Title: Unspoken
Summary: Kyle and Ian have suffered more losses than anyone knows.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Host. Seriously. Don't think I haven't tried, but SM's got eyes like a freaking hawk, man.
Rated: K+ for Koalas
plus angst.
Length: Oneshot
POV: Ian
A/N: I was reading The Host one day in art class (long story) and I remember reading this part where Jared's like, "You don't know what it's like, you haven't lost anybody to them." And I remember thinking "How do you know, Mr. Look-at-me-I'm-so-tough-cause-everybody-I-love-got-taken-as-hosts-so-bleh-on-you?" Well, actually, it was just "How do you know?" but whatever. Anyway, if the story contradicts this, than you can just ignore it.
"You don't know what it's like, O'Shea. You've never lost anybody, have you?"
Jared was so good at assuming things. Why did he think that his losses diminished anyone else's? Just because I didn't like to talk about it. Obviously, Kyle knew, and then Jeb had a way of pulling information out of anybody, but aside from them, everybody assumed that we'd been raised by wolves or something and then Kyle met Jodi and we showed up on Jeb's doorstep-and I use that in the loosest interpretation of the word.
But no. We did have a family outside ourselves, and we did lose them.
We were only thirteen. Our parents were probably some of the first to be taken. We didn't know at the time, obviously. They left for a dinner party, and never came back and it was years before we realized why, before we realized that they hadn't just abandoned us.
And then we ran. Because we were worried they'd put us all in different foster homes, and we weren't going to let that happen. We were sticking together, just the three of us.
Yes. Three.
We had a little sister, too. Lexi. She was just three years old when our parents were taken. Sweetest kid you'd ever know. And she was seven when she was taken. She'd be about Jamie's age right now. She would've just loved Wanda. She would've loved hearing her stories. She loved learning. She was very smart, and she soaked up everything like a sponge. And she didn't get nearly enough time, she didn't get a chance to hear enough stories, to read enough books, to make people laugh enough, and she was my little sister and I couldn't protect her, and that's something I'll never forgive myself for. Kyle won't either. We don't talk about it, it's one of those things that's unspoken.
And then Jodi. My sister-in-law. I loved her like she really was my sister. She didn't replace Lexi, but I loved them both and lost them both. Losing Jodi was harder on Kyle, though. And it was hard for me to look him in the eye for months after it happened, just because of what I'd see there. He was so lost without her. We all were, but Kyle worst of all. Jodi was the life of the party, the heart and soul of our little rebellion group. Everybody loved that girl, she was so charismatic and she could make anybody laugh, no matter how down you were feeling. She wasn't my sister by blood, but she was my sister in so many other real ways, it didn't matter.
So, Jared, you can mope around all day for as long as you want, and pretend that other people don't know what it's like to be hurt. Go ahead.
Just because I don't like to talk about it. Because talking about it would require me to think about it, and then nothing would keep me from breaking down and falling apart. Because if I want to survive, I'm going to have to keep it together.
And sometimes, I wonder if I really do want to survive. But I know they'd want me to. So I do. I keep going for my parents, for Lexi, for Jodi, and for everybody here. For Kyle, for Lily, for Melanie and Jamie and for Wanda. If they stay strong, then I can, and if we all stay strong, we might just survive this. Or we might not. But they took my parents and my sisters and a lot of other peoples', too.
So I'm not just giving myself to them. Call it immature, but I'm not making it that easy for them.