A/N: Heard the song Cry by Kelly Clarkson and this popped in my head.
Disclaimer: Not mine what so ever, nor could I ever do as good as job as Marlowe
She heard the door shut behind him, as soon as she heard the click she just collapsed on the ground, she didn't have strength to try and make it over to the couch. She finally let out everything she didn't want him to see. She curled in on herself and cried. She couldn't remember anything hurting this much not even her mom's murder. That was out of her control, but this, this she could've stopped, should've stopped. She doesn't know how they got to this point. One minute they were fighting about what… she doesn't even know what they fought about she just knew it ended with him saying goodbye. That was the last thought before the darkness consumed her.
She woke up to the shrill of ringing, she disoriented; she was on the floor. Why was she on the floor? Then it came back to her the yelling, the pleading, and the sound of his footsteps as he left. She felt the tears come back she tried to control them, tried to pull herself together because she had work today. She was able to make it to the shower but as soon as she felt the water hitting her back, the memories of him and her and the time they spent in this shower came flooding back at all once. It was too much, she couldn't hold herself together anymore. She slid along the wall as the water washed away the tears. She wondered when the memories would stop breaking her heart, when the pain and tears would be over. She knew she would have to give Lanie an explanation on why she didn't show up to the crime scene or work; probably just make some excuse that she didn't feel well, that wasn't' a total lie; sure she was fine physically but emotionally that's a different story. Lanie would be able to tell she was lying, she would press for answers but she didn't care right now it was all just too much. Ryan and Esposito would notice something was different, she could lie to them, they may not believe her but they knew not to push for the truth. The other detectives in the precinct will notice that he's not around anymore, they'll whisper behind her back, she'll just ignore them like she did when everyone whispered after they found out they were together. What if he doesn't want to stop shadowing her? Can she handle seeing him everyday? Could they go back to how things were before? Could she just kick him out of her life? Did she want that?
She can't think about that right now, god she just wants this to be over and be herself again. This is not Kate and she knows it but she just can't see it getting any easier. She's always been good at pushing her emotions aside and not letting them take over her like this. This however, was new territory for her. Even when Will left for Boston she didn't react like this. Then again she's never let anyone in like she did him and now she knows why. It hurts too much because they always leave; people always leave.
She finally got out of the shower, called the captain saying she's taking a sick day. She climbed into bed and replayed all the memories over and over in her head. Trying to figure out where things went wrong, if there was a moment she could go back, redo it to prevent last night. Her last thoughts before sleep overcame her were hopefully this is as hard as it gets.
Hopefully tomorrow I can open my eyes.