NOTE: I realize that this fic is pointless. But, come on, you know you love it. It's a guilty pleasure.
***
The Moods of Frodo
Frodo was sitting at home with Sam when he saw her. She was walking down the road sexily when he spotted her while glancing out of the window. Though she was a hobbit she had an *amazing* figure and....gasp....her feet were hair free. This was too good to be true. Surely he must have been dreaming. Frodo was so wrapped up in watching her pass by that he completely forgot he had been deep in a "lively" conversation with Sam.
"Master Frodo? Are you listening?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"What? Oh, yes...of course Sam, go on...," Frodo said as he snapped his head around to his best friend once more.
"As I was saying..."
But Frodo immidiately tuned out Sam's talk of herbs and plants, for his mind was still on that hot little number that had just walked by. He'd never seen her before and he wondered if perhaps she came from some faraway land...and then he wondered if there were elves in this faraway land...and if so were they as hot as she was? Well, of course they'd be far hotter than her as they were elves. Soon enough Frodo was dreaming of courting the hobbit girl and then maybe checking out some of her hot elven friends, as he had concluded that she must have lived with many, many attractive female elves before coming to the Shire.
"...and that's when my dad decided that becoming a cross dresser was the only way he could live freely."
"What!?" Frodo awoke abruptly from his reverie at the mention of cross dressing.
"So...it's as I expected, you were tuning me out!" Sam said, feeling hurt...hurt and rejected!
"I'm sorry, Sam. I've just been preoccupied with my own thoughts," Frodo turned his head to the window and saw that the sun had sunk considerably into the west and that it must have been hours since the hot gal had passed. He then thought of how odd it was that Sam could talk non-stop for that long.
"Say, Sam have you heard anything of a new family moving in?" Frodo asked, realizing that Sam was always up on the very latest gossip of the Shire.
"No..."
"Really? Because I saw a positively SEXILICIOUS girl walk by a few hours ago. She had curly brown hair that fell gracefully over her shoulders leading to her lovely bosoms...,"Frodo began to drool."Boy I'd like to..."
"FRODO!"
"Sorry, Sam...I'm getting carried away with myself...look at me. She wouldn't give me a chance," Frodo looked down at his flabbiness.
"Aw...you're not so bad Mr. Frodo."
Frodo jumped from his seat with a renewed confidence,"YOU'RE RIGHT, SAM! I, myself, am sexilicous as well. Aren't I?'
"W-well...I wouldn't quite put it..."
"No, no go ahead SAY IT! I'M HIDEOUS!!!! I know."
Sam thought for a moment and decided that agreeing with Frodo was the best way to deal with him.
"You're right, Mr. Frodo. I hate to break it to ya, but you're down right iugly/i"
"It's okay, Sam. Someone had to tell me sooner or later. I thank you for your honesty."
"You're welcome, sir, and don't worry, looks aren't everything."
Frodo looked into Sams eyes and realized something,"Oh, that's easy for YOU to say. Not everyone can be as charmingly handsome as yourself. Why don't you just stop with your mocking and sarcasm. I know you think you're better than me, so just say it!"
"You're right, sir, I think I'm infinately more attractive than you are," Sam agreed in a monotone.
"Thanks, Sam, I needed that."
"You're quite welcome, sir."
Frodo sat and calmed down. They both sat in peaceful tranquility, enjoying eachother's company.
"GET OUT!!!!!," Frodo screamed suddenly, breaking the calm silence.
Sam stood and walked to the door, he turned,"I'll see you tomorrow then, sir."
"Looking forward to it," Frodo said sweetly.
2 Minutes Later....
Sam walked up the path to his door.
"What, in the name of Elbereth, kinds of mushrooms has he been eating lately? I wonder if I should tell him that the 'hot lass' walking by the window was the Gaffer?" Sam thought to himself as he opened his front door,"No...best not upset him."
***
Pointless enough for ya?? Funny thing about me: I usually write humor fan fic, but I usually only read romance fan fic, and my original works are mostly dark and morbid. I'm like an onion, I have layers. ("props" to Shrek) that is the first and last time I will ever use the word props when not referring to theater.
Your Ever-Cynical New Best Friend,
Chelsea
***
The Moods of Frodo
Frodo was sitting at home with Sam when he saw her. She was walking down the road sexily when he spotted her while glancing out of the window. Though she was a hobbit she had an *amazing* figure and....gasp....her feet were hair free. This was too good to be true. Surely he must have been dreaming. Frodo was so wrapped up in watching her pass by that he completely forgot he had been deep in a "lively" conversation with Sam.
"Master Frodo? Are you listening?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"What? Oh, yes...of course Sam, go on...," Frodo said as he snapped his head around to his best friend once more.
"As I was saying..."
But Frodo immidiately tuned out Sam's talk of herbs and plants, for his mind was still on that hot little number that had just walked by. He'd never seen her before and he wondered if perhaps she came from some faraway land...and then he wondered if there were elves in this faraway land...and if so were they as hot as she was? Well, of course they'd be far hotter than her as they were elves. Soon enough Frodo was dreaming of courting the hobbit girl and then maybe checking out some of her hot elven friends, as he had concluded that she must have lived with many, many attractive female elves before coming to the Shire.
"...and that's when my dad decided that becoming a cross dresser was the only way he could live freely."
"What!?" Frodo awoke abruptly from his reverie at the mention of cross dressing.
"So...it's as I expected, you were tuning me out!" Sam said, feeling hurt...hurt and rejected!
"I'm sorry, Sam. I've just been preoccupied with my own thoughts," Frodo turned his head to the window and saw that the sun had sunk considerably into the west and that it must have been hours since the hot gal had passed. He then thought of how odd it was that Sam could talk non-stop for that long.
"Say, Sam have you heard anything of a new family moving in?" Frodo asked, realizing that Sam was always up on the very latest gossip of the Shire.
"No..."
"Really? Because I saw a positively SEXILICIOUS girl walk by a few hours ago. She had curly brown hair that fell gracefully over her shoulders leading to her lovely bosoms...,"Frodo began to drool."Boy I'd like to..."
"FRODO!"
"Sorry, Sam...I'm getting carried away with myself...look at me. She wouldn't give me a chance," Frodo looked down at his flabbiness.
"Aw...you're not so bad Mr. Frodo."
Frodo jumped from his seat with a renewed confidence,"YOU'RE RIGHT, SAM! I, myself, am sexilicous as well. Aren't I?'
"W-well...I wouldn't quite put it..."
"No, no go ahead SAY IT! I'M HIDEOUS!!!! I know."
Sam thought for a moment and decided that agreeing with Frodo was the best way to deal with him.
"You're right, Mr. Frodo. I hate to break it to ya, but you're down right iugly/i"
"It's okay, Sam. Someone had to tell me sooner or later. I thank you for your honesty."
"You're welcome, sir, and don't worry, looks aren't everything."
Frodo looked into Sams eyes and realized something,"Oh, that's easy for YOU to say. Not everyone can be as charmingly handsome as yourself. Why don't you just stop with your mocking and sarcasm. I know you think you're better than me, so just say it!"
"You're right, sir, I think I'm infinately more attractive than you are," Sam agreed in a monotone.
"Thanks, Sam, I needed that."
"You're quite welcome, sir."
Frodo sat and calmed down. They both sat in peaceful tranquility, enjoying eachother's company.
"GET OUT!!!!!," Frodo screamed suddenly, breaking the calm silence.
Sam stood and walked to the door, he turned,"I'll see you tomorrow then, sir."
"Looking forward to it," Frodo said sweetly.
2 Minutes Later....
Sam walked up the path to his door.
"What, in the name of Elbereth, kinds of mushrooms has he been eating lately? I wonder if I should tell him that the 'hot lass' walking by the window was the Gaffer?" Sam thought to himself as he opened his front door,"No...best not upset him."
***
Pointless enough for ya?? Funny thing about me: I usually write humor fan fic, but I usually only read romance fan fic, and my original works are mostly dark and morbid. I'm like an onion, I have layers. ("props" to Shrek) that is the first and last time I will ever use the word props when not referring to theater.
Your Ever-Cynical New Best Friend,
Chelsea