Title: Long Ride Home (Ficlet)
Author: Paula K.
Fandom: Knockaround Guys
Pairing: Taylor / Matty
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The talented guys Brian Koppelman and
David Levien own these wiseguys!

Long Ride Home (for a Patty Griffin song that I love!)

I gotta be careful with Matty. He`s been broken. And now, he`s been
put through the ringer again. Sometimes I wish we`d never met. Not
because I don`t love him or wish that I didn`t know him. But I
wished he could`ve known somethin` else other than what *he`s*
known. A different life. Matty`s mother wasn`t there to raise him.
His father was always too busy with the business to treat him right.
A kid built on broken promises - that`s what Matty is. Broken. After
the shit with Teddy went down - and I gotta say now that I never saw
that comin` - not until I watched Scarpa get shot - neither one of
us wanted to believe it. My only choice was to protect Matty with
everything I had. I`d spent so much of my life tearing things down.
That`s what a fight is. At its core, it`s about destruction. Leavin`
one person standin` and another on the ground. Someone always has to
fall or you don`t win. And now, when I`m watchin` him drive us home,
I can see just how close to the edge - to fallin` - Matty is.

It`s hard, knowin` that your own father doesn`t look at you like
you`re there. And Matty`s *always* been there. Protectin` him.
Lovin` him. Benny`s worse than a blind man - he don`t even know he
can`t see. Never looked at Matty like he was a man. Never gave him
nothin` to make him believe that he was doin` okay. Showed him he
was on the right track. Took every chance to prove to the kid that
he was just that...a kid.

Me - I watched Matty grow up. We been friends since the beginning.
Tryin` to make him see that he had it right in the first place -
yeah, I know I told him that before, but getting him to believe me?
I got my work cut out for me with that. I`ll take the job, too.

I saw him dyin`. I watched the bullets cut through him as sure as I
seen Teddy pull that gun on him. Couldn`t live with that. Teddy
Deserve? Gettin` Matty? No fuckin` way. I`d a died for him. Not
sayin` I ain`t glad I`m still here to look after `im, but I would
have. Wouldn`t a thought twice about it. And *I* knew Matty was
gonna shoot Teddy. Too bad Teddy didn`t believe in Matty as much as
he believed in himself right then. Amazing just what you can do with
shame and anger to heat your blood. Teddy mighta been a little more
careful if he understood what Matty felt for `em. I`m glad he
wasn`t, though. Robbin` from Matty`s Pop? And then tellin` him?
Knowin` the kid was all fucked up like that? I never thought about
it before, but Teddy talks too much.

When I see Matty now, when he thinks I`m sleepin`, I see the kid who
showed up at my window when we was twelve. He was all messed up.
Teddy had wanted him to kill Bobby Boulevard. Gave `im a gun and
helped him as he held it on the guy. It wasn`t gonna happen. Teddy
fuckin` *knew* that and used it against Matty. What were we thinkin`
trustin` `im? Whatever. we was twelve and didn`t no no better I
guess. Lookin` back at that night now, though, I still feel like I
shoulda. My Ma says that`s stupid. But I still feel like the look on
Matty`s face - he was so ashamed that he couldn`t kill Bobby -
shoulda told me somethin`. That night, I snuck `im in my window and
he slept over in my bed. Sometimes I wish he`d never left.

What matters in this life - the important stuff that our families
ain`t the ones to teach us, is each other. We`re gonna bury Chris
and Marbles. And I know we`re gonna go see `em. And I know I`m gonna
hear `em in my head because I know I`m gonna miss `em. I gotta make
sure to keep an eye on Matty for all of us. `Cause he`s real close
to making a decision. By the time we get back to the city, he`ll
have made it and I`m hopin` it`s the right one. If it ain`t, there`s
gonna be no gettin` him back. I have faith in `im, though. I need to
move on and I ain`t goin` nowhere without him.