All members of Greendale's infamous study group (including Pierce) finally come together to face another year at community college. After some hugs, handshakes and screaming whereas Shirley was the one who almost broke glasses thanks to her ability to reach an unnaturally high octave they walk down the hallway heading to their study room and recalling their summer adventure on Harper Island.
SHIRLEY
I'm so glad that we all made it out alive from that horrible place. It was the worst vacation I've ever had.
BRITTA
Agree! I'm still having nightmares.
JEFF
Who wouldn't? We were almost killed by two homicidal psychopaths.
BRITTA
Are you having nightmares, too?
JEFF (putting a sly smile on his face)
Of course, not.
PIERCE
Wait, there were two of them? I thought it was just one.
ANNIE
Guys! Do we really have to talk about what happened on Harper Island? I would like to forget all the blood, the chopped up body parts and the dead bodies.
ABED
Troy wakes up every night screaming and crying like a little girl.
TROY
Abed! We agreed to keep it a secret.
BRITTA
If you need someone to talk about the things that we all experienced this summer you know that I'm a major in Psychology.
TROY
Yeah, you're the right person to help me getting over with the mental damages I suffered from being chased by a bloodthirsty psycho in a rainy night. Wasn't it you who told Christopher to give in to his urge?
BRITTA
I didn't know that he had the urge to kill everybody.
TROY
He strangled Pierce's dog with his own hands!
PIERCE (sighing)
His name was Paco. The poor guy. I miss him so much.
BRITTA
The dog had rabid. There was no other way but to kill him.
SHIRLEY
Still, Christopher went on a killing spree right after you talked to him.
ABED
Wrong! He went on a killing spree right after Britta hooked up with him.
Everybody gives Britta a shocking look.
JEFF + ANNIE + SHIRLEY + PIERCE + TROY
You did what?
BRITTA
How did you know…? I wasn't actually sleeping with him. It was… a very special treatment I've read from a book.
ABED
Interesting. And that special treatment involved you two being naked, kissing and doing things that aren't appropriate to people under the age of 17?
BRITTA
He was crying for help.
JEFF
And you thought it would be helpful to do some X-rated stuff with him?
ANNIE
Britta, why are you always…
TROY
… screwing up guys?
PIERCE
… making them gay?
ABED (to Troy)
Remember Ray Ray from philosophy class last year?
TROY
How could I forget that guy? He used to be real fun to hang around…
ABED
… until Ray Ray and Britta made out during Annie's fund-raising party. A few days later Ray Ray set himself on fire at a child beauty contest. As it turned out he tried to impress Britta who dumped him prior to that fateful day that traumatized dozen little girls.
SHIRLEY
You've got some strange talent there, Britta.
BRITTA
Alright, alright, I admit it. My vagina is turning men into monsters.
ANNIE
No, it doesn't. Look at Jeff. He is still… normal… more or less.
JEFF
Thank you, Annie.
ANNIE
You're welcome.
TROY (to Jeff)
You are a survivor, man.
ABED
What's your secret?
BRITTA
Maybe he is worse than me?
ABED
True! However, my theory is that you two are like negatively charged molecules or like Inspector Spacetime and Lunara his one-time companion from Inspector Spacetime's seventh Christmas Special. They were hot over heels the first time they meet. But when the two of them found out that they were very much like brother and sister this revelation was about to destroy the universe. To prevent the universe from collapsing Inspector Spacetime took Lunara to another dimension where Inspector Spacetime and his incarnations don't exist. Then he erased Lunara's memories of the time they spent together and destroyed the door to the other dimension so we would never meet Inspector Spacetime's one true love, ever again.
ANNIE
That's sad.
JEFF
It doesn't make any sense.
ABED
I know but it was still a great episode.
The Greendale Seven arrive at the study room. But to their surprise they are welcomed by an Asian person who is sitting on the chair next to Jeff. Little do they know that he will change their lives forever.
ASIAN PERSON
Greetings!
JEFF
Excuse me, but this is our study room.
ASIAN PERSON
Oh, I know that.
PIERCE
Piss off, Chang!
ASIAN PERSON
I'm not Chang.
PIERCE
You are not? Sorry, but you people with your slitted eyes and black hair look all the same to me.
ANNIE
Pierce!
ASIAN PERSON
Oh, I don't mind his rude remark. I already know that you are all racist.
ANNIE
No, we are not! With the exception of Pierce I can proudly say that this study group is open to every man and woman regardless of the color of their skin, their cultural background, their sexual preferences and their religion.
ASIAN PERSON
You must be Annie. You're the worst.
ANNIE
What?
ASIAN PERSON
You're a racist and an ego-maniac.
ANNIE
No, I'm not!
ASIAN PERSON
Oh, come on! You're taking advantage of other people's flaw. You're making excuses on their behalf so nobody will ever place you on the same level with them. Plus, you're trying to present yourself in a proper light by making people like Pierce look mentally deranged. Did you ever listen to what you're saying?
SHIRLEY
He's got a point.
PIERCE
I'm not mentally deranged.
ANNIE
I'm not an ego-maniac! Everything I do is being the conscience of this group. If it weren't for me everybody would kill each other.
ASIAN PERSON
But you have to admit that you are doing this for your own sake.
ANNIE
Who wouldn't?
BRITTA
Well, I wouldn't do that since I'm the most selfless person in the world.
ASIAN PERSON
Let me guess, you're Britta, the master of self-delusion. Wasn't it you who dumped that lunatic who set himself on fire in a room full of elementary school girls last year?
BRITTA
It didn't click, okay? Would you stay in a relationship when there's no connection?
JEFF
Who are you, anyway?
ASIAN PERSON (grinning)
I am God.