Chapter 1: The Way The Cookie Crumbled

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of it's characters. The chapter title above is merely a reference to the wonderful movie Bruce Almighty, which is also not owned by me. All hail Jim Carey.

The sun was out and shining cheerily down on the village of Konoha. Fluffy white clouds floated lazily in the blue sky and the breeze was calm and gentle. It was the cliché start to a perfect day.

The citizens of Konoha, both civilians and shinobi alike, were enjoying this beautiful day. Children played, women gossiped, and men tried to get laid. It was one of those days filled with Kodak moments.

While others went about merrily lazing around, the shinobi world's favorite knuckle head was hard at work on his new and improved jutsu. He was determined to update the technique to match his newly gained fame. The jutsu in question?

"Sexy no Jutsu!"

And how was our future hokage fairing?

Poof

"Ah Damn it!" the blonde she-male screeched, "I look worse than Orochimaru naked!"

As to how he knew what Orochimaru looked like naked? Well that's a long, disturbing story he doesn't like remembering.

Meanwhile, the only kunoichi member of the almighty Team 7, sighed in utter defeat at the hopelessness of her two socially retarded teammates. The aforementioned social retards were currently annoying her. Sai was attempting, key word being attempting, polite conversation that was insulting at best and Sasuke was impersonating a rain cloud, trailing behind and radiating all the doom and gloom expected from him.

"Hag, you look even uglier than you did yesterday. Don't you agree Uchiha-san?"

"Hn."

"Perhaps she didn't brush her hair? Or maybe she doesn't own a mirror? Or maybe she had a mirror, but she broke it with her ugliness?"

"Hn."

"Either way, it doesn't matter. There is nothing she could do to make herself less ugly. Right Uchiha-san?"

"Aa."

Her fury was quickly rising. Normally she wouldn't mind these insults, as it was something she had grown used to, but she was in an incredibly volatile mood and these jackasses weren't helping with their comments and grunts. One more peep from the peanut gallery and she was going postal.

"I think she's on the rag."

"Aa"

"Shanaroooo!"

The two elite emotionless idiots leaped away in the nick of time as Sakura's fist demolished the ground forming a crater. Both males were on high alert as they observed the fire in her usually serene viridian eyes, and the absolute rage on her face. They recognized this expression as one that often promised pain and couldn't hide their cringes.

"If I hear another word from either of you, even a hn or aa, so help me Kami-sama, I will kill you! And I'm not on my period you jackasses!" She exploded, her pink tresses flying around wildly and eyes glowing with menace.

Sai and Sasuke shared a glance after observing their rampant female teammate, who was most definitely PMSing. Sai, ever the genius, ignored all the warning signs and decided to call her out on her lie.

"I was right. Hag is on the rag," he proclaimed in a jingle like manner with his creepy smile pointed at her, enticing her anger even more.

"Hn," Sasuke added to top the proverbial sundae off with a cherry. He even had the audacity to smirk.

Before she could do anything that would earn herself missing-nin status, she turned sharply and stormed off. Pissed as she was, she didn't want to kill the idiots. Besides, where would she hide their bodies?

After a while, she lost steam and ceased in her brooding. She noticed that her fellow comrades had caught up and sighed yet again. They were behaving like good boys and remaining silent, much to her pleasure.

She felt slightly embarrassed due to the melt down that had occurred just minutes ago. Sure, she had outbursts all the time, so it wasn't anything new. She was the 5th hokage's apprentice after all, and had clearly inherited the nasty temper to go with the monstrous strength. But still, she felt guilty at lashing out at something she usually ignored or found amusing.

In her defense, she was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. And yeah; she was on her period, though she refused to admit that to Sai of all people. Adding to that, her hospital shifts were exhausting and Tsunade had her running around like a squirrel on crack. Then there were her obligations as a member of team seven. This meant constant meals of ramen and training sessions that often erupted to all out brawls which left her having to patch up the stupid testosterone driven males of her team.

This is not to say she didn't love her team. She loved all of those infuriating males with all her heart. It's just that sometimes, they were just too much. If they were hungry, they showed up, simply expecting her to feed them. Injured or sick? To Sakura's house, because Lord knows, they would never just go to the damn hospital. Then there were the never ending questions from Sai, Naruto who could never stop talking, and constant brooding from Sasuke. Kakashi and Yamato only made matters worse, by condoning and encouraging such behaviors in the name of team spirit.

But all in all, they were great teammates and friends. Kakashi was always late and rather perverted, but he also gave great advice. Yamato was always there to listen when she needed to verbally vent her frustrations just as Sai was always there for her to vent physically, serving as her human punching bag. And despite all the heart ache and pain Sasuke had caused, he was back now and honestly trying for their sake. She was just so proud of him. Then there was Naruto. He was her ball of sunshine and the one who always brought a smile to her face with his goofy antics. He'd grown and matured so much. Long gone was the prank loving brat, replaced by a wise and responsible adult who was capable of-

"Sexy no Jutsu!" a familiar voice cried, interrupting her thoughts. Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. Well apparently praise Naruto and he'll make you regret it.

Standing before her was herself, strange as that may sound. The doppelganger had the same pink hair, green eyes, and face as her. In fact, it would have been a perfect replica if it weren't for the clone's possession of Tsunade-sized knockers and an ass she only wished she had. There was also the fact that this version of her was sluttier than Karin. She bristled, the anger from earlier roaring back to life with the intent to pulverize Naruto, who was still unaware and already flying through more hand seals.

She lunged going for the jugular. Sai followed, already knowing the drill, and set out to restrain Sakura. Sasuke raced after them too, happy to have a reason to pummel Naruto without Sakura's scorn.

There was a collision followed by a bright light. The last thing they witnessed was an explosion, before they all passed out.

Kakashi couldn't restrain his grin at the sounds of his lovely little students' grunts and murmurings or in Sakura's case, cursings. Tsunade was really a bad influence he surmised, making a mental note to have a talk with her later. For now, he was occupied, waiting for the fireworks to go off.

"Wha?" Naruto gurgled, flopping into a sitting position. His eyes roamed around, not really taking anything in, until he came across his sensei's face. "Kaka-sensei?" he questioned wearily.

Sai was the next to wake, popping up like a spring daisy, creepy smile intact. Kakashi shuddered, as he studied the odd boy. He sure as hell was strange, he decided. That was saying something coming from Kakashi, considering he was the sensei of strange.

"Hn," And that would be Sasuke, having discovered his peculiar predicament immediately. His eyes were sharingan red, tomoes spinning dangerously, and glaring at his ramen loving friend. By the sound of his hn, he was going to kill Naruto.

A string of foul words announced Sakura's joining of the now fully conscious group. Kakashi cackled with glee in anticipation of her reaction. It was sure to be explosive. Kakashi almost pitied his dumb student, who was still staring at him rather intently.

Sakura, ever the medic, gazed at her teammates, scanning them for injuries, only to be greatly disturbed. Sasuke, sensing her distress, met her bewildered gaze. He gestured for her to look down at herself. She did and then wished she hadn't.

"Hello my pretties," Kakashi beamed, sounding like a creeper. This released Naruto from his trance he had been in. The village idiot glanced around, eyes fastening onto the sight of Sasuke, to which he burst with laughter.

"Teme," pausing to catch his breath, Naruto went on to accuse, "you have boobs!"

Of course that would be the first thing that Naruto would notice, though he was right. But Sasuke didn't just have a woman's chest, he had the whole shebang.

Sasuke growled, "I wouldn't be laughing dead last. Look at yourself."

Naruto did as Sasuke commanded and was met with the familiar sight of his female form. Any other time, he would have marveled at himself, but he had a rather bad feeling. Looking up, he spotted a pasty female with dark hair that he identified as Sai and a pink haired stud in place of his dear Sakura-chan.

"Release!" the know grief stricken Naruto cried.

Nothing. So he kept at it. Soon his now escalating screams were joined by his fellow comrades. They ended in unison, all having come to the same conclusion.

"We're stuck this way!" Naruto shrieked in a much lighter voice.

"And it's all Naruto's fault," Kakashi reminded helpfully.

"BAKA!" Sakura charged.

"Dobe!" Sasuke snarled, joining Sakura.

"Dickless," Sai said simply. He too joined the small mob, not really angry. Honestly, he was just doing it because both Sasuke and Sakura were doing it. He didn't want to be left out and miss a chance to bond.

"Senpai?" Yamato questioned, finally arriving, only to find Naruto receiving a beat down. "Aren't you going to stop them?"

Kakashi lazily regarded him. "They'll tire out eventually."

Yamato sweat dropped at the man he acknowledged as his superior. "Senpai," he repeated warningly.

"Party pooper," Kakashi pouted. He sighed as heard Sasuke fire up a chidori, deeming it time to intervene.

The two jounin sprang to action, Kakashi rescuing the now curvy Naruto while Yamato subdued the assailants with his wood style. Naruto gave his sensei a starry eyed look of appreciation, forgetting that his sensei had been the one to snitch in the first place. Sasuke and Sakura struggled in their bonds, still thirsting for blood and vengeance. Sai smiled that damn fake smile of his.

"Pervert!" Naruto accused his lecherous sensei, remembering his state of dress; or rather lack of.

Simultaneously the naked, gender swapped shinobi scrambled for their clothes in mortification. Seeing as they had lost some parts and gained new bits, their outfits were now inappropriate. Such was their life.

/End/

Author's Note: I'm rather new here and this is the second time I've uploaded something, so apologize should anything strange occur. I also edit with only the help from Microsoft Word, which is helpful, but wishes to spell Sasuke's name Sauce. If you see anything in need of repair, please let me know.

To those interested in how Naruto knows what Orochimaru looks like naked, please check out The Whole Monty Python which details the encounter. It is not as long or disturbing (That's what she said!) as I said earlier. So far, I have received one beautiful review from Meari T that almost made me cry. I plan to dedicate the next installment of that fic to that reviewer.

And on a final note, please review. You don't even need an account to do so. Even a quick smilie or frownie face means the world to me, so please give me feedback. If you have any requests just pm me or leave it in a review and I'll do my best to meet it. And I hate to bribe...but the next chapter is already typed...Total douche move, but at least I didn't end this one with a cliff hanger. I'm still sorry!

Thank you, so very much for reading, and I apologize for the lengthy author's note.