Asami spent three years without seeing the Avatar, not even once. And the CEO swore to herself that she would get to know this new Korra. A Korra whose ebbing confidence was replaced by a subtle air of acceptance and certainty. The Korra who's eyes could go from hard, to meltingly soft and then empty. And this Korra whose gazes made Asami's stomach turn for reasons she couldn't comprehend.
Still, the heiress was relieved to know that there were some things that didn't change. That fact was obvious from the spontaneous invitation to the Spirit World. And though it was a promise of an unplanned vacation, she found herself grateful for Korra's thoughtfulness.
It took only one week to have everybody convinced she had made peace with her father's…sacrifice. Obviously, she hadn't; she couldn't even say the d word, as childish as that is. And when Varrick's wedding came the following week, everybody's eagerness to celebrate and be happy had forced Asami to be the same.
"Bullshit" was apparently the new Korra's exact thoughts on Asami's game of pretend. It was strange that the first place Korra had brought her to was the Tree of Time, where the darkest spirit made its home for 10 000 years. That wasn't exactly an ideal tourist spot for a relaxing vacation.
Korra just snorted at her. "Did you really think I would bring you here to goof around when I had to watch you hide your pain for two weeks?" Maybe Asami's heart melted a little.
Korra insisted that Asami needed this. The Avatar was hoping that Asami would see her father again in the spirit world. Korra had wanted to give her that. Maybe Asami's heart melted a lot.
But Asami knew better. Not all souls had the privilege of staying in the Spirit World. And for some reason, she knew in her heart that her father had moved on. Asami went with Korra's plan anyway, allowing the Avatar to teach her how to meditate in the tree. She couldn't shake off the slight desperation in Korra's eyes—as if she needed to help Asami. Maybe Asami's heart had melted altogether.
And just like Asami thought, neither her father's nor her mother's spirit had showed up to give her any sort of closure. What did give her closure was the Tree of Time itself. Asami had been able to relive all her memories of her father's and mother's. Even the memories of them she didn't know she had.
Somehow, it was enough. Through her memories, Asami reconciled the grief and guilt she felt from her father's…death. There. She said it. Seeing all those memories didn't erase the hurt of losing them, but it gave her something to be thankful for instead of bottling up regrets.
"Oh, spirits, I'm so sorry, Asami! I didn't know it would be such a bad idea—"
Asami placed her hand gently to cup the Avatar's panicked face. It seemed that, at some point of reliving her memories, tears had flowed down her cheeks. Korra seemed to have mistaken them for disappointment.
"Korra," she said reverently; a serene smile graced her lips. She wanted to erase the misplaced sense of failure and devastation in the Avatar's eyes. "Thank you. So much."
Asami wished she had a device that could capture the resulting glint in Korra's eyes.
The following days became the real vacation. Asami had never been freer. Each day, the Avatar seemed to outdo yesterday's adventure. Asami felt like she was in a never ending free fall. The CEO tried not to question the where, and the how, and the why…and to whom.
By the seventh day, it became clear to Asami that Korra was, in fact, intentionally trying to outdo their yesterdays. She could feel the tension in the bender's body as she put a hand on her shoulder. She could also feel it dissipate as soon as the girl had registered her touch.
"I'm sure the day would be great however it turns out," she reassured Korra. The Avatar turned to her, and Asami didn't know where the gravity of whatever Korra needed to show her today was coming from. "You don't understand," she said. "I was so sure we'd find him today, and you would've loved it," she sighed as if she was berating herself.
Asami scrunched her eyebrows. Was Korra still trying to find her father? They had talked about it already for hours during their first nights in the Spirit World. Surely, Korra had believed her when she said she was at peace with it, right?
"Who are we trying to find, Ko—"
"Korra!"
It was a full and hearty voice that called for them. Korra's reaction was instantaneous. She had beamed at the direction of the voice and rushed over to hug the new comer. He was a short old man, with long white hair and beard.
"Iroh!"
Asami did a double take. The General Iroh? "C'mon, Iroh, I want you to meet someone special!" Asami could have loved finding the esteemed general for that statement alone…not that she didn't enjoy getting her butt kicked so thoroughly at pai sho.
Somehow, Korra did it again. Asami couldn't help but see Iroh's resemblance to her father's character, back when her mother was alive. They had promised to find him once more before they ended their vacation.
The emptiness of the tent had woken Asami up in the middle of the night…well, there was no night in the Spirit World. But Korra said that the Spirit World would bend for them if they wished it so—even if they didn't wished it so. Asami liked to think of it as just Korra moving days and nights for her.
Still, as much as the thought made Asami's insides all putty, she couldn't ignore the elephant in the room anymore. Or was it the elephant outside the tent? In any case, she left the tent to find the Avatar. And find her she did.
Korra seemed to be engrossed in scribbling on the ground with a stick what seemed like tomorrow's plans. It obviously wasn't going so well, because not even a few seconds later did Korra frustratingly crossed out whatever she wrote out and tossed the stick with a huff.
"Couldn't sleep?"
Asami saw the exact moment were Korra tensed up. She turned around and looked at the CEO like a dear in the headlights, rubbing the back of her neck. "I, er, yeah?"
Asami walked towards her, eyes filled with concerned. "What's keeping you up?" she asked softly. The shock of getting caught with whatever she was doing seemed to have short-circuited the Avatar. "I, er, no?"
Asami resisted the urge to snort at Korra's adorableness. She shot her a funny look before taking the Avatar's hand and leading her to the meadow where they sat down and talked for nights before. "I thought we were over keeping stuff from each other?"
They both knew that was a lie. They both knew something was driving Korra crazy with pressure. But there was no accusation in Asami's voice, and the moment she looked at Korra, the Avatar became undone. As if she had made a hole in the dam of whatever Korra was keeping to herself.
"I'mgoingtoleavefortheEarthKingdomafterthis."
Silenced engulfed them, and for a moment, the Avatar wondered whether or not Asami had understood her at all. But she did. And Asami was overwhelmed. She just didn't expect the answer.
Asami knew that the Avatar was most likely going to be demanded in the very unstable transitioning period of the Earth Kingdom—soon to be the United States of the Earth (USE). And while Asami knew that missing Korra when she left would be far harder now than before, she just couldn't connect how this could possibly drive Korra into a pressured frenzy as much as it did.
So she just said, "Oh."
Korra blanched. "Um, that's all you're going to say?"
Asami turned to her a little bit feeling attacked—what did Korra want her to say? But all feelings of defensiveness disappeared when she saw the utter disappointment in the Avatar's face. And then the disappointment suddenly turned to panic.
"Shit, maybe I misread this? Spirits, like, maybe I've been misreading everything this whole time and—oh fuck, did I misread this and I've been fussing for nothing but…well, rejection? I m-mean. I just. Did I just misread this thing between us—fuck"
Both woman's eyes widened at the last sentence of the Avatar's rant. And the Avatar's mouth hung completely open, as if she couldn't believe she had blurted everything out that she did.
Asami's heartrate doubled. So they were finally talking about this?
"This thing between us," Asami said softly. Like Korra, she couldn't exactly find another way to call it…another lie. Asami knew exactly what it was. Three years and counting, there was no denying it.
So she looked at the woman in front of her. Her short brown hair was unkempt. There was a quiver from her lips. And the Avatar's eyes were wide open and wild with overwhelming emotions. Hope. Dread. Fear. All of it juxtaposed beautifully in cyan. As if Korra had given her a knife to slice her throat. Vulnerable. How could Asami ever run away when Korra was giving her that look?
"I love you."
Asami had envisioned saying this countless times in her head. So she had prepared herself for countless reactions from her best friend—mostly disgust. What she didn't prepare herself to understand was the look of utter horror and longing in Korra's face.
It was also accompanied by a series of panicked mutters. "No! no, no—you can't. You can't…leaving for Earth kingdom…and the vacation…and I haven't even…and you just can't!"
Asami would've probably been hurt arguably beyond repair by the Avatar's reaction, if only she wasn't distracted by the fact that whatever Korra was saying didn't make sense. Asami's voice was more solid and strained when she almost demanded, "What do you mean I can—"
As if something exploded inside Korra, she abruptly stood up and started gesturing wildly. "Because you can't love me! Not yet! For spirit's sake, I'm leaving for the Earth kingdom for who the fuck knows how long and the world is going to take you away from me, and I haven't even apologized! I couldn't even apologize to the one person who kept me going when I was nothing.
"I haven't told you everything about the three years I was gone. And I haven't said sorry enough for not letting you come with me! Because I know how it is now, okay? I felt it—needing to help you so much when I see you in pain, and I took that away from you and I'm sorry! I shouldn't have shut you out for two years, and I should have gone to you or had you come along the last half of the year I was gone; I'm so sorry.
"And I haven't even begin to make up for it in our vacation now—let alone make up for having to leave so soon after! And I'm at my wit's end trying to figure out how, because you can't love me before then, and I can't let myself even think about you so selfishly when I haven't even shown you—can't even show you I can stay!
"B-but I want to. So bad," Korra's voice broke. Asami would never forget the haunting look Korra gave her when she said, "I've never wanted anything in my whole life the way I want to stay with you."
After that, Korra had refused to look at her. Asami knew a streak of tears were running down the Avatar's cheek. It only took a beat before Asami stood up, and tried to close the distance between them. "Is this what this was about? The whole vacation was some sort of repentance?" Suddenly, Korra's insistence of outdoing each yesterday was becoming clearer.
Korra seemed to have mistook the edge in Asami's voice as accusation, because she immediately stepped back away from the raven. "This whole time…I was trying to show y—I was just trying to deserve wanting you." Korra choked.
Asami erased the distance between the two of them once more. She made Korra look at her. For the second time, Asami tried again. "I love you."
Korra replied immediately, almost warningly, almost reprimanding, "Asami"
Neither of the two missed how Asami's eyes had softened, and in effect softening Korra's eyes as well. There was a faint smile that graced Asami's lips. For the third time, she tried again. But this time, in a different way.
She cupped the Avatar's cheek in one hand, making it so that their gazes stayed. "I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you," Asami started. "I don't need you to search for the proof that I should."
Korra's eyes widen slightly. Asami's words almost had an assuring tune. A melody. Asami's eyes glazed, and for a moment, she leaned into Korra's face. Korra stiffened, only to realize that Asami was just nuzzling her nose with hers, which Korra found oddly comforting. The CEO could feel the Avatar relax with Asami's arms around her waist.
Now, Asami's eyes had gone a bit brighter. "You don't have to convince me; you don't have to be scared you're not enough—cause what we have going is good."
This time, the tune in Asami's voice was evident. And she couldn't help feel giddy to know that she actually found someone to share her parents' song.
Korra thought it was unfair…finding herself falling from Asami's words when she was trying so hard not to allow herself to. Korra whined, "Asami—"
"I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken. I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget." Asami sang with a hopeful smile.
"But—"
"Korra?" Asami said lovingly; it almost hurt to hear. "Clear the slate and start over; try to quiet the noises in your head—we can't compete with that."
Asami chuckled to herself. "So what if it's us? What if it's us and only us? And what came before won't count anymore or matter. Can we try that?" She hugged Korra tightly, resting her chin on the Avatar's head. "What if it's you, and what if it's me; what if that's all that we need it to be—and the rest of the world falls away." She chuckled once more. That…that wouldn't be true. The world will always play tug of war with them, but right now? Right now, they could afford this. They already let the world fall away the moment they entered the spirit world. And Asami would be damned if she went back before the two women fixed their…us.
Asami breaks the hug to cup both of Korra's cheeks. She utters the last line of the song her mother had sang to her father long ago, "So what do you say?"
Asami's breath stopped. She backtracked—maybe the world didn't fall away. Because Korra was looking at her like she was the world. And then finally, Korra's face broke into a smile. Slightly tired, but filled with unadulterated joy.
What happened next was beyond Asami. "I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me," Korra smiled carefully and playfully at the same time. And maybe Asami had to reboot her brain, because somehow, through all her fantasies, she never imagined Korra singing for her—didn't know she could even sing, let alone sing her thoughts. Asami grinned in awe, "Well—"
But Korra had lifted her by her waist and twirled her, "So I'll give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go" she sang with a definite tone, and then put her down. Some part of Asami's brain couldn't believe this was happening. Couldn't believe the words she was hearing.
Korra put a hand on her own forehead, before sliding it to rub the back of her neck. She continued shyly, "But if you really see me," she hummed looking at her feet. "If you really like me for me and nothing else—well that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know!"
Korra looked at her deeply, before breaking into a playful smile. "So it could be us, it could be us and only us." She sang copying Asami's song perfectly. And then there's a flash of surrender and acceptance in Korra's face. "And what came before won't count anymore or matter—we can try that."
Asami laughed. And she knew they were going to be alright. That neither of them was going to run away. So, this time—for the fourth time, Asami tried again. Her thumb traced Korra's lips, and before she got too distracted, Asami uttered, "I l—"
"I love you."
It's not so impossible
Nobody else but the two of us here
Cause you're saying it's possible
We can just watch the whole world disappear
Till you're the only one I still know how to see
A/N:
Thank you for reading. This is my first story so I hope you like it and feel free to tell me what you think :)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own LOK any of it's characters. And I certainly do not claim any ownership to the song I used in this fanfic.
Song used: "Only Us" from the musical Dear Evan Hansen
You can check it out here (Just remove the spaces): www. youtube watch?v =IBOfIzU4pxk
