Author's Note: I've been working on the sequel to Please Forgive Me, but it's a struggle so far and since the creative juices haven't stopped flowing, I thought I'd try my hand at the iPod challenge thing. The following is a series of one shots, not connected in any way. And if you aren't familiar with the songs, look up the lyrics, maybe even give them a listen because they're pretty awesome songs. ~Rachel
"I Could Get Used to This" by The Veronicas
Rachel Berry was pretty sure in all the years she'd dated, no one had treated her as well as he had. He was so amazing, so attentive, such a far cry from the boy he used to be.
He had this way of just putting her so at ease, making her feel so special and treasured. Just yesterday morning she'd awoken to find herself being served breakfast in bed, for no reason whatsoever.
I could get used to this, she'd thought.
He was just so good to her. After her last rejection from Broadway, she'd come home sobbing, sure now that she had made a mistake moving to New York, that she'd never make it. He had just held her, whispering that she was wrong, they were wrong, and she was going to be the biggest thing to ever hit this city. That was her Noah. Always picking her up when others were knocking her down. She felt so loved, so protected with him, every day was amazing and special in its own way and she thought there was no way she could be any luckier than she was with him.
"You're Gonna Go Far Kid" by The Offspring
She sat crying in the bathroom, splashing water on her face, trying in vain to stave off the puffiness her eyes were taking on.
She couldn't believe she had fallen for it again.
I love you, Rachel, he had said at Regionals. She should have known better. He was panting after Quinn shortly after that. Again. Quinn was the one that was loved and Rachel was the one that was lied to.
She wished he would show her how, give her the skills that he possessed. She was so tired of wearing her heart on her sleeve only to get it crushed the second something better came along. She didn't deserve it, not at all.
Which was how she ended up at Puck's door that night.
"Show me," she said when he opened the door. "Show me how to lie."
"Cruel Summer" by Ace of Base
She hated summer. Despised it. It was wretched and ugly and everything she hated. Summer was when Finn reunited with Quinn after professing his love for her at Regionals. Summer was supposed to be their time, finally, but apparently not. The plans she'd made with Finn were gone now, plans of movies and ice cream and long drives on hot summer nights. Gone.
Puck hated that summer too, but for an entirely different reason. He spent the summer watching Quinn slim down again, losing the baby weight she'd gained carrying Beth. Summer was when life went back to normal for everyone but him.
He had a hole now, an empty place inside of him that wasn't there before that summer. A place only his baby girl could fill, and he knew even she could never fill that for him, not now. She would never get the chance to. What a cruel summer indeed.
Rachel was a surprise. Showing up at his door one night, bottle of tequila in hand. Her only request? "Don't sleep with me," she'd said.
And he hadn't. They'd drank the tequila, kept drinking long after they were both drunk, until the bottle was empty and she had passed out and he had thrown up twice. And he thought that maybe he wasn't the only one cursing this cruel summer.
It became a ritual, her bringing the alcohol and the request that he not sleep with her. Until one night she brought the alcohol and nothing else. No request was made and he didn't give it a second thought until she was in his lap, lips on his, writhing against him. And he thought that maybe, just for that moment, it wasn't such a cruel summer after all.
"God Love Her" by Toby Keith
He had been Quinn's rebellion, he knew. The rebellion of the Jesus-loving Daddy's girl. Sure, she'd blamed the wine coolers and said she'd felt fat, but he knew. He was the bad boy and everyone wanted the bad boy, at least once.
It wasn't like that for Rachel, even if her dads hated him. He wasn't her rebellion, he wasn't the opportunity she had to take. He was just him. And he knew what everyone thought, what her fathers thought, but he knew the truth and so did she.
He wasn't going to carry her away on the back of a motorcycle or knock her up or take advantage of her. Not her, not ever. Because she got him and he liked that.
She saved him, in a way. He'd never tell her that, ever, but it was true. He was a little lost when she found him, and he hadn't even really known it. But she saved him and he didn't tarnish her and he thought that maybe that worked for them.
"Everything I'm Not" by The Veronicas
It started suddenly that night in Rachel's room. She was singing and he was playing and then they were kissing, his hands in her hair and on her waist and everywhere.
It was wonderfully scary and she thought it was the most daring thing she'd ever done.
But she'd seen him, staring at Quinn in Glee when no one else was looking. She used to stare at Finn but now she stared at him and he stared at Quinn. She was everything Rachel wasn't: beautiful, popular, blonde. She was desired and coveted and everyone wanted her. Even him.
He might be with her, might give her his hand when they walked down the hall, but she wasn't dense enough to think that meant something. She was losing him, she knew. It would always be someone else with him, something else that he wanted.
Because, try as she might, she would never be Quinn Fabray, and that was what he wanted. It killed her to see it, to watch him, and as she sat on the bleachers she found herself making up excuses about Finn, wanting Finn and watching Finn. But she wanted him and he wanted her and it killed her.
"Starstruck" by 3Oh!3
She was different than any girl he'd ever known. She was almost immune to his charms, not completely, but he had to work harder with her than with any other girl before, and he didn't even get in her pants.
She was innocent, light and airy, not anything like the women he was used to. He was used to women who exuded a dirty filth, a sexuality so potent it often rivaled his own. But not her.
She was pure and perfect and everything he couldn't find the words to describe. He didn't know how to deal with that. How was he supposed to be with this girl, this girl who he felt he would taint by even looking at her wrong? He should know how, he should be able to, but somehow, he couldn't.
The first time they tried, he panicked and pushed her away. He tried to explain when the tears rolled down her face but "sorry" just wasn't coming out. He made up some excuse, pinned it on her inexperience and left her lying in her room, crying all night.
"Naturally" by Selena Gomez
He wondered if she knew how sexy she was, even back in high school. She was so driven, so ambitious, so focused on what she wanted, and it was hot.
He knew the other kids resented it, Kurt and Mercedes especially, but her confidence in herself, her knowledge that she was going to succeed no matter what, was overwhelming to him. And while he lacked that in himself, he found it in her.
She was going places, she knew it and so did everyone else.
He thinks that was what made him fall so desperately in love with her. The way she took everyone's crap and her faith in herself never wavered along the way. It was so effortless and so natural and so Rachel.
And even now, watching her ready herself for her first ever Broadway audition, she was still so serene, so calm, so confident that the part was hers, even as he paced back and forth in her tiny apartment, biting his already ragged nails, trying to stay calm and have the faith she had in herself. Because if she had taught him anything at all, it was that believing in yourself was half the battle.
"It's Gonna be Love" by Mandy Moore
If you had asked Rachel Berry what love was in high school, she would have told you. It was the rush, the exhilaration, the presence of someone who inspired all kinds of powerful emotions in you. She may not have been able to tell you who that love was for her, not back then, but she could tell you what the love was.
She never expected it to be Noah. Ever. Even when they dated, she didn't dare call it anything other than strange, an experiment of two people falling together, drawn by chemistry and lust and probably a little boredom.
She knew better now.
He was everything she'd ever wanted and everything she'd ever dreamed, even if she hadn't been dreaming of him.
He loved her, so honestly and openly and tenderly.
He was there when Daddy died, holding her hand, tucking her into bed after the long day at the cemetery.
He was there for her first Broadway rejection, and, three months later, her first Broadway role.
He was there front and center her opening night, roses and beaming smile on his face.
He was there when her mom came back and then disappeared again, popping up later only to sell their sordid story to the local tabloids.
He was there for her wedding and he was there for her divorce.
And many years later, Broadway roles and husbands, mothers and fathers gone, he was there, holding her hand as she took one last breath, joining the angels with a song in her heart.
"Broadway" by The Goo Goo Dolls
He understands the song American Pie now. He wishes like hell he didn't, but he does. Understands the phrase "the day the music died" in a way he never wanted to.
She was the bright shining star, the breath of fresh air into plays long since performed thousands of times over. They'd said that about her, his Rachel.
The shows still went on and the world kept turning and the marquis lights burned bright but not for him.
His Broadway was dark tonight.
In a matter of minutes, seconds, probably, his world had gone dark, his light ripped violently from his life.
He wondered if she'd even seen the lights coming at her, if she ever saw the other car cross the center line. He hoped not.
He was weaker now, and he always prided himself on never being weak, or admitting it. But he was. She was gone and she took his light and most of his strength with her.
He was a dark shell of the man he used to be and he wondered how he would ever see the lights on Broadway again.
"Hey Jealousy" by The Gin Blossoms
The last thing she expected was to find Noah Puckerman on her doorstep at 4:00 in the morning.
He was obviously drunk and obviously not in the best state and she couldn't help inviting him in, despite the fact that she hadn't seen him in the four years since high school graduation.
He rambled on about glee club and "the good old days" and Rachel couldn't help but wonder what had gotten him to this state, wondering if life had kicked him so many times he'd just stayed down.
He asked her then if she ever thought about it, about him, about them. Said that maybe if he hadn't been such a fuck up back then things would be ok now, that they'd be together.
She pursed her lips tightly and didn't answer him.
He asked if he could stay there, said there was no way he could drive, and how could she say no? She made up the couch for him, telling him to sleep it off and showing him where the bathroom was in case he got sick.
"I'm sorry, Rach," he whispered. "I know I made a mistake, I screwed up, and I'm so sorry. I just can't help but wonder if things would be different now."
"You did what you did, Noah," she said tightly. "That's really all that matters, isn't it?"
"I still love you," he whispered. "Doesn't that matter?"
"Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K
Puck couldn't say for sure, but he knew something had gone right in his life, somewhere along the line. He had done something right, maybe just one thing, but it had led him to this moment, this place in his life and he couldn't have been happier about it.
She was everything he'd ever wanted and never thought he deserved. She was beautiful and smart and could put up with his bullshit and keep him on his toes.
She made him want to be a better man, even though she assured him he already was.
He didn't know what he had done to deserve Rachel Berry or her love, but he wasn't going to look too hard at it. She was his and he was hers and that was that. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him and every day he spent with her felt like the best day of his life. And he thought that today, her standing next to him in her white dress with flowers in her hair, was probably the best day of them all.
"In Terms of Love" by Shedaisy
It wasn't love. Not if you asked him. It was hot and passionate and something more than he was used to, but it wasn't love.
It wasn't love to her either, not really. She was just her and he was him and they were them. He wasn't hers and she wasn't his but they weren't not, either.
He couldn't believe she'd gone a year without mentioning the word. She had moved in, to his life and his heart and his home, and she still didn't push him to say it. He thought maybe she would, but she didn't.
He asked her about it once, both of them tipsy and lying in bed together.
She told him that they shouldn't define it because defining it made it like everything else, like what everyone else had, and she didn't want that. She wasn't everyone else and he wasn't everyone else, so why should they be like everything else?
He thought that made a lot of sense.
He was one man, she was one woman, they shared one life. Why make it any more complicated than that?
"Blah Blah Blah" by Kesha
He stumbled back into the bed and she shoved him down onto it, hard. She dropped down on top of him, hands scratching at his back as he kissed her.
She felt him pull away, heard him asking why, but she pulled him back to her again. She didn't want to think about why, didn't want to think at all.
"No talking," she'd whispered before she kissed him that night.
She was tired of feeling, tired of analyzing everything where boys were concerned. Boys didn't have to do that and tonight, neither did she.
He pulled away again as she lifted her shirt over her head. "Are you sure?"
"Stop talking," she scolded. "If I wasn't sure, would I be here?"
Clothes were discarded quickly then and as she slid down, her body encasing his, he thought that talking was pretty overrated anyway.