Sooner or Later

by: Kadi

Rated K+

Disclaimer: It's not my sandbox. I just really like playing in it.

A/N: For kate04us, deenikn8, and Most Bossy Robin - who all asked for a one-shot addition to the episode. Spoilers for Season 4, episode 1 "A Rose is a Rose". That closed door was just driving us crazy, but only in the best way. Enjoy!

She waited until he was seated in front of her again. Her hands were folded atop the closed laptop on her desk. She had taken those few moments while he closed the door and crossed the office to try and put her thoughts into some semblance of coherent order. It was difficult to do. There was so much that was up in the air where her personal life was concerned.

Sharon could say that she had been avoiding this, avoiding him, and she knew that would be the absolute truth. Yes, they had spent time together in the last several months, but those moments had been few and far between. She wouldn't deny that she needed him, and his steadfast presence was all that had kept her from going insane during the long months that Phillip Stroh had been on the run.

She couldn't remember the last movie that they had gone to together, and she missed those evenings, more than she could probably express. On the evenings that he had taken her to dinner, she only allowed it because Rusty was in class, and because she so badly needed an adult conversation that had nothing to do with murder, or crime, or court deals. There had been a wall between them, however. It was one that she had constructed, and yes she felt guilty for that, but her focus had been on Rusty these last months. It had been on finding Phillip Stroh. Andy seemed to have understood that.

He was always patient, always willing to listen when her frustrations became too much. When she had been at her wit's end, not so long ago, he'd had a cure for that too. A casual, quiet afternoon at the beach; a family barbecue with his daughter, and something to which Rusty had joined them because he knew that she wasn't going to leave him at home alone. She was hovering, but he hadn't judged her for that.

Now it seemed that despite that wall the lines between their personal relationship, the friendship that she held so dear, and their professional association were beginning to blur. She wasn't a fool. She might have missed it at first, so comfortable with him was she, but Sharon also knew that there was something else between them. It was something that was hovering just out of reach, placed aside and left to linger on its own while she worried, and hunted, and fretted over her son's safety.

In all those months he hadn't pushed her. He hadn't asked. They hadn't discussed it at all, but they had a quiet understanding of it all.

Now Sharon could hear the frustration in his tone. "Then what do you need me for?" It was voiced so easily, and she knew that she could choose to ignore it, but there was an underlying question that was hanging on the air between them. In his frustration she heard what he really wanted to ask her. Why am I here?

Both were questions that she was going to have to answer. The time had come, it seemed, to look beyond that wall and make a decision. It wasn't a decision that she was going to take lightly, and she expected as much consideration out of him. Before they could even begin to broach that topic, though, there was one thing that needed to be cleared up first.

Her gaze met his and in his smile she saw a bit of relief. Yes, she had been holding him at arm's length, taking the comfort she needed when he offered it but giving very little back in return. She felt guilty for that, and in time she would find a way to make it up to him. He was that important to her. But everything needed to happen in its own time, and in its own place. This was not it.

Sharon exhaled quietly and leaned forward against her desk. "I need you to stop." In an instant she watched his smile fade. She saw the frustration rise again. His dark eyes became hooded. Sharon's brows arched. She had his attention; good, because there could be no mistaking her now. "Andy, I always value your opinion. I appreciate that you have my back, and I'm grateful for what you do for this team. I know that you're worried," she added, and let her tone soften. She understood what was driving him, and it did mean something, but it was not something that she could grasp or cling to inside these walls. "I also know why you are worried, but it has no place here. I need to be able to depend on you; you're a senior Lieutenant on this team, and I need your head in the game."

"In the game?" He stood up and paced around the chairs in front of her desk. Andy braced his hands against the backs of both of them and leaned his long frame over them. "That's what you've got to say to me?" It was a struggle keeping his voice down, and it rumbled deeply in the closed office. "Mine," he pointed at her, "is the only head of the two of ours that has been in this game for the last five months!" Was she that damned closed off? Andy had only been seeing glimpses of her during the last several months. He got it. God only knew that he understood what was going on with her, but after all this time, for her to just sit there and pat him on the head before scolding him was almost more than his temper could take. "Who the hell do you think has been running interference for you all this time?"

Her eyes flashed with irritation, especially at the way he flung his arm in the direction of the Murder Room. "Lieutenant," her voice dropped an octave, "I do not need you to run interference for me. If someone has a problem with the way that I am doing things then they are more than welcome to speak to me themselves." Her brows lifted. "That is exactly my point, Andy. I don't need a cheerleader. I don't need a protector. I don't need a guard dog." There was a challenge in her gaze, she dared him to deny it. "Like I said before, I've gotten this far on my own without all of those things. You may recall that there was a time, not so very long ago, when you were one of those people with whom someone might think I needed help running interference." Although as she remembered it, he never had a problem voicing his opinion of her.

"Are you serious?" He cast an incredulous look at her. "That was a long time ago." Andy drew back and shook his head. He huffed, annoyance and frustration doing very little to the thin hold that he had on his temper, or the rise in his blood pressure that had a flush spreading up his neck. "That was before we—"

"Yes." Sharon interrupted him. She gave him a very pointed look. "That is exactly the point that I am trying to make." She sighed softly. "Andy we are very good friends now, and that is something that I value a great deal." She gestured, just a little helplessly because they were getting perilously close to something that was outside her comfort level. She certainly wasn't comfortable discussing that subject within the walls of her office. "It is not something that I am willing to jeopardize or to lose," she said carefully, "whatever else we…" Sharon was at a loss for words now. Her eyes closed and she sighed again. When she looked up at him again they were troubled, and her discomfort had turned her lips down into a small pout. "Whatever else we may be or become, I need to know that when you put on that badge that you are doing the job that you were sworn to do and not the job that you think that you need to do to take care of me."

His shoulders slumped as he deflated. Andy walked back around and sat down again. "I can't do that," he admitted quietly. "You can compartmentalize it all, but I can't." He shrugged, lifting his hands and letting them fall loosely into his lap. "Yeah okay, you don't need me protecting you. I get it. But the rest of it… Sharon, you don't stop to take care of yourself half the time. You've been so wrapped up in Rusty and Stroh, that I can't even remember the last time I saw you go five minutes without checking your phone. I get that too, and I'd be the same way, but you've bent over so far all these months to let him have the life he wants while still protecting him, that you're going to end up breaking in half if you don't let someone prop you up a little bit. Come on," he waved a hand at her. "You're barking orders at Taylor? I personally enjoyed it, but be real, you're usually a lot more subtle about pointing out what an idiot he is." Andy sighed. He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Look, you don't want it to be me? Fine, whatever. But you gotta have someone in your corner, Sharon. You need someone looking out for you, because until Stroh is caught, you aren't going to be able to breathe. You aren't going to be able to sleep. You aren't going to be able to think about anything else, and you're going to burn out. You're going to miss something when you shouldn't, and if this job goes sideways on you the guilt will eat you alive. So don't tell me that you need my head in the game. It's there. And whether you've got me or one of the others covering your back, it's not going to stop me worrying about the shit-storm that's brewing around you right now."

"Andy, I don't need…"

The frustration was seeping into her tone now. He shook his head at her. "Yeah, I know. We covered that. All I'm saying is… it doesn't hurt having someone to watch your back. Tao or Sykes, or hell even Provenza if you don't want it to be me. You can do your job, Sharon, no one is saying otherwise, but you're not made of steel."

Sharon sat back in her chair with a sigh. "You are so stubborn," she said. "It's not about who," she said quietly, wanting to assure him on that front. "It's about how, and when, and why…" A fond smile curved her lips. Tired though she was, her eyes twinkled with affection. "I like having you in my corner. We work very well together. It's not having a partner that I object to, it's this sudden need of yours to run around like my own personal knight in shining armor. I'm very adept at wielding that sword all on my own, and I think there's a little something in your desk that should remind you of that every time you see it." Sharon smirked knowingly. She had seen the little red beanbag, more than once, over the years. He had kept that little souvenir. It thrilled her to no end, primarily because it was the first time that any of them had looked at her with something other than distrust or loathing. Now Sharon wondered if he was holding on to it for another reason. A reason that still needed to be discussed.

Her gaze dropped. "I know that you care," she admitted carefully. "I'm not objecting to that either. I just think that we should remember to keep a certain level of professionalism between us. Andy, if it were anyone else, we would have had this conversation months ago. That's my fault." She lifted her eyes to his again and smiled gently. "I've let you have certain liberties, and I really shouldn't have. I don't know that I can stop that now, but I'm going to have to try. I know that doesn't seem fair, but there's another conversation that I think we're going to need to have. There are certain things we've danced around for far too long. This isn't the place for that, however, and it isn't the time." Sharon drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. She leaned forward again and rested her hands atop the desk. "Rein it in, Lieutenant."

She left him just a little confused. He squinted at her. God almighty but the woman could leave his head spinning. As she stared back at him, Andy huffed a sigh. "If that's the way you want it." She called them certain liberties, but he called it giving a damn. Andy shook his head at her as he stood up. Hell but she was infuriating. He got it, though. Provenza was already rolling his eyes at them anytime they so much as looked at one another. She didn't want that getting outside their division and he understood it, especially if that other conversation she mentioned had anything at all to do with the as yet unspoken status of their personal relationship. She didn't want to look like she was doing him any favors, and he didn't need to look like he was following her around like a lovesick fool, which was exactly what Provenza had accused him of more than once. He scratched his thumb across his forehead. "Just tell me something, that other conversation…"

His frustration was back. Sharon smiled gently up at him. She could only expect him to wait so long. "Yes." Her head tilted. She looked down again. A light flush colored her cheeks. "Soon." She picked up her pen and turned it over between her fingers. She was fidgeting with it for need of something else to focus on. "Not here." She looked at him over the rims of her glasses. "Okay?"

He pushed his hands into his pockets. His lips pursed while he studied her. She was tired, but she had been living in a state of exhaustion for months now. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay. Soon." He had said that he would wait. That was just something that was becoming harder to do. For now he would give her a little while longer. Soon though, he thought, they were going to talk about it.

There was a hesitation in his usual easy acceptance. Sharon heard it. She shrugged at him. "Very soon," she promised.

"Uh huh." He knew when she was placating him. Andy shook his head at her as he turned. "We'll see." He believed her, but they had reached that point where a decision needed to be made. They could not continue on like this indefinitely, and they both knew it.

She rolled her eyes at his back. "Perhaps what you should be concerned with, Andy, is the work that you still need to complete this evening." Her lips pursed. "Hm." She hummed as she thought. "Yes, the more I think about it. You've been so concerned with my best interests, but I think it would be in your best interest to turn in your case report on time. What do you think?"

Frustrating, infuriating, and a few other words came to mind. The woman drove him crazy but damn if he didn't like it. He wasn't going to let her off the hook this time, not completely, but he'd be a little less obvious about it. Someone had to keep an eye on her. He supposed he didn't have to hover. "Believe me," he rumbled quietly, "you don't want to know what I'm thinking right this second."

"Oh, I think I can guess." The corners of her mouth twitched toward a smile. Her eyes gleamed with barely contained mischief. He understood, and now she felt just a little lighter. There was still that looming something else that remained between them, but she felt that they would approach it in due time. Honestly, she felt a little relieved. She felt better about all of it to know that she had been right, they had reached a place in their relationship that she could still maneuver him professionally without any backlash. She lifted her pen and tapped it against her lips. His aggrieved look just made her want to laugh. Not because he was frustrated with her, but because she saw the underlying humor when he looked at her this time. They were okay. "Best boss ever."

"Oh yeah," He snorted. "I was thinking you're bossy alright." He opened the door. "I'm going back to work. Stop distracting me. Bad influence."

She laughed quietly. Sharon shook her head slowly. She watched as he approached his desk and sat down. She settled her chin in her hand and hummed again. Movement in the corner of her eye drew her attention. Sharon's gaze shifted and she found Lieutenant Provenza glaring darkly at her. She straightened in her seat and lifted her brows in askance. When he only shot an equally dark look at Andy and threw his hands up before walking to his own desk, she sighed. "Very, very soon," she muttered to herself.

A decision needed to be reached. What that decision would be, she didn't know. She had a feeling that she knew what she wanted it to be, and she was also fairly certain that she knew what he wanted. The question was whether or not they could make it work, while also keeping it out of the office. It was a complicated situation, but not an entirely untenable one. Sharon shook her head again and reached out to open her laptop again. Work. Yes, there was quite a bit of that left to do. Miles left to go before she could sleep, and maybe some night soon, she would be able to sleep through the night. She wouldn't wake every couple of hours, only to check that the condo was still locked up tight, that Rusty was sleeping safely in his bed, and that the specter of Phillip Stroh had not entered the sanctuary of her home.

She would sleep, and she would rest, and life would go on.

Sharon looked up again and let her gaze move through the murder room. She was searching out Rusty. When she didn't see him, her eyes were drawn back to the desk just outside her door. Andy was bent over a case file now. She lifted her cell from the surface of her desk and sent a short, but succinct text message. "Dinner?"

Soon indeed…

~FIN