Gone...
He left...leaving me all alone...
I don't know what I did...I begged him not to go...to stay...but he wouldn't listen...he wouldn't even look at me...he just packed his things into his bag...slung it over his shoulder before opening the door and walking out...even after he left...I still couldn't stop begging him not to go...not to leave me alone...asking why he was leaving...but there was no answer...and I was afraid...terrified..that there never would be...
---
I sat on my couch quietly, still as stone as I starred at the t.v., it was on but I didn't know what I was watching, I'd just been sitting and starring off into space, letting my mind wander away from the cruel harsh realities of the world, I hadn't eaten in a while, I'd completely lost my appetite, I couldn't keep anything down so I'd just stopped eating, and eventually the gnawing feeling of my stomach begging for food stopped.
I'm not sure how long it's been since I last went outside...maybe a month or longer...I'm not really sure anymore...I've heard knocks at my door but I'm too weak and tired to get up and answer, so I just sit on the couch, sometimes I go to my bed, but I can't sleep...so I usually just lay there...starring up at the ceiling.
I still work though...on the computer...it's a routine...since I never sleep anymore...I just spend my time sitting or on my computer, typing away on the keyboard for my job...I'm a writer...I suppose my books are popular...they sell a lot...over 4 billion copies sold worldwide and translated into different languages...I'm not sure what I write about anymore...I'm not really sure of anything actually...I think I'm writing a tragedy...but I really don't know...
I tilt my head to the side when my head begins to pulse it doesn't hurt at first...but then it
gets painful...it hurts...but I'm not saying anything...it feels like bile is forming in my throat...I'm trying to stay awake but...it's getting harder to keep my eyes open...I can't hear anything...and I'm starting to see black spots...huh...I think I might be passing out...I'm not sure...
Is someone touching me? I can't really see anymore...everything's all blurry...something cold is touching my face but...I can't feel...anything anymore...
---
It's dark...Every things a murky black...I'm looking around...but I can't see anything...am
I blind? Where am I anyways? I must've passed out...but why am I here? Hm...Maybe I'm still sleeping...
'Sasuke...' I turned around, frowning when I don't see anyone...that voice...it sounded so...familiar...
'Sasuke...Sasuke...' My eyes widened at the realization of which the voice belonged to, I whirled around frantically, looking around frantically, running forward trying to find the person.
'Mother?' My voice echoed out, it sounded desperate and scared...I can see a small light...it's getting bigger...I think I'm walking towards it...but I can't feel my feet moving....I stop when the light becomes too bright...I close my eyes, lifting my hand up to my face to block the light, and then there's a flash...
I look around confused...I'm in a room...it's spacious...not much adorns it...and as I look around...I begin to realize that this was my room when I was a child...I look at the bed where I see...me...
It's me when I was 13...there's a thunder storm outside...and within seconds the dark room is lit up in a flash of light, thunder following just seconds after, causing me to flinch...even after all these years...I was still afraid of storms...
There's a small bundle under the covers, trembling while small whimpers echo throughout the room, I can hear yelling outside the door, and I walk towards it...I reach out to open the door, but it's slammed open as another chorus of thunder hits, I step back startled, my father is in front of me, but he doesn't see me...he walks past me, and towards the bed...he rips off the sheet...revealing a small little body huddled in a ball, eyes shut while tears drip down the pale flushed cheeks, but the eyes snap open...looking up in terror as father grabs his arm, pulling him off the bed violently, throwing him to the ground with a crash, his head hitting the hard wood floor...father is yelling something...I can't hear him...but I know what he's saying...
I remember this night...it still haunts me...awake or asleep...it's still in the back of my mind...popping up at unexpected times...triggered by the smallest of things...I turn my attention back to the scene in front of me...fathers kicking him...the small bundle crying out...but no noise comes out...just the thunder...nothing else...I look towards the door...mother is there...starring helplessly...her eyes wide as tears race down her cheeks...I think she's whispering my name...father slams his foot down onto his stomach...his eyes are enraged...animalistic...no trace of sanity found anywhere...burning like a wild fire...
I feel a pressure on my chest...I remember the exact words he yelled at me that day...
'Worthless...'
Another kick...
'Pathetic...'
A punch and a hand at the back of his head, slamming it down onto the wood....
'Everyone will leave you...No one will ever want you...you'll be used...like the worthless piece of garbage that you are...' I will never forget...and even though it's been 12 years since that day...the day I was treated like trash...the day I ran away...the day my life completely changed...it has always...and will always...be with me...reminding me...I will always be left alone...and that no one would ever need nor want me...
But then...everything stops...the thunder...the lighting...the rage and violence...gone...and I stand alone...my younger self in front of me...crying and gasping...he looks up...but he's not looking at me...he's looking over my shoulder...so I turn around...
Father is standing in front of us...but...it's like we're seeing him through a t.v....or a crystal ball...a younger me is standing in front of father who is smirking down at my 8 year old self...and I shudder as shame and disgust flow through me...that day...father...he stopped being one...I no longer saw him as a human being...but as a monster...he'd taken the only thing I had left...my innocence...I fell tears run down my cheeks as I am forced to climb a top the drunken man...he's starring at me...eyes full of lust that should not be directed towards his son...
But for a moment...father looks up...and looks me straight in the eye....
'This is all you'll ever be good for...once you're used, they'll leave you...'
'No...No...No...No...NO!
---
"NO!!!" I shoot up from the bed, gasping as I feel hot tears run down my cheeks, I'm shaking but I don't care, I just want the images to be gone...to disappear like they'd never happened...
"No...No...No....please...I don't want to be alone...please...Naruto...don't go...don't leave me alone like everyone else...please..." A sob racks through my body, and I bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I set my forehead atop them...sobbing into them...
"Sasuke?"
I don't look up...I can't....and I won't...I just...want it all to end...I don't want to feel like this...like I was used...like I really don't matter...I don't want him to be right...I want to mean something...to someone...anyone...I just don't...want to be alone...not anymore....
"Sasuke please, look at me..." I shake my head...that voice...it sounds just like him...could it be him...I'm afraid to look...because...if it isn't...I don't think I'll be able to live anymore...
"Sasuke...baby please." I feel hands touch the sides of my face, but I stubbornly refuse to let them lift my face up, but I know I can't win...my face is forced up...so I shut my eyes...I can't look....I'm so scared...what if it isn't him...but...then again...why would it be him...he left...
"Baby...please just...look at me...please...I'm so sorry...I shouldn't...I shouldn't have left...but just...please..." I let out a shaky breath, my hands shaking...my body convulsing with sobs...as I slowly open my eyes...everything's blurry at first....but it's because of the tears...and then...they focus on the beautiful pair of angelic baby blue eyes...I feel my heart tighten...and finally allow the name that I'd promised I wouldn't utter ever again...to flow out...
"Naruto...." His eyes are watering...and then tears fall down his perfect tan whiskered cheeks...I shut my eyes as more tears begin to spill down....attempting to stop them but it doesn't stop them...he's here...he's really here...it's not just a dream...
"Sasuke..." He sounds relieved...he embraces me tightly, and I return the gesture just as, if not more, needily...taking in his scent of clean soap and cinnamon...I dig my face into his shoulder...he's whispering my name over and over again...and I cling to him...afraid that if I let go...it might just all turn out to be a cruel dream...
As if reading my thoughts, "I'm not going anywhere...I'm so sorry Sasuke...I was stupid...I never meant to hurt you this badly..."
I can't reply, all I can do is sob...soaking his shirt....but he doesn't say anything about it...he just holds me tighter...and I cry into his chest, gripping the material of his jacket, my fingers turning white from the pressure, but I don't care...he's here...in front of me...and he's real...
"Naruto...Naruto....Naruto...." I cry, "Why....why did you...." I can't finish, shutting my eyes...
"...Sakura....she called me..." I tighten my hold on him, tensing....he grips me tightly...as if he's afraid to let go....thinking I might pull away and leave...
"I...I went to a party....at Kiba's...and...I got drunk...and I mean really drunk....completely smashed...and I can't remember much of what happened but...when she called me she said that I'd...that we'd....and then she said she was pregnant...I...I just...I didn't know how to tell you...so I just...left..." My eyes widened....I couldn't...say anything...what was I supposed to?...
"It turns out she wasn't...she was just trying to get me away from you so that she could have...me..." I bite my lip... "Kiba told me that...Sakura hadn't even been at the party...so she'd lied to me for the last 2 months...but god Sasuke...when I came back...I was going to explain but then I saw you...how could you....how could let yourself get like that!?" I flinched; sending a terrified shudder through out my body....Naruto took note of it...calming himself...
"The doctors said you hadn't eaten properly in over a month...Sasuke...your organs almost started shutting down...and your body was rejecting everything...they said there was a chance you wouldn't make it...but they managed to get your body enough nutrients and rehydrated you...so you should be okay now...."
I nodded, pulling back and looking up at him...he really was here....it wasn't all just a dream...I cleared my throat weakly, it felt dry..."H-how long was I asleep?" I whispered groggily, blinking my eyes open lazily...suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion...
"3 and a half weeks..." I groaned quietly when he squeezed me to hard, but he didn't loosen his hold, "I was...I was so scared...that...that you wouldn't wake up...." I suddenly felt guilty...having worried him this much...
"I'm sorry...."
"You better be...god Sasuke..." He pressed his lips to my forehead, I closed my eyes, leaning into him, opening my eyes when I felt something wet fall onto my face, pulling away I looked up at Naruto...he was crying...I swallowed hard...wrapping my arms around his neck weakly, holding him as tight as I could...he began to quiver...small sobs resounding through the room...I could feel my hospital gown getting wet...
"I love you Sasuke, fuck you don't know how much it hurt to just leave like that...I'm so sorry." I began to shake, more tears falling down my cheeks.
"Naruto..." I whispered, holding him back tighter...
---
A/N: Hey, my first T-Rated Fic! I hope you like it!!!
So I just wanted to do something to get my mojo flowing, think of it as a Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza or normal present!!!
I love you all!