A/N: A bunch of connected Holly centric vignettes. Reference to book 1-4
Incidents
/zero/
In her tiny cell Holly looks around for answers.
She remembers concrete and iron and an annoyingly young voice hidden behind speakers.
She also remembers the moonlight and a fresh breeze of air right before the dizzying pain of needles and drugs.Dirt is still stuck under her fingertips, but they are her captives and she feels better: less helpless.
/countdown/
She stands up and looks down at the white bed with the white bed sheets and looks at the white walls stained with neglect. It makes her feel trapped, but her hands cover her screams because it is too early to worry about the neighbours.
She moves to the bathroom, but does not wash. She does not want to lose and the warm water running from the tap is already tempting as it is.
/apples/
In the kitchen she looks around for food. Nourishment she thinks and opens empty cupboard after cupboard.
Holly is hungry but not hungry enough to leave the safety of her cell and venture out where things are louder and dirty. The dirt underneath her fingertips belongs to her. She feels nothing when she drives them into an apple leaving dents in the perfect skin.
Holly thinks the apple now belongs to her as well.
/snow/
Holly thinks back to ground covered in snow and is grateful for that. Holly remembers the sparks vividly dancing around the stark whiteness that she could not comprehend. She hopes the empty and shallow feelings will disintegrate with time and knows that broken glass and dirty fingertips are her saviour.
Juice from apples run down her raised hand and she remembers the contrast of her blood against a blanket of snow, pure and white. And she remembers feeling the desecration had been worth it.
/habits/
She whips out her gun from its holster in a heartbeat. She aims and pretends to shoot. Sometimes she forgets pretending and worried shouts from upstairs resound. Sometimes she forgets herself and takes out her wallet. She shoots holes through every single coin and when she's finished and laying on the floor clutching her index finger she remembers.
She takes collects all of them and mails them to the surface, because there is someone more affectionate of the golden coins than she.
/lies/
Holly is afraid of the game she is playing, but she doesn't know how to end it. She doesn't know how accurate her trigger finger is, the only one with dirt left under the nail. She is afraid because her target is not tiny and golden anymore. She does not feel safe anymore when her finger snaps and the explosion sends her flying. She worries about the dirt and frantically wonders if it is still there. She hates herself for having those thoughts.
Holly remembers words like friendship and trust, but she is not trustworthy anymore and the leather necklace around a pale neck aggravates her. She smiles and agrees, but her words mean nothing and she thinks it's his own fault for not knowing. She keeps lying because it's easy and it keeps the pain away from the starch white snow ghosts and the steady breathing and the cold bloodied stump of finger.
/heartbeat/
Holly watches the shooting increase and she shakes even harder. The magic vibrates around her, but the bullets still ricochet of the walls, the sound sending shivers down her spine.
Doors slide open and close and everything happens in a heartbeat, but - suddenly it is over.
But Holly knows better because the dirt under her fingertips is gone and the guilt of betrayal is left, staining her walls dark with guilt.