Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

SHADOWS
(R)

I

2379

Sitting before a roaring fire in a quaint Austrian chalet, Kathryn poured B'Elanna a cup of coffee. It was now a year since Voyager had returned, and the senior crew were marking the first anniversary with a vacation on the wintery Alps. Tuvok was unable to make it, due to professional commitments, and Seven was also absent as she had joined Starfleet and was on a deep space mission. The Doctor had come, however, as had Harry and Chakotay. Tom and B'Elanna were staying in a chalet close by, as was Chakotay, but Harry and the Doctor were staying in the resort's grand hotel.

"I don't understand it," B'Elanna said as she picked up her cup of coffee.

"Don't understand what?" Kathryn asked, sitting opposite her.

"What's going on with you and Chakotay. I know it's none of my business, but..."

"You're right," Kathryn replied, her voice stern, "it's none of your business."

"But he loves you," B'Elanna persisted. "And I know you love him. I can understand why you didn't get together on Voyager, but we've been home a year now and..."

"And as I said," Kathryn interrupted. "It's none of your business!"

"But it's a waste of love. Give him a chance, Kathryn...give yourself a chance. You'd be a great couple..."

"I don't want to hear it!" Kathryn cried, getting to her feet. "I'm old enough, and tough enough, to know my own mind. And if you're not going to quit on this, I suggest you leave."

"Fine!" B'Elanna retorted, rising to her feet. "If that's what you want. But I'll never understand why you're throwing his love aside like it's trash. He's a good, decent, man and any woman would be lucky to be loved by him. But I don't suppose you think like that, do you? After all, he's ex-Maquis and you wouldn't want to jeopardize your precious standing in Starfleet by getting involved with him, would you? Well, I think it stinks, and if that's really what you think, he's better off without you!"

Without waiting for a reply, she stormed towards the door, opened it, and stepped into the black night. As she did so, she bumped into Chakotay, who was just arriving at the chalet

"I wouldn't bother if I were you," she cried, her face like thunder. "You're nothing but ex-Maquis trash. Spend your time with real friends."

With that, she hurried off into the snow.

"What was all that about?" Chakotay asked as he stepped into Kathryn's chalet.

"You don't want to know," Kathryn replied.

"Try me," he said, closing the door.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kathryn answered. She then gestured to the couch. "Please, take your coat off and help yourself to coffee. It's fresh."

Chakotay took off his coat, put it up on a hook by the door, and went to sit where B'Elanna had formerly sat. "What ever bee's in B'Elanna's bonnet," he said, picking up the pot of coffee, "the chances are I'll hear about it. You may aswell give me your version."

Kathryn gazed vacantly into the roaring flames before her, a million thoughts chasing each other in her mind. B'Elanna had been right, she and Chakotay were throwing away their love, and it was all such a waste...

"Well?" Chakotay persisted.

"If you really want to know," Kathryn said, turning back to him, "it was about us. B'Elanna thinks we should be a couple, and thinks the reason we're not is because you're an ex-Maquis."

"I see," Chakotay replied, averting his eyes.

"You know what she's like...once she sees red, she's like a bull in a china shop."

"I'll talk to her," Chakotay said quietly.

Kathryn hesitated with the next words and had to muster all her strength to say them. "Maybe it's us who should talk, Chakotay. We've never dealt with what happened...maybe it's time we did."

At that, Chakotay got up and walked over to the chalet's small window. "I can't go there, Kathryn," he said painfully "I've spent every day of the past four years trying to get over what happened, and I can't re-open those wounds."

Slowly, Kathryn got up and joined him at the window. "What tortures me most is how it tortures you. I wish it didn't...there was nothing else you could have done."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "All I ever wanted to do on Voyager was keep you safe," he said quietly, "but I hurt you most."

"You've never hurt me," she tried to reassure him, "and I know you never would. You're the kindest, most gentle man I've ever known. I don't know how I would have got through the Voyager years without you." Tears filled her own eyes. "You're the best friend I ever had, Chakotay, and I love you."

Chakotay turned to her tearfully. "How can you love me? I'm not worth your love...I as good as raped you."

"No," Kathryn cried, the words taking her by surprise. "You didn't...How can you think that?"

"Because it's true," he argued. "And I struggle every day to live with that."

"You mustn't think that," she said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "And I had no idea you thought that..."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said, breaking away from her. "I can't talk about this."

He walked towards the door and Kathryn turned after him.

"Don't go," she beseeched. "We have to talk about this..."

But Chakotay was already half-way out the door, and it slammed shut behind him.