Life, Loss, and Leaving
Author's Note: Okay I was watching a couple of episodes from the L Word season 2 and after watching the first episode, Life, Loss, Leaving (hence the title), I had this dark dream about what would have happened if when Tina went to Bette's house to retrieve some of her belongings, she had found Bette attempting to commit suicide? I know its pretty dark, but hey, after watching shows at four o'clock in the morning, I'm sure your dreams would be pretty crazy too. So anyway that's what this little fic is about. I don't think I need to add that this is going to be pretty much an AU piece? Please read and review.
Rating: Rated T for attempted suicide, some alcohol/drug abuse, and minor language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bette, Tina, or any of the other characters of the L Word.
What am I even doing here?
Tina Kennard knew the answer to that question- hell, wearing Alice's pink sweater answered the question on its own- but the blonde couldn't figure out why she hadn't asked Alice or Shane or even Jenny to pick up some of her clothes for her. That idea hadn't even entered her mind until her dark eyes caught sight of the house she had once called home and as she pulled into the driveway, she saw that Bette's car was absent. This sight caused her heart to squeeze painfully and she felt her eyes slowly fill with tears, but she turned away and as soon as her eyes landed on her phone, it begun to ring.
Without even looking at the caller id, Tina fumbled to open her phone and instantly gasped the name of the one person she wanted to see more than anyone, "Bette?"
"No… Alice," Tina placed her head in her hand as she recognized her best friend's voice. Of course it would be Alice. Alice who had been nothing, but supporting since Tina and Bette separated. "Tee, are you okay?"
"No," Tina whimpered, allowing the tears she had held in for so long fall. "Al, I am definitely not okay."
"Hey sweetie, it's going to be fine," Alice murmured, "Do you want me to come with you?"
"No," Tina shook her head even though she knew no one could see her, "Thanks for the offer, Al, but this is something I have to do on my own. I can't hide behind you or Shane or anyone else forever."
"Is her car there?" Alice asked suddenly.
"No…"
"Are the lights on?"
"No…"
"Then she's probably not even home, Tee," Alice murmured, "I told her that you were coming over and that she shouldn't be there. To be honest, I didn't think she would listen to me."
"Al," Tina whispered suddenly. Alice was the most honest person she knew and she wanted an honest answer. No matter how much it would hurt. "Do you think Bette is with…?" Tina couldn't finish her question.
Alice was quiet for a couple seconds and then she finally answered, her words coming out slowly as though she was pondering them very carefully, "I don't think so. When we saw her that day at The Planet, I could tell that she had ended things with her. Call it a sixth sense or a lesbian sense whatever you want, but I don't think Bette would go back to her. She's working too hard to get you to even look at her again. She wouldn't want to risk that for anything."
"Hopefully, you're right, Al," Tina sighed, "Thank you. I'll call you later."
"Good luck."
And with that Tina closed her phone and opened the door of her car, taking in slow breathes. She had barely taken two steps towards the house when a voice called her name.
Please don't let it be, Bette.
Please don't let it be, Bette.
Please don't let it be-
"Tim," Tina greeted her old neighbor with a hug, pulling away after a second to stare at him, realizing how good of a friend he had once been to her, "How are you?"
"I'm good," Tim said with a nod, "I actually have been trying to get a hold of you for a couple days now, but I haven't seen you or Bette in awhile and I really didn't want to say goodbye over the phone."
"Goodbye?" Tina asked, trying not to show how hurt she was at Tim's words. She was losing everyone:Bette, Tim, Dana, and her unborn son. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Ohio," Tim explained, "I got a teaching job there. I'm going to miss L.A. but the pays good and I guess I just need a fresh start."
"Is Jenny going with you?" Tina asked and Tim snorted.
"No. We're not a couple anymore. She actually might be taking over the lease so you and Bette will still have her as a neighbor," Tim's words flowed freely from his mouth, not even realizing the shocked expression that had taken over Tina's face.
He didn't know.
"And anyway I should really be starting my drive…"
"Tim…" Tina's words were soft.
"It's a five hour drive…"
"Tim…" Tina's voice grew more powerful and Tim glanced down at her, noticing for the first time that she was crying.
"Shit Tina," Tim swore softly, glancing down at Tina with concern in his eyes, "Fuck. Are you alright? What did I say?"
"It's not your fault," Tina murmured, trying to stop the tears that were flowing down her cheeks so freely, "Bette and I… Bette and I are going through a separation."
"Oh fuck," Tim swore again and Tina glanced at him. He was like a male Shane with all his swearing. "Shit, I'm sorry I didn't know. When I saw Bette earlier, she didn't say anything about it."
"Yeah," Tina murmured before looking up at Tim, "Listen, there are some things I need to take care of. Watch yourself in Ohio. They're not as friendly as everyone in L.A."
Tim snorted, "Thanks and I'm sorry again."
Tina nodded and said her last goodbye before turning away, walking towards the dark house, stopping only for a second as she unlocked the door. As she took a step into her former home, Tina allowed the breath she had been holding escape, realizing that she was on familiar territory… familiar territory without the enemy.
A loud ring suddenly entered the silent house and Tina knew instantly that it was Bette's cell. The sound was emerging from the kitchen and Tina walked over to it just as it stopped ringing. She glanced around, checking for certain that Bette wasn't home, before opening the cell, unable to stifle the feeling of surprise when she noticed all the missed calls and messages left for her ex.
Tina knew that she shouldn't…
She knew it was an invasion of Bette's privacy, but she couldn't stop herself from putting her phone to her ear as she listened to the first message:
"Hey Boss. It's James." There was a slight pause. "I… I guess I can't call you that anymore though. You gone through a lot of shit while working here and there were several of times when I thought you would get your ass kicked out of here, but never in a million years did I think that you would quit. Well I just wanted to say goodbye and good luck with whatever you do. I'll probably call you later to tell you how things are falling a part without you here."
Tina couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her lips.
Bette quit?
Her job was perhaps the most important thing to her in the world.
Nothing ever came in between her and work, not even Tina.
The second message began to play:
"Hey. It's Shane. Call me."
Then the third:
"Hey. It's Alice. I just wanted to see if you were out of the house yet. I hope for your sake that you are because Tina doesn't need anymore of your shit, Bette. And just so you know, I still care for you, but I thinking about what's best for Tina. Something you should have been doing."
Fourth:
"Hey baby sis, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I stopped by Alice's today, but she said Tina wasn't home. I'm sorry."
Kit had stopped by?
Tina had no time to ponder this because the fifth message began to play and a very angry woman came on:
"Hey bitch, I just wanted to call you to say fuck you. I thought we had something real, but I guess I was wrong. You know won't I find so fucking hilarious? How you are acting like the innocent bystander when you came onto me! I gave you chances to stop me if we went too far, but you never took them. Did you tell that to the fucking love of your life? Did you tell her how good it felt when we fucked? Did you tell her that you gasped my name and not her's? Fuck you, Bette. Fuck you."
Tina grasped the table as she heard Candace's voice, allowing the tears to fall once more. She couldn't help it.
"Bette! Fuck. It's Dana. Are you alright? Tonya and I are nearby… do you want us to come over? Please, please call me back."
"What the fuck was that message about, Bette? And why aren't you answering your fucking phone? I just had Dana calling me saying that you left her the same fucking message. Fuck this. I'm coming over."
What was the message that Bette had left Shane and Dana?
"Hey Bette. It's Jenny. I remember Tim saying that you were staying in, but your house looks pretty dark. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. So yeah… bye."
"Hey again. I just got off the phone with Tina and she said you aren't home and I just wanted to say… thanks. I didn't think you were going to listen to me, but you did. Thanks, but one more thing. If you are at that fucking carpenter's house, I'll deck you and her. I love you, but honestly, Bette."
Tina shook her head slightly at Alice's words. There was no one else like her.
"Hey. It's Tim. Tina just told me about you two and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You two were great together. I hope that if I ever come back to L.A. I'll be able to see you two laughing together again. Bye Bette."
"End of messages."
Tina closed the phone and sighed, not sure what to feel after hearing all those messages… messages from friends who cared about them: Shane… Alice… Kit… Dana… Jenny… Tim. So many lives were affected by their breakup… some many people were hurt.
Tina sighed again and stood up, placing the phone back down and walking towards the bedroom, glancing ever so slightly at their living room, practically freezing when she realized she wasn't alone.
Bette was curled up in a ball, a blanket wrapped around her tightly and bottles of beer dumped across the floor. Tina sighed and walked towards Bette, staring down at her.
"Bette…" She whispered and she turned around, her eyes catching sight of an empty pill bottle on the table.
Holy shit.
"Bette," Tina instantly dropped down so that she was in front of her ex-wife, "Bette… honey… baby, please wake up! Bette!" Tina wailed, unable to stop the tears from falling.
At that moment, the door opened and Shane, Dana, Tonya, Kit, and Jenny stormed in, their eyes wide as they took in the sight of Tina sitting in front of Bette, shaking the other woman wildly.
"Fuck," Shane cried, "Dana, call the fucking police." When Dana stood there in shock, Shane whirled around and shoved the other woman towards the phone, "Call the fucking police, Dana!"
"Don't fucking touch her like that. Calm down!" Tonya snapped at Shane while Kit moved quickly towards Tina and Bette, tears flowing down her face as she stared at her baby sister.
"Are you fucking insane?" Shane shouted, "Our best friend might be fucking dying and you are telling me to fucking calm down?" Shane stormed away from Tonya and bent down next to Tina and Kit, hitting Bette roughly, "Bette! Come on! It's time to fucking wake up! Bette!" And for the first time that Tina had known her, Shane cried.
Tina turned away from Shane and stared at Bette, feeling detached from her body as she stared at her best friend… the only woman she had ever loved.
"She's not breathing!" Jenny suddenly shouted from her position behind Kit.
"Fuck!" Shane cried.
"The police are coming," Dana murmured softly, tears falling down her face, but no one paid any attention to her.
"I can't get a heartbeat!" Kit cried wildly.
"Fuck!" Shane shouted again, the only word that she seemed to know at the given moment.
"Guys, she can't be… she can't be…"
Tina felt her head hit the floor and everything suddenly went dark.
To be continued…
Author's Note: Wow. That's the first time, I ever really wrote something depressing. So please tell me what you thought and be honest. I love good reviews, but I enjoy critiques that improve my writing. –Jordyn