For Muse, because I adore her…
this is my first non twd fic!
regrets of the flesh
Patching himself up, stitch by stitch, he saw her coming.
Hating her for everything she was,
hating her more for reminding him of everything he HAD been.
He couldn't smell her any more, couldn't smell the blood that sung to him beneath her skin
Couldn't smell the soaps and shampoos that whoever had kept her clean used
couldn't smell the hint of death that clung to her.
"Why'd you do it? Risk yourself… for them? Most of them want both of us dead. Do you want to die?"
on and on she rattled, talked about how she didn't want to be a savior,
Surprise princess, there weren't no damn saviors anymore, at least none that would answer.
She was almost panting, her frustration coming off of her in waves.
She wanted answers? Wanted to know? Fuck it.
"I ripped the throat out of my little girl as soon as I turned. She was five"
their screams haunted him, now at least.
The feel of her little body, one that he remembered tucking in at night, pulling in for hugs and kisses "one more daddy", first time he held her. Tearing like tissue paper and he pulled her apart. Fangs sunk deep into her little neck, same neck he used to blow raspberries on.
My wife tired to save the baby but I reached in and pulled his heart out of his chest, right there in her arms.
His little boy, sweet blue eyes and a dead ringer for his poppa. Carrying the smell of baby powder and sunshine, like all babies do. His flesh…
the last beat of the babies heart in his hand
I left her there with them, pieces of her children all around her.
His beautiful wife, his first and last love. Her father had not been happy when they started dating, even more unhappy when they got married. She never cared thou, always his champion, his support.
"You were right, you do deserve to die" her face carrying the shock and pain she had cursed him with.
"I will but on my terms… for them."
"you think that will redeem you? Make up for all the shit you did?"
"no, but… if I find my wife and she was one of them, could you turn her back?"
Her head tilted to the side, as she thought over his question "do you really think she would want that? With the world like it is?"
"Because you don't feel anything when you're one of them, no pain no sorrow, no joy… nothing."
he painfully brutally felt everything, every scream and plea, every inch of flesh and bone and drop of blood.
"Maybe that would be better for her, to just die as one of them."
She almost sounded sympathetic, like she cared what he or his wife would feel.
"You live in darkness when you're one of them. Pain is better, misery is better. She'd want to be turned back"
He knew is wife, the bright wonderful loving woman she was underneath the craving, knew she would never be happy living an imitation of life….
He also hoped….
Hoped she would forgive him before his end.