. "So don't ruin it." Ichigo glared at her but decided to remain silent. Satisfied that he wasn't going to speak again, Rukia turned her attention back to the board. "Hmmm, I pick….Renji!"
"You would…" The redhead muttered, just as sullen as Ichigo. "Inoue was lucky she had to work this evening." He added. Rukia ignored him, moved the piece to his name, and drew a card.
"Imagine if Renji was a baseball pitch. Which would he be?" She frowned and looked over at Ichigo. "What's a baseball pitch?" Ichigo looked heavenward as if asking 'why me' and explained baseball. When Rukia was satisfied, she continued. "One, a fastball, two, a curveball, three, a slider, four, a screwball—" Ichigo grinned wickedly and picked a card out of his pile. Renji glanced over at him suspiciously as Rukia continued. "five, a change-up, or six, a sinker."
Everybody shuffled their cards and picked which one they wanted. Rukia called out, "One, two, three!" They all flipped their cards over and everybody looked at the results. Renji frowned. Everybody but him had chosen either sinker or screwball—He'd picked fastball—and screwball had won. Ichigo, Rukia, Ishida, and Matsumoto all got to move their pieces forward.
"I already don't like this game." He muttered. Rukia and Ichigo both snickered as Rukia passed the dice off to Ishida, who rolled a one. "Matsumoto-san or Urahara-san, eh?" He murmured. He thought for a moment, then picked Urahara and chose his card and frowned. "This one has three different colors on it, mine, Hanatarou-kun's, and Matsumoto-san's."
Urahara shook his head. "No, no, silly! You look at the color of the spot your piece is on and the read out that question! You are on blue!"
Ishida frowned again. "So I didn't need to roll?" Urahara shook his head again. Ishida sighed and read the question. "Imagine if we were famous cars. Which player would be KITT from Knight Rider?" He looked over at Ichigo, puzzled. "What's Knight Rider?"
Ichigo shrugged and looked over at Urahara. "Hat-and-clogs, is it okay if we do one of the other colors? I don't know what Knight Rider is either."
The man thought for a brief moment before nodding. "Just this once." He turned to Ishida. "Pick one."
Ishida adjusted his glasses and read out the question he'd picked, grinning slightly. "If players one and seven had a child together, which would never be found changing a diaper?"
Rukia and Chad looked over at each other, each clearly amused at the very idea. Rukia batted her eyes at the big teen. "You'd change the diaper for me, wouldn't you?" Her voice was like liquid sugar and it made Chad smile slightly.
"Hell no." Came the answer. The others gaped at Chad's uncharacteristic language. Rukia simply chuckled.
"Well, I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole!" She exclaimed. "So you'd have to or it'd get diaper rash, or something."
"It's your kid." Was his deadpanned reply.
Rukia rolled her eyes playfully. "Typical male attitude! If the diaper needs changing, its my kid, but when it's asleep its yours, right?"
Chad nodded. "Pretty much." Rukia just shook her head and held up her own number as everyone else, grinning, held up theirs. Everyone but her had picked seven.
"You guys suck." She grumbled. Ishida handed the dice to Chad, who rolled a four.
"Either way, it's Rukia." He said, picking a card. "Imagine if Rukia was a card. Which card would she be? One, a birthday card, two, a sympathy card—" Ichigo snorted and pointedly threw his number two card over his shoulder, earning himself a warning look from the petite shinigami. Chad continued, "—three, a business card, four, a library card, five, a credit card, or six, a trading card?" Everyone laid their cards down and grinned, every single one of them had picked number six, including Rukia.
"So do we all move forward?" Matsumoto asked Urahara.
The man shrugged. "I suppose so, after all, we did all get it right." They moved their pawns and Chad gave the dice to Urahara. Urahara rolled a five. "Well, since its either myself or Matsumoto, I'll choose Matsumoto." The woman shrugged and waited for Urahara to read the card. "Imagine if Matsumoto was a famous captain. Which would she be? One, Captain Kirk, two, Captain Jack Sparrow—" He sighed as Renji interrupted him to ask Ichigo who those two were. Obviously irritated, Ichigo spent the next ten minutes explaining Star Trek and the Pirates of the Caribbean movies to the clueless shinigami. When he was finished, Renji grinned and picked a card out of his pile as Urahara continued. "Three, Cap'n Crunch—" "I like Cap'n Crunch…" Hanatarou interrupted happily. Urahara gave him a stern look and continued. "Captain Morgan, number four," Matsumoto grinned and picked her card. "Captain Hook, number five, or number six, Captain America?"
"This one's easy!" Renji crowed, snickering as he switched cards. Urahara looked around to be sure everybody was ready, then told them to lay their cards down.
Everyone but Hanatarou had picked Captain Morgan; he'd picked Cap'n Crunch. At their questioning looks, he'd shrugged . "I'm hungry." Was his reply. That made Matsumoto, Renji, and Urahara grin. Ichigo pulled out a Snickers bar and gave it to the boy.
"Here, eat this and focus, okay?" Hanatarou nodded and obediently chowed down. Meanwhile, everyone but Hanatarou moved their pieces and Urahara gave the dice to Renji, who rolled a one. Obviously he picked Hanatarou.
"Imagine if Hana-kun needed an ideal roommate. Who would he choose? One, George Clooney, two, Martha Stewart, three, Bill Gates, four, Mick Jagger—" "Not Mick Jagger." Hanatarou stated calmly as he licked the chocolate off his fingers. Renji shook his head and continued. "—five, Woody Allen, or six, Chewbacca….?" He looked over at Ichigo, who, knowing what was coming, groaned loudly. Renji ignored him and asked the question anyway. "Who's Chewbacca?" Ichigo put his head in his hands and not-so-calmly explained Star Wars and Chewbacca to them. He'd then had to explain the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek to them as well. When he was finished, Hana giggled and chose his card and waited for everyone else to do so. When they laid their cards down, there was one for George Clooney, three for Martha Stewart, and the rest were for Chewbacca. Hanatarou, Ichigo, Renji, and Chad all moved forward. Renji gave Matsumoto the dice and she rolled a six.
"It's either Renji or Rukia, I pick Renji~!" She trilled, drawing a card. She giggled as she read it. "Imagine if Renji was a fictional character crime fighter, which would he be? One, Kojak," she frowned at that and turned to Ichigo as if to ask him something, but decided against it when she saw the glare he was directing towards her. She decided to let that one go and instead continued to read off the options. "Um, two, Inspector Gadget," Ichigo and Rukia silently picked their cards and set their other ones to the side. "Three, Monk, four, the Lone Ranger, five, Crockett and Tubbs, " Again, Matsumoto looked confused, but simply continued without asking anything. "Or six, McGruff the crime dog?" Everyone laid his or her cards down. Renji frowned; all but two had picked Inspector Gadget. He and Chad had both picked the Lone Ranger. All but himself and Chad moved forward. Matsumoto handed Hanatarou the dice and he rolled a five.
"I pick Ichigo-kun~! The boy exclaimed in a singsong voice as he drew a card. "Imagine if Ichigo-kun were a game show, which would he be? One, The Price is Right, two, The Dating Game, 3, Jeopardy," This one drew some snickers from many of the other players and Rukia and Urahara picked their cards. Ichigo glared at the both of them as Hana read off the rest of the options. "Four, Hollywood Squares, 5, Family Feud, or 6, the Gong Show?" Everyone quickly picked a number. Ichigo just shook his head, tongue-in-cheek, when he saw what everyone had chosen. He, himself, had picked Family Feud (story of his friggin' life), while four had picked Jeopardy and the other three picked the Gong Show.
"I hate you all." Ichigo muttered flatly as he watched Urahara, Rukia, Ishida, and Chad move their pieces forward. He glared accusingly at Chad. "You of all people! Why?" The bigger teenager simply shrugged.
Hana grinned and gave Ichigo the dice. The orange haired boy carelessly tossed the dice and rolled a six. "I pick Ishida." He said tonelessly. Hanatarou handed him a card. The substitute shinigami glanced at the card and smirked slightly. "I already know which one I'm picking."
"Just read the damn thing!" Ishida grumbled.
Ichigo obliged. "Imagine if Ishida were a CD or an album. Which would he be? One, Born to Run, two, My Way, three, Let it Be, " Ichigo shot a sly glance at the Quincy. "Four, Oops! I did it again—" "Don't you friggin' dare." Ishida growled, glaring at the carrot top from over his glasses. Ichigo ignored him and continued. "—five, Please Hammer Don't Hurt Em, or six, Nevermind." Ichigo didn't even wait for the others before slamming his number four card down on the table. Ishida continued to glare at the other boy as everyone else put their cards down.
"I hate you, and I hate Britney Spears." He said, ignoring what the others had lain down. As it was, everyone but Rukia and Ichigo moved forward a space—having all gone with number two—Rukia having picked Nevermind.
Since it was her turn, Rukia drew a card; it was a Pick-a-player card. She read out the appropriate color, red. "Imagine if we were all nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, who would win?" They all looked at each other and, in unison, laid down their number three cards. "Hanatarou." They all stated, including Hanatarou. Everyone moved forward. Rukia gave the dice to Ishida and the Quincy ended up rolling a six.
"I pick Renji." The redhead pouted but accepted it and waved his hand for the boy to continue. "Imagine if—" he faltered and laughed. "I love this one already!" Renji glared at the boy, but was pointedly ignored. "Imagine if Renji was a bumper sticker. Which would he be? One, How's my driving?, two, Back Off!, three, My child is an Honor Student, four, I Brake for Chocolate—" "There's my sticker!" Matsumoto crowed; Hana and Rukia both grinned and nodded enthusiastically as Ishida continued. "Five, a peace sign, or six, Keep on Truckin'.?" It didn't take long for everyone to decide. All but Renji himself had picked number two, while he'd picked number five. Ishida grinned at Renji as he handed Chad the dice. Chad rolled a four.
"Hmmmm, Rukia both ways. Again." Urahara stated.
Rukia grinned at the dark-skinned teen. "Do you like me or something? Cuz you seem to land on me every time you roll~!"
Chad looked at her and shrugged. "Bad luck." He said simply, making the others laugh.
The petite shinigami sniffed, feigning hurt. "Fine, but the kid with the pantload is totally yours and you are sooooo sleeping on the couch tonight." Chad chuckled lowly as he drew his card and read it.
"Imagine if Rukia were a fictitious animal. Which would she be? One, Mother Goose," both Ichigo and Renji snickered and tossed their number one cards over their shoulders. Rukia flipped them off as Chad continued. "two, Barney the Dinosaur, three, Smokey the Bear, four, Sasquatch, five, King Kong, or six, Jack-o-lope?"
Hanatarou turned to Ichigo. "What's a Jack-o-lope?" Ichigo threw his hands up in the air.
"Why does everyone keep asking me stuff?" The substitute shinigami yelled out, making Hanatarou shrink back in surprise.
"B-because y-you know everything, Ichigo-kun." The little medic replied meekly, wondering what he'd done to elicit that response.
Ichigo, seeing the look on his face, sighed heavily and patted the seventh seat on the top of the head. "Sorry I yelled at you." He looked at all the others. "I have no clue what a Jack-o-lope is." The others accepted that answer and everyone laid their cards down. Ichigo and Renji looked at each other and smirked.
Rukia pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at her two friends. Everybody else had done Mother Goose, but Ichigo had instead picked King Kong, while Renji had picked Sasquatch. "You do both realize that I know where you sleep, right?" She shot Ichigo a scathing glare. "In fact, I happen to sleep in your closet. You should be careful what you say. I could end your life easily. You'd go to sleep in your bed, and wake up the next morning in Soul Society."
Ichigo shrugged that off. "As long as you don't try to draw anything, I think I can handle whatever you could possibly throw at me. Besides, my family would be sad if I were gone. You don't want to make them sad, do you?" Rukia smacked him upside the head for the second time that night.
"You know, you're gone and away from your family so much, that I don't think they'd notice for a while if you came up missing. Besides," She put her mouth mere inches from his ear and stage whispered, "they like me better."
Ichigo scowled at her. "Only because of those stupid sob stories you make up all the time. Oh! And that stupid girly-girl act of yours! If they knew how you really were—"
Rukia interrupted him. "They'd still like me better!" The others were watching this discussion with amusement. Matsumoto and Renji were laughing hysterically.
Ichigo and Rukia ignored them all as they continued to verbally battle it out. "Well you can just find another closet to sleep in then!" Ichigo stated. "I'd love to have my closet back!"
"Fine! I will! Maybe I could get a room bigger and nicer smelling then your cramped old closet!" Rukia retorted. She turned to Chad. "Hey Sado-kun, since apparently we have a child together can I stay with you?" Chad pursed his lips in an effort to not smile and just nodded.
Ichigo turned his gaze to Chad "Chad, dude, she's like a parasite! A leech! She latches on and doesn't let go until you're dead, dying, or wishing you were! Don't let her freeload off of you!" Of course, he was smacked upside the head for that. By now everyone, including Chad, was laughing.
"Speaking of free-loaders….." Urahara said, slowly turning his gaze to Renji next to him. The laughing stopped as everyone groaned.
Renji rolled his eyes. "Are we really gonna do this again? Every time I'm forced to stay with you, you all tease me the whole time! It's getting old."
"It is." Ichigo confirmed, rubbing the side of his head. Dang she hit hard! He was starting to get a headache.
"Yeah, it really is." Rukia agreed, rubbing her hand. What the crap was that guy's head made of, anyway? Concrete?
"I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with the carrot top and the hobbit of the shinigami world—" Hanatarou could be heard asking Ichigo what a hobbit was as Ishida continued. "—but really, Urahara-san, it is beyond old." Ishida adjusted his glasses. "Now, who's turn is it?"
Everybody glanced at each other, they'd forgotten. After five minutes of arguing between Ichigo, Rukia, Matsumoto, Urahara, and Renji—Hana, Ishida, and Chad had decided to stay out of it—they finally figured out that Urahara was next; he practically had the dice thrown at him. He frowned at the thrower—Renji—then rolled and came up with a five.
"Oh what the hell, I choose me." He drew a card and read it aloud. "Imagine if Urahara were a dream vacation. Which would he be? One, a climb up Mount Everest—" "Which would be pretty difficult in those dumbass clogs….." Ichigo interjected, snickering. Urahara pointedly ignored him and continued. "Two, a Montana Dude Ranch, three, a Sonoma wine tour," Urahara paused and seemed to be considering that one, but Matsumoto threw Hanatarou's candy wrapper at him with a growled 'Hurry the hell up!' Urahara batted the wrapper away. "Fine! Four, Vegas baby!, Five, working vacation—" "Isn't that an oxymoron?" Matsumoto interrupted, looking at Ichigo. The teenager pretended not to hear her. Urahara threw the candy wrapped back at her and told her to shut up before he continued. "Or six, couch and clicker."
Urahara chuckled when he saw all of his fellow game-players' choices. "Four for the wine tour, three for Vegas, and one for number six." He looked at Renji and put on a mock-sad look. "It wounds me that you would think so lowly of me!"
Renji scoffed. "After being forced," The redhead paused and stared hard at Urahara as if willing the emphasis on that word to click. "into staying with you so often, I know who does most of the work in this shop and it ain't you."
Urahara pouted and tossed the dice to the redhead as Ichigo, Matsumoto, Hanatarou, and Chad moved forward. "Draw a card, smart-ass."
Renji did and came up with a Pick-a-player card. "Damn. I was looking forward to rolling." He sighed and read the card. "Imagine if we were contestants on a reality TV singing competition. Which player would make it furthest in the competition?"
"Wow! That's a tough one!" Hanatarou exclaimed. "I have no clue who to pick! I've heard everyone but Chad-kun and Urahara-san sing before and you're all pretty good!"
The others all gaped at him. "You heard Ichigo sing?!" Rukia exclaimed.
"Forget me! When did you hear Ishida sing?" Ichigo countered.
Matsumoto gave Hana a puzzled look. "When did you hear me sing?"
"Last week at that Karaoke party. You were all pretty drunk so I'm not surprised that none of you remember." Hana glanced over at Ishida. "Except for Ishida-san. He didn't go to the karaoke party. I heard him sing when he helped me mend my uniform. What was that song you sang, Ishida-san?"
"Suigintou no Yoru was the name of it. I'm glad you liked it, Hanatarou-kun." Ishida replied. He was about to say something else, but Matsumoto busted into their conversation and completely drowned the Quincy out. Ishida rolled his eyes and allowed her to take Hana's attention away.
The well-endowed woman beamed at the little medic. "Kyaa~! You heard me sing at the Karaoke party and you thought I sounded good! Oh, you're so sweet! C'mere to Rangiku-nee!" She then proceeded to drag the boy into a bone-crushing, breast-smothering hug. Hanatarou stiffened and frantically tried to push himself away from her with no success. Ichigo, Rukia, Chad, and Ishida winced in sympathy, while Urahara looked a little bit envious. Renji simply tapped Matsumoto on the shoulder and brought the fact that Matsumoto was suffocating the kid to her attention. Matsumoto immediately let go. "Oh, I'm sorry, kiddo! I got carried away. Ne, why don't you refer to me as Rangiku-nee, okay?" she said, patting the boy on the back soothingly.
Hana gave her a wary, mildly traumatized look as he got his breath back. "Uh, okay, um, sure…." He laid his card down and said. "I choose Ishida."
The others laid their cards down, most going for Rukia, but there was one other that went for Ishida as well. Everyone but Hanatarou and Ishida moved ahead. Renji shook his head at the Quincy. "I can't believe you voted for yourself." He said.
"Why not? I've only ever heard myself sing before, so I'm the only one I know." The Quincy replied. Renji grumbled about that under his breath as he pushed the dice over to Matsumoto. She rolled a two.
"I choose Ishida." She said simply.
"Why does everyone keep picking on me?" The Quincy mused.
"It's that stupid outfit. It practically screams 'tease me'." Ichigo answered, smirking and obviously picking a fight.
The Quincy would've risen to the bait and perhaps caused some major damage in the process, but Matsumoto quickly read her card out. "Okay, not going there. Imagine if Ishida were a playing card. Which would he be? One, Ace of Spades, two, Queen of Hearts, three, King of Diamonds, four, Jack of Clubs, five, Deuce, or 6, Joker."
Everyone laid their cards down. Everybody but Ishida said King of Diamonds. Ishida had put Ace of Spades. As everyone moved their pieces forward, Ishida thought about their choice and nodded, satisfied with their decision.
Hanatarou giggled as he looked at the board. "Renji-kun, you're not doing too good!"
Renji sighed theatrically as he responded. "That's because all of you keep insisting on picking the wrong answers."
This made Hana laugh again as he took the dice from Matsumoto. He rolled a four. "Matsu-er, Rangiku-nee both ways." He read his card. "Imagine if Rangiku-nee was in the wizard of Oz. Which would she be? Dorothy, the Wizard, the Tornado, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, or the Lollipop Kid." Everybody picked their cards and laid them down.
Matsumoto giggled at the results. Seven for the Tornado and one for the Lollipop Kid. "So everyone agrees with me but Hana-kun." She looked at the boy curiously.
He blinked owlishly at her as replied. "What? I'm hungry again!"
That made Matsumoto laugh again, and she patted the medic on the head. "You poor thing! Someone feed the little guy!"
Chad got up and went to his backpack. He rummaged through it for a second before pulling out a bottle of water and a bag of Gardettos. He tossed both objects through the air to the little medic who actually managed to catch both without dropping them and without being hit in the face. Victory! Unfortunately, the victory was short lived. Hana passed the dice to Ichigo and struggled to get the top off the water bottle. Ichigo picked a card and joined the others in watching Hanatarou's losing battle with the water bottle. While Rukia and Matsumoto had 'Aww' expressions on their faces, Renji just rolled his eyes and leaned across Matsumoto to grab the bottle. With one quick twist, he had the cap off.
"Thank you." Hana murmured before guzzling down the bottle. Ichigo stopped him from drinking the whole bottle and opened his bag for him.
"Don't do that, Hana. You'll be thirsty after the Gardettos." He said, rolling the dice. It landed on a six. "I pick Urahara. Imagine if Urahara were a section of the library. Which would he be? One, fiction, two, Children's, three, Reference, four, History, five, Late Return Section, or six, the periodicals?"
Everyone but Urahara picked the Late Return Section. Urahara picked, to everyone's surprise, the Children's section. Ichigo gave Rukia the dice. She rolled a two.
"I'll pick on Chad, he's overdue." She said. Chad just gave her his usual shrug. Rukia picked her card and cracked up laughing. "Imagine if Chad were a piece of meat—" Everyone but Chad and Hanatarou joined her. Hanatarou just looked puzzled as to what was so funny while Chad remained completely expressionless, which just seemed to make it funnier for Rukia. When she caught her breath, she continued. "Which would he be? One, a Rump Roast, two, T-bone steak, three, Rack of Lamb, four, Chicken Breast, five, Wiener, or six, Turkey Leg?" Rukia giggled as she picked her choice. She looked around. "Is everyone ready?" She asked. They all nodded to her and flipped their cards over. The answers were scattered. Ichigo, Hanatarou, and Chad all picked T-bone steak, while Ishida, Urahara, and Rukia all picked Turkey Leg. All the players looked at Matsumoto's answer and—knowing the busty woman way too well—blushed. The only one who didn't was Hanatarou, who just looked confused at the moment.
As Matsumoto grinned cheekily at Chad, the teenager found a new appreciation for his dark skin. "So," the woman asked, grinning. "Did I win~?" Chad pointedly looked away from her.
"No." Ichigo said flatly. "Everyone moves ahead but Matsumoto." The woman pouted. Ichigo rolled his eyes at her. "I mean, really, wiener? Why?" Matsumoto gleefully opened her mouth to tell him, but Renji clamped a hand over it. He pointed at the bewildered Hana.
"Don't. You'll scar him for life. He's not ready for that kind of information!" Renji exclaimed. He shot a look at Ishida. "Roll quickly!"
Ishida obliged and came up with a four. "Hana-kun both ways." He read the card he'd picked. "Imagine if Hana-kun were a pastry. Which would he be? Powdered Donut, Bran muffin, Orange Currant Scone, Everything bagel, Cheese Danish, or Pumpkin Pie?" Everyone quickly laid their cards down. "Unanimous for powdered donut." Ishida said as he handed the dice to Chad. The big teen rolled a one.
"I pick Ichigo." He said quietly, ignoring the pout on Matsumoto's face.
"Why would you pick some orange haired punk when you could pick me?" She said, posing to show off her 'assets'. Chad refused to look and instead chose a card.
Urahara snickered from behind his fan and spoke to Rukia. "Now Rukia-chan! I'm surprised at you, letting Matsumoto-san hit on the father of your child!" Chad just stared at his card, seemingly determined to ignore this conversation. Rukia waved Urahara off.
"Oh, I'm not worried. Why would he be interested in some skanky, lazy, alcoholic when he could be with someone he wouldn't have to worry about getting an STD from?" She smiled sweetly at everyone's slack-jawed expressions. Matsumoto just glared at the petite shinigami. Renji and Hanatarou shot concerned glances at each other and moved away from Matsumoto.
A glint of challenge came to each woman's eye as Matsumoto responded. "Well at least I've hit puberty, you flat-chested, boy-shaped little brat!"
Ichigo leveled an accusing look at Urahara. "You just had to start something, didn't you?"
The man shrugged and smiled. "I was going through withdrawals." Ichigo scowled at the man as the two women continued arguing.
"I can't wait to see what you'd look like as an old woman! Those boobs of yours will probably be dragging along the ground!" Rukia grinned as she continued, "Of course, you're already over halfway there, So I doubt we'll be waiting too long…"
Matsumoto grinned back. "Awww, baby looks cranky! Does baby need to be put down for a nappy-poo? Or maybe baby is hungry! Should I get baby a bottle? Go grab a blankie, or get baby a pacifier, maybe? And don't worry about your face, little one! Lots of people are ugly as babies, but it will usually go away….."
As the verbal battle between the two women escalated, Hanatarou turned to Ichigo and tugged at him to get his attention. "M-maybe we shouldn't f-finish this game, I really don't want to have to use Hisagomaru on anyone today."
Ichigo blinked at the healer. "You brought it with you? Why?" Hanatarou blandly pointed at Urahara. Ichigo made an 'o' of recognition and nodded. "Yeah, good idea." He winced as Rukia yelled almost directly in his ear in her argument with Matsumoto.
"Of course, if you want to die of AIDS and liver cancer then go right on ahead! But leave the father of my hypothetical child out of it, you hooker!" The two women were pretty much nose-to-nose at this point.
Renji and Urahara were practically dying with laughter and Chad was concentrating as hard as he could at the card in his hand, still determined to stay out of this one. Ishida, chuckling slightly, glanced over at the big teen. "And what seems to be the matter?" Looking at the two dueling women, he restated himself. "Well, besides the obvious, anyway." Chad sighed and showed Ishida the card. The Quincy looked taken aback. "Oh. Wow. Um…..yeah, let's put that back, shall we?" He took the card from his friend and was about to put it back in the deck when a shrill voice stopped everyone in their tracks, so to speak.
"Rukia-chan! You're pregnant with Sado-kun's child!?" Orihime stood in the doorway, arms loaded down with grocery bags and her expression stunned.
Ishida just stared at the girl. "Well this isn't good." He stated flatly.
Ichigo looked surprised to see her. "Uh, Inoue, hi, um, how long have you been standing there? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
Orihime didn't seem to register those questions as she stared first at a speechless Rukia to a stoic Chad and back again. Rukia shook her head abruptly and attempted to explain. "No, we're playing a game and—"
Orihime's expression grew even more stunned as she interrupted and, in typical Orihime fashion, drew her own conclusion. "Y-you and Chad were playing a game and you ended up pregnant?!"
As Urahara, Matsumoto, and Renji cracked up laughing, Rukia's face grew bright red and she attempted, again, to explain. "What? W-wait! No, no, no! We—, I'm not—"
Again, Orihime interrupted, this time looking over at Matsumoto. "And now Matsumoto-san wants to be pregnant with Sado-kun too?!" Matsumoto abruptly quit laughing and joined Rukia in attempting to explain. Renji and Urahara laughed harder.
"Uh, wait, no! It's this game we're playing—" Matsumoto started. Orihime's eyes nearly fell out of her head.
"YOU WERE PLAYING THE GAME WITH THEM?!"
"Yes. Wait, what? NO! Orihime, listen! We—" But it was too late. Orihime had already switched her attention back to Rukia.
"B-but I thought you were dating Kurosaki-kun!" The ginger-haired girl said, her eyes starting to tear up.
Rukia had a helpless look on her face. "I am, Orihime! I'm not—"
Orihime looked distressed and her voice took on a hysterical note. "You're cheating on Kurosaki-kun with his best friend and now you're pregnant with Sado-kun's child and Matsumoto-san is with Sado-kun too?! This is not right!"
"At least we can all agree on that one." Ishida muttered, shaking his head. Chad stood up as fast as he could and headed for the door. He looked over at a rather red-faced Hanatarou.
"Hana-kun, we are leaving now." He said, his voice and face remained expressionless. Hanatarou quickly stood up and rushed over to Chad. Orihime looked over at them.
"And if Sado-kun is with both Matsumoto-san and Rukia-chan, then why is he leaving with Hanatarou-kun?" Orihime's eyes widen in mistaken realization. She gasped. Both Chad and Ichigo's faces paled. Hanatarou just stared back at her, confused. Why was she looking at him like that? "But he's so young!" Orihime added, looking scandalized. Then it occurred to Hana what she might be thinking and all the blood drained from his face as well.
Ichigo and Chad both spoke to Hanatarou at the same time and in the same tone. "Hana, go outside now." Hanatarou obeyed and lit out of there like there like the devil himself were chasing him.
On the floor where he was still chuckling and nursing his aching ribs, Renji looked impressed. "Wow. Kid almost achieved shunpo there for a second!"
Matsumoto smacked him upside the head. "Oh shut up."
"OW! What'd I do?" He asked, rubbing the back of his head.
"Nothing," she spat out. "I just felt like hitting something and you were convenient."
Despite everyone's attempts to get her to calm down and 'listen, dammit!'—that being from Ichigo—the poor girl was still freaking out. Chad decided not leave just yet and went over to Orihime to calm her down.
"How did I not know about all of this?" She wailed, completely ignoring the calming hands of Matsumoto, Ishida, and Chad on her arms and back. Everyone looked at each other, bewildered. Her reaction to what she believed had happened was a little much, even for her. What was wrong with her today? "My friends are all involved in a love pentagram!"
Everybody in the room sweatdropped and Ishida, sighing, decided to take charge. He waved Matsumoto and Chad away and grabbed Orihime by the shoulders, shaking her gently, "Inoue! Knock it off and be quiet! It's not what you think!"
It-it's not? She asked softly. Ishida shook his head.
"There is this game called Imaginiff, okay?" He said slowly, as if speaking to a three year-old. She nodded and he continued. "Do you see the big oval thing with all the bright, pretty colors on it on the table?"
Rukia and Ichigo just looked at each other, incredulous. If anyone had talked to them like that, that person would've been pushing up daisies, but, oddly enough, it seemed to be working. Orihime had calmed down considerably. She looked over at the table and nodded just like a three year old.
"That is the game we are playing." Ishida continued. "Now here is what really happened…" As he started to explain, Ichigo and Chad gave each other world-weary looks. This was gonna take a while.
Owari
AN: Hope you liked it! It took me FOREVER to type this up! I was laughing during some parts of this…I can't believe I wrote some of the things I put in here…..well, let me know what you think, kay?