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Special Thanks to:
Sky for censoring every swear word cause she's just innocent like that.
And Sam for totally not censoring.
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EPIC CHAPTER ONE
ONCE UPON A REALLY AWESOME TIME...
Sora was dared to rent the entire 'Twilight" saga from Blockbuster. And watch it. Alone. All by himself. In his room. That was in his house... that belonged to his parents who he didn't give a s*** about, like, EVAR (which is pretty much an instinctual feeling for all the families in this particular world. It must be something in the water treatment...)
Sora was excited to get on with his dare, so he rushed home faster than usual today. He did his daily routine of slamming open the door, kicking his parents unmercilessly until they fell unconscious on the kitchen tiles, stealing a bag of potato chips from the snacks cabinet and skipping up the stairs to his awesome bedroom that was decorated with posters of Backstreet Boys, Care Bears, and a ton of other Disney-approved stuff.
"Did you like how I redid the kitchen tiles?" one of his parents nervously called from downstairs.
"SHUTTUP AND MAKE ME A SAMMICH OR I'LL GO ALL KEYBLADE ON YO A**, DADDY."
"Kay hun."
With that out of the way, Sora put on his first DVD, the one called Twilight.
Five minutes into the movie he couldn't help but marvel at the beautiful development and creativity put into the main character, Bella Swan. So sulky and hypocritical and self (as well as non-self) loathing, yet always with that look of regal dullness on her face. Why, this movie was a masterpiece! What were the silly kids at his school talking about anyway?
However, a couple minutes after his parent-slaves brought him his daily sandwich and smoothie, Sora found himself choking on his sammich bite. For all of a sudden, he saw the most amazing scene on the FREAKING PLANET.
... Never had he known that Robert Pattinson could look so HAWT with GLITTER all over his PALE, BLOODLESS BODY.
It was the TURN-ON OF THE CENTURY.
Halfway into the movie he was bawling his eyes out for how SO FREAKING LUCKY BELLA WAS TO HAVE A HAWT MAN LIEK DAT.
Edward was so PERFECTO~. He was pale, sparkly, had deep amber eyes of (completely original) EMO DOOM, and had a (completely original) unique darkside that made him a (completely original) unique badboy character. Not to mention, YOU DIDN'T NEED A PERSONALITY FOR HIM TO LOVE YOU.
SUCH AN UNJUDGING AND CONTROLLING HAWT-MAN.
But as Sora BAWWWED through the rest of the Twilight Saga DVDs, his pre-approved Disney brain (and the deep-down feminine part of him that had been hinted at using the character Xion) was slowly coming to a realization that was finally consciously realized as he watched wolf-Jacob getting his furry butt pwned by the Volturi.
He ALREADY had a hawt-boy with a darkside and emo doom.
And without even bothering to take out the DVD, Sora ran out of his bedroom, flew down the stairs, b****-slapped his father and punched his mother in the face (both for good luck) before sprinting out the door and hopefully into his would-be lover's arms.
He ran out.
In completely original slow-motion.
Into the blinding daylight.
Beautiful petals of pink and green and sparkledog rainbow fluttered around him in the wind stereotypically as he ran for the figure sitting at the beach shore. He was TOTALLY Sora's DREAMY SOUL MATE MAN. Sure his SKIN may not be pale, but his HAIR sure made up for that and that was A-OKAY.
"I FREAKING WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU~~~~~"
And that fortunate/unfortunate person turning around to face Sora was...
Donald. What was Donald doing there he wondered. And where was Goofy.
HEY GOOFY LETS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE yelled Donald, who apparently now had black feathers or something. BUNCH OF FAGGOTS UP IN MAH GRILL DAWG.
LOLOLOLOL OKAY BRAH. LEZ GET OUTTA DIS. Yelled Goofy, who, too, became black or something. Yeah. Suddenly a giant light appeared and Donald and Goofy vanished before Rule 34 could take effect.
OH SHIT. Sora said to himself. Where could he be?
Right behind you~ said a deep voice. Sora suddenly had a sudden hard on. It was epic.
"Riku, MAH FREAKEN' HERO 333333"
Yaoi romansu filled the air.
Emo-man Riku then held Sora's rectangular video-game hands in his own.
"LET US GET MARRIED, MY PRECIOUS FAG."
"OKAY!... right after we bang?"
"Sure."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"
And then they had sex. And it was hawt. I would go into the magnificent details, but that would make this fanfiction adult rated or something, and that'd be no fun.
Anyway, all the Yaoi fangirls watched in awe as their dreams came true. There were hordes of the creatures, trying to get a view of what they dreamed of seeing. Then a meteor came down and smited them. And it was epic. Almost as epic as the hawt sex Sora and Riku were having. Cause that was hawt and epic.
After the sex happened, Sora and Riku cuddled on the burnt bodies of fangirls.
"I love you Riku," said Sora, his face all shota-esque.
"I love you my precious fag," said Riku, with sunglasses on, a cane, and everything. He was a god damn pimp. And it was hawt.
"Sora?" yelled a voice. "We need you to return the DVDs," said the voice of Sora's Mom.
And Sora was all like "SHUT THE FUCK UP MOTHER I JUST GOT BANGED BY A HOT EMO DUDE AND YOUR TELLING ME TO GO RETURN SOME DVDS AND SHIT FUCK YOU GO MAKE US BOTH SOME SAMMICHES SINCE WE'RE GETTING MARRIED OR ELSE I'M NOT GOING TO INVITE YOU TO THE WEDDING!" He yelled at his mother. "Alright!" Yelled back the voice. "Better than normal" thought Sora to himself.