My first ever fan fiction. I do not own the characters. Hope you enjoy it. Feedback would be appreciated
Rayna kept tossing and turning, she was grateful Luke was with his children tonight. She didn't know how she was going to face him. Deacon's words kept going through her mind "I know how to love you now… That man you always wanted me to be, I am that man. And I can be a husband now, and I can be a father and I can give you everything that we were always meant to have", "You and me Ray, that's how it's supposed to be. You know that. It's Maddie, Daphne, you … AND ME". In spite of what she told him, she knew it was true, they were always meant to be together. Almost 30 years they've known each other and she loved him all this time. He was her best friend, the first person she wanted to share everything with. After all this time, he is still the person who knows her best.
She was scared… She was scared he couldn't be with her and be strong. Both times he managed to clean up his act and be strong are the times she left him. For 13 years he was sober without her but when they finally tried to be together again, he fell of the wagon. And it was her fault, keeping Maddie's paternity a secret from him. She still believed she made the right choice back then, she sometimes even believes she was right to keep it a secret all these years. All the years she and Teddy were married and Maddie grow up in a loving and stable family. That doesn't change the fact that the lying and the way he finally found out the truth made him lose control again. Because of her, and this time it almost cost both their lives.
He was stronger now then she has ever seen him, even before Vienne's death that started his drinking and their rollercoaster. He was so confident, and so good with Maddie. It was amazing to see the change in her since they started forming their father and daughter bond. She's become so confident and at peace with who she is. It's like the pieces of her she didn't understand before, pieces in herself that were not like Teddy oh herself or Daphne… They finally made sense as she finally understood where they came from, Deacon.
She knew he was different, she knew he could be a great father, already is… She was even sure he would make a great husband. But could he make a great husband for her? Or will them being together result again in him losing control. What if she was really the reason he always returned to the bottle, she was his undoing. She couldn't handle it again, and more important she would not risk it for Maddie. Her children always came first, and this time was no exception. Even if it meant finally giving up hope she and Deacon will ever be together again, well maybe "ever" wasn't quite right. Maybe they could find their way back to each other after her girls are all grown up and have families of their own. What if he moves on by then? What if he gets married and has his own family she is not a part of? Well, in that case she would wait for him. Like he said, they were meant to be together. They will always find a way back to each other. She hoped this thought could sustain her for now, give her the strength to marry Luke and raise their children together. Luke… somehow his charm wasn't so charming all of a sudden. And his kisses, how can she be with him after that kiss she shared with Deacon? No one could ever make her feel the things Deacon could with just a short kiss. Now that she has a recent reminder of that, how could she be with Luke?
Maybe Deacon could convince her she wasn't his poison. Maybe he could convince her that he could be the man he become and be with her at the same time. She has to talk to him… maybe she would at least get a last kiss for the road.