Proverb time again! 虎穴に入らずんば虎子を得ず(koketsu ni hairazunba koji o ezu) nothing ventured, nothing gained; no reward without risk. Literally, it means 'if you do not enter the tiger's cave, you cannot get its cubs' ( ͡͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)
A bit reluctantly, he admitted he hadn't really thought this through.
Running a hand tiredly through his dark locks, Orihara Izaya stared up at the apartment complex towering before him. Almost all the windows were dark, but Izaya still knew exactly which one was his target. Chewing his lip thoughtfully, he contemplated if he should just go the fuck home and get some rest. Being up for almost two straight days had been bound to bite him in the ass, so maybe that was the reason Tsukumoya's words had affected him so easily.
Starting to come down from his angry, mostly exercise-induced high (he had just power-walked all the way from Shinjuku since the trains weren't running this early in the morning) a creeping feeling of slight embarrassment began to crawl over him.
"What the hell am I even doing. I must really be losing my mind. Fucking Tsukumoya..." he snapped out to the quietly sleeping city. His eyes narrowed as he thought about their discussion in the chat room.
[I have access to an information network the likes of which you could only dream of]
Pssh, yeah right. What the hell kind of network was he running that he knew how people looked naked? That didn't even make sense! Then again, Izaya had just spent over an hour walking - and to do what exactly? Actually find out the beast's penis size somehow? Prove a point? Something else entirely?
The last thought had him shivering, despite the humid summer night air enveloping him.
It was almost 4 in the morning. He had already wasted his time walking here, he thought with a resigned sigh. Might as well get something out of it. At least then, maybe he'd have some sort of gloating rights over that bastard Tsukumoya.
"Well then, how should I go about this...?"
He could just walk up to his door and knock, but that would have been absolutely tactless. Waking a sleeping brute who was prone to violent fits of anger definitely wasn't going to work. Still, imagining a sleepy Shizuo answering his door and seeing the shock on his face when he realized it was Izaya was a very tempting thought. Perhaps he could do with an early morning run.
"Shizu-chan would probably just slam the door in my face, though. And I came here with a purpose. A very stupid purpose, but a purpose nonetheless."
There was the window. It would have been easy enough to use his parkour skills to scale the few floors. However, there was a possibility that it could be locked from the inside, which would make for a rather precarious situation.
No. He'd have to be covert about this. What better way to do that than by breaking in quietly from the front door?
With a shrug and an admittedly loose plan that was bound to fall apart at the seams, Izaya made his way up the few flights of stairs to the floor Shizuo lived on.
Picking the lock was easy enough – hell, he hadn't even needed to make a makeshift key. It was a fairly older apartment complex after all. With a slide of a carefully placed credit card and a soft click, the door swung open. There was a slight creak from the rusty hinges, and Izaya paused with baited breath, listening intently for any signs the blonde might be awake. Not hearing a sound, Izaya crept in cautiously and slowly closed the door behind him, cringing as the hinges groaned again. Slipping off his shoes, he padded to the middle of what appeared to be the main living room.
Blinking a bit to let his eyes readjust to the dark interior, he observed his surroundings. Although he knew where the beast lived, he'd never actually been inside his apartment before. It was small, probably only a one bedroom. There was a worn down looking couch and some chairs, a coffee table, and...not much else. As he'd guessed, Shizuo's temper kept him from spending money on possible triggers such as TVs and computers. That and he probably was too poor to afford such luxuries, Izaya thought with a snort.
The walls had a few messily arranged family photos – mostly of a brunette Shizuo and Kasuka as children – but were otherwise bare. Despite the room's slightly shabby appearance and a few crumpled articles of clothing, everything was neat and tidy. He scoffed at a Hanejima Yuuhei movie poster that hung over what appeared to be a small bookshelf. Upon closer inspection, there was actually a generous amount of books lining the dusty shelves.
The protozoan can read? Could have fooled me.
The informant frowned. Expecting something more along the lines of a dirty, swamp-like interior that was befitting of a beast, he was highly disappointed. It was surprisingly mundane.
How boring. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Shizu-chan was getting pretty good at acting like a human.
Although the thought was tempting to do a bit of snooping around (and rearranging the photos to piss off the blonde was something he was practically itching to do), he knew he should probably stay focused on the task at hand and set towards finding the bedroom.
The living room led to an adjoining kitchen, so the only option was to venture down a small hallway in the other direction. There were three doors in the hallway, but the first was already open to reveal an incredibly tiny bathroom. If he could have, Izaya would have laughed out loud as he imagined the over 6ft blonde having to duck just to use the shower everyday. Japan really was a bad country for housing monsters. Holding his hand over his mouth to suppress the snicker that threatened to tumble out, Izaya moved towards the second closed door. It was a bit larger than the one across from it, so Izaya guessed the other was probably a closet.
This was it. He hoped Shizuo was a fairly deep sleeper as he slid the door open. Fortunately for him, it wasn't a western style door or the creaking of hinges so close to the sleeping man would have woken him for sure. Still, the mechanism squeaked slightly on its tracks, and Izaya swore he felt his heart stop for a moment.
But no. There the beast was, nestled on a surprisingly large bed in the far corner of the room (probably the only thing he'd really invested money in) sound asleep and snoring softly. His feet stuck out from under a sheet that was twisted awkwardly around him, apparently having become tangled as he slept.
As Izaya crept closer, he was delighted to see that the man was a back sleeper. Which honestly, he hadn't even considered what he would have done if he wasn't before he decided to just act on a fucking whim in the middle of the night for no good, discernible reason, but Izaya figured he'd tuck away that particularly frightening thought for another time.
Because there was just something incredibly enticing about seeing your enemy completely vulnerable and basically being offered to you on a silver platter.
With a few short strides, he was beside the bed, glowering down at the unconscious blonde.
Aren't so tough now, are you, Shizu-chan?
He leaned over to peer at the man's face, whose eyebrows were scrunched up as if he was dreaming about something rather distasteful. As Izaya drew nearer, he remembered that the brute had a keen sense of smell. The informant froze as Shizuo murmured something indiscernible, but his eyes didn't open. Instead he merely shifted slightly so that the sheet moved a bit down his torso, one arm coming up to lay beside his head. Cheeks warming, Izaya got a peek of the smooth, pale chest underneath. He wasn't wearing a shirt.
It shouldn't have seemed that strange, especially since Izaya had a habit of sleeping in the nude himself, but for some reason he had this image in his head that Shizuo slept in his bartender getup. Which was ridiculous now that he thought about it, but it had been years since he'd seen him wear anything else. And he most surely had never seen him half-naked before, not even in the changing room during their high school years. Shizuo was the type of guy who dressed awkwardly behind the closed doors of bathrooms (something Izaya had consistently teased him about every chance he got, of course), always one to remove himself quietly from prying eyes, but still managing to make a public mockery of himself some way or other.
Izaya had never really noticed before, but even he had to admit Heiwajima Shizuo was a handsome man. The soft light of the descending moon came through the cracks of the curtain-less blinds of the window, illuminating the toned body and highlighting his ridiculously bleached blonde head. Without his glasses on, he looked frighteningly normal. Eyebrows suddenly relaxing, the expression on the blonde's face became lax, and Izaya watched the slow rise of his chest carefully, indicating a peaceful slumber. It was almost ethereal.
Izaya shook his head of the intrusively weird thoughts. There was no need to make this any more awkward than it already was.
But honestly, was there really any way to justify what wasn't awkward about the situation? Now that he was at the task at hand, Izaya began to feel doubt creeping into his mind. What the hell was wrong with him? Shizuo was there - completely oblivious to his presence and unguarded - and he felt nothing but hesitation. All the times he thought about playing pranks on the blonde while he slept came to him, but the urge to do any of it was gone. The more he stood there and stared, the more ridiculous he felt. All of this was completely absurd, and how in the world was he even going to get a peek at the mysterious organ without waking the man?
This was so fucking stupid and it was all 100% , without a doubt, Tsukumoya Shinichi's fault. Completely and utterly. He knew that Izaya couldn't help himself when it came to collecting information he absolutely needed to know! If he had just told him, he wouldn't have even been there; at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night and hovering stupidly over the inert form of his possibly naked enemy. Izaya was determined to make that man pay someday, one way or another, but until then he'd be satisfied by knowing more than him for once.
Izaya puffed out his cheeks in quiet indignation and reached to slowly peel back that awful sheet before he lost his nerve. He let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when it came down without so much as a noise from the blonde, revealing (and he didn't know why he was relieved because this just made everything ten times harder) that the man wasn't completely nude, but wearing a pair of loose sweatpants. They were pulled down somewhat and the waistband of boxers peeked out at him mockingly.
Fuck. He was going to have to get his hands a little dirty for this. Considering the way he always avoided getting directly involved in anything, this breached basically all that the informant stood for. Why did he always find himself making an exception for this man who made his blood boil with his very presence?
Slipping off his jacket and letting it crumple onto the hardwood floor, (because was it just him or was Shizuo's apartment suddenly unbearably warm) Izaya experimentally shifted his weight onto the mattress by pressing a hand into the cushy material, dangerously close to Shizuo's thigh.
No reaction. The brute really was a heavy sleeper. Luckily, Izaya didn't weigh too much more than that. It was a bit awkward of a maneuver, but he managed to crawl onto the bed and over the sprawled limbs by carefully distributing his weight as evenly as possible so as not to disturb the sleeping man. It wasn't until he had lifted a leg over the blonde's body, effectively straddling him on his hands and knees, that he realized how risque the position really was.
Ah...of course it's suggestive. I'm trying to pull his pants off, after all.
Trying to convince himself of how naturally, it was only because of a curiosity,and not because of some sort of misplaced suspension bridge effect, he reached one hand out to gently touch the blonde's warm chest. With the slow beating of the beast's heart thrumming against his fingertips, he tested for any kind of sensitivity that might rouse him from his slumber by caressing the area. Shizuo's head rolled slightly to the side and he gave a quiet, breathy sigh which Izaya almost voiced an exclamation in surprise at. He was bracing to run, but there was no further movement.
Feeling a tingle of excitement run up his spine, that noise had certainly had a curious effect on him. He sort of...wanted to hear it again. Heart pounding, blood thumping in his ears, he tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat. The air conditioning must really have been broken – it was absolutely scorching.
He really didn't have to test further because it seemed like Shizuo slept like a dead man, and he didn't know what possessed him to do what he did next, but before he could stop himself he was already trailing a finger down slowly across the blonde's chest and to his stomach. Not so much as a peep. Hmm. Watching the brute's face intently, a wicked idea came to him and he smirked widely. Moving his hand so that it was near the blonde's face, he stuck a finger in his slightly parted mouth, hooking into his lower lip. Shizuo grumbled, eyebrows scrunching again, and the hand near his head came to swat at Izaya's arm as if he was aware of the pesky insect there. Izaya dodged it easily, and it took all his willpower to keep from breaking into hysterical laughter when Shizuo ended up hitting himself in the face instead. That had been a blindingly stupid move – something like that would have easily woken up most people. But sometimes, Izaya just really, really couldn't help himself.
Amusement racing through him, he still wanted to hear some more interesting noises. Waiting a few moments just in case the combination of the movements started to wake him, Izaya eventually reached his hand back out, using the slightly damp finger to trace lightly against one of the blonde's nipples. He thought for sure the man would at least sigh again, but he was completely silent, the sound of his steady breathing and Izaya's quickening breaths being the only noise in the room. Frustrated by the lack of any sort of response this time, he did something even stupider and tweaked the nipple angrily, smirking when the blonde's expression became troubled and he even arched up into the touch, whimpering softly. Just then Shizuo shifted his legs to spread them slightly and Izaya panicked, moving his own legs wider to avoid coming into contact with the limbs.
The close call had him rethinking what exactly he had really come here for. As if coming to measure another man's penis while he slept wasn't gay enough, he'd just had to go and turn it up a notch on the queer level by playing with his enemy's nipples. There was no way this was going to end well.
Getting a bit more of a grasp on the situation at hand, Izaya decided he had wasted enough time and gripped the hem of the blonde's sweatpants before his hands wandered off to do even more obscene things. Tugging slowly, the material slipped down rather easily. It's not like he had to pull them all the way off, anyway, just enough so he could...observe. Shizuo snored loudly for a moment, and Izaya almost fell off the bed, heart beating rapidly to the point he thought he was going into cardiac arrest.
This beast is always trying to kill me, even when he's unconscious.
With the pants successfully bunched down to the brute's thighs, another chilling thought Izaya hadn't considered made itself known. Was Tsukumoya's supposed information based on flaccid size, or...
Oh, fuck. Oh no. Izaya felt like crying. Tweaking a nipple for some fun was one thing, but completely arousing his enemy while he slept was just...Well, it didn't sound as repulsive as he thought it would, and really, that was bothering him so, so much more.
Focus, focus, just get the boxers down first, and you can figure out where to go from there.
Palms sweating heavily, he moved his hands to the waistband of Shizuo's boxers. Fingers tightening around the edges of the silky material, he hovered over the prone form nervously.
This is for an important cause. I can't back out now.
In his hesitation, he failed to notice the gradual change in Shizuo's even breathing. He had just been about to close his eyes and pull, when strong, warm fingers encircled his right wrist.
Izaya froze as he looked up and saw amber eyes looking back at him groggily. If only Izaya hadn't felt the need to play around by touching Shizuo so much, he may have been able to avoid the incidents that followed which could only be described best with the words 'a series of increasingly unfortunate and fucked up events'. Instead, he could only stare in silent horror as Shizuo used his free hand to rub his eyes furiously – he had to have been dreaming, he could have sworn he saw the flea in his bed- and then as they opened wide in sudden recognition.
"...Good morning, Shizu-chan. Did you sleep well?"
Izaya fucking walked all the way to Ikebukuro lmao. He could have taken a cab, but I guess he didn't want to leave any witnesses behind, you know? Or something stupid like that.
Anyway, I've written like 95% of this already for once, so I promise you the next update will be very, very soon.