This story just came to me suddenly. I didn't want it to be serious, so I decided to just write it without thinking. I hope you laugh as much as I did while writing it. ENJOY!
The Real Charmed: San Francisco
By: QueenHadassah
This is the story of seven people paid to live in a house. And come together. To have their lives taped. To find out what it's like when people stop being charmed and start getting real. The Real Charmed… San Francisco.
Chapter 1: Don't Be So… Truthful
Paige walks into the dining room where Piper is setting a bowl of muffins on the crowded table. Paige observes all the food on the table.
"Wow Piper, you went all out."
"Yeah well, I want to make sure our guests feel at home."
"Most of the guests are at home."
Phoebe comes in and observes the food. "Oooh." She picks up a muffin.
Piper slaps Phoebe's hand and she drops the muffin. "No," Piper says. "Not until our guests arrive."
"So, who else will be living here," Paige asks.
"I don't know," Phoebe says. "I guess we'll have to wait and see."
Leo orbs in behind Phoebe. "Hello."
Phoebe turns to Leo. "OH great. The fourth person is here."
The door bell rings.
"I'll get it," Piper says and heads for the door.
Piper opens the front door and in walks Cole, Darryl, and Prue.
"Prue!" Piper hugs Prue.
Leo, Paige, and Phoebe enter.
"Hi Cole," Phoebe says.
"Hello Phoebe."
Leo counts the number of people. "Looks like we're all here."
"Hi," Paige walks up to Prue. "You probably already know me, but I'm Paige."
Prue looks Paige up and down. "Oh… you're the replacement."
Paige looks surprised. "Wait. You didn't know I was Paige?"
"Well," Prue says. "After I got kicked off the show I… kind of stopped watching."
Phoebe says, "I believe you said: F this f-ing show. You crazy mother f-ers."
Prue smiles. "That sounds about right."
"Wait a minute," Paige says. "How are Cole and Prue human? I mean, aren't they dead?"
Prue moves a strand of hair from her face. "Well, I don't think it's fair that Cole and I were killed. We were the best characters on the show. Weren't we Cole?"
Cole crosses his arms. "Yeah, I agree. Clearly, Phoebe and I were the best couple."
"I don't think so," Piper says. "Leo and I are the best couple."
Phoebe laughs. "I'm sorry to say, but after Cole and I weren't together anymore, the ratings totally went down."
"That is not true," Piper says.
"I smell food," Darryl says. "Is anyone else starving?"
"Yes," Piper says. "Let's eat."
They all sit at the kitchen table, except Prue who is standing over Paige.
"May I sit here?"
Paige looks up at Prue. "But there's an empty seat next to Phoebe."
"In case you haven't heard, Phoebe and I don't always get along."
Paige moves down a seat and Prue takes the seat Paige vacated.
"We did get along until Prue started thinking she was better than everyone," Phoebe whispers, aloud.
"Not everyone," Prue spat, "just you."
"See, a comment like that is the reason why you were killed," Phoebe says.
"You know what, Phoebe, I never did like you."
"Do you want me to help you, Prue?"
"With what?"
"Getting the stick out your…"
"Hey," Piper screams. Then, she says calmly, "Why don't we all just eat… okay." She hands Phoebe a muffin. "Here Honey. Have a muffin."
"I don't know why you're complaining, Prue," Darryl says. "It's not like you're the only black person on the show."
"Darryl, you're not the only black person on the show," Piper says.
"Oh yeah? Name someone else."
"Well…" Piper thinks. "I can't think of any one at the moment, but I'm sure there's someone else."
"Wait, I don't get it," Paige says. "Phoebe gets Cole and Piper gets to have Leo. Why isn't my husband here?"
"Because Honey, you're boring," Phoebe says. "I'm sorry to say, but no one cares about you and… What's-His-Name."
Paige looks upset.
"PHOEBE," Piper says.
"What, it's true."
"Well, don't be so… truthful," Piper says. "You're hurting her feelings."
"Don't get hooked on this guy Paige," Prue says. "Like all the other damned men in our lives, he will be killed."
Paige looks worried. "What do you mean?"
"Phoebe and Cole. Me and Andy. Your husband will be killed too. No one else is supposed to be happy, but Piper and Leo."
"Prue, how could you say that," Leo asks.
"You know what, I think Prue's right," Paige says.
"The Seer," Piper shouts."
"What," Leo asks.
"That's the other black person we know. And Paige's boss at Social Services. See Darryl, you're not the only black person."
"What… ever," Darryl says, slowly.
"I'm not boring," Paige says, sullenly.
"You're right Paige, you're not boring," Leo says.
"That's right. Phoebe's just a slut," Paige says.
"What! I am not a slut!"
"Hey, don't call Phoebe a slut," Prue says. "Only I can call Phoebe a slut." She looks at Phoebe. "Phoebe, you're a slut."
Phoebe gasps. "I am not a slut!"
"No Honey, you're not a slut," Piper says. "Right Leo?"
"Uh…"
"Oh what do you know," Piper says.
"Why do you let her boss you around, Leo," Cole says.
"I don't boss him around."
"Yes you do, Piper. You treat him like a dog. When you call, he must come."
"I don't treat you like a dog, do I Leo?"
"Uh…"
"Oh, be quiet and eat something."
"You're not gonna take that," Cole asks. "Are you?"
"You're right, Cole. Piper… I'm tired of you bossing me around."
"WHAT," Piper screams.
"That's right. I'm not having it anymore. And… I'm not putting out either."
"Oh my God," Piper screams.
"Way to be strong, Leo," Darryl says.
"You know what, Leo… do not say another word to me."
"No problem, Piper."
"Fine, Leo."
"Fine, and you know what, I'm glad we finally see eye to eye."
"Me too! And as far as we're concerned, this lunch is over!" She storms out the room.
"You're right about that." Leo storms out the room.
"Phoebe, this is all your fault," Prue says.
"What! How is that my fault?"
"If you weren't such a slut we wouldn't be so close with Cole, Cole wouldn't be here to talk to Leo, and Leo wouldn't have upset Piper."
Phoebe stands. "You know what, I'm sick of you."
Prue stands. "Then, why don't you do something about it?"
Paige stands between them. "Hey, no fighting, please."
"Fine, I'm out of here." Phoebe leaves.
"Uh, wait up." Cole follows.
"I'm leaving too." Prue leaves.
Darryl looks at Paige. "Can your family get any more dysfunctional?"
Paige sighs. "I sure hope not."