A/N: Well my goodness guys! We're officially back with season 8! How exciting! It feels great to be watching new episodes and writing post-eps again. Definitely missed it over the summer... and well, let's face it. For a while there we were unsure of whether we'd be back for another season, so I am definitely not taking this one for granted at all. And can I just say wow, what a season opener. That episode was absolutely incredible, I am so in awe of what they did. I mean, I knew it would be great and I had high expectations, but... wow, it really left me speechless. Not to mention full of tears! What an emotional episode. Bravo NY writers, bravo.
Now, with this oneshot - I'm going to say this right here and right now, it's not my best, but not for a lack of trying, honest! This was probably one of the hardest things I've written and I'm not sure about it at all. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do, and I'm not sure whether it has properly filtered across onto paper. Not to mention it's a very sensitive subject. So I do hope that it doesn't offend or upset anyone. I will let you guys be the judge though.
I hope some of you are still interested in post-eps. So long as you're interested, I'll be writing. :)
Enough of my talking, I'll let you get on with reading.
September Eleventh was never an easy day. Of course, there had been a time where September eleventh had simply been just one unremarkable day in the yearly calendar. But after that fateful day in 2001, history had been changed across the world forever. Everyone knew where they were when it happened, whether they had been watching the news, asleep, calling loved ones, or staring up at the tumbling skyscrapers, everyone, no matter where they were, knew that their life had changed.
Lindsay Monroe had been stood in the precinct among her superiors, simply staring up at the screen in front of her. It hadn't been happening. Initially, when she glanced up at the screen from her desk, she'd been positive someone had accidentally changed the channel and she was simply watching an extremely advanced CGI movie sequence that had pushed the boundaries in the name of film making. But, as more and more people left their desks and made their way over to the small screen, she realised that actually, what she was seeing wasn't make-believe. It wasn't pretend. It wasn't acting. It was real.
Swiping away another stream of tears, Lindsay Messer swallowed as she gripped tightly to her husband's hand. While usually self-conscious of showing emotion outside of her comfort zone, Lindsay found herself strangely comforted by the outward sign of emotion she was feeling. Looking all around, she could see tissues clutched in people's hands, swiping away at the waterfall of tears, much like she had on September Eleventh 2001.
Mac's speech and work with the memorial had been beautiful and reduced even the strongest of characters to tears. She'd handed Flack a handful of tissues, offered Sheldon a smile of reassurance and had taken Danny's hand as she watched a series of tears escape from his red-rimmed eyes.
She quickened her steps and pressed her front into Danny's back as she followed him through the crowds. They had paid their respects to the fallen heroes, but when it had become too much, they quietly removed themselves from the situation to go and process the day's happenings behind closed doors. The comfort of Danny's back and his tight grip on her hand was reassuring, and offered her the emotional support that she needed.
"I've got ya, sweetheart." She heard Danny's hoarse voice tell her as he weaved in and out of the relatives, friends, colleagues and other patrons, paying respects. "Just keep hold of my hand, we're nearly there."
She squeezed his hand tightly in acknowledgement, positive that her voice would fail her otherwise. And, just like he had promised it took only a few seconds before they found their way into a slightly less-crowded area. Lindsay felt less claustrophobic and surrounded, and enabled her to embrace Danny tightly, burying her head in his chest as she did so. They stood, wrapped in each other's arms for an extended period of time before Lindsay pulled away, looking up at Danny through her blurry eyes. "I'm not ready to go home yet. I don't want Lucy to see me like this."
"Okay," Danny nodded with an understanding smile as he swiped away one of Lindsay's tears with the pad of his thumb. "Where'd you wanna go?"
She hesitated, and took a deep breath to steel herself before she shared her desire with him. "Can we go down to Ground Zero?"
"Are you sure?" He asked with raised eyebrows. "It's gonna be pretty emotional down there."
"I want to go." Lindsay whispered. "I need to go, Danny."
"Alright," he whispered, taking her hand and squeezing it tight. "Let's go then."
The walk to Ground Zero was quiet. Neither quite knew what to say to the other, and wasn't sure whether their words would do any good even then. Over the years, it had become obvious to one another that their healing process on this particular day was to internalise everything that they saw and was still dealing with, even ten years later. As they approached the vicinity, they tightened their grips on one another as they made their way towards a particular spot both of them had seen. It was slightly more private than the other, more open places. They basked in the silence for a moment, silently paying their respects to those that had died in the attacks.
They watched together as family members comforted one another as they mourned their losses, so many years later. The emotion was still raw and would most undoubtedly be for years to come.
"It must be so hard." Lindsay whispered as she leant her head against the corrugated metal that still remained in an odd few places around the perimeter.
Not knowing what to say to his wife, Danny let out a sigh as he edged towards her slowly and enclosed her in a protective bubble with his arms, using her shoulder as a ledge for his chin. They stood in relative silence as they watched the various private memorials at the fountain. Although Lindsay's tears had somehow managed to dry, she could still feel the emotion overcoming her. It was an eerie sensation, looking down into the fountain and simply soaking in the sombre atmosphere. The weight of the devastation was heavy in the air, tugging on every single person's heartstrings that stood in the vicinity of Ground Zero.
"That month after it happened is something I never wanna relive." Danny said, his breath brushing Lindsay's skin. "I cried myself to sleep so many nights, the things I saw Linds, I don't think I'll ever forget them."
"Neither will I."
"Yeah, but it was different bein' here Linds." Danny said softly. "The things I saw. Grown men, sobbing at the sight of a fireman's hat. Most of the time, the people who were crying didn't even know the fallen fireman or police officer."
"I know, Danny." She whispered quietly. "I was here."
"Huh?" Danny replied, almost inaudibly. "You were here?"
She nodded against him as she removed her hands from the metal fence and intertwined her fingers with his before placing them back onto the metal frame. "I came to help."
"In the seven years I've known you, you've never told me that."
"We've never really talked about it." She pointed out to him. "It's not exactly something that comes up into conversation a lot."
"You were here?" Danny repeated. "When did you get here?"
"The Friday." She replied. "I'd managed to come down with a fire truck, because no planes were flying."
"You guys drove all that way?"
She nodded against him. "We'd have driven further if we needed to. We all wanted to help."
"How many of you came?" Danny asked with tearful eyes, clearly touched at the kindness of strangers.
"I forget now, a lot of it is a blur, but I remember swapping seats with this one guy. He sat on the floor most of the way, but I could tell that his back was killing him. For the majority of the ride, he just sat and stared at this wallet sized picture. It's so weird. Out of that entire journey, the only face I can remember is his."
"Probably because you saw a little bit of who he was as a person, staring down at a picture... that's something pretty personal, tells you that he's missin' someone a hell of a lot."
"You do it." She pointed out.
"I do." He nodded. "It's a ritual for me. Looking at pictures of my girls reminds me to keep my head screwed on because I've got some pretty special people to stick around for."
Lindsay pressed a kiss to his lips that lingered there for a few moments than she'd initially intended it to; subconsciously she knew that she needed that emotional connection and support that only her husband was able to provide her with.
"So you came all this way then." Danny nudged their conversation back on track. "That's some dedication, Linds."
"Maybe I knew back then that New York was my home." She twisted in his arms and locked eyes with him. "I know my extra pair of hands wouldn't have done that much, but I thought one extra pair of hands was better than me sitting and watching the news, being totally and completely helpless."
"Yep," Danny nodded as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "And it's people like you that restored my faith in humanity over those weeks in the aftermath, because let me tell ya, I was pretty content on hatin' on the human race."
"I think we all were." Lindsay sighed. "I know I was definitely harbouring some hatred, as much as I hate to admit it."
"Nobody blames you," Danny assured her. "I mean look at the devastation this one act caused."
She nodded quietly and licked her lips thoughtfully. He eyes danced with a heavy question and Danny could tell that look her face from a mile off. "What's on your mind?" he whispered.
"Do you think we ever met?" She asked him.
"Where?"
"In those weeks after; do you think there was a chance that we crossed paths at some point?"
"I don't know." Danny shrugged. "There were so many people around here for months on end, it'd be impossible to know. What do you think?"
"I like to think we shared a smile, you threw me a towel, or that I passed you a bottle of water." She offered him a small smile.
"It'd be nice," Danny smiled, despite the content of their conversation. "What's makin' you think that?"
"I only ask because, you're my light in the dark now, and I just like to think that even back then you found a way to give me a little bit of light."
"And you think I could do that with a smile?"
Lindsay nodded before frowning. "I'm just being silly, sorry..." she blushed. "All the emotions from today are just-"
"Hey, hey!" he chastised her as he used his index finger to angle her chin so that her eyes locked with his. "That's not silly at all." He whispered. "You ended up back here so we were obviously meant to be, whether we met here or not. Do I think we did? I honestly don't know. Would I like to think I met you here? Yeah, I would. I remember seeing a whole bunch of people; civilians, tourists, police officers working day in, day out on practically no sleep, no nothin'... and I just thought 'these guys are heroes'. You were one of those people, Linds. "
"So were you." Lindsay replied quietly before turning around in Danny's arms and simply settled into his tight embrace. They stayed like that for a few moments before their silence was disturbed by a meek little voice.
"It's been ten years, Mom and I still really miss you."
Almost in sync to one another, both Danny and Lindsay turned their heads to the little girl that had settled next to them, a male figure stood slightly behind her as she directed her words towards the fountain below them.
"I've been working really hard at school and I think you'd be really proud. Daddy tells me you'd be proud all the time, don't you Dad?"
"I sure do," The male figure stepped forwards and laid a comforting hand on his daughter's shoulder. "You'd be so proud of her Diane; she's a clever little thing. She gets it from you."
"But I suck at Math." The little girl added quickly. "But Daddy's trying to help me, so maybe next year when we come to talk to you, I'll be better at it..."
Lindsay swallowed the lump in her throat as she turned to look at Danny, whom was swiping the tears from his eyes. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tightly, silently indicating that it was their time to leave. Just as Lindsay turned, she couldn't help but cast her eyes back to the father and daughter.
"I love you Mom, and I miss you every day, and don't worry... You're still my hero."
It was then that Lindsay felt the strike to her chest. Despite the girl's growing self and her father's aging years the little girl's father swept her up in his arms much like, Lindsay could only assume, he had over the past decade in the absence of her mother. The little girl wrapped her legs around her father's torso and buried her head in the crook of his neck, letting her little sobs out.
Without a word, Danny tugged Lindsay away from the scene that had just played out in front of them. He knew as soon as he saw the little girl approach the corrugated metal that it wouldn't end well. His thoughts had instantly gone to their own daughter, and the very thought of Lindsay not being there for all of those special moments hurt him. He couldn't bear to picture himself watching his daughter stand at Ground Zero, filling Lindsay in on their life together. It just wasn't fair. From observations, Danny had decided that the little girl stood next to him and Lindsay had barely been thirteen. If that? Whatever her age, she definitely needed her mother.
"It's things like that, the people who got left behind, that breaks my heart." Lindsay whispered, breaking Danny's silent thought process. "The pain you can hear in her voice, and the loss that you can see in her eyes," she shook her head. "It's just not fair. It's so not fair. No child should have to grow up without their Mom."
Danny nodded his head in agreement.
"Or their Dad." She added. "I just... I can't... I- that little girl, she's just so little."
"It's not fair. She must have been so tiny when it happened." Danny added.
"And..." Lindsay whimpered. "And they- her father, all by himself-"
"Like you said, it must have been hard for them." Danny finished when he realised that Lindsay was really struggling to find the words.
"I just don't know what I would do if that had happened to us. What would we have done if-" Lindsay's words fell short on her lips. "What if we had started our life together sooner?"
"I know, honey." He whispered. "I know, I'm thinkin' of Lucy too. But it's okay; she's got her Mom and she's got her Dad and neither of us are going anywhere, okay?"
"I... Can... Can we go home?" Lindsay asked. "I really just want to hold her. I don't feel right being here any more."
"Yeah, we can go." Danny nodded but stopped her on the street and cupped her face with his hands. He began swiping away her tears with the pads of his thumb. "And just so you know, it's okay to cry in front of her. Don't go thinkin' you've gotta be strong because you don't have to be, okay?"
"Someone has to be strong for her."
"Yeah, well I'm gonna be strong for you. " Danny whispered as he hailed a cab. Usually, Lindsay would protest paying a cab fare when they were quite capable in riding the subway, but if she was completely honest she wasn't sure whether she could deal with the crowds that came with the subway.
The emotions between the two of them combined had hit the peak of what they'd experienced in a long time. Granted they'd been running circles around each other as they became accustomed to their new life, so emotions had really been few and far between recently, but nonetheless, the extent to which they'd cried today surely surpassed anything they'd had to deal with before. They were both drained emotionally and physically, but now had a new outlook. Seeing the loss in the little girl and her father, and other families alike had demonstrated that life was precious and could be taken away in seconds. And while they would go home, spend the evening with their daughter as a family, their experiences from today reminded them of how lucky they were, and how they couldn't take life for granted.
And how they would never, ever forget what happened on that September morning.
Well, there you guys have it. I'm still not sure at all, but I hope you guys enjoyed the little add-on to the episode. I'd really appreciate your thoughts. Thanks for reading.